Recently our 37 day old son died of a congenital heart defect. He was thriving, appeared perfectly healthy, and one night he died in my arms. While my husband & I have been shattered into a million pieces, we have a thriving, vivacious 2 year 3 mo daughter who gives us focus. My first concern is how I can help her deal with this. She LOVED her little brother, doted on him from day one. I have not tried to avoid discussing him & have been careful to always use the word "dead" or "died," no euphamisms that might confuse or scare her. The first morning I told her that her Grandma & Grandpa in heaven were taking care of her brother now, because he died. The Dougy Center has been recommended but I've not made that call yet. I ask you, my sister mothers, to share what insights you have in regards to helping our toddler, still fresh with words, to deal with this heavy reality of death.
Thanks.
I want to thank everyone for the empathy and advice. We are dealing with each day as it comes, focusing as much as possible on the fact we were blessed to have known our son as long as we did. I've since found out all that was wrong with his heart: one defect might have been survivable, but the combination was impossible. He was exceptionally strong to have lived at all. And to resolve the "what if" his condition had been diagnosed: he never would have been able to come home with us & most likely would have died on the operating table. The course of events gave him & us those 37 blissful days of love & snuggles. I know he didn't suffer because I was holding him when he breathed his last. I also know everything that could have been done, was done, by us & the paramedics & emergency room nurses & doctor. That is more comfort than some parents get. I've also managed, with the help of la leche league, to connect with an adoptive mother & pass along the breast milk I had expressed in the happy days. My husband & I have decided to try for another child. Our daughter still deserves to have a sibling: she was so loving with her brother. Plus, trying to make a baby is so much fun... We will be sure to get me in better shape before embarking on the pregnancy journey again, and by then Aidan Celeste will be old enough to go to the Dougy Center (their are limit is 3 years). We are still considering a child therapist, but it doesn't seem like now is the time.
Thank you all again.
with appreciation,
D.
I have no advice for you but wanted to pass on my condolences. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.
Hugs,
V.
It sounds like you are doing a good job of handling things. As I don't have any advice to give you, I do want to give you my sincere condolences. *hug* From one mom to another...stay strong, live long, and always love. *hug*
The Dougy center is so awesome. They can talk to her in age appropriate ways and help her express her feelings and understand the situation. They can advise you as well on how to talk with her.
D. -
Pls accept my most sincere condolences on your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. I cannot imagine what you must be going through. If you think it would help - I can contact my pychiatrist - she is wonderful and a mother herself - I think it might be good for you (and your husband)to see someone and she would be able to make additional referrals for you. Sending love your way, M.. Email ____@____.com
I am so sorry for your loss. When a parent loses a child they have lost so many hopes and dreams. I pray that you will all be able to heal in your own way in your own time.
I would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Brief Encounters. They deal specifically with pregnancy and infant loss. They have many wonderful resources. Their address is 2116 NE 18th, Portland, Or 97212. ###-###-####. www.griefwatch.com . You will find many inexpensive books, remembrances and support. I recommend the book Tear Soup for your entire family.
Another website is www.thecompassionatefriends.com . I was able to find information specifically addressed to brothers and sisters after a sibling loss.
I hope you find this information helpful and seek out whatever it is that you need.
I honestly dont have any advice, but i wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your newborn son. You and your husband's love for one another will first and foremost be the foundation for the 'cues' your daughter will take in dealing with the sudden death of your son, her brother.
The Dougy Center is remarkable....know of several people personally who have worked there or who have utilized their services. The sooner you contact the center, the better, in my estimation. That way, your family can begin the grieving and healing process w/ others who will journey with you and for you and who will be able to 'predict' what your daughter's needs might be, as she personally experiences her loss, while witnessing you and your husband experience your loss.
With warm regard,
P. H.
My brother and his wife went through a very similar situation when their 1st daughter was 2. They were also very open with their daughter in how they spoke about her sister's death. I think their openess allowed quicker healing for their daughter. Talking about it and sharing feelings along with allowing time to grieve will start the healing process. One other thing my brother and his wife do is they keep memories of Kylie in their house so she is always a part of them even 10 years later.
You are an amazing mother, you are doing a great job working with your daughter through this. I want to encourage you to make sure you take time for you to allow yourself to heal, sometimes as parents it is easy to bury our own feelings to help our children.
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your family.
My sincerest condolences on the lost of your son. God gave you a precious gift for a short time. He is going to guide you through this and give you comfort.
