A Possible "Temper Tantruam" Child in the Making.

HI J.,

I am prego with my fourth, and just let me tell ya, all kids have tempers, hahaha. Every child will test the waters, and I believe the terrible two's are actually not as bad as the terrible 3's. Remember , they are people too, with mood swings and such. My kids are very well behaved out in the world with others, they save all the 'crap' for their father and I, haha, which I think is better anyway. I watch the Cosby Show and Roseanne, and believe me, Roseanne is a better interpretation of real life and what most families go thru. Just love your child with all your heart, teach him right from wrong and all will turn out well.

yes this is normal, and not a sign of him getting mad or having a tantrum either. He is 9 months old, why on earth would you be concerned with stopping anything that he feels or trys to do? getting mad is normal everyone does it, why do you want to try to control a 9 month old?

listen when i had my first child i beat myself up trying to live up to what everyone else said was normal, what some expert said my kid should be doing at this age, or if my kid did this or that it could be a sign of some horrible mental illness. The result? I drove myself crazy, needed cousiling, had a nervous high strung kid who at the age of 20 is still high strung and trying to fit in with people who arent fit for her to wipe her feet on.

so when baby #2 came along 15 years later, i said no way, i will not control, i will allow, she will be allowed to feel whatever it is she is feeling, so will I, i let her take the lead and took clues from her as to when she was ready to do certian things,{ hold a cup, brush teeth, potty train, etc} fist and formost yourson is a baby. will be a baby for years. ther are some people who will say that at age 2 they are not babys, but when you think about it they are. even at 3 they are, toddler to me begins almost at age 4. if your not a baby then you should be out getting a job or something, that usuallt shuts people up.

but anyhow, when i decided to let baby #2 be herself and not try to control her, and forget what other people say, she develpoed mentally so quickly, much more so than other kids her age. her behavior morriors that of an 7 year old instaed of a 4 year old, she could say 90 words by 1 year. talking in complete sentances by 16 months, potty trained herself with liitle help from me. if she got mad or frustrated about anything when she got older{not at 9 months} i would find out why and work through it with her. its all normal.

and when you quit trying to control your baby, and yourself, and let your self enjoy your life and your children you will be much happier. both of you. the experts are still going on stuff our parents learned, and our parents were never taught that children were to be loved, and gifts given to us by god. they were under the mental and social stigma that states that you get married, you have kids,a mortage,bills, my life sucks, etc,,,,burdens, is what children were to our parents and to their parents, not saying that they didnt love us, but its a learned behavior they learned from their parents, why else would a 8 and 10 year old be allowed to stay home and watch themselves while parents went to church or whatever?

love your son and EVERTHING he does, he will learn from you what good behavior is, and this not wanting to quit playing is normal. When your outside on a beautifull day, working in your garden or relaxing and reading and you look at the clock and see it is time to ready to go to work, dont you want to stay home and keep on enjoying the wonderfull day? why do you think your son should be any different. dont try to control. allow.

Hi!
I am a 27 year old J. too. And a SAHM. That is extremely normal. My daughter started that at 7 months. Now she likes to shake her head no. I have found that what works best for us is to (usually)briefly explain, then ignore her efforts. For example, if Lauren wants to reach in the toilet, we tell her "no! dangerous!" and we keep her away from it without constantly talking about it. She eventually gets the idea that she can't splash in the potty, and the next time we say no! dangerous! she is less inclined to keep going after what it is that she wants. Sometimes it is more difficult. Sometimes we have to sternly and loudly sa NO, and take her away from whatever it is that is causing the disruption...other times we just ask her for what she has (pen, dog food, paper) and she just hands it to us.
This is what works for us and every child and every parent is different. People do tell us that we have a very well behaved child. Just remember that part of growing intellectually uis to experience emotions suich as anger, and learning how to cope withit, even at a young age like that. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for.

I have a 10 month old son who has been doing the same thing. I realize that it's his way of expressing his anger and I don't have a problem with that. But I'm sure you're like me and concerned about him hurting himself. As much as I try to have my hand behind his head when he does this, I don't always and he hits his head off of whatever is behind him be it a wall or floor. Now that my son mobile and walking, it's much harder. I wish you luck and hopefully they both grow out of this phase soon.

