Adhd - Columbia,SC

I was the parent who grew up with ADHD so struggle, no, it was a welcome diagnosis. More of an ah ha!

Yes I medicated, again going back to my childhood. It is so strange to me that parents struggle with whether to medicate. If your child needed glasses would you tell them to try squinting and see if that works?

One of, okay the only thing, hard about my childhood was it constantly being put on me that if I tried harder, cared more, I could pay attention. Imagine if you went to a lecture, pumped yourself up with coffee, taped your eyes open, and you still couldn't pay attention because the speaker was damn boring. Now imagine someone walks by and says well if you just sit up straight he will be interesting. Maybe it is my childhood but I would want to punch that person in the face because they clearly have no clue.

If something is boring to someone nothing internal is going to make them interesting. Meds help, I know, I would have never made it though college without them.

Chore charts don't work, all they are is setting the child up to fail. Oh look at the chart, I see you have failed for five days straight, how else can I make you feel bad about yourself! :( Checklists work, well if you remember to give them to them. Both my ex an I have ADHD, when you are counting on the forgetful to remember things get left behind.

My key to success is doing the same thing every day in the exact same way. We are very good at ruts!

In a nutshell it is getting them to do what you need them to do but make them think it is their idea. You nick at their self esteem they will shut down or worse act out. The stupidest thing my ex ever did was got in their face yelling at them. It does not matter if they already realize they were wrong, they will continue to fight back so long as you stay in their face and demean them.

I had it easy, I just did exactly what would work for me as a child. My older two are adults and rather amazing adults.

I want to back up Beth on her comment to Veronica, just because someone doesn't appear to have ADHD doesn't mean they don't have it. My third was in an Autism study, they used his older sister as the control child. Even they asked how I ever figured out she had ADHD. Simple, both her parents have it. Thing is she can tell you how it effects her but no one on the outside of her brain would ever believe she does.

I agree the label is thrown around a lot but you would be delusional if you thought most are not ADHD. Sorry but if I had a dollar for every time I got the comment, wonderful student, joy to have in the class but I don't think he is paying attention I would be a millionaire! My kids were never the problem students! They just couldn't do the boring stuff like the rest of the class.

Never worried about the diagnosis. It's a brain wiring thing, not a choice or lifestyle.

No, I did not worry about medication. It's a biological illness. If it was a diagnosis of diabetes I would not question medication either. Medication is used for a medical illness, not just because they think it might be fun to see what happens if a child is given a drug.

ADHD is a testable medical diagnosis. It is a chemical brain issue where the brain is out of sync. The synapses in the brain is not organized or functioning the right way. The information going down the nerves is bouncing around and it's just not going where it's needed.

The medication speeds the brain up a bit and the wiring starts syncing up. It suddenly starts working to it's best ability.

Have you ever had a shimmy in your car while driving that went away if you sped up a bit? It's the same idea with the med. It works better and functions.

So no, I don't think the medication is anything to worry about. He needs it.

I do worry about the foods that the kids eat but we are a very low income family. My hubby is on SSDI and we get child support from one grandchild's dad. My daughter just graduated from rehab about a year ago and is on TANF, lives in low income housing, and gets food stamps plus is going to college full time. She is being an excellent mom to the baby and is doing well so she is not paying child support.

Foods I buy are cheap and not very healthy according to the moms here on this site. We eat a lot of hamburger helper and great value mac and cheese with $.98 hot dogs.

Red dye 40 is a great big behavior culprit. Sugar is not, normally sugar gives a person a quick burst of energy but then shuts a lot of stuff down so it can digest it. It usually makes a person sleepy. This is factual scientific study information. Any research that says sugar is a culprit is usually out dated and not correct.

There are some good ideas in what the doc has told you. If you google SPD, sensory processing disorder, you will find a lot of good ideas on how limiting their choices will make life so much easier too. Our little guy was diagnosed with that a few years ago but he seems to have outgrown the behaviors he was having when we changed his school, plus he just got older and some things just stopped.

Imagine this setting, you are in a somewhat muted lighted room of a couple thousand keys, they're on the walls, on the ceiling hanging all sorts of lengths, on the floor, everywhere you look there are keys. There are keys of unusual size and shape, very pretty with ornate decorations, ones with super hero's on them, some are colored, others have rings on the ends with little decorative cartoons on them, how distracted are we as an adult going to function in that room?