I think you are doing things the best way possible. You are not hiding anything and you are letting your daughter see that you are in pain. You are also talking to her as openly as you can for a two year old.
My only advice would be to let her confront things at her own pace. At two death isn't even anything she could really wrap her head around. Let her talk to you when she needs to, but don't force anything. Let her see you and your husband upset at times. Death is a very sad thing. At the same time, keep living life. Don't totally shut down. But if you need some time alone, see if you can take your daughter to a friend or relative so you can have your time to grieve.
You will be in our family prayers. May God give you all the comfort and strength you need.
My prayers go out to you and your family, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think that you are doing the right thing telling our daughter that her brother is in heaven with Grandpa and Grandma. Be honest so she can understand. Time will make things easier. Sometimes God decideds for his reasons only, that some of us have to go before our loved ones would like.
WWWDougycenter.org is for grievng children and families. I have a friend who lost her husband in Iraq last year, this center has helped her and her daughter a lot.
My church also has grief counceling, as with most.(Abuntant Life in Happy Valley)
I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers
D.
Unfortunately, i don't have much to offer in the way of help either. But i wanted you to know that your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so very very sorry for your loss. We almost lost our second child when he was born, he spent 19 days in the NICU. It was terrifying, and i can't imagine how we would have coped if we had lost him. Anyway, i would just say find a place a group that offers support for infant loss and use them to get through this. And you are doing great by being honest with your daughter. That is really the best thing to do. This is hard on her too, and the best way for you all to get through this is to be honest with each other. Best wishes to you!
D.,
I am so truly sorry for your Loss, I had a 5 yr old then a set of twins both very healthy happy babies , woke up one saturday morning and Joe (they were fraternal twins) was gone, he had just passed as my husband and I had been laying there listening to the two coo back and fourth, he was 4 months old.I should say he died from SIDS.
I think this is so hard, as you grieve you must still nurture your daughter. Did the hospital give you any support groups? they have so many and those parents will have many helpful hints, I wound up becoming a grief counselor for the SIDS Foundation but only counsel those who have lost a twin.
I think you will find your daughter already knows something is very wrong as I am sure your not her bubbly normal mom but now her sad, tired, puffy faced, red eyed weak smiling mommy.
sorry but I have yet to meet a parent who was anything but that description (our son died almost 18 yrs ago) I think just being there, looking at pictures, going to the cemetary or looking at the urn are helpful, if your spiritual then she may understand how Jesus loves little children and takes home very special ones to be in his flock.
also encourage coloring as my son has many very insightful pictures to express how he felt but could not express himself verbally. let her have tantrums, right now her world is topsy turvey, let others know what has happened so maybe another parent will seek you out and the children can play (kids are so smart and compassionate.
lastly, leave your heart open, your darling boy did not die in vain, you now have a new title and a new view on life, you can help others (not now give yourself time) but your heart can now helps many many other grieving parents.
I will say that 7 years after Joe died we lost another son in a car accident, I didn't think I could go through it, but my son & daughter were of such wisdom and compassion that it was almost like they guided me through the process...
When you lose a parent you lose your past, when you lose your child you lose your future.
I was told that, in some ways maybe true, you wonder what he would have been like or who would he look like. but your daughter is your future, don't block her out, bring her closer as well as your husband.
again, I am so sorry.
H.
Mom to Josh 21,Hannah 18, Harrison 10 & Gage 5, with my own team of angels Joe & Jack
I am sorry and saddened to hear of your loss. I highly recommend the Dougy Center; they are "the" place to help cope with loss. I imagine they'd have a lot of helpful suggestions, regardless of whether you choose to seek services there or not.
My heart cries out to you as I am wiping tears from my cheeks. I'm so glad he chose to be with you as he passed away. I'm sorry I can't offer more than thoughts of love, healing, hope and prayers to you, your dear husband and precious daughter.
First of all let me say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. I know how much pain you are going through. I too lost my son when my daughter was almost 2 years old. He was born early and did not make it. My circumsatnces where not as great as yours. My daughter did not get to bond with our son and neither did we, but the hopes we had for him and our family were gone and it was a tough time for all of us. I just encourage to keep her involved. We have always taken our daughter to Joshua's grave. She would sing to him and talk to him. She grew up knowing that there is a heaven and that is where he is. I hope that you can surround yourself with others that have been where you are. That is what I did to make it through. I still talk to my mothers of angels. We have kept in touch over the lat 6 1/2 years. Since then we have all been able to move through the pain together and most of us have had more children. It has been wonderful to know that I was not alone and that the whole I felt in my heart was normal. If you ever want to talk I will be here for you. I pray that God gives you the strength to stay together as a family. Lean on those that love you and don't forget to ask for their help.
