Advice Needed on How to Deal with Separation Anxiety

I agree with the other posts. As a mom of two and someone who works in a church nursery. I see this all of the time. How long it lasts, typically is directly related to how big of a deal you make it. I know it's hard, but as the adult you need to stay calm and stick to whatever routine you have established. If you haven't established a routine, now's the time to do so. Tell her you love her, give her a hug and kiss and walk out the door. Leave her to the capable care giver you've chosen. She will start to calm down faster and faster as she realizes that you always come back when you say you will. It does take practice, and I think it's sometimes harder on us moms. Kids get over things much faster than we do :)

I think it is so normal and just a phase. It can last a few weeks to a few months.
The difference I think is not catering to her new anxiety but also just a lot of reassurance.
Like if she is wanting to sit in your lap and it isn't really convenient, hold her hand or whatever you can do to reassure her but don't scoop her up right away and put her in your lap either. If she follows you all over the house that is fine and it is normal. My four year old still follows me most days if nobody else is here to play with! :) Enjoy them wanting to be near you!

If it continues on, one day a week at a child care if you need a break is a great way for her to learn to build the trust you will return and other people can care for her. I honestly think it sounds like a phase. As they become into toddlers their world gets scarier, they see a broader vision of things and cause and effect. Just lot's of love and reassurance will get her past it.

Make sure you allow your husband/friends/family to do things for her so it isn't just you taking care of her so she can realize other people may be fun to stay home with while you do other things. Even if she cries, just give her a sweet loving tone you will be right back and it is okay.
Getting a sitter to come to your house so she is at her own home may help too.
Both of my kids went through phases of only wanting me, I just kept reassuring them and they did get past it pretty fast, in a matter of weeks.

You little one is old enough to understand that you still exist even when she can't see you. She's also old enough to understand that the world can be a little overwhelming. You are her comfort. Leaving her at this time actually will increase her anxiety, not decrease it. You might want to look at Dr. Sear's website on attachment parenting for some good ideas. Be as reassuring as possible and try not to leave. Now, don't change your life to let her rule it, but understand that your presence and reassurance will actually make her more independent in the long run. Trying to force independence before your little one is ready actually makes it worse, not better. The more reassured your little one feels, the quicker this phase will pass. Typically it peaks sometime between 12 and 18 months and decreases from there.
Enjoy your little one now while she wants you--remember this too shall pass and there will come a time when she hardly has the time of day for you. Appreciate it now :-) Good luck!
J.

I think if my child were afraid to be without me, the LAST thing I'd do would be to drop her off somewhere more.

if you were afraid of wildlife, would you want to be left at the zoo a couple times a week until you were 'over it'?

A.

I think every child is different and goes through this very unsure stage. My son started it when he was about 2 and it lasted about 10 months.....a LONG time!! I think it was harder on me than it was on him. We started him in a part time preschool program when he was about 2 1/2 and at first it was horrible. Then one day (about 4 months later) it just stopped. It was like the repetative dropping off and picking up on the same days at the same time finally made him realize that, even though mommy and daddy aren't ALWAYS there, they will definately be back. The one thing I would suggest is just to never make a big deal about leaving. Make it quick, just like ripping off a band aid. Then when you get back, make sure she knows that you missed her too, but that it's ok cause you're together again. More than anything, it just takes time and mine still occasionally will revert back to the clingy stage. Good Luck!

Separation anxiety is a normal part of growing up. The most important thing is not to overreact which will make it worse. Keep on with your normal routine and don't change your life just to accommodate her. This is from a good kids' health website.
"try not to leave when your child is likely to be tired, hungry, or restless. If at all possible, schedule your departures for after naps and mealtimes.
Practice. Practice being apart from each other, and introduce new people and places gradually. If you're planning to leave your child with a relative or a new babysitter, then invite that person over in advance so they can spend time together while you're in the room. If your child is starting at a new day care center or preschool, make a few visits there together before a full-time schedule begins. Practice leaving your child with a caregiver for short periods of time so that he or she can get used to being away from you.
Be calm and consistent. Create a exit ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you'll be back — and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts kids will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can't yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you're leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.

Follow through on promises. It's important to make sure that you return when you have promised to. This is critical — this is how your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through the time apart.
As hard as it may be to leave a child who's screaming and crying for you, it's important to have confidence that the caregiver can handle it. It may help both of you to set up a time that you will call to check in, maybe 15 to 20 minutes after you leave. By that time, most kids have calmed down are playing with other things. Don't let yourself give in early and call sooner!"

Good luck!

I have a 12 month old who has some silimiar behavior. She wants to be held by me a lot, not just in the same room as me. If she is on my lap, sees something she wants she'll move to get down, but then once she's down she realizes she's off my lap and wants back up immediately. So she's even giving up going after things she wants to be held by me.

I was wondering if it was something other than separation anxiety. She goes to the daycare at the gym and does the normal crying when I leave, I tell her I'll be back, give her a kiss and let the people there hold her. They tell me it doesn't take her long to calm.

She tends to do it more when it is time for me to cook dinner... maybe related to tiredness. I strap her on my back, cook dinner, get chores done and she's happy as a clam.