Almost 3 Year Old Not Wanting to Get Dressed.

I know that my situation was much less intense, but I also had a dressing problem with my 3 year old girl a few years back. We walked my older son to kindergarten every morning. She loved doing this. Once it started to get colder, we would put jackets on every morning. It started to be a huge fight every morning to get her jacket on.

After fighting every morning for a week or so, I decided to let her go without her jacket. I figured she wasn't going to freeze to death in 20 minutes outside. So I stopped pressing the issue. It bothered the other moms to see her without a jacket, but I let her make her own decision. I would ask her if she was cold and tell her that a jacket would make her warm. Eventually she decided to wear a jacket and we didn't have any trouble after that.

My friends children all go through a stage around 2 or 3 years old where they will only want to wear one outfit. She lets them do it, and eventually they grow out of the phase.

If she were my child, I would deal with the tantrums and the kicking, but I would let the dressing issue go. Once an issue turns into a power struggle with a strong willed child, (which my daughter is) it becomes a nightmare that threatens your sanity and your relationship with your child.

Only you know which battles are important to you, so if this one is important, good luck and keep trying.

She's almost 3 and her world is changing rapidly and she has no control. She's trying to have some control over her life and what she wants to do. Pick your battles carefully, but be consistent about what you're willing to let her decide and not. Let her know that on Mon. and Weds. she gets to pick her outfit, no questions asked. Whatever works for you. But have rules about throwing things and hurting people. Even a 3 yr old can and should have limits when it comes to damages and pain. Remember these days, when she hits 13 it will look alot like 3!!! only it lasts for about 5 years. Again, pick your battles. This stage she's in should last about 6 months or so. To persist is to achieve. You just have to be the more persistant one! :-)

Lenc -
You have received some good advice already. I just wanted to let you know that my girls have gone through the same stage. Both at 3 years old wore their dress up clothes every day. I wondered how they didn't freeze sometimes wearing leotards and swimming suits in December! My older one grew out of it more quickly, but my 4 year old still is in them every day!

I figured what's the big deal about what they're wearing, so my limits were: 1. Home clothes and store/church clothes. They were taught the difference right away between the clothing they could wear around the house and outside vs. the clothes they wore out on errands day or to church. They couldn't reach the clothes hanging in the closet, so that was a bit easier to keep separate. 2. If you take your outfit off to wear a dress-up dress or swimming suit (another favorite) you must put THE SAME clothes back on when you're done. (I was doing SO much laundry!) 3. If you disobey me when I tell you to do something you will have a time out/spanking. (That's a general household rule that applies here as well. Don't let her get away with fits/hitting/kicking now or you'll have a bigger hill to climb later!!)

My 4 year old is developing into quite the fashionista! I love to see what she comes out in - some days a great match, and others 4 shades of pink and red!

My girlfriend's daughter went to daycare in her jammies one day when she wouldn't get dressed. The teacher told my friend that the other little kids were asking why she was in her pajamas, and lo and behold, she never went in her jammies again!!

Last thing - I think it's adorable to see little girls at the store in dress up clothes!!!

Blessings on parenthood,
js

Have you tried tights? Because it is getting colder, maybe you can leave her in the nightgown and put on some tights. You can tell her that she is a ballerina (even putting on music if that helps). Does she have a favorite Disney or tv character like Dora? I have a similar issue with my soon to be 3 year old son, who likes Diego. Not so much with his clothes, but with his behavior, I ask him if Diego would act the way he is acting when he is doing something innappropriate. He knows that Diego is helpful which inspires him to be more helpful himself. I'm sure it is just a phase with your daughter that she will grow out of, but I know not fast enough for you!!

I agree with the post above...life is hard as a three year old and they need to feel like they have some control. I think, as long as they aren't in danger, letting them feel the consquences of no coat or shoes goes a long way. For the most part, they'll make logical choices after checking out the alternative.

My daughter REFUSED to wear pants. (Thanks to Cinderella and Brandi) I think she was cold for two years. But she was happy! And I didn't have any battles. (Before I get the bad mom award, I'll let you know that on the worst of days she would choose a pair of leggings.)

I think choosing not to have battles over the clothes is worth it in the long run...what message is she internalizing when she knows she can physically hurt you and get her way? If you eliminate the battle, maybe you can eliminate this behavior? Good luck and I hope she doesn't choose to wear the striped pants with the plaid t-shirt for 43 days in a row :-)

My first suggestion would be to put two or three choices on her bed that you approve of and let her choose. That would include shoes. If she kicks of her shoes, let her go bare foot. (My son once when to kindergarten in his jammies only once)

Another thing you can do is anything that she leaves or throws on the ground that you pick up goes away (gets picked up by you or your husband) and doesn't come back.

If she has a temper tantrum in a store, place, etc, turn around and go home. This will take planning, by shopping ahead for groceries, help from your mother and husband, school, etc.

Tell her what is happening and why, don't get mad. Use gentle, calm lange, I love, or nothing.

I live through what you are going through. I used to carry my daughter through the store with her through my arm like a rug, kicking and screaming. I lasted really bad about six months. But now as an adult that strength of character servers her well.