God Bless,
D.
I'm sorry I have no real advice for you. I just wanted to say that I am SOOO SORRY for your loss!! I cannot even imagine what you must be going through! I read your post and cried and cried! My heart goes out to you, and please know that God is with you and your other precious child too!!
D.,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. Hospice of Spokane is a wonderful resource for families dealing with loss, so you might check in with them. I think you are absolutely right to be honest with your daughter and to support her as she is trying to understand her feelings. Sometimes with young children who don't have all the words to express themselves, it is helpful to verbalize what you think might be going on for her, "You seem sad. I am wondering if you are missing your brother?" Perhaps, after some time passes, you could make a memory book together. I hope those ideas help and, again, you are in my thoughts and prayers. M.
D., You have my deepest sympathies and prayers. This is a difficult time for everyone in your family, especially you. With regard to your daughter, she realizes the loss right now. All that's going on, the people coming to your home, your tears, the service. She will be a part of your grieving process. I had an older brother who died as a result of a hunting accident when he was 14 and our youngest brother was 2yr 6 mo at the time. I was 15 then and have another brother who had just turned 8. The toddler brother missed our older brother like crazy, went around asking for him. We told him that he had died, gone to heaven. When his headstone was completed, we went as a family to view it, and the toddler grew up with the tradition of visits and the stories about his big brother. His actual memories of what our brother looked like, how he acted were short, ones that have not withstood the test of time. The 8 yr old got angry and couldn't understand 'why?' It was harder for him than it was for us. The 'why?' is the hardest question to answer for a child, probably harder for adults. If it's a long illness, the answer is a little easier, but an unexpected death due to accident or sudden illness, there are no easy answers. When my Dad died and my youngest was 3, I had balloons at the service. At the conclusion, the grandkids all gave the balloons a hug, planted kisses on them and let them sail away to heaven for Poppa to catch. The same could be done for your daughter. Whenever the grandkids (and big kids too) missed their Poppa, we'd go to the store and get them each a balloon that they sent their hugs and kisses on. This isn't going to be easy. But your daughter will be an amazing source of love and understanding. Listen to her, answer her questions simply. Talk with your pediatrician, your clergy, your Mom, your husband. My heart aches for you and yours. Take good care of yourself.
First of all, let me express my sincere apologies. I cannot even fathom what you are going through, & yet, my heart is breaking for your family.
I would recommend contacting Children's Medical Center. I am confident they will have the resources you need, likely including a support group for your daughter. They are fantastic & if they don't have what you need, you they will point you in the right direction.
Also, I would have your daughter meet with a child psychologist ASAP. Dr. Reinking in Bellevue is fantastic, but he may be retired by now. Again, Children's can give you some great recommendations.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. Remember though, that you need to care for your daughter, but you & your husband need to look after yourselves as well.
D.:
We lost our first born son three days after he was born. While I didn't have a child at home, I had to explain over and over to my young niece and nephews the harsh reality of death. You are doing a great job by using those two words; dead or died.
I tried joining a support group, but just didn't like it for personal reasons. Luckily, my OB was able to connect me with other families that had my experience. That helped me the most. The ones with young children did EXACTLY what you are doing. Don't be afraid to show your emotions in front of your toddler. Death is sad, and it's okay to show it.
If you need someone, please send me a message. I would love to connect with you.
Healing thoughts coming your way,
S.
Although I don't have any advice for you. I want to send my deepest condolences on the loss of your little boy. I lost a daughter at the age of 10 weeks due to congenital heart defects.
I know how much you are hurting. It's been 2 years since we lost our daughter, I can tell you that the pain does lesson with time. You are in my thoughts! Gentle hugs to you!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. It sounds like you are doing the best you can in this situation for your daughter... that is comendable. My sister passed away and left 4 young children with 2 rather useless fathers. The Dougy Center was invaluable. Call them and you won't be sorry.
Take care,
M.
