My newly 8 yr old old son has always been very affectionate with us...hugging, kissing, cuddling. He also has always been a touchy feely kid and is often in the personal space of others. We have always discussed this. He has a best friend who is over often and i notice that they often sit close to each other while playing their games and may even have a foot crossed over the other's. They may have an arm slung around the other's shoulder. He doesn't seem to be like this with other play dates, but this is his best friend that is over the most. I asked him if he minded that the kid hugs him and what not, and he said no he likes it because he's his best friend and he likes it so much when he's around that he just feels like hugging him sometimes and that he's like a brother. This kid's in the same grade, but a year older. Also someone that used to not always be so nice to him in the past...like not letting him always play w him at recess or sit on the bus, so there is also a little bit of a follower thing sometimes.
Anyway, this all makes me uncomfortable. Does this mean he's gay? Not that I would have an issue with this, but I would like to know how to best handle any situation without overreacting as I often do. How should I handily this. I am concerned this will occur in school and kids will make fun. He doesn't display other signs of anything, but I am just torn on how to deal.
Thanks
Hi, thanks for the responses! Again, I have NO issue w
Gay. I would like to know though because I do think a different guidance from a parental perspective is needed. I could not love my son more, but I don't want to be blindsided with anything like some of my friends an relatives families
i am so, so sad. i understand that you will be okay with and love him if he's gay, but why even go there? why can't kids be snuggly and affectionate without this being hung on them like a stigma?
what a weird, stiff world it's becoming.
khairete
S.
There's nothing wrong with him being affectionate. It's great.
Don't worry about him being teased, just give him a good sense of self-worth so he can handle teasing. Also, kids these days, even in high school, are very physically affectionate, so it's the new normal.
Glad you will be okay with it if he's gay.
Don't worry, he's fine.
There's nothing wrong. He's not being too affectionate. It doesn't even mean he's gay. He's just affectionate with those he loves. He does have boundaries. You basically said he's not like this with other people. Just family and his best friend.
God, I used to hold hands with my best friends until I was through high school. We still sit right up against each other, lean on each other, sling out legs on each other, give spontaneous hugs, offer kisses... we're close than family. And not gay or too close.
He's 8 years old. He'll outgrow this, and it will be soon. He'll start showing affection in other ways, and you'll start to wish he was that little boy who felt so free that he didn't have adult hang-ups weighing his poor little neck down.
no-it means he's human
Oh I am truly laughing out loud.
My son has always been touchy, fuzzy, feely. My entire family is that way.
He is 17 now and he and his guy friends all hug when they see each other - even if they just saw each other within the last 24 hours, they hug.
We ran into Walmart last night for milk and bread and he saw two friends - two hugs and two conversations later, I finally got out the door with my milk and bread.
The only thing to worry about in school is what the school's policy on touching is. Some schools have a complete "no touch" policy. Find out what the policy is - if it is no touching, then you will have to explain to your child that hugging friends is reserved for out of school time.
And, then I must add, so what if he is gay? Would be any less your son? Any less of a person? But, hugging friends does not mean he is gay.
Well, first, I don't think it means that he is gay. However, you do need to make sure he learns to respect personal boundaries. So, I would have conversations with him about that.
It is true that MOST boys are not that affectionate with each other. So, I would say there is a potential for kids to make fun of him. However, that will be part of him learning what is and is not appropriate at school - peer pressure can actually be a learning tool.
I would continue to have conversations with him.
OMG there is nothing wrong with him. Why are you even going there. This is his best friend. He doesn't do it with other kids so why are you worried about school. Good God he is eight years old. Let him be!!!!! Let him handle his friendships. This is part of growing up. He can handle it himself. Does not need anyone to run interference. If he asks you questions or has a problem and comes to you, deal with it. If not catch our breath and relax.
Nothing wrong with him being physically demonstrative as long as the other kids don't mind the closeness, Leave him be..
My daughter and I have kissed on the mouth all her life, and my best friend and I do as well. Nothing sexual in either relationship.
Well Good Lord, so what if he is gay? He can still grow up, be successful in life, get married....What difference does it make? He's still the same kid you adore.
Anyway, I have known a lot of kids with sensory issues who struggle with socially acceptable physical boundries.
Or could be just a lovin' kid.
At the age of 8, no reason you can't point out not everybody he meets will like it. He needs to save the hugs and kisses for his family and very close friends.
Maybe discuss it with his ped? Maybe make an appt with a ped behavior specialist?
But most of all enjoy him.
:)
You teach him how to level his affection for people based on relationship.
My son is six and very affectionate. The adults in his life love it. Peers don't always understand it. So, we taught him that when he's at school, "Give a high five instead of a hug". He has a couple buddies that love him and who give him hugs spontaneously, and he does that with them as well.
I really wouldn't worry about this. Give him appropriate information so he knows what sort of interactions will be welcome and where. This doesn't mean he's gay (but oh, heavens, if he was, it's not a big deal. It just means he'd be less likely to get some girl pregnant too young... and I'm not saying this to be glib, either.). It actually means that he feels confident and cozy and close enough in his friendships where friendly touch is welcome.
