Almost 3 Y/o That Still Won't Sleep Well!

My 3 year old has always had sleep issues. She was a breastfed baby with reflux and for the first year of her life woke us every hour and half. At 12 months we stopped the bottle and breastfeeding in hopes that it would help the sleep issues.

I NEVER did Cry it Out, she would make herself sick, and it never changed. I truly believe if she wakes up she needs something. We have never had problems with her going to sleep, it is just staying asleep.

Over the past few weeks it has gotten better. We have established a really good Bedtime routine. We got her a twin size bed about 2 months ago. We get her Jammies on her about an hour before bed (this lets her know it is coming), then when it is time for bed, we read a book (usually we pick a series, so it is similar stuff for several nights). After the book we say prayers and she knows she is expected to go to sleep. The first few weeks that she was in the "big" bed I would lay with her til she went to sleep. Now, most nights she lets me leave after her story. She still occasionally wakes up in the night, but it is much much better now.

At this age, your son knows what he likes. And it seems he is pretty set in his ways!

Because he has such strong preferences, work with them. Ask him to help you establish a routine. We ended up with this: pajamas, good-night hugs and kisses to all in the house, choosing one parent (or grandparent if they are in town) to accompany him to his room, and then we say good-night prayer, the Lord's prayer, and sing one song. We hold him and rock him the whole time. At the end, we lay him in his bad and say good-night. He knows our routine. He helps us keep to the routine. He loves it.

Have your son help you choose a routine. Hold and rock him, but lay him down when he is awake. It will be hard for him because he's never had to develop his self-soothing muscles before. But this is a great opportunity to give him the tools to soothe himself in the future. When he cries, wait 5-10 minutes and lay him down, pat his back, and let him know that you love him and you'll see him in the morning. Both you and your husband need to be on the same page or it will be way too easy to give in. But you can do it!

I would add a very specific, very CONSISTANT bedtime routine... starting the SAME time every night. Schedule the same things in the same order for at least one hour before bed. (ex. clean-up, pick out clothes for bed & next day, bath, book with snuggle, THEN the routine you choose to go to bed) This way your son knows exactly what is coming up next. It is reassuring. Even if he protests, he knows what is happening next. Maybe try this for a week or so before changing your sleep routine.

Anyway you choose, good luck! It is frustrating to deal with little sleep. You will find something that will work for you and your family.

Hang in there!
J.

we've been dealing with sleep issues with our now 3 year old daughter. She has always been a great sleeper up until about 3 months ago to where she will now bring in her pillow and blanket early in the morning and go to sleep next to my bed and I would really like for her to just stay in her own bed and not the floor. If you don't already to a night light and maybe leave the hall light on till he is asleep. I'll be reading the other post on this one. Good luck!

We put a hardware mounted baby gate in our son's door way, (the kind with slats so he couldn't get his toes in it to climb over). This helped him not feel as trapped as closing the door would. Then we did the cry it out method & went to check on him first at 5 minutes (put him back in bed & rubbed him back a little), then at 10 minutes (didn't speak to him & rubbed his back a little) & we did this for longer intervals until he finally went to sleep. We also started a routine: getting dressed for bed, brushing his teeth, reading books & giving goodnight hugs & kisses.
It will be hard for him & you as he is used to going to sleep one way & changing that may be difficult, but as you know it must change for your sanity & his need for rest. My oldest son also had a lovey (stuffed rabbit) that he always slept with. My youngest son had a favorite blanket he always slept with.
When we got to the monster fear phase we made 'monster spray' to keep the monsters away. We put water in a spray bottle with a little vanilla extract (just enough for a light sent). Then either I or my son sprayed his room to keep the mosters away.
I hope this helps!

God bless!

We had the same problem. I recommend reading "the no-cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Also, what worked best for us was creating a plan of tiny incremental steps that you do over the course of a couple weeks. The first step of our plan was to sit on the edge of our daughter's bed until she fell asleep (we used to lay with her). The first night was a big crying fit, but we stuck to it and it got better every single night. We sat on the bed (parent's back toward her) for 3 nights. Then we brought a little stool in and sat on the stool about a foot from the bed for 3 nights. Every 3 nights we moved it about a foot toward the door, then into the hallway, then to where we were only half-visible, then out of sight but still in the hallway. Eventually we got to where we put her to bed then went down the hall to our room where we could read or watch TV(hooray!!). We found that once we were to this point, the waking in the middle of the night decreased significantly. When she did get up in the middle of the night, we would put her back to bed and sit on the stool for a few minutes before going back to our bed. Now she rarely gets up in the night. Just make your plan, stick to it and remember that all the fussing and trouble that happens at the beginning will taper off and it will all be worth it. Good luck! Sleep deprivation is no fun!!