My heart goes out to you and my prayers are with you. I have not experienced this before so my advice does not come from having a 2 year old that I have to explain death to, but I did want to say one thing. Please don't tell her that the baby is with Grandma and Grandpa in heaven. It can already be scary for a child to think about people "living" beyond us and for the little one to think that Grandma and Grandpa were selfish and wanted the baby all to themselves will be too much for her to handle. Death is a sleep, not a life after experience. Not sure if you are religious, although it sounds as if you are, but I would just let her know that her brother died. The word doesn't need to scare her if you are always there to talk to. She is young and may not really remember this experience from day to day, right now she probably asks about him all the time but she will lessen that as time goes on.
The Dougy Center is amazing! It can help you with answers that you don't have and can give your little girl exactly what she needs to make it through this tough time. Contact them! They are a great resource.
Prayers for you!
C.
It is never easy! My 17 year old son lost his 16 year old friend from a congenital heart defect in March 07. My 7 year old daughter absolutely loved this boy and called him her boyfriend. My biggest fear was trying to explain the situation to her. I was really sad and she asked me why and I explained that something happened to a friend and I couldn't really talk about it yet. She persisted and said that she had heard me mention his name on the phone and was it about him. I told her yes. She asked if he was okay and I told her know. It was easier because she was older and could comprehend better but I just told her that when he was born he had an owie on his heart and the owie had gotten worse and this time instead of getting better he went to heaven to be with his mother. She was sad and it about broke my heart when she said..."I loved Cody. He was my Cody." I told her I knew that and that he loved her too but sometimes we have no control over things like that. She thought about it for quite sometime and then said "He won't be lonely or frightened because my Cookie Grama is there to take care of him." That was pretty much that. We have talked about it several times during the year that he has been gone. I am so sorry for your loss. It isn't easy. Not only are you grieving but having to push on for the sake of your daughter. Bless you and your family.
Hi D.! I am so sorry for your loss, it's unimaginable. I hope you are finding peace and strength. I will ask my God to give you strength today as you struggle with your loss. My advice for your daughter would be to just talk about her brother's memory, and what was so special about him, and just let her grieve. It sounds like you are doing this. I would keep it up, even though it is painful for you. I pray you and your husband/daughter support each other during this time! May the Lord bless you and your family.
Dearest D. and family,
No advice, just my deepest sympathies, tears, love and prayers. My heart breaks for your loss...
Much love,
A.
Dear D., My heart goes out to you throughout these difficult times. In my past experience, I have been touched and pained by infant death, both as a big sister, and now as a midwife. In a spiritual sense, it seemed okay, but the emotional, mental, and physical were all deeply painful. I think that the Dougy Center is a wonderful resource, and do encourage you to utilize them as a tool for your daughter. I'm in no place qualified, as they are, to provide advice- but it sounds to me like you're doing many things right already. I think it's crucial to be honest with children about death, while of course comforting them and continuing to provide them with lots of life. The good thing about being 2, is that she's probably still easily distracted and rechanneled, therefore not dwelling in the sorrow piece of this experience for too long? I hope that you and your swetie are also getting both counseling and family/community support. Memories will be with you forever of time shared with your precious little boy, and the deep grief will eventually begin to lift. Many blessings to you, M. Gordon-Magnus
I think I might have a good resource for you. On myspace I am friends with CHD Awarness for Angelina. This might help you. Open a myspace account and search for ANGELina needs 50.000 Signatures for CHD Awareness. This lady seems to have been through alot. I think that she may have advice for you. Just wanted to let you know I hope this helps!! I am so sorry for all that you have gone through.
D.,
I don't even know where to begin. This is mostly me extending my deepest sympathies. All the death that I've experienced were of older family members when I was older.
Be honest with her, she'll know when you're lying.
I'm sooooooo very sorry for your loss, as empty as these words may sound it's all I have.
Sympathetically,
Melissa
First my heart go out to you and your husband. No one deserves to go through the pain of losing a child. It is never easy to explain something to a small child. I think that it is important to be comfortable in what you say and how you say it. She is pretty little yet and I think that she will take her que from you. Support groups can be really helpful. I will be praying for you and your family!
While I have not been through the horrible pain that you are going through, I have been through death with a child about the age of your daughter. My son was just under 2 years old when my dad died... we lived with him for my son's entire life up to that point and my son had a very strict routine of getting up every morning before anyone else, grabbing some story books, and crawling up on the bed where my dad was and having Grandpa read to him. He continued to do this even in the last week when Grandpa stopped waking up to read to him. He would crawl up there and sit, and look through his books while laying next to him. Needless to say, when my dad went home to heaven at 5:00 one morning, I was freaked out as to how to handle my son when he woke up and Grandpa was gone. However... he not only slept 3 extra hours that morning (he was good for being up by 6:30), giving time for the funeral home to arrive, etc, but he never even questioned what was going on. It was like he knew it was time.
