5Month Old Not Sleeping Through the Night

When she does the breath holding thing blow in her face. My son used to do the same thing. Scared me to death. When he was around the same age he went through the same thing. We pushed his bed time back a little and started playing soft soothing music and it seemed to work. Try a night light and if she already has one try putting her down with out it. I hope you find something that works. Good luck.

HI S.,

It sounds like you have a tough schedule and that your family is particularly financially strapped - like so many of us right now.

It also sounds like you're pretty determined to have your baby sleep through the night. I haven't looked at the other responses, but I'm sure there are a lot that will give you the more traditional response that may fit your style more than what I want to share with you.

It is really normal for babies under 9 months of age to wake up 2 or 3 times each night. The most important thing babies need is to be close to you and to receive a lot of touch. These two things actually have been proven to bring about healthy brain development, develop trust, and create a closer relationship to you which will increase the likelihood that your child will be easier to discipline in the future.

The hardest times for me as a mom were through the night. I was desperate for sleep. The best advice someone had for me was to let my husband comfort my baby in the night between feedings. One of the best books I read - but the video is even better - is "The Happiest Baby on The Block" by Harvey Karp. I would run to get this video and have both your husband and yourself, and even your 7 yr old son, watch it. Karp gives great advice to parents for soothing their babies and helping them feel secure in their own skin.

Hope you are able to figure out what helps all of you right now. I believe that the power of our thoughts can do amazing things, so when you have a negative thought about money or being tired and feeling like there isn't enough of either, use the mantra, "plenty." What you focus your energy on, grows. Put out into the cosmos what it is you want rather than what you don't want. If nothing else, it can help calm your nerves and be reassuring to think that soon there will be plenty of money and plenty of sleep coming your way!

All the best,
R.
www.noblemother.com

I am definitely not a fan of "crying it out" for any child under 3! I actually posted the same question about a month and half back, but it seems like "overnight" the problem fixed itself. Once my son started daycare, he began to sleep longer through the night. We also started feeding him thicker, stage 2 foods (ok'd by his peditrician) twice a day.

Incidentally, for about the first 2 months my son did the holding of the breath thing. He would literally turn as red as a tomato and his lips would turn blue. Boy, it scared me to tears the first time he did it. Then one day he just stopped that too. What I've discovered is that many of the things we find so scary are just them learning this new world. That includes sleeping, crying, eating, etc. We've been doing it for years but they are just learning it all.

Good luck - with everything! Times are harder than they've ever been for us too!

How scary to see her turn blue! Obviously she's doing that because she can only communicate through crying, and if you don't respond she feels powerless and ignored, so she desperately tries to get your attention. Thinking of it that way, it makes no sense to continue to let her cry. That's so cruel! She's helpless and tiny, and she only wants to be held and snuggled. By letting her cry you are continuing to set up a power struggle, worsening the problem. Isn't it alarming that at 5 months old she is already so desperate to get your attention that she would hold her breath until she turns blue? What will she do when she's 2, or 5, or 10?

Babies wake up at night for many reasons. Sometimes they need to eat, in which case filling her belly with empty calories would be a very bad idea. Sometimes they just need love and reassurance, in which case ignoring her would be detrimental to her emotional health.

In order for a child to be independent, you have to give them self confidence first. Otherwise they will seem independent, but instead they are defeated, having learned you aren't responding to their needs. They give up trying, and giving up is the very opposite of self confidence and independence. It may be good for YOU allowing YOU to sleep through the night, but what about your child? I don't know about you, but I want my children to be confident and assured, not defeated.

Responding to their cries, holding them as much as they need, and letting go of unrealistic expectations many in our society have for babies, these things will all give her the self confidence she needs. There is no such thing as a spoiled baby. It's impossible to spoil a baby with love. If babies weren't meant to be loved and cuddled they wouldn't be soft and squishy, they would be hard and spiky!

Self confidence can't be taught, it can only be developed. The way to help your child develop self-confidence is to love her, give 100% during the day and at night. Once she knows she can rely on you to always be there when she needs you, she will feel confident enough to step away from you and take independent steps.

