After 9 years of infertility and trying to have a family through a variety of methods, my brother and his wife adopted a newborn baby girl in October. We are all delighted. The court date to finalize the adoption is coming up in a few weeks and they are having a "finalization party" with a few close friends and relatives, just appetizers and drinks at their house. We are also celebrating the baby's baptism this weekend and I am a godparent. My question is do you bring a gift to a finalization party (I am bringing gifts for the baptism)? This is more of an etiquette or protocol question, not financial. She is my first and only niece/nephew of any kind so I am more than happy to be generous, even indulgent, with her. But my question is what is considered expected or appropriate? If you do bring a gift is there a type of gift that is recommended? Thanks!
I was leaning towards a gift so the affirmation is nice. Yes, she will know she was adopted. It is an open adoption. They did have some showers after the baby came home. This has given me some definite ideas. I found a couple of adoption books for young children I like. I also like the idea of something with the date. A bottle of wine (or two) for mom and dad is a great idea. I gave them a bottle of wine and a gift certificate for carry out pizza when they got home from the hospital, but you can never have enough wine? The tree or plant idea is touching, but they are currently house-hunting and live in a townhouse. I had also forgotten that I have something special to give them that isn't really from me, although I've facilitated it. As regulars on this website know, my mom died less than two weeks after the baby was born. She saw the baby on Skype before she was sedated in the hospital, but never met the baby in person. My mom knew the baby was coming though and that it was a girl. She had purchased a needlepoint pillow sham she wanted to make for the baby, but was never able to do it. I had my mom's cousin do the needlepoint and I am currently shopping for the pillow form. There is another needlepoint for the baby that the same cousin is also working on, also from my mom. So, if they are both completed I wil include those or at least the pillow sham from Grandma in Spirit, me as the facilitator and the cousin (my godmother) as the stitcher. I'm sure the tears will be flowing. Thanks all!
How about a little tree for her that they can plant in their yard. Maybe a flowering crab or lilac? They can "grow up" together.
I would vote for yes bring a sweet sentimental gift for the occassion.
Like a cute charm bracelette - with date engraved. Something like that.
I congratulate your entire family! I would suggest doing some research on the very best photographer in her area and purchase a gift certificate along with the frames that will be needed for the pictures. There are also photographers who will take the photos, give them to the customer on a disc (nice for sending to others via e-mail) and they will also do an actual painting of the photos. These are especially beautiful and classy, though a bit on the pricey side.
Again, congrats!
L.
Hmm...I'm not sure, but if it were me, I would treat it kinda like a baby shower??? So I would bring a gift for the baby that the new parents will need - toys, clothes, baby gear etc.
Did they get to have a baby shower at all? If not, there is likely a LOT that they need, and so a gift is very appropriate. Anything you'd take for a baby shower works here: sleep sack, teethers, baby wash sets, clothes, toys, whatever.
If the baby did have a shower, then maybe a picture frame engraved with the date, or something else to mark the day.
There isn't an exact protocol on this, but gifts are definitely welcome and appreciated. Basically, anything you'd do for a biological child is entirely appropriate.
Since she's a girl, you could do a piece of sentimental baby jewelry. My mom bought my daughter a baby necklace cross that we would be able to put onto a longer chain as she aged. Or James Avery has a lot of charm bracelet options...my friends bought one for me during the adoptin process and charms for various steps of the way.
Picture gift certificates or frames are also wonderful.
Books (you can find adoption related children's books on Amazon).
Something personalized like a baby blanket or wall hanging
Room decor, nightlight
Cute baby toys or baby outfits or accessories
One of my friends bought a wagon!
Basically, anything you'd do to celebrate a bio-baby is appropriate for an adopted babe. Congratulations to them!!!
I don't know what the etiquette is, but I would bring a gift... But I LOVE giving gifts to other people and find any excuse I can to do it... So I don't know if you should trust me advice or not, Lol.