However... don't think for a second that he just didn't care. He talked about his Grandpa daily... he said he missed him... but he NEVER asked where he went.
I think kids, especially that age, are so full of innocents that they have an understanding of things way beyond what we can comprehend.
I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is keep the connection between her and her brother alive by talking about him, keeping pictures all around you, etc.
I will be praying for you and your family in this difficult time.
D.,
I don't have any great words of wisdom. I just want to express my sadness for the loss of your new baby boy. It is every parents' greatest fear and I am very, very sad for your family.
That's all.
K.
Wow, this is my first time on this site, I am so sorry for your losses. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, I have not been thru this situation so I would not pretend to say I have all the answers. But I have been a nurse a long time and dealt with loss in our family. It seems like kids have a pretty good and simple understanding of big life things. I think allowing her time and space to talk freely , and or opportunities to look at pictures too. She might have periods where she is more clingy, or needy and sometimes afraid to be away from you and your husband. Also it is ok for her to see that sometimes you and your husband are sad and miss him, and also see that you are still a family and will laugh too. So I dont mean to be so vague, I would say to be observant and allow your family to do whatever feels good and helps you through this time. When I have had big losses in death in our family I notice everyone grieves and processes it differently, be patient with eachother. I journaled and worked in the yard, my sister bakes, my mother was quiet and my son drew and colored pictures. And at times we laughed and celebrated good memories. Peace and love and healing to you and your family, Chrissy
My heart goes out to you and your family, I am so sorry.
Please get help for all of you, this is your time to grieve and bond together and go through it together.
The sooner you start the help the better, especially for your daughter.
ASking for help is the first step into realising that your need some. I am so sorry for your loss and God speed. Please seek advices from someone you trust or fish for other alternatives. There are many resources available. You will not be judged or riticulled for doing so. It will only help make you and your family stronger. Try doing it together (that what I would do), you will be suprised at your husbands greif as well as your daughters, Go do it now. -An Angel
I ache for your family. I'm sorry that words are inadequate.
I think that you are doing a good job. Make the call and continue healing.
Remember to hold your husband close too.
Hi - I guess I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that your son died. It broke my heart to read your story. I pray for you and your family through this hard time. It sounds like you are doing the right things. It is hard for a 2 year old to understand death. I would recommend you check out a support group as they could probably give you some good ideas to help with your daughter. I think Parents Magazine might have had an article recently about dealing with death so you might also want to go to their website and see what they have. My heart goes out to you and your family.
D.,
What a difficult time for you, your husband and little girl. I think most Mom's just get that bone chilling feeling in reading this. We all sit near our newborn's side, check them constantly and pray that everything is okay.
The Dougy Center would definitely be a good option. I've heard many good things about them. They can help you in communicating with your daughter as well as refer to your support groups for you and your husband. No parent can really understand your loss unless they have gone through it themselves. I wouldn't be afraid to tell her that he died, though it might be very difficult for you to say. Keep things simple. Obviously, there are things she just won't understand and it will be some time before she does. I would be prepared for when she asks questions, but other than that, she's just going to look to you and mimic your emotions. If you get really tired and upset, most likely, she will reflect that in her own way.
Don't be afraid to ask for help. It's important that you take care of yourself too. Your body is still recovering and with such a loss, you don't want to slip into a depression.
I will keep you all in my prayers.
Dear D., I am so sorry for your lose. I too, lost my son, his heart just stopped, they never found out why. I have 2 daughters and they were very upset, and confused. They were a little older but I think the same is true, be honest, use words she can understand, and don't hide your pain. There are some really good books at the library that deal with this on an age appropriate level. We never know how long any of us has on this earth, but we can believe that what ever time it is, we have made an impact, a difference. This is your son as well, remember how much you love him and know that he loves you the same. To know God is the only comfort we can find, life can be so unfair. I will be praying for your family, and just know that my son, and your son are playing together in a place where they can't get hurt! God speed, R.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I honor and applaud that you are dealing with your daughter with dignity and reality. Death is a part of the cycle of life, what a gift you are providing her with your integrity.
Your daughter may not have any concerns or emotional incompletions. By your own description she is thriving and vivacious. Does she ask about her brother? If so, how often? How are you (and your husband) being with her? Are you visibly grieving?
