8.5 Yr Old Son Showing Signs of Anxiety-missing Us During the Day

There could be more going on at school than you realize or more to the "bossy kids" on the playground story. Kids can't always articulate exactly what is going on or are sometimes fearful to tell someone. I have two boys and it can be especially difficult to get information from boys. I would investigate more what's going on at school and how he's doing there. Talk to his teacher or even the principal if necessary. Is there a playground attendant who might know more? Does he ride a bus? Are there issues on the bus? Does he have a friend you can ask? If the anxiety issues continue into the summer consider consulting a child therapist. In the meantime, acknowledge his concerns. Maybe a special outing or some one on one time with Mom or Dad doing a favorite activity might make him feel better. He might need a little extra time with you. Good luck.

I would definitely talk to his teachers to see if they have noticed a change in him or see anything going on in school. And I would also make an extra effort to be home and around as often as possible. Kids often won't open up when we ask them things directly, but if we are around enough, they will give enough info to piece it all together. Try to make bedtimes long and leisurely - lots of reading/talking - kids often open up then too. Good luck and good job taking this seriously!

B.

sounds like your working with him, have you taken him to visit the church just to visit it, not during mass, talk about the pictures take a good look around ask him what he see and thinks. as for the anxiety attacks look for when the happen the most, is it on a monday right or later in the week. If it seems to happen alot on the same day it may be some tv show, class or activity.

Hi J.,

Bossy kids on the playground is enough to make a kid become anxious!!! My children are younger, but, every time I drop my preschooler off at school, I make sure to tell her that I will see her at 3pm when I pick her up from school. Sometimes just reassuring them of the next time they will see you helps them. Also, something to consider, if it is possible, is to let go of the career a little, and make more time for your son. Family comes first. Kids can be mean...your son may need some help defending himself on the playground. Maybe you can coach him on things to say to the other kids without being too harsh. Another idea...find something he enjoys, and go with it. It will make him proud of himself, and boost his self confidence.

Hope that helps a little, best of luck.

S.

When I was about that age there was a bully at school. She tormented me daily and it never was something I told my parents, instead I had tummy aches and wanted to stay home from school. I never put the tummy aches with the bullying at school and had forgotten about the tummy aches, but you don't ever forget about a bully. When my mom mentioned one day about my always having stomach aches during those years, it dawned on me that it was probably anxiety. Your son is having something going on whether it is bullying or something more that he doesn't think he can talk with you about or doesn't want to look "weak" and it might take a bit to get it out of him. You might take him to a councilor since they are trained to get these feelings out of children. He may also find it easier to talk to her/him if it is something he is really fearing or something happened that makes him feel at fault or ashamed.

Hi J. -

I don't know if this will help, but we have gone through some similar stuff with our 7 year old. It ended up being some issues on the school bus with some boys that were being mean. I ended up having to drive him to school for about 2 months (off/on)..... it became an issue in the morning that he would be crying and not want to take the bus. So much so that he would start talking about it almost when he got home the night before. It was ALWAYS on his mind. We actually started using Homeopathic treatments and it SAVED us! It is just natural remedies that you take. When we saw our homeopathic person (she has a 4 year Nutritrionist degree and a homeopathic degree), she sat with our son and talked to him for about 1 hour. just really simple questions, listening to his answers and reactions. Anyway, she gave him his constituion and it has made ALL the difference in the world. As soon as he starts getting more emotional (we can tell immediately, little things start to bug him), we give him his remedy. It is amazing! Our entire family is now doing homeopathic remedies. I really cant say enough good things about them. It has made my life so much easier. Of course, we still see a regular doctor if needed, but the homeopathic is for everyday type stuff. It just really seems to 'balance' a person out. The tiny things that seemed SO big to him, seem not such a big deal.

Hope this helps....good luck!

Hi J.,

Please do not be dismissive of the fact that there are bullies on the playground. These children need to be dealt with--schools must start taking this issue seriously. Bullying can certainly be wearing on those being bullied, so just because he's been "fine" in the past does not mean he's not having issues now with it.

I grew up Roman Catholic. You said he just had his First Communion, so I wonder if he also had his First Confession? My First Confession was NOT a good experience at all, yes, it scarred me for life and I did not feel like I could talk to anyone at the time. Delve a little deeper into how he felt about making his First Communion and First Confession. It is also possible he gets sad in church because he is praying about some troublesome issues. I would recommend talking him to a counselor outside of and not affiliated with his school, so he can talk freely. It can't hurt.

I have an official diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so I can tell you the drug-free ways I cope with the physical symptoms. As with any disease, diet, exercise, and sleep are key. With anxiety, enough can not be said about getting solid sleep. Many people who are anxious can't sleep at night, and then become more and more anxious due to the lack of sleep. It is a vicious cycle!

I've found massage to be very helpful in keeping me relaxed. Find a good pediatric massage therapist, a male one if he wants. A good therapist will give him the option of being clothed if he is more comfortable, and even having you stay in the room.

I've gotten away from it, but in the past yoga was very helpful to me. There are lots of "kid" yoga classes out there. I also try to meditate at least once a week. There are lots of "ways" to meditate--some have religious aspects and others do not. It is basically about emptying your mind and concentrating on your breath. Aromatherapy is also helpful to me. I put a few drops of peppermint essential oil on a cotton ball and wipe it on my forehead, temples, and back of my neck. Peppermint, spearmint, and chamomile teas are very calming, especially before bed. Let me know if you want more info or need more resources. Good luck.

I'm not sure what to suggest but wanted to let you know that I have an 8 year old son and we deal with the same issues. I also am wondering if it is because of things going on at school. He tells me about things kids do on the bus that aren't nice and when I talked to one of the girls parents about it she told him "I don't care if you tell your mom, I'm not going to listen". We've also had some issues with some of the neighborhood kids not always including him. My heart breaks for my son too. And I'm not always sure what to do either.

I think if you schedule a special day for him and he has full access to you this will help open him up. This could even be a once a month thing. Kids love to know they are special and to have a day/weekend that focuses on them will get him to open up. Mom, you need to also open up and talk about your feelings and career. You need to take a break for yourself.