So the answer is simple. Just love her, snuggle her, and think of her as your greatest treasure rather than a loud noise that keeps you awake at night. When you are tired the next day, drink coffee and smile thinking of how sweet and warm your baby was when you snuggled her the night before, and think of how much you love her. This time will pass quickly, only a blip in the span of your lifetime. Soon she will be grown, and you will be able to sleep all you want.

(By the way, pediatricians are NOT parenting experts. They are there to give medical advice only. If my pediatrician told me that my child needed to outgrow turning blue, I would leave and never go back!)

My oldest slept 5 hrs the first night home. My youngest didn't sleep through the night until 8 mths. At 5 mths he would usually sleep until about 4am and then wake up expecting to nurse. He didn't do the breath holding thing so I didn't have that problem. Although letting him cry it out or the Ferber method didn't work with him as they did my oldest. I slowly delayed when I would feed him. The first week, if he woke at 4am I wouldn't feed him until 4:15. The next week, not until 4:30, etc. At first I was still going to his room and rocking him until the set time, but I soon realized that wasn't enocouraging him to sleep longer. So when he cried I would go to him, hug him, lay him back down, and pat his back. After just a few times he accepted this instead of being picked up. I would pat his back until the set time arrived, then feed him if he was still awake. Sometimes he would fall asleep. Eventually I got this feeding pushed back to 7am, our wakeup time. He still sometimes wakes in the night, but I go in and pat his back for 10min. Most of the time he's asleep but if not I leave and let him cry for 10 min, burning off some energy and making him sleeping again. Then I go back and pat his pat for 10 min. We repeat the pattern until he's asleep. Occasionally it takes 2 hrs, most nights now it doesn't take 5min.

I wouldn't worry too much about her holding her breath as long as she is controlling it, there's nothing wrong with her. If she holds it too long she will pass out and then her automatic systems will kick in and she'll breath whether she wants to or not. I've never known a kid yo hold their breath to the point of fainting though. You've got to call her bluff or she'll never quit doing it.

S.,
I know how scary and how frustrating it must be to see your infant daughter get so upset that she's turning blue. Babies don't play tricks on us, they don't "have it in" for us; they have needs that, when not met, they deal with in ways that are inherently natural to them. At five months, your tiny girl is still unsure of herself, of you, and of her surroundings. She's only been on the planet for about 150 days, for goodness sake!
So here's the deal: as time goes on, your life will get easier, and sleep will be easier to come by. Right now, your baby has needs, and one of those needs is to know that she can count on you. Most adults who go into therapy (and thousands upon thousands who don't) discover that the root of their problems is the issue of abandonment; the fear that they have been cut off from anyone who supports and protects them. This all starts when we are infants.
So let your daughter know you are there, and if you have not done so, please have her checked for acid reflux and ear infections. These are common issues that keep a baby waking at night.
Otherwise, be grateful for your beautiful, healthy daughter, and know that one day all too soon your kids will be grown, your house will be quiet, and you can sleep all you want. It's then that you'll wish you had held them more, rocked them more ... when you had the chance.
God Bless, good luck, and hang in there!
C