Children pick up on subtle signals. I had the joy of taking a friend's boys to the park with my son every week. They were fearless, all over the monkey bars and graceful to watch. I told my friend about the park and how much her boys loved it. The next time we all went to the park, she came with us. Her fear was palpable and the boys were slow and cautious.
So, don't pretend not to be sad when you are sad, cause she will pick up on it anyhow. AND her brother not being there any more may not be hard on her. She will want you to feel better--the same way you want her to feel better when she is sick or hurt.
THERE IS AN EXCELLENT BOOK FOR CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH. IF YOU GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY, THE NAME ESCAPES ME, BUT, IT IS FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN FOR PARENTS TO READ TO THEM, OF IF ABLE, FOR THEM TO READ THEMSELVES. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ON YOUR LOSS. I LOST MY FIRSTBORN 31 YEARS AGO, SO I KNOW THE PAIN, I WILL KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN MY PRAYERS THAT YOU REMAIN STRONG, AND YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND YOUR OTHER CHILDREN AS YOU HAVE THEM, GROW STRONGER. BUT, DO LOOK ONLINE FOR THE BOOK, THIS IS ONE THAT I FOUND, I AM COPY PASTING THE IFO.
Breebaart, J. & Breebarrt, P. When I Die, Will I Get Better? New York: Bedrick Books, 1993. (PS) This story, as told by a five year old grieving the death of his younger brother, tells of Fred Rabbit's illness, death and funeral. Over time, Fred's brother is able to express his feelings and finally play happily with his friends again.
AGAIN, MY HEARTFELT SYMPATHIES TO YOU AND YOURS. M.
I have no idea what you are going through and not sure what to tell you to do since I have never been where you are. I do applaude you for being honest. Children are small, but know when they are being lied to and get even more upset and confused and some times blame themselves when they are not told the truth.
You did the right thing to let her know that he died. It is important that she know he is not somewhere alone or scared or hurting. Telling her he is living in the safest place, GOD's memory where GOD has the ability to bring him back and where no harm can come to him may help her.
I also recommend a pamplet that has been helpful to me with loss entitled "When someone you love dies." It may help you to cope and also to explain things to her. Please let me know if you would like a copy I think I can find a spare one.
Your family will be in my prayers. Thank you for reminding me that my problems are minor.
My sincere condolences on your loss. My heart broke reading your message. This past September, my daughter (3yo) had to face the reality of death as her papa (my father) passed away from repiratory failure. She loved her papa with all her heart. We told her that papa had to go to heaven and that he was no longer in pain or hurting. We have also tried to stress to her that anytime she wanted to see him or talk to him, all she had to do was close her eyes and he'd be there. As of most recently, she has begun asking where he lived... I told her to hold out her hand and placed it over her heart.. when I asked her if she could feel her heartbeat (she said yes), I told her that papa lived in her heart and that he would live there forever.
Good luck, and again, you have my sincere condolences. Good luck.
Hi D.,
I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, but I wanted to say how very sorry I am for you and your family.
K. W
First, God bless you and your family and I pray for comfort for you all. We were always taught to have certain pets for our children that would teach them, love, responsibiliy and about death. A pet at this time might be a great distraction for a 2 year old. As bright as she is, you are right that she cant understand yet. The worst thing is what you dont tell children, they make up in their own mind and its usually worse the the truth. Gone to heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus. Because of tv and movies, children dont believe death to be permanent. I am sorry for your loss. Again, I will pray for you and your husband.
Dear Dorthea,
I am new, here, & you are the second person I have found with a grief to deal with. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet, dear baby. I think if you could go to www.griefnet.org, & sign on to the correct catagory, you will find some help with these types of questions. This wonderful org literally saved my sanity. My son died at age 28, not the kind of a death that other people know how to deal with. GriefNet is run by a special lady, Cendra Lynn, Ph.D. There you will find other parents who are in your same situation & offer love, kindness, & a hand in helping you travel this grief journey. Please go to www.griefnet.org. I believe it is still free for the first month, & a $5.00 a mo. donation after. I send money from my royalty checks for those who cannot afford the donation. Please, check it out. Time does have a way of softening the pain. Right now, you are still in shock. One piece of advice I give all my grief-substances parents, is do not let anyone tell you how to grieve, or for how long.
I'm sending you a hug, & please take care of yourself. Grief is exhausting!
S. H