This is a normal behavior. When my kids were that age we would give a stern "No touch" when they reached for things they weren't supposed to have. We would also redirect their attention to things they were allowed to touch or distracted them with games they liked to play. Also, if we were holding them at the time of the tantrum, we learned to keep a hand on the back of their heads to keep them from getting hurt on something and to protect ourselves. I can't tell you how many times I got hit in the chin or the nose by a cute, but very hard, little head.

Hopefully, this phase will be short, but don't be suprised if it reappears later. My son is 3 and has recently started a new tantrum phase. His last phase was around age 1.5 and it lasted about 6 months.

Please don't feel that because your child throws tantrums that he isn't well-behaved, especially at his age. Tantrums are reactions to not knowing how to deal with his environment, emotions, etc. However, I think if we give in to the tantrums rather than teach our kids how to deal with those issues that cause them to tantrum then we are creating behavior problems. We also need to teach our children techniques to calm themselves if they feel a tantrum coming on. Just something to consider as you develop your parenting style. Good luck to you!

Hi J.
I have a set of 3 year old twins and a 2 year old, and the best advice I can give you is to be persistant. He's only 9 months and its not too early to start age appropriate discipline. So when he tantrums don't give in or it will more than likely continue. From your description, he's definitely being a normal baby. Kids don't start out well behaved, its a learning process and we have to teach our children how to act. I'm done with the infant stage and now have 3 toddlers....enjoy your infant.

You are not alone ~ My 7th month old DD does the same thing! We have just tried to be very consistant. She can be very strong willed and I swear she is testing us to see how much she can get away with and if she can wear us down. She may not understand all of the words and concepts yet but I make sure to tell her No and explain that certain things are not her toys and are not safe for her to play with (her big thing right now is cords YIKES).

Hi J.,
This behavior is very common and very normal. Your baby is realizing that he can't have his way all the time and this is causing him frusteration. His back arching, grunting is his way of letting you know that he's mad! Some babies at this age will also resort to hitting and biting- so keep an eye out for that as well! The best way to deal with it is to reassure him that you understand he's angry but mommy says "no". I would also try saying no to him first before taking something away.

Hi J.. This behavior seems so cute and I'm nostalgic for the times when that's all there was as far as a temper tantrum. My kids are 20, 14 and 3. My 20 year old is the only one who doesn't throw tantrums anymore. I hate to be negative but at about age three is when you'll see what a real tantrum looks like, and it could last up to 12 years depending on the child. All kidding aside, it's totally normal, and you can't control a little temper, but you can always redirect anger into something else that's more interesting to your child.

This really is very normal behavior. Try not to make too much of a big deal about it--kids will act in ways to get your attention. If you don't give a behavior attention, it tends to go away. Go ahead and identify your son's emotions to him--"I know you are angry about not being able to play with the flowers, they do look very interesting, don't they?" That will help him to develop an emotional vocabulary. But then quickly move him along to another interesting activity. (or teach him to "gentle touch" the item if possible--to allow him to explore it)

Try to be careful about giving your child negative labels--especially so early. Kids tend to live up or down to our expectations...so if you talk about how this is your temper tantrum child...he is likely to adapt that personality. If he does tend to throw a lot of tantrums, try to see that this same personality trait (being determined) also may make him more determined to solve problems. Not that you are responsible for all of your child's personality traits--some kids are just more strong willed (or high maintenance...or insert adjective...) than others...but you do have lots of influence!

Hugs!

P.S. to the other J....I'd be careful about labeling the toilet as "dangerous." No, you don't want your child to play with it...but when you are ready to start potty training, do you really want the child to say "no, dangerous!" back to you? I know there is the drowning issue with toilets...but it is pretty remote. You might just stick with "not for baby!" That's what we used for things that truly were just "not for baby," like the kitchen trash, or whatever. We did use descriptors like "HOT!" (oven, coffee cups) or "SHARP!" (knives, scissors) or "OWWIE!" (outlets) for things that really were safety hazards.