A Personal Question About Number of Children

I have three and my third was conceived two weeks before my husband was suppose to have a vasectomy. I wouldn't trade him for the world even though I thought we were done. I believe the saying goes you never regret the children you had only the ones you didn't.

My husband just jokes that having 3 kids means going from man-on-man defense to zones.
We love having 3, they all play well together or apart which may be the biggest difference. They are also all in the same room for now 1 girl, 2 boys. Big families are so much fun. I have 1 sister and 2 brothers and it si so much fun getting together with them, even if it is only a couple times a year.

I have three and could not imagine my life without them. They all get along great. I think because they are all treated fairly. I think the parents are the ones who create sibling rivalry by showing favoritism. How could I love one more or treat one better. They are all my babies.

Lol, I have 6 who were born within 7 years - currently 10,9,7,6,4,and 3.

With all due warmhearted respect, it seems a little silly to me to worry about not being able to pay enough attention, or the world being "built for two". :)

It's true many restaurant booths only hold 4, but kid bottoms are small, so you can fit more than two on a side anyway ;) Even if the world is "built for two", who cares? :) All that means is that you get a chance to be a little more creative and resourceful in your approaches to things than most people who never have to extend their thinking on things - mindlessly going with the flow...That's got to be good for keeping your brain healthy, right?

3 requires more supervision than you have arms, so you will need to develop a strategy (probably more as-you-go than beforehand)to handle that reality. That said, once mastered, your new strategy will transfer (nearly seamlessly) to any number of children in pretty much any environment

As far as finding it hard to find the time to devote to each child, It's hard anyway, which I'm sure you are already very aware of since you are going to school right now on top of being a full time mom! You manage! :) Special moments become simpler maybe, but no less special.

Don't let concerns and "what if"s rule the day. If you feel drawn to have another child, do it. Your life, like your heart, will magically expand to take them in :)

Having Three is Busy Busy. But worth it as long as you are willing to deal with all the getting up in the middle of the night and all of babies needs. I would say go for it. Besides its what you and your hubbie want not what everyone else thinks. I have 4 and working on another. My husband said no because hes over 40 but I got pregnant and misscarried and now he want one. We don't care what everyone says. They all have voiced there stuff and tough. Yes my life is crazy. But I love every min and wouldn't give it up. I need to go back to work and I can't because I don't want to leave the kids and the sahm thing. I love taking care of my kids and watching them grow and taking care of my house. I even cut my own kids hair so we don't have to spend extra money. I love reading up on things I set my mind to and making it happen. Yes I have goals and things I want to do but I am willing to wait to have another. Thats the desicion you have to make even though your in school are you willing to set it aside to have another and take care of that one till that one is old enough for you to go back to work. Good Luck

Well A., I am a mother of three. When people ask me about the difference between 2 and 3 the main issue is logistics. I quickly re-discovered that I only have 2 hands! When I was out with the kids it was increasingly more difficult to get them in and out of the car by myself or to run errands and take them on outings alone. It is also more difficult to find someone to babysit three children. Two are much easier to handle. Also, when you add an infant and two other children that is also a limiting factor because most teenagers or young adults are not able to handle an infant and two toddlers. However, if you have family support near you this is less of an issue (I do not have family support close by). After having said all of that.... I cannot imagine life without our third child. I have two girls and one boy, with the boy being the middle child. My kids always have someone to play with. Also now that they are older (11, 8 and 5) I have three helping hands around the house and that has made life a little easier. The final factor I would say is the expense of another child. I work full time and the cost of daycare is definitely prohibitive. We certainly cut back on certain expenses because the added costs. I did nurse which helped but day care was a huge expense for us. Especially when we had one in tuition based pre-school and one in daycare both on a full time basis. However, if daycare will not be an added expense, again that may weigh differently in your decision making process. Hope this helps!

You're right three kids isn't better or worse, just different. I have four kids and do think that with three kids there is a potential for a third wheel type situation, but you do what you want to do and what's best for your family.

As far as the idea that the world is built better for families with two kids - yes, that is true, but don't let that stop you from having more kids if you want more. It just means you'll have to buy a bigger vehicle, make adjustments, etc., etc.

Good luck!

Hi! I am a mother of 4. I had 2 daughters, went through a divorce, then remarried and gained a step-daughter as well. When I went through the divorce, I figured I was done having kids, which I was content with. I am one who gets stressed and overwhelmed easily, so when my husband and I considered adding a 4th child to the mix, I thought, "oh boy, how could I handle 4 kids??"
So now we have the 4: 3 girls age 10, 8, and almost 6, and our baby boy who is almost 9 months old! I can honestly tell you that I can't imagine not having this little guy around; he has been such a blessing to us! He is a handful,too, so I am definitely busy. Yes, I get stressed out sometimes- but I have a husband who is amazingly helpful and supportive which makes a HUGE difference. I literally have days where I still get a moment of being amazed that this little baby is part of our family!
With the 3 girls, we sometimes get moments of the older 2 kinda leaving the younger one out, but we just make sure that we are consistent with our reminders about the fact that we are a family, and everyone is included and important, and we feel it is extremely important that our kids grow up knowing that your family is your family! You love and support each other and treat everyone equally- God put us together and we are here for a reason!
Blessings to you on your decision; I hope you guys can find what's the right decision for you!

Hi A., My husband and I were in the same boat as you. Before our third child we had a 3yr old girl and a 2yr old boy in which now are 4yrs. and 2yrs with the addition of our almost 5 month old boy. Anyway, we also had heard and kind of felt the world was meant for 2 children but, I wasn't sure I wanted to be finished either. I think you have to look at your two children, do they seem to have the personalities that could handle another child? We actually talked to them about it and they were both really excited. However, I have to worn you that when we came home from the hospital it was excitement at first and then the jealousy set in and lasted for about 2 weeks. It's hard for them to understand why this little thing needs so much attention. We just tried to keep focused and took turns with the kids. If one was with the baby then the other would take time to play or do an activity with the others. My husband also surprised the two older ones with taking them to the, "Bob the Builder LIVE!" show to make it a special day out for them. I'm not saying you have to do a show but, you can always take them somewhere special for a day to like Chuck E. Cheeses or something. Now, that I have my third it is absolutely wonderful. I was able to enjoy every moment because I was so much more experienced and now it feels like I have a big family but, not too big. I hope this was a little help.

Hi A.,

I am currently pregnant with my 4th. When this baby arrives I will have a 5 y/o, 3 y/o and a 20 month old. I am by no means extraordinary nor do I have a background in child development but I think I'm doing ok. Always room to improve :) We have always known we wanted a large family but I'll tell you a little about our daily life.

Yes, it is a little hectic around here but I didn't think 3 was all that much harder than 2. I had already learned how to divide my time. My oldest was very independent and wanted to help out whenever he could. Because they are so close together all my kids play together and are interested in the same things. I'm much calmer now with 3 than with one. And I actually go more places.

When we would go out I had one in the stroller and then the older 2 holding on to the stroller or I'd have the carrier and 2 hands to hold on to the others. Now I have my 3 y/o hold my hand and my oldest hold her other hand and then my youngest either on my hip or walking depending on her mood. The hardest thing I think I deal with now is balancing my oldest's school schedule with nap time.

I still have 2 in diapers but am hopeful to have my 3 y/o potty trained over the summer. But honestly I don't mind having them in diapers. I find it much easier than trying to find a bathroom and then dragging the whole group into a stall :)

Anyway, yes it is a very personal decision that I applaud you for considering, because we don't have the life that many of our friends have with only 1 or 2 kids. I am certainly not complaining because I love having all my kids and I can't imagine it any other way. But, we only go on one vacation a year. I shop at mom 2 mom sales and resale shops. We do have a used minivan and pray it lasts awhile. Our schedule revolves around nap time still. And free time is very scarce around here.

Lastly, I am firm believer of when you are done having kids you KNOW you are done. If you are still considering than you really want another but are afraid of what will happen. So I say, great that you are considering, but make sure you trust yourself enough to know you can handle whatever happens!

Good Luck with which ever you choose!
K.

Hi A.,

There are no bad things about having 3 children! I have 3 and they are all 2 years apart and they all play so nice together. Maybe I am just lucky, but I never feel or see that one is left out. I still want #4...cuz like you I'm only 33 and I feel like I am not ready to say goodbye to the baby days!! I still have all my maternity clothes packed away, my pump, all the old baby clothes nicely folded in storage bins by age. I'm not ready to say goodbye to those wonderful days!! There is nothing like it. I loved it soo much... and if you feel that way too I would go for it!!! :) BEST WISHES!!!

I'm glad you posted this because I am in a similar position. I enjoyed and appreciated all of the responses. :)

If you want to have another one than I would try. You will never regret having another one.

While I believe this is a very personal decision, I think it's an excellent question. There are a lot of personal decisions like this: some people care a huge amount, others happily accept whatever happens, and of course there are many who fall somewhere between those two.

