Almost Three Year Old Still Attached to Mommy

I think she is going through this because you are pregnant (and possibly also because you work.) She wants your attention and reassurance that you will always be there for her no matter what. Even though it is hard, try to go to her every time she calls for a while - like a few weeks if you can. After a while she may start to feel more reassured and relax on the calling. At which point Daddy can step in before you are called more often to head her off and get her used to him helping her more. The fact that it happens in the middle of the night means she is really feeling insecure. Try to handle this now before your second child comes when you will be less able to deal with her needs at a moment's notice.
I am also a working mom, with a girl who is 2 1/2 years older than her brother so I can relate and have seen this before! It may happen again in the future, but goes away when she feels reassured. At least that is how it has worked for me.

Hi E.,

Nighttime is difficult, everyone is low on resources and we have a tendency to just give in. I have always said that children (or anyone for that matter)do not continue to do something unless somehow, someway it is being rewarded. If you continue to go in at night when she screams for you, the cycle will not break (assuming that you are). You seem to be successful the rest of the time making her understand that you need your space and you have other responsibilities, your husband needs to make that known at night as well and that simply "Mommy needs to sleep and so do you" Let her scream and be mad, it is not hurting her, she will just be mad. Seems it would be better to let her make all that noise in an effort to set the ground rules now, than to have her do this once the baby comes and you have finally gotten the baby to sleep, Yikes..... then there will really be some nightmares :)

My son was very, very stong willed and well... you just need to be stronger. It is exhausting, but believe me, the effort is worth it. My son is now 18, he still tries to push the limits but now he knows well that when I say no, I mean no. This are lessons that develop them into well rounded grown people. We have a great relationship.... but it was a long hard road with his fury, LOL

Hey there!

I have 3 children (10,6 and almost 3). The older ones went through that phase when the next was coming. It is also her age and what she is used to. A lot of times we, as mothers, feel guilty and even sad before the birth of the next child because we are changing the dynamics of the family. We wonder how it will effect our children. I know they will treasure their sibling, but at times resent them as well. You are doing the right thing in having your husband step in. Mine did! YOU have to be willing to "give up" a part of your role with her to your husband. Be consistent. She will cry and she will get used to it and she will love the time with daddy. It may be more of, or just as much of, a transition for you than her. Each phase of the family is different. Accept the challenges, enjoy each phase and look forward to the next one! She will love you NO MATTER WHAT! Good luck to you!!

Hello E.,

Have your husband do the things you always do with her or to her. i.e. have him give her the favorite things she likes (not you), take her out for a walk, to the movies, play dates etc that way, she will be used to DADDY. Daddy can also watch home movies with her or kids show with her as well.

Regarding waking up at night, DON'T go to soothe her. When ever parents begin something of that nature, the todlers/kids (they're very smart I may add) will want it all the time. What we do with our TODLER is not attending to him at all, he's used to it now. He doesn't wake up anymore. The only time we pay attention is if he's not feeling well!!!

Just my two cents :)-

B. H

I would only have your husband go in for a while. when he goes in tell him the only thing he should say to her is it is time for bed, and leave the room. I would not give in to her demands of more water, kisses/hugs, etc.. She just wants attention and when you give it to her she will keep pushing for more. she may start really behaving badly at first but if you are CONSISTENT with it then hopefully her attention seeking behaviors will subside. I know it may sound harsh, I'm just going off what 'supernanny' would do :)

consistency is so important. it's hard to do when it means nights of no sleep for anyone, but oh my, with another on the way, you sure want to deal with this now.
firm, gentle, adamant. screaming and hitting her daddy and making demands like this are just not acceptable. tell her, with love, that this type of behavior will not be rewarded with attention. mean it. live it.
khairete
S.

I wouldn't worry so much about her preferring you over her father. My daughter is just about to turn 3 and she, too, prefers me over her dad. My son was that way when he was her age, also. I suspect humans are just wired that way as part of our survival mechanism. One thing that I believe helped my son was having a little sister enter the picture. You son's arrival will no doubt force your daughter to rely more on her father and others. You do, however, need to begin forcing her to rely more on others because as you know, you really need your sleep now. When that second baby hits, you'll be more tired than you can possibly imagine. Both of my kids slept through the night by their 2nd month, and I was still bone tired most of the time for the first two years.

As far as the clinginess goes, it could be that she just needs more quality time alone with dad. This may be hard for you, because since you're working, you probably feel like you don't see her enough as it is. But you're all going to need her to be able to depend more on daddy when the newborn arrives. Perhaps you could try scