Almost 3Yr Old Refusing to Sleep in Her Crib!

When my youngest was 3, our babysitter found a "car bed" that was cleverly designed to look like a car. (Look for a picture on Google Images.) He used to play with toy cars for hours, so of course he just loved that bed! At another point, we got a tent bed add-on for the other two. These accessories made bed time fun. Maybe it's time to take your "big sister" shopping for a special youth bed or fancy bedding. Add a promised ritual of a story every night and see if she starts to look forward to bed time.

Dear K.,
First of all, STOP beating yourself up. You have not done anything wrong by being caring and gentle and letting your daughter come to your bed. Now, you may need to ignore my response because I will tell you right now that I do not believe in letting kids cry it out and I do not believe in a three year old still being in a crib and I do believe that it is absolutely fine for a child to sleep in mommy's bed to get through a tough time. You write that "nothing has changed at home" but EVERYTHING has changed in her little world. She had you all to herself and then along came baby AND you are going through a divorce. Even if dad was never around before, she can still sense every stress you are going through. If you can not afford to get her a new "big girl bed" then just take the sides off her crib. If you can get her a new bed talk it up as a big, big deal and reward her with it. OR make a fuss off taking the sides off the crib and converting it and maybe get something new for it so it feels like a "big girl" bed. When you stop stressing about bed time, so will she. Lighten up on yourself and her. When I was going through my divorce my now teenage girls were 6, 8 & 11 and had been sleeping in their own rooms for many years. But they were stressed and they knew my big bed was now empty but for me and they all took turns coming to sleep with me, just to check it out and comfort themselves and me. I made no fuss and they returned to sleeping in their own beds VERY quickly. Each of my girls went through different patterns at different times. Each had a big girl bed between age 22 and 3 and therefore had the ability to walk to my bed if she chose. None of them was ever forced to "cry it out" alone. None ever came in my bed for more than a few days at a time before choosing their own room again. My mother used to say I was spoiling them and that they would never learn to be independent. My eldest now goes to college 3000 miles away and is a very healthy and mature straight A student. You give them all the love and comfort they need through the bad times and you can't go wrong!!!
all the best to all of you!
: )
S.

There was a lady that wrote a book on the Today Show yesterday, Thursday 6/19/08, about getting kids to sleep in their own beds. I looked on their website and unfortunately couldn't find she name, but maybe it will be on there in a couple of days. Good Luck!!

Try reading a favorite story or two,(I love Little Quack's Bedtime, so does my almost 3 year old) into a tapeplayer designed for little hands (I think Fisher-Price still makes them, and Little Tykes may too). Tell her that if she is still scared after she uses the tape, she may come get you. Let her have a nightlight to look at the books that you are reading into the tape. If you add a few bedtime songs after the stories that may be even better. I also agree with the persons who suggested that she be moved to a toddler bed (I would let her choose the bed within a set price range) and have a regular routine (bedtime snack, teeth brushed, bath, and stories and songs). Also she may be more stressed than you think about the divorce, if you explain simply that daddy and mommy still love her (and if her daddy is open, request he do the same) it may help remove some of the fear of the unknown.

Routine, routine, routine...........Bath, Books, and maybe a video in her room (while drinking warm milk)? That's my kids routine and it works for them....Alot of people say it's bad to put them to sleep with the TV on but as you know with two kids sometimes you'll go insane otherwise.......When I put the video on I put the volume low so they almost have to "work" to hear it which makes them sleepy quicker and off to bed they go............BOTTOM LINE, you can't give in........make a routine that works for her and NO MORE IN YOUR BED!!! Good luck!

Okay, first things first- why is she 3 years old and still in a crib???? She really should be in a toddler bed- it's not safe for her to be in a crib anymore because she can try to climb out and fall and hurt herself. I know you're thinking at least the crib keeps her in her room at night but you really need to move her out of the crib. If she won't stay in her room, you can put up a baby gate at her door. Eventually she'll "get" that she has to stay in her room at night.

Now, as far as the waking at night, she's doing it because she knows you will come and soothe her. Better yet, she knows you'll put her in her bed. It's time to do the same thing you did when you first started putting her to bed without any rocking, etc. Just put her to bed around 9pm, bring her in, turn on her nightlight, give her a kiss and hug, tell her goodnight you love hre and you will see her in the morning. Don't let her dilly dally or ask for this blanket, this animal, this light, etc. If she gets up, you have to ignore it unless you know she is in pain. She will eventually stop when she realizes you aren't coming to rock her or move her into your bed.

I know it stinks because you're afraid she'll wake the baby, but you have to do this or she will keep doing it and you'll end up like my parents- with my brother sleeping on their floor until he was like 10 years old! If the baby and her share a room, move him into your room for now and make sure the door is shut and you can even get a white noise machine or turn on a fan to help him drown out her screaming if she is doing that.

I hope this helps.

First off, when you have her fall asleep on the couch and then put her into bed, the reason she is screaming when she wakes up is that is is in a different place than where she was when she fell asleep so that is very confusing to her. Imagine if you fell asleep on the couch in the same vicinity as your loved ones, then all of a sudden you wake up at 3:00 in the morning, all alone in a different room, you'd be a bit disoriented too.
It's a good idea to put her to bed awake in her room. However, as long as you keep going in and taking her out to bring her to your bed, she will keep on screaming. I HIGHLY recommend the book "Solve your child's sleep problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber. I know that book can be a bit controversial, but his methods have totally worked for us and both my kids sleep through the night. Sometimes, my 2 year old will still cry when I put him down for the night, but now he only cries for a couple of minutes and this only happens just a couple times a week at the most. Your daughter is used to getting her way through crying, believe me the sound of her crying is way worse than what she is feeling, she just knows how to use the crying to get to you!! Good luck!