If it were me, and I have been there before, this is what I would do and what I did do. My pediatrician said that they have to learn to sooth themselves or they would be doing this to me for the rest of my life. As they depend on me, it is also my job as a mom to teach them how to go through life on their own as I won't be with them 100% of the time, 100% of their life.
I put her down at night, I never went into pick her up or to check on her UNLESS I was 100% possitive that she was NOT awake. Eventually she learned that when she woke up that I was not coming to get her until it got light. What I did do is put alot of stuffed animals in the bed with her along with books (cloth books for a 5 month old) and toys so she could have something to do when she wakes up.
It is kind of like this. If everyday you are at work and say you are a teacher and your responsibilities were to come in 1.5 hr before class began and cut up your construction paper for the kids and then you had to sweep and mop the floor and arrange the desks and put certain things on their desks for them. There is a lady and her job is to help out when needed. One time you were late and she had ALL of your work done for you. Then you were late another day and she had it all done then as well. So then next day you took your time getting there because you knew that she would do it if you were late....and when you got there she was doing it. So the next day you intentionally didn't worry about being late and then the next day the same till one day you just kind of eventually changed the time you showed up because you didn't have to worry about being late because you knew that Miss Molly would take your slack and eventually you expected that of her. Well that doesn't make it right but that is just human nature to get caught up in that if someone takes your slack. Now if you were late and it didn't get done and you had to rush around to get it all done and it put stress on you because of it. Well, you would try really hard not to be late anymore UNLESS it was an absolute emergency.
That is how the babies are. If they know that you will go in and pick her up then she will cry and the longer it takes you to get there, the madder and harder she will cry. And the more you do it, the more it will become habit and she will just automatically wake up every time because she thinks she is supposed to. But as she gets use to the fact that she is not going to get picked up, she will learn that she needs to either go back to sleep or play by herself. Eventually she will learn that when she turns over and wakes herself up to immediately go back to sleep because that is what she is supposed to do and she might as well go back to sleep because she won't get picked up.
Then you will be able to get some sleep too. Now the emergency in your case would be if she was really sick and you had to go in and get her and give her medicine or to sooth her from a sore throat or earache, etc.
Just try it. Now it is not going to be easy all at one time. Give it time. Just stick to your guns and hold your ground.
Good luck.

You are right. Your picking up your daughter when she starts to get mad and hold her breath has taught her to do it more often. Don't do it anymore. Let her hold her breath, even until she passes out. If she did pass out, she'd start breathing again and be fine. I know this sounds scary, but a 5-month-old already ruling the roost is even more scary. Someday she will be bigger, and then you will have an even bigger problem. Good luck.

I know it's so hard when you're not getting good sleep, I fuzzily remember that time (I have a 2 yo and a 4.5 yo) and sometimes still have nights where my sleep is so interrupted by the boys waking that it's hard to function. As frustrating as it is, 5 months old is too young for most babies to sleep through the night (uninterrupted for 5+ hours). Some babies do but mine never did. I let my first cry it out some because I was just too tired to get up again, and co-slept with my second so that I was able to meet his needs immediately and without much effort on my part. Here's a great summary of research done at Harvard on the negative effects of letting an infant cry it out. http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNee...
Research has shown consistently that babies cannot be taught self-soothing and independence, it's something that they develop into on their own timetable. What they do learn when they cry and no one responds is to just give up. That is very different than self-soothing. Maybe you'll find it reassuring that this is normal, even if it doesn't bring the relief you're looking for. If your husband is currently unemployed, perhaps you could swap nights of care-taking so that you each at least get a full night's rest every few nights. Also, feeding cereal before bed doesn't help fill a baby's tummy. It's tiny and they digest quickly, no matter what is in there. If you could add an extra feeding (maybe the cereal or another bottle) sometime during the afternoon or early evening. Dr. Sears says that indigestion is often the cause of night waking (which I've seen with both my boys' reflux and food sensitivities) so it's possible that the cereal and bottle before bed actually contribute to the waking.

We had similar problems with our son, although he did not turn colors....but a friend told us about the book, On Becoming Babywise. We used the book's advice and adjusted it for our needs and within a month or so, Elijah was sleeping through the night and became a different child. It was little hard for me to try to put him on somewhat of a schedule, but with a supportive husband, it was not too bad. Hope this helps. Love, M.

We have four children and none of them slept through the night until they were at least one year old. All children are different and it is an unrealistic expectation that you can make a baby sleep through the night. Lots of people will tell you that their baby slept through the night at early ages. My husband used to think that the baby slept through the night too. He sleeps hard and he never heard the baby. Babies have small stomachs and they cannot eat enough to fill them up enough to sleep through the night at 5 months. My oldest son was always a big eater. He still wakes up some nights in the middle of the night and gets a glass of milk or a sandwich. He was a hungry baby and he is still a hungry kid. He is 19 years old and is 6'0" and weighs 215 pounds. He played four sports in high school and he was hungry all the time. Relax. Eventually they all sleep through the night.

As for the crying until she can't breathe. There is research on babies that says that babies who are picked up when they first start to cry will cry much less. There are some people that believe in letting the baby "cry it out." I don't agree with that. I always found that when my babies cried they needed something--they were hungry, wet, afraid of being alone, etc. Just think about it. If you woke up and were all alone and you cried and no one came--wouldn't you panic like your baby is panicking? We met our babies needs as soon as they needed anything and none of our babies cried very much at all.

Sorry no advice here:( Just wanted to say that both of our boys woke up 2-3 times during the night till they were 12 months old and 1 time after that. Now at almost 4 and almost 2 they sleep great at night and nap well too. Don't stress out, it will get better....some babies are just like that.

Hi S.

Here is something different to think about. (I had one child that didn't sleep more than 2 hours a night until 20 months old and one that slept through the night from 2 months on)
My oldest son required lots of rocking and movement to sleep. Look into different bedding options such as an Amby Bed (awesome bed) and a waterbed crib mattress. It is small bags of water that go inside a special crib mattress that make it softer on the baby. One of my boys slept in the Amby bed and I could jiggle him back to sleep instead of holding him and the other son slept on the waterbed mattress (and still does at age 2 and loves it) Neither of my kids would sleep flat on their backs, they hated it.
I do agree that the quicker you come to their rescue the harder it is to get them to self soothe. My 3 year old is still not great at self soothing. We learned with him and my second has his special "bankie". I had to get him the kind with holes in it because from the age of 4 months on he wanted to lay it over his head to sleep. You have to just keep experimenting to find what works for you. I don't believe in the "cry it out" method, but it is OK for them to cry some...don't rescue comfort her the second she starts crying...see if she can work it out on her own some.
I know is it tough. It was 2 years before I got any decent sleep. You will get through it.
J.

Have you tried to keep her up more during the day. that might help some. also if ou try cereal in her bottle at night when she goes to sleep that seems to help. and advice for picking her straight up she is mad but they need to scream a little to help build there lungs. i dont know if any of this will help but good luck. K.

Hi S., Dont know what to tell you about the turning blue business. I have heard of that but fortunately dont have to deal with it. Im not surprised though that your daughter isnt sleeping through the night yet. I believe waiting until they are 6 months old before trying to sleep train them through the night. I just feel that they are too young before then and need you there when they are crying and upset. They need to build that trust. I also worked nights as a nurse so I feel your pain! It is difficult. My advise is to hang in there and dont have unrealistic expectations. The others had a good point about all babies requiring different things. Your daughter may just need more love longer.

L.

When she is holding her breath, try blowing a puff of air in her face, like you are blowing out a candle. It will cause her to take a breath. It's not a long term solution, but a quick fix when she is turning blue.

Dear S.:
I am very sorry for the difficult times you and your family are going through. I hope and pray that it gets better soon. In regards of you daughter I have a similar case with my daughter but she never really turned blue or else. If that condition it not going to harm her in any ways I suggest you to let her cry day by day for longer periods of time and she will understand. Even our Drs. told us “ if you know that she is ok, she is not sick and had been fed properly let her cry”…….she knows what she is doing, before it was a matter or cry and come, now is cry and carry me up. If you keep the behavior with her she will probably keeps on adding things.
It could be hard on the beginning and frustrate but it work. Still today if she gets sick and has not been fed properly she will ask for milk during the night hours. It ok, “ she is sick”, but there is a limit, she will keeps on going for ever if we do not put a stop. She will be 3yrs old next week. We also have 11 and 7 yrs old boys.
Wish you the best.
D..