I have a female friend in her 50s who sometimes takes my hand when we walk... it's not for physical support, but connectedness. She just loves being with her friends. She loves me as a friend (nothing else). I always admire those people who can just let their pleasure and joy in each other shine through.
I picked my 9 yo son up from an all boys progam and they were all doing the football player handsy stuff, pat on the back, knocking off hats, jumping on each others backs. I was like holy cow, because I need huge personal space boundaries and this group of boys was just like a box of puppies.
sounds like your guy is just one that likes touch, if it were truly only this one kid then maybe I would keep an eye on it, but if he was always like this I think it's normal.
Boy or girl, he's a kid.
If this was your "daughter" versus your son, would you have the same concern????
Girls are also, this way.
Kids are this way.
What grade is your son in? 2nd? 3rd?
He will probably outgrow it.
He only does this with his best buddy. Not with everyone.
It seems fine.
My son is 7 now. 2nd grade. He is affectionate with his best buddy. They are both this way with each other. But soon enough, they will outgrow it.
I know that.
And I know that both boys, DO know appropriate social boundaries anyway.
My son's grade has lots of boys. And many of them are still affectionate. Its cute.
As far as teaching your son, about social issues, ie: you said that boy was not nice to him before and you are concerned your son is a "follower." Well, simply TEACH your son, how to stand up for himself, via communication and body language etc. TEACH him, social situations and how to DISCERN it and how to CHOOSE friends.
I was doing that with my kids since they were 2 years old... so that once they entered into Elementary school, they would have had practice and my teaching them about it etc.
I always tell my kids, THEY DECIDE... and choose friends and to think on their own. Don't just be a copy cat or pleaser etc. To think, on their own. And they do.
I think you're over reacting. Even if he is "gay" at this age he probably just wants to be close to his friend. I used to, and still sometimes do, hold hands with close friends, or we'll sit close on the couch while we play on our tablets and our kids play on the floor just because we want to be near each other, even if we're doing our own thing.
My 6, almost 7, year old girl also likes holding hands with her friends. If the friends aren't uncomfortable, I don't see the issue.
Would this issue come up if he was a girl?
My daughter is 6 years old and she hugs all her friends when they see eachother and when they are parting.
My 9 year old son is affectionate too and will hug his friends too.
Being gay never even crossed my mind. Not that I would care either way.
Does he show signs of being feminine? Does he prefer one type toy over the other or is he indifferent?
I think we have come a long way in understanding "being gay". So he may be, however, I wouldn't suggest he were gay because he plays close to another boy. The times have seemed to change from the days of the opposite sex having cooties. My daughter plays with girls and boys and I have never heard her say boys have cooties and the boys aren't bothered by her presence either.
I studied a bit about the make up of a gay person in my anthropology class. There didn't seem to be any real "test" to see why the a person is gay, but more so that a person can be born with a gene or it could as well be environmental (choice). My MIL completely disagrees with the environmental part and believes you can only be born with it.
So are there any gay people in your family that you know of? I am now aware of 3 gay people (2 girls 1 guy) in my family. My family is a bit old fashioned, so it is not apparent when we are together.
With that said, a study was done on a young boy, he was about 4 - 6 years old. He was left to play with what ever he wanted, however had boys toys and girls toys available. He played dress up everyday and twirled and danced around and chose to only play with the dolls. The video never showed him touching a "boy" toy.
So the answer is, you will only know when he is so flamboyant that you can't help but notice or he comes to you and tells you.
A high school friend of mine has an older brother, whom I knew quite well. I never knew he was gay and neither did his family. He never had a girlfriend and always had a roommate who he never brought to the house for dinners. The roommate passed away and the brother changed his beneficiary to one of the sisters. It was a duh moment.
You can't go wrong with teaching personal space, but I don't think you have anything to worry about at this point.
Probably just fine. May have issues with social cues like an aspberger's syndrome child. In a lot of schools they have clubs dedicated to teaching kids social cues.
I think he is fine. What you describe doesn't mean your son is gay.
Being a loving person is nothing wrong. One thing to keep in mind is that we live in a very different and tough world now days, so it is important to teach your child that not every person likes to be touched (child or adult) or feel comfortable with being touched or too close to someone else, I don't know why, but it does occur, so let him be affectionate with you, with family with people who really knows him and love him, and remind him nicely but firm being little less touchy with others. That's all. Do not make a big deal out of this, it is just his personality (a lovely personality in my opinion), he just needs guidance.
doesn't mean he is gay in the least. He needs to learn personal space. You need to find a way to teach him in a way he will understand and not get upset. Some people are huggers and some people like to stand 2 inches from you when you talk to them. Best to teach him now while he is young.
The kids at school will call him gay, they will make fun of him, he'll act out more at home by being even more clingy and want to be right by you. He'll do this out in public and people will wonder what kind of relationship you have with him behind closed doors. Yes, "that" kind of relationship.
Start teaching him personal space, proper ways to hug friends (it's different than hugging family) and so forth. He needs to learn boundaries. Not punished by any means, just when he comes up and wants to cuddle up and it's been a while you just say "honey, why don't you sit over here a bit, my arm is getting tired" or something along the lines of helping him feel close by not actually right there on top of you.