That is lovely - maybe just call them. I don't think there's etiquette for something like this, really. Perhaps something special for mom/dad. My MIL got me a necklace of a mom/dad/baby together - it was lovely and meaningful. Google "family necklace" and see what you can find. I think mom/dad would be touched.
As the godparent, you should give her a bible (unless other godparent is getting it) or some other religious item (cross necklace, frame, etc). For the finalization party, we've often thought of it similiar to a baby shower (meaning you bring a gift for the baby and a card for the parents). Another option would be a frame for their family picture (take one for them and put it in the frame before the party).
I did a gift for my brothers (adult gift) for their GOTCHA!!! day.
As in massage & a bottle of scotch.
Their state is only 90 days... But that was 90 days of feeling like a kidnapper could come at any moment, steal their child, and the police would do nothing. They had all the exhaustion of new parents PLUS this almost debilitating fear that their baby girl could be taken at any moment.
I can't even imagine the anxiety of states that have a 6month grace period. Shudder.
<grin> So yeah... I got my niece a St. Michael medallion for her christening & my brothers a "Relax" gift.
Not sure what the etiquette is, but I have a dear friend whose eldest daughter and SIL adopted three children last year, 5, 7, and 9. The adoptions were all finalized on different days, so there were three separate parties, with grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and friends. Each was sort of like a birthday party with balloons, food, cake and gifts for the child. The kids received everything from toys to cash and gift cards to bank accounts for their college educations.
I feel anything you'd give to a bio niece to welcome her to the family is appropriate, sort of setting the tone for indulging her ;)
Congratulations!!
Yes, I would bring a gift. Maybe something special for baby, and then a shower-type gift for mom/dad (like a Target gift card).
This website is pretty neat:
http://www.iseeme.com
They make personalized products (like books) for kids, and you could do one with her new name.
Congrats to your family!
Well happy Gottcha day! That is what a lot of us adoptive famlies call the day we can finally and truly breath! We never had a shower so I did get a lot of cool baby things but my best friend, their godmother got both of my kids a great family tree book for adoptive children and a beautiful shirt with a rainbow GOTTCHA and the exact date and time embroidered on it! It was our best gift because that date is a date that some will overlook but it truly is the date that you can rest easy she is never going anywhere.
If you google gottcha day you will see a ton of things right down to balloons! Congrats to everyone and enjoy her!
This is what I did for an adoption gift. I'm sorry I can't remember where I found this poem online...but I typed it up in a pretty font & framed it. The frame was $5-$6, so I didn't spend much, but they loved it. Hope you do too :)
We were so excited when we found out about you,
We called all the family and they were excited too!
It was a little scary, it was all so new,
What if you didn't like us, or they didn't follow through?
When it was time to take you home, we were a little scared,
Would we do a very good job, were we really that prepared?
No matter what else happens, we know that we'll get through,
We'll always do the best we can, because we really do love you!
Congratulations on your new family member!
Well I am a little odd in my shower gift giving etiquete. Not bad, just different. My friends that have babies typically don't NEED things for baby, a lot of times they have too much. So I give two bottles of wine (if they drink) that say "M.'s Time Out" and "Daddy's Time Out." I also give a gift card large enough for the whole family to go to dinner. So typically it's about $50. Sometimes I've given more because they've had more kids.
I think something for them to go celebrate as their new little family alone would be PERFECT.
I would definitely do gifts for both, because I would be over the moon for them!!!! Red Envelope has great baby gifts that would be appropriate.
Don't know, but since the baby is adopted, do they plan on telling the child... later, that she is adopted?
Then, that may impact what kind of gift(s) you get them/the baby. If it says on the card or gifts "congratulations on your adoption...." type thing, then they will have things, saying the child is adopted. And then the child will know that. Or not. If the parents plan on telling the child or not????
Don't know what adoptive parents do, or if they tell the child or not, type thing.
So just a thought.
A baby gift, no matter if adopted or not, to me, would be appropriate.
Many good suggestions here below.