Find the one key that fits the tiny little lock on your childhood diary.....how long do you think it will take you to find that one little tiny key.

That's similar to what it's like for him when he tries to focus on one little thing. He can't see the key for the keys...lol.

As I'm sitting here typing "I" am remembering cute key rings I've had in the past and still able to type. I had one that said "I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person" another one had Garfield standing with a lot of books strapped to his head, arms, legs, tummy, and back. It said "I'm learning by Osmosis". I had fun key rings.

So even "I" as an adult got distracted by my images. How much harder is it for a kids who has no ability to focus? It can't be taught if there are no brain pathways working correctly. The medication fixes this issue and you will be surprised how much easier it all is.

Give him the medication. If it was a diagnosis of seizures you wouldn't might not even be asking. It is a medication that makes him wiring in his brain work.

Good luck with this journey. Making his life as easy as possible, less chaos, less to choose from, less struggle.

My son was diagnosed in Kindergarten. Although I didn't struggle with the diagnosis, I really didn't want to medicate him. We tried everything we could, and finally in second grade we relented.
It was a trying time, as we went through several medications to find one that worked with minimal side effects. And we changed medications several times over the years.
Fish Oil is very helpful if you can get him to take it.
And caffeine is helpful too, working very similarly to the medication. We do not buy or serve soda in our home, although we allow it when we're out as a treat. I found that if he had an evening event, like a baseball game, and his meds were worn off, that a mountain dew would help him through. I know... bad mom! LOL
He gets very fidgety in class, and over the years, we've tried different things, including squishy balls he can fidget with, etc. One teacher in jr hi even gave him a pair of soft fuzzy dice to fidget with!

I am ADHD and my daughter is ADHD.
I knew the dx was coming because it runs in the family and I saw it.
She is Combined type.
She is also gifted. Strait As with out trying. It's not uncommon to find both together.
@ Veronica :Just because a child does not have problems in school does not mean they don't have ADHD.
I welcomed the dx , at least a dx gives you a place to start helping him. We did struggle with the decision to medicate, every ADHD family does. We did choose after a year of trying everything else , including diet changes , natural remedies , etc to medicate. And again it takes time to find the right medication.
Pick up the book " Taking Charge of ADHD" by Barkley
really good book has some great suggestions for disapline etc.
Also there's a couple of books for kids called " Learning to Slow Down and pay attention" and "The Survival Guide for Kids with ADD and ADHD" they are really great , written for kids to help them understand ADHD and gives them strategies to help manage it.

We use a point system at our house , charts do not work for my kids. Each chore is worth a certain point value then they spend points to do things like play video games , computer time, go to the ice cream shop , go to the movies etc.
We use a website to keep track of points www.choremonster.com
It's new, in beta testing. Say my daughter unloads the dishes, well she logs in clicks the I'm done button waits for my approval and gets points for it, she also can collect monsters as she does more chores. Then she can spend points on the site as well.

ETA: diet changes do help some buy only if the child is allergic to those foods.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U
This video is funny and lays the problem with the structure of public education and suggests that a more individualized approach is necessary. A 504 or IEP can help with accommodations to match the learning style of your son with the mostly boring stuff at school.

IT will say my daughter is Asperger, not ADHD, but there are similarities.

I did struggle with the diagnosis at first and was mortified when the Doc pulled out a prescription pad and starting going over medications - I didn't even know what this was and you want me to medicate??? He said "When you get tires of this, you'll be back for medication".

I started researching and found there is a link between Gluten and Casein and Asperger/ADD/ADHD. I figured I owed it to her to try it before medicating. My brother is ADD and I saw was medication did to him and didn't want that to me my first option, but rather my last resort. Well, it worked and most of her meltdown gone, functions very well. I won't say I'm against medication, but I've seen multiple people with ADD/ADHD diagnosis' helped with diet change. With that being said, I will say that it is a commitment and pain in the butt to do, but for us, it's worth it. I have an ADHD adult friend that went off her meds to get pregnant and wasn't sure how she was going to function and keep her job . . . she went gluten/casein free and was amazed how much better she felt even from being on the meds.