I think it's excellent that you're husband and you both feel the same way, even if it's 'don't know' at present.

I decided to stick with two for a couple of reasons. I'll make a list:

1. I only have two hands, and I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I was holding two and one went another way. I just couldn't think what I would do.
2. I watched a friend nearly lose her mind, with three kids each 3 years apart -- the kids are at such amazingly different stages at 6, 3 and newborn. She said it was like being pulled in three directions at once... for nearly three years.
3. There are twins in my family --the kind that run in families.
4. We couldn't keep our small car, our house would become tremendously cramped (rather than the 'cramped' it already was, with 1100') and the 'expensive time' I could see coming -- sports, arts, activities, travel, would be appreciably more expensive.

The last one, I was aware of, and really was the last in the list of importance. We could certainly handle it, it would just mean staying in the same house a lot longer, having a very old car a lot longer, having very little disposable income for a lot longer...

Once my youngest was out of diapers, the question wasn't so much 'do I want another baby in the house' because I adore babies, loved being pregnant and would happily have had another 4 if someone else was going to do all the other housework in the building... and the economics were more favourable. But the question became 'am I willing to jump backwards 3 years in my life to the routines and realities of babies?'

I already felt extemely stretched to meet the needs of my two little ones according to the standards I wanted to live up to.

Ultimately, it was the satisfaction with our family size (two was good, three would have been fine, if it had happened before we made up our minds) and the lack of desire for another year of intensive baby needs, and a complete willingness just to enjoy these two little people growing and maturing.

Today, I've very happy with that decision. I hope you find a decision you are very happy with, too.

A.-
If you have a good marriage and love spending time with your kids then have another one. You will never regret it.

I had the same dilemma years ago and decided on a 3rd. We somehow ended up with 4(not twins)and I cannot even imagine living without any of them. Kids are wonderful!!! Lots of work too.

Think about it this way. When you are old and your kids are grown, will you ever think...what if? Don't have these types of regrets.

We went through this when we were trying to decide whether or not to have a fourth child. I think three is definitely managable. Think about legistics, is your car big enough for three with car seats? Is your house big enough? Can you handle the financial strain? Will you be happy no matter what the sex of the baby is? If you answered yes to all of these, then i think you should keep talking about it. I found that I was unsure about having a fourth but I really WANTED a fourth. Now, we have four beautiful healthy children and I KNOW I am done. For me, I lost that "baby lust" and I knew there were no more babies in our future. It sounds like you still want one more but maybe don't want to upset the apple cart. Good luck with your decision, I hope it ends up being the right one for your family. God Bless, E.

My answer is going to go a completely different direction than you probably want, but I always encourage people to have more children.

The current fertility rate in the United States is 2.05 and in order to maintain a population, the rate has to be at least 2.1. This means that each set of parents must have MORE than 2 children to replace themselves in the population and to cover those who, for whatever reason, do not reproduce.

This helps balance out society too. Having enough younger people to care for the elderly means that the elderly are better taken care of... having more siblings to play with and grow up with means that a child has even more opportunities to learn from and be taught by others. Learning cooperation while in youth helps people to be more compassionate, generous and caring.

It sounds like you have a happy family and that is the best way for children to be brought into the world.
So my opinion is that you try for another baby... I don't believe that once the baby is here you will ever regret the decision to add to your family.

I come from a family of several children and I am glad that, as my parents age, their care is able to be shared among all my siblings. And having more siblings just means that you have more people to love and more people that love you back.

Good luck!

I am the mom of three boys. When my second son was 2-1/2 my husband and I decided we were done, had a garage sale, sold everything to do with babies. Then a few months later my husband said to me "maybe one more?". At that point, I already had it set in my mind that we were done. I was happy with two boys, was ready to start to think about returning to work part-time, etc. I told my husband that I had to give it some real thought. My boys were already potty-trained, my youngest was starting preschool in the fall and I was almost "home free". But... when I really gave it some thought I came to this conclusion: I might regret someday not having that third, but I could not imagine regretting a child once I had him. As it turns out, it was my easiest pregnancy, easiest delivery, and he was the easiest baby of the three. I am so glad we decided to have a third. Yes, sometimes the world is built for families of 4 -- vacations are usually a bit more expensive -- but in the long run, those are small prices to pay for another wonderful child. And when they reach adulthood, it won't matter and you will still have three great kids. I'd say, if both you and your husband are game, go for it! Good luck.