This is a very common age for children to go through this. My daycare parents have told this to me again and again through the years. We never had this problem with any of our 4 children. But that's because with the first 2, we allowed them to get in bed with us in the middle of the night. They always went down when we told them to. But we had some quiet time to ourselves early on. It didn't bother us if they climbed in bed with us later. They do grow out of it.

With our last 2 we had the family bed from the start. I still sleep with my 9 year old. These days it's mostly because we don't have enough rooms in the house for her to have her own room. Someday, she'll have one we hope LOL.

You need to do ANYTHING that makes this easier. Letting him get mad enough to puke is not worth the effort. I don't like to spoil a child. But you can pick your battles during the day and teach him you are the parent, he the child when he's awake. You seriously need to choose your battles very wisely. You can't win them all.

M.-

I had almost the EXACT same issues as you until four days ago. I didn't always rock my daughter but we had to stay in her room until she was asleep. Even if she seemed to be sleeping, if she sensed we were leaving or left, she would freak out, cry and we'd have to start all over again. I decided four days ago that it was enough because I KNOW she can fall asleep on her own and she's still waking up in the middle of the night several times and we have to go in and check on her and we are all tired as a result of this! Not to mention we have a four month old and I'm trying to get them both on good sleeping schedules. Here's what I did:

About two weeks ago, I just wanted to see how long I could wait it out while she cried (not a fan of CIO). After sitting by her bed for awhile I told her I was going to leave the room. She immediately jumped up, starting screaming crying, etc. I told her she had to stay in her room and left the door open and left. She followed me out of the room crying. I walked her back to her bed (or sometimes carried her). This went on like 15 times but after that, she would then just stay in her room and cry. She had an ear infection so I ended up giving in because I felt that was not the right time to start a new bedtime routine!

Fast forward to four days ago. We started out the same way but when we left, she did not leave her room. She stood in her doorway and cried. And cried and cried! We would go in after 5, 10, 15 minutes and put her in bed but she ended up back in her doorway. Finally, I asked her if she wanted her pillow and blanket and she did and she fell asleep in her doorway!! She stayed there until we wnet to bed when my husband put her in her bed.

the next night we did the same thing and she at first did not get out of her bed but still cried. Then she stood in her doorway calling for daddy (as I had put her to bed). My husband stood within viewing distance of her and told her that she will be okay and he will be in the kitchen and that she can go back to bed. And he kinda just stood there. She calmed down and he told her it was okay to go to bed and she did!

The next night, we did the same thing (first night I did it alone as hubby works evenings Mon-Fri) and all I got when I left the room was a whimper.

Last night, no crying, whimpering, etc!!! So after four days, she seems to have gotten the knack of it. Honestly, I would have NEVER thought it would have worked. She also had a binky up until about a month ago and gave that up cold turkey after I found out she never slept with it at dyacare at naptime (only time she had it at home was nap/bed). It was much easier for her than I had anticipated! I do not think I gave her enough credit!

Let me end this by saying that if/when our daughter wakes up, we will either check on her she'll fall back asleep or lately (past three nights), when she calls for me, I tell her to come into our room and she'll sleep with us the rest of the night. My 4 month old is in a cosleeper or in bed with us and my husband doesn't come to bed until around 3am due to his work schedule so that works for us but will not work for everyone. I have noticed she has woken up less in the past four days and I think it's a result of her sleeping better but also the fact that she KNOWS we are close by and we are leaving the door open where as we used to shut it and I think when she woke up, she got scared.

I may have responded to your post in the past. My daughter had very bad sleep problems until we figured out her food allergies. Now she can sleep for 12 hours straight if she hasn't eaten any of the wrong foods. She is also very energetic. Let me know if you'd like more info. C. D.