Chore charts don't work - they actually make it worse. At first diagnosis (she was 10, 5 years ago), I made charts of her schedule, with times and we stuck to it day in a day out. I'm not a rountine person, so it was as much for my benefit as hers. I'm not sure if this is ADHD related or not, but if I needed to make a change, like go to the store, I needed to forewarn her - let her know that tomorrow after school we need to run to the store. She'd say but I don't want to go to the store, I want to X (whatever that is). I'd let it go. Bed time, again forewarn her that we are going to the store and she'd say I don't want to go to the store. It was making her feel uncomfortable because it wasn't her routine, she didn't know what to expect. Then in the morning, I'd forewarn again and by the time after school came, she was fine. When it was time to stop doing whatever it was, I'd start with a 10 min warning, 5 min, 2 and done.

For chores, she's given them to do one at a time, even now at 15. She gets rewarded for each chore as she does them.

TV - doesn't help her, it probably makes her "worse", we as a family limit TV, computer, games etc . . . it's really not good for anyone.

Clutter - I've decluttered my house, she can focus so much better. I don't overly decorate anything as it seems to make it harder for her to focus.

Homework - is done at the same time, same place everyday, uncluttered, kitchen table. No TV on, no radio, no nothing and she can fucus. We also do small breaks with homemork.

My 7 year old is probably ADHD - In addition to the gluten free (we eat gluten free as a family), she doesn't get sugar as she gets silly and can't focus for 2 seconds. She's benefited from the above as well.

Good luck!!

ETA: my daughter does not test allergic to gluten. Gluten is not easily digestible to a lot of people. It floats around causing lots of problems for some people.....pain, mood, etc. we have noticed 110% difference. Just my experience.

Our son was being treated for ADHD in preschool (his ADHD is off the charts and was very extreme even at this young age), so I really understand the hesitation about all of it. However, it also meant we could lose the "bad child" label at school and actually get our son (and us) the help needed to deal with this awful condition.

Medication was not an easy decision by any means and still isn't. Our son isn't functional without it, though, so it's essential. It's made all the difference in the world for him in ways that no parenting strategy could. It connects the dots in his brain and allows him to lead a normal life when the medication is active. It has take a lot of trial and error to get it right and still does (it has to get adjusted and sometimes changed entirely as kids grow).

We really hoped there was some magic diet or vitamin that would help, but there's just no research to back that up (believe me, we tried to find science to give us hope here). Even Omega-3s, which have shown promise with helping with focus, have done nothing for our son.

As you start this journey, I highly recommend joining CHADD and subscribing to ADDitude magazine. They're both super resources and offer reliable information on the condition. Be extremely careful about online research because so much of what's out there is garbage and will give you unnecessary additional anxiety over all of this.

Good luck as you get started in finding the right strategies for your son!

We have a diagnosis of mild inattentive add, but I'm not convinced that is my daughter's problem. She is not failing at school - quite the opposite, she's in an advanced specialized class for gifted and talented - she's just irritating her teacher and parents with daydreaming. Fortunately, our doctor deals with symptoms, not labels, so we're not really worried about what we call it but rather dealing with what's happening. We have changed her diet and tested her for sensitivities and allergies -- that has made a big improvement, although we are not at 100% yet. We are not as regimented as would probably help her (probably because I am much like her). I wish I could embrace the label, but I feel it's thrown about any time kids don't do as they're told (not that there aren't kids who truly are adhd and need the help! But I don't think she truly fits the adhd profile as I understand it from the research I've done). But I am not willing to do medicine until we have exhausted all other avenues.

every child/person with ADHD is different and will not respond to the same techniques.

We embraced the diagnosis. Celebrate the strengths, which are many and encouraged do your best with weaknesses. Worked closely with the school with organizational strategies and strategies to get extra energy out. let go of our perfectionistic expectations and realized that not-perfect was actually more perfect than perfect.
Realized that top grades are not always an indicator of success and intelligence.

Good behavior and manners were expected, ADHD does not give an O.K. for behavior problems. School 504 plan can help with impulse control.

Struggled with the choice of using medications. Not against meds, however, was not the right choice for us.

Now my son is in high school, doing well, very athletic, participates in sports (which helped alot) is popular and happy.