The only negative thing is that one parent has only 2 hands so you are always a hand short. I have 4 wonderful children; all grown now. When I was pregnant with my third, I was given the third degree by strangers and my doctor alike. He even suggested that I have my tubes tied after I delivered. Needless to say, I found a new doctor fast. When I had my third son and was pregnant for the fourth time to try for a girl two years later, everyone was positive about the whole thing. It is up to you and your spouse and no one else. Yes society is made for 2 parents and 2 kids which is sad. We went skiing many years ago and after we booked, we were told that only 2 adults and 2 kids were covered with the "deal". The ad never said that and I told them, do you wish me to get rid of my last two kids. The rep said that the room had only one bathroom. I told her our whole house only had one bathroom, sooooo.

A., I have 3 boys, ages 4,3, and 16 mos. I will tell you that adding a 3rd child definitely makes things different. But, as with everything, you have to do what's best for you. don't buy into the whole thought behind a third child getting left out. Not true! Besides, each family is different and you can chose to not let that happen. Our boys all do well together. I think if you want another child, you should have one. It is awesome to see how different our baby is from his two older brothers. It's always amazing how each child can be his own unique person. Just remember that another child will make you that much more busy. But, with one child in school already, you will have a little less going on at home during the day than with three little ones at home. I also stay home with my boys and it was wonderful this year to have one in preschool. It was a great time to run errands and get groceries.

My husband and I are currently on the fence about whether or not to have a fourth child. I hear that once you have 3, that the fourth is no big deal. (we'll see!)

Good luck! I think you would enjoy another child. they add so much joy and laughter to a family.

A.,
I would say this: if you and hubby are on the same page, anything's okay. I have 3 sons. Love 'em each bundles. My middle one has never had a reason to feel left out. He's PUT himself in a position where these days I connect better with the oldest and by far the youngest. I keep hoping he'll grow up, but with the circumstances as they are, not any time soon.
I pretty much raised them single handedly. Maybe that's part of the problem. Or maybe he's just wired too much like his dad. I don't know. There have been some issues the past few years.
What I'm saying is that if you both decide you're both going to be involved in the upbringing, you stand a higher chance of having 3 individual personalities that you're dedicated to. It can work fine. If one of you is doing more of the job, it can get thrown off balance

I have three children, work full time, my husband farms (which means I'm a single mom in the spring and fall), we have a dog, 2 goats and they are involved in several activities each. I would not trade three kids for a minute. The financial part is brought up often. My thoughts are that kids have too much stuff and just need time and love more than anything. If you are concerned with a smaller car, bigger house and each kids having all the "stuff", stay with 2.

I will tell you that the interaction of two kids is sometimes tough, but with three they "rotate". They always play and work together. I'm of the old school, where I expect my kids to clean their rooms, cook, mow the lawm, etc. I think it's up to how you raise your kids, how organized you are and what you think you can handle. God's blessings.

A.,
I'm 44 years old and have a 12 year old and a 9 year old. I too wanted to have a 3rd child after my second was born. My husband was 40 years old at the time and he wasn't in for a 3rd so we didn't have another. I'm so satisfied with my 2 healthy children, my flexible work arrangement (25-30 hours per week), my marriage and home life that I can't imagine my life would have been any more fulfilling with another child. Plus, I'm dog tired at the end of the day and would rather do 5 things well than do 7 things not so well. In ten more years you won't have all the energy you have today and you won't have that incredible urge to have another baby. I know it can be powerful at 34.
Good luck with your choice.
M.

I was in the same boat as you. I can tell you the best part of having 3 is knowing for sure you are all done having kids. For me, I would always of been like "what if I had a 3rd kid". I love having my littlest girl. My older 2 are always off playing and I get to cuddle my last baby. I just feel like we are a whole now. All 5 of us!!!

A. -
You have a very legitimate question if you ask me. I recently found myself pregnant with baby #3 after years (and I mean years = thousands of dollars!) of infertility. While my husband and I very much welcome this blessing, we also had some concerns when we found out such unexpected news. Never did we think this was possible without the assistance of modern medicine!
I have done a lot of research and I can tell without a doubt baby#3 seems to be the baby that many, many couples spend the most time contemplating. Start googling and you will see...those who go over 3 certainly do not contemplate as those who are wondering whether to have 3! People don't spend time thinking about #1 and #2 like this either. I found this a little surprising!
The biggest thing I have found through my research has to do with careers. Once 3 rolls around, the cost of child care really makes it quite hard on at least one person's career. However, I noticed you put down you are getting a master's in teaching so going back would work out for you (if you choose to) much sooner than someone who has a career that is not on a school year calendar. In addition to this, you are already home so there would be no change to your current situation.
Most couples I have come across did not find a big difference from 2 to 3 in terms of workload. It seems the first year was a bit of work but isn't that the same with any number of children you have?!
It is a big decision and I applaud anyone who takes time to really think about it. I think through these responses, discussions with your husband that you will eventually arrive at an answer. It really makes you think about what you want in life and what type of parent you want to be etc, etc. I know it is tough but if there is room in your heart, I think there is room in your home and the rest of your life too!