How do stop this cycle? Feed her when she wakes. Not all babies sleep through the night no matter what all of the cry it out advocates suggest. ALL babies are different and we(parents) have to accept it. It looks like your husband is the one up with her most nights... I know it is hard, but he's probably going to have to adjust his sleeping habits til she gets her a little bigger. I myself don't sleep longer than 2 hours at a time and I also work and hubby is also a nurse that works nightshift. I can completely relate. I am nursing so I don't get the option of having my husband feeding during the night. My son is almost 10 months old and still nurses at least twice. Our pediatritian(s) say that this is fairly common and won't last forever. I'm just not a fan of having my baby "cry it out" for food, sleep or comfort. If you are ...more power to you and I hope the turning blue thing doesn't get worse for your daughter. If you aren't CIO people my suggestion is to feed and or hold your little one when she needs it. Since your hubby is a stay at home Dad for now perhaps he can nap when she naps during the day. This will help with the sleep deprivation. Also... if you have friends or family that can give you guys a small break once in awhile this might help with the stress level. I have a couple of girlfriends who do that for me. Taking my son for an hour or so once a week gives me the opportunity to sleep or just do nothing when I absolutely feel like pulling my hair out. Good luck to you both. As you already know, time will fly by so try to stay focused on the good stuff as much as possible. She will be a year before you know it. Take care.

okay, it may sound mean, but let her turn blue. the worst that can happen, is that she would pass out, and then she will breath again. she cant hold her breath while she is passed out. as for sleeping through the night, she is still very young. cereal may actually make it worse. she is waking because she need to eat. she is to small to get all of her calories during the day. adding cereal will mean she gets even less calories. you could try feeding her one or two extra bottles during the day. squeeze them in when you can, and see if she wakes less, now that she has more calories during the day.

Make sure she has eaten before bedtime, but when she wakes up at night and cries, just let her cry it out (unless it's the cry that you know she needs you THEN). We had to do this with my 2nd child (but he was over a year old), and it was so hard. But he was waking up b/c he knew he was going to be nursed, so why not cry for that? If they realize that they aren't going to get anything (including mommy to hold them), then they will keep sleeping and learn that habit. The experts say it will take 3 nights, and each night will be less crying, but you can't give in. The only question I would have is when are they supposed to sleep through the night? I can't remember when I stopped nursing him at nightime. You might want to consult a book about that . Good luck.

First of all, the more you pick her up when she cries the more spoiled she gets and they learn early what will work. If the peditrician is not worried about her holding her breath; let her cry. Another thing, when you sign on for a baby sleepless night are a part of the bargin. You will never be able to sleep a full night again. You need to let your husband tend to the baby during the night and he can take naps during the day. You are the one working so he needs to help. Good luck!

-I have a "reverse psychology" suggestion:
-Give her a week or more of being held and rocked and tended to ALL the time. Let her "forget" the "turning blue" trick.
-I'm of the school of thought that 5 months is too young to be spoiled. If she cries, she has a need.
-It might be that she has lost her trust that she will be coddled if she is uncomfortable. She needs to regain the trust that her caregivers will meet her basic needs.
-Meanwhile, being an intelligent person, she has learned that if crying alone doesn't work, holding her breath succeeds in getting her the attention that she needs.

Hi S., my son would not sleep through the night until around 5-6 months old, unless I was holding him on my chest. I thought he was spoiled- after he started having ear infections a friend suggested putting something under the head of his bed to prop him up at night. I placed a pillow under the head of the mattress.... he has slept thru the night ever since! He is now 15 months old, and still sleeps with it propped up. I have taken the pillow out a few times, but then it seems the ear infection comes back, he also has acid reflux so that may have something to do with it. But I know where your coming from and I was willing to try just about anything and it really has worked for us.
As for the breath holding spells, my son did that for a while, but not when mad... just anytime. I asked his pulmonary dr about it and he said for some reason it stimulates the brain and some babies enjoy it... told me not to worry about it...? Good luck!

