Ok Ladies.. Here’s my dilemma this time..lol I have a 6 year old son (soon to be 7 in October) and all the sudden he seems to be having separation issues from me! Our son was the type that would basically leave us in the dust, when the opportunity presented itself for him to go with his friends! He would even make up and excuse to his sister so he could ‘sneak out of the house’ to go somewhere so his sister wouldn’t see.
We’ve started to go to a new church and our son refuses to go to the ‘kids’ sermon’ because he says he doesn’t want to make new friends or questions the idea of them being mean to him! This is unusual because my son has never been shy or introverted at all!!
Just last week he cried because he was suppose to stay over a friends house to go to cedar point the next day (friends we lived next to for 5 years before we moved, kids practically grew up together. & played everyday together) and my son came back home with me because he didn’t want to stay over! Needless to say they came and picked him up the next morning and he cried when he was leaving (but still said he wanted to go he was just going to miss me) and he ended up having a great time!! Now these same friends are offering to take our son camping and he refuses to go! Now I don’t want to force him because I don’t want to obviously traumatize the child, but in the same sense I feel like he would have a great time.. Kind of like how it worked out when he went to Cedar Point.
I guess our friends even invited another neighbors’ kid (whom again we lived next to in the townhouses for over 5 years) and my son last night said yes he’d go when he found out this other boy was going.. But now this morning he’s back to not wanting to go.. I’m so confused. L I asked him to give me reason and he just tells me because he doesn’t feel like it! How do I get down to the real reason of what is going on?
I mean he’s going to have his own flashlight, I told him that he can wake up whoever whenever if he is scared, they’re all sleeping in the same tent now because they knew my son was scared. I just don’t get it. I think he’s really going to be missing out, but I don’t know what to do, if anything or even how to figure out what is going on.. Thanks ladies
I agree with 3BoysUnder3. It sounds like something has scared him while he was away from you and he is avoiding situations where it might happen again--whatever it was.
What happened just prior to him having this "separation anxiety"? What was the last event that he went to/did where he was away from you without the drama? Start there.
And look into counseling if you can't pinpoint anything. He may not want to tell you.
sounds to me like something really bad has happened to your son while he was away from you. maybe he was bullied or abused or he got seperated from the group and was traumatized. talk to him, maybe get him some counseling.
HELLO!!! RED FLAGS are waving all over this story!!! What do you know about the neighbors you lived next door to for five years? PLEASE, please talk to your son in a quiet and caring way!!! You may have to have a professional intervene but I certainly wouldn't let him be with those neighbors again till I find out what is going on!!!! Something isn't right!!!
Let's back up here....You mention that you moved. How recently? How far from your old home? Did your son have to change schools, or is he due to start school this fall in a new school other than the one where he'd been in kindergarten or first grade?
You mention that you changed churches (as a result of the move, maybe?).
I'm hearing change, change and, depending on whether your son changed schools as well, more change on top of change.
That's enough to throw the best-balanced kid a little off. If his fears were rooted only in visits with this one former neighbor family, you could figure that he was somehow scared after something happened with them. But his fears also extend to fearing the unknowns of the new church environment, new kids to deal with there, new adults in Sunday school to get to know, etc.
You also don't say how long you've been "moved away" from your old place or how much contact he has really had with these former neighbors since you moved. Yes, they played together every day when they were neighbors -- but if more than a few months have passed, well, you'd be amazed how just that short time feels like an eternity to a nearly-seven-year-old and he may now feel awkward.
But even if there's no issue with his feeling awkward and not wanting to stay with the old friends, it makes some sense he would be clingy with you for while. New house, new school coming up (maybe?), new church. He is having a lot of change in his life -- change he does not and cannot control. No matter how great he was before at bolting out the door, he knew then that he was coming back to his same home and church. Now he's not so sure. Again it would help to know if you moved a year ago, six months ago, three weeks ago....
I would not push him to do the camping trip. Please believe me, I'm a scout leader and when one is out camping in the woods, it is a nightmare for all involved, both adults and kids, if a child melts down in the night and has to be fetched home. I've stayed places where it wasn't even really possible for a parent to come get a child after dark because the area was down twisting, unlit roads. And even if the camping is planned for a well-lit family camping area right off the highway --you don't want him to endure the embarrassment and fright of being the kid whose mom has to come get him at 1 a.m. It's not worth pushing him to go; sure, he may miss a great time, but there are other great times ahead after he has gotten over this rough patch of dealing with change. He's got time on his side.
I'd let him forego the camping trip -- if it's not too late and he's not already gone. Meanwhile, I'd talk to the church leaders who work with the kids. Tell them what he said and ask them to talk to him one on one -- NOT telling him "Your mom said this..." because that will mortify him to death! But they can talk to him and ask if he has questions; ask what he most liked about his old church; ask what he'd most like to do in church; tell him about fun things they do for kids there; show him the cool facilities, etc. You can get to know parents of other kids at the church and see if you can get the kids to play together in the church playground if there is one, right after church one day, or before....Find ways to ease him in, rather than sending him alone to the children's church time without you there. He'll willingly do that once he warms up to the new kids.
Someone posted that he might have been abused or had a traumatic experience. That sounds pretty scary but from your post I doubt it. It sounds like a reaction to change to me, and I would not push it or scold him for being suddenly shy; ease him into things rather than pushing him into them just now. When you ask for reasons he honestly may not be able to articulate any reasons; he just may feel general fear of the unknown right now but I think it sounds normal. I would not necessarily think it's time for counseling unless it goes on and on or it becomes debilitating to his daily life.
you had better start talking to your son .something has happen or someone is doing something to him . A child dont just clam up like that . Please find out what is wrong . He need you .