Since you are both not sure, just leave it up to God, fate, chance, whatever you want to call it. I had a son, then a daughter. We figured we were done. Then along comes another son. All three of my children were suprises. We just let things happen however they meant to be. My husband was told he wouldnt be able to have kids, after a bicycle accident(ouch) when he was about 12. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Go for it if it is what you want.

Some people are happy w/no kids and others enjoy their families w/more than 5 or 6 kids.

A couple of my close friends have over 3 kids and what it seems to come down to is do you, as a mom, have the energy to keep up with all the different demands of your kids?

The older kids tend to help with the younger ones and since the younger ones want to play with the older ones - they tend to learn skills more quickly just to keep up. And the moms realize that they are "team players" with their husbands and they work together to get everything accomplished.

I also agree with the lady who talked about having more kids for the betterment of society. Like in China, they have the one-child policy and boys are favored, so you have a ton of guys that are born, who aren't going to get married, because a lot of little girls to marry these guys aren't born into the society.

Also, a lot of countries are paying people to have kids because the plummeting birth rate is reeking havoc on their social systems. They are set up in a way where the younger workers are supposed to work and part of their taxes go to pay for benefits that older, retired people use.

JMHO

I had a similar post on here probably around last Christmas, but about having a fourth child! LOL

Most Mom's response to me was that if I'm asking the question then I should have another one. Obviously you're not going to regret it.

I have three right now and my kids don't really leave each other out. They're ages 11, 6, and 3. The older two are girls and my youngest is a boy.

My third baby was a breeze; I actually noticed more of a difference going from one to two (as far as work and sharing my Mom time). What I noticed the most was expense, but it didn't hit us too hard where I wouldn't recommend it. It's just that you buy three happy meals, three kids movie tickets, AND most of all at Christmas time! But, you can always trim back on that stuff too.

They're a blessing, and I am pregnant with my fourth now (due Halloween)!

Hi A. - every mom will have a different opinion but here's mine! I've got three boys - the last many years after the first two. My boys are 15, 11 and a half, and six (actually six next month) and it has been wonderful. You are still young and all I can say is that if you wait to have a third you'll have wonderful helpers, the older two won't resent having a baby around - they'll be thrilled - and you'll have enough time to enjoy the two lovely boys you have now. You'll be less crazy. I was also 29 when I had my first child so you're on the same path as me - I think you'd really enjoy having a third baby but later - good luck whatever you do - Alison

I'm glad you are weighing your options at this point, since adding another person to your family is a huge decision. It sounds as though you are preparing yourself to getting on with your life by pursuing your MA and ultimately contributing to the family's finances. There are so many wonderful phases to enjoy coming up in your boys' lives, you will get over being in "baby mode" and be able to move into the next phase with energy and enthusiasm, giving the boys the attention they might not get had you had an additional child.

Our planet was never supposed to support the population it now has, as evidenced by the dwindling natural resources we hear about everyday. Thankfully, the population growth has shown a decline even before the recession began, so couples are making the responsible decision to limit the size of their families for several reasons.

In many instances, I've noticed that we don't miss what we don't have! That's not true with folks who have lost a pregnancy or child, but in general, it's found to be the case.

My third child is going to turn 1 in a couple weeks. I have a 4, 2 and almost one year old. It has been tough and I feel like I am letting things slide with the other kids like not giving them enough attention. Then with the 4 year old and 2 year old like in the winter, it was hard to coordinate the baby sleeping so that I could take them outside to do big kid stuff, etc. So, having a third kind of feels a bit like a drag in terms of being able to do things with the older kids. Of course I would NEVER take my third back. Totally adore him but this experience has made me reconsider having another. But, the one thing going for you is that you don't have to work! I think things would be a lot easier if I didn't have to juggle that in the mix. In terms of deciding whether to have another child, money, time, etc. all tells me to not have another child but it is that worry that I will regret it later. If you think that you will regret not having a third, I would have a third. Like anything, you will adjust, the kids will adjust, etc. That is life. The more the merrier! I just wanted to give you some of my experiences. Good luck with your decision!