READ the book The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It saved us with our little girl, and you're not alone. Don't stress, cereal at this age, is not really recommended, though some pediatricians may suggest it, you're only increasing the chance of having food allergies later in life. Wait until 6 month to introduce solids, and the old myth of introducing cereal to help them sleep through the night, not true. There is a lot going on in their little bodies, food is not going to make them sleep any better. You have to train yourself and it sounds like you're on the way there, but keep true to this and it will pay off soon. My son starting sleeping in longer and longer intervals around 4-5 months and by 5 1/2 months he was sleeping 10-12 hours, but that was not true for my daughter who took till 8 months to get to that record. This whole idea that kids HAVE to sleep through the night, just so we can get some sleep is just not the norm. Technically, sleeping through the night is 5 hours for babies this young, and with time that gets longer and longer. (PLEASE do not put the cereal you are giving her in her bottle if you're doing that. The Academy of Pediatrics highly suggests not putting anything in a bottle except breast milk or formula.) It's very common for kids to sleep in different sleep cycles and wake up several times during the night. You do it now, but you've trained yourself to go back to sleep. She hasn't yet figured out how to do it on her own. Routine is excellent, but give her time. READ the book, it WILL save your sanity, promise!!!
As far as the breathing episodes, read/research more about that, not sure what to suggest about that, except to trust your pediatrician on that. Good Luck!
A. B

i breast fed so my kids never slept through the night till 9 mos, but i pumped and the times i was asleep my hubby did the feeding as i too worked nights as a nurse, don't pick her up you are teaching her that her style works and she has you trained and the worse thing is she will hold her breath and pass out, my friend splashed a bit of cold water in the turning blue child and shocked her she stopped doing that and tried other things now i don't mean never pick her up but just not when she is just being maniplative, she is a very bright lady, that you will enjoy good luck cindi

Hi, S.. You must get the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" By Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It helped us soooooo much and will teach you things that you may not know and that other people won't tell you. It helps bust some myths parents & grandparents tend to believe, too. One thing I will say now is put her to bed earlier. You didn't mention what her bedtime is now, but a really early bedtime helps correct so many sleep problems. We put our baby to bed at 7:00pm at that age. It seems strange, but the more sleep they get, the better and longer they tend to sleep! Dr. Weissbluth says, "sleep begets sleep." Get the book! I got mine on amazon.com. Good luck!

Boy, have you gotten a lot of conflicting advice!!

Your own last sentence answered your own question. Simply STOP IT. Either decide that it's not a big deal and calmly let her set her own schedule at her own pace, or be determined enough to stick to your guns and see it through (letting her 'cry it out'). I'd say that she should be sleeping a little longer per night with each passing week, but not necessarily all night all at once.

Every baby is different, and I don't agree with a study that 'conclusively agreed' that letting babies 'cry it out' is detrimental. For some it is, and for some it isn't. It does sound as if your daughter is highly sensitive and needs extra security, though.

If she's in control of the household at 5 months and you're giving in to her, though, what's going to happen when she's as big as you are? Control over a child lies within YOUR OWN confidence level and concern for her long-term well-being -- not in power struggles to see who 'wins'. Be the parents, not the subjects, but parent with LOVE, not force!

(Now my OWN advice sounds conflicting, doesn't it?? LOL) Our kids are 20, 23, 28, and 31. With some, the 'crying it out' worked and with others it was torture (and we did a lot of things wrong, just as every OTHER parent in the world does).

Pray about it is probably the best advice anyone can give. Remember, the scripture that says 'train up a child in the way he should go' means 'according to his/her natural 'bent', not 'according to how WE think they should go'.

Hi S., it is my understanding that the hungry/sleeping through the night issue is actually two different issues. So, I know that some swear by the cereal idea ... but I think that it worked for them out of coincidence. Unfortunately, I think that it just takes time for some kids with the sleeping through the night. My DS did that ... and now my DD does it too. Except she goes right back to sleep after a little comfort and nursing - whereas he took a little time. There are two trains of thought as to how to handle sleep ... essentially variations of the crying it out or trying to nurture them through it ... and expect to be a little sleep deprived for awhile. Does your baby co-sleep?

By the way, in regards to your money issues we have a lot of awesome husband-wife teams that work with us on our team - The Mom Team. Please check out my website, you can request more information and we can talk some more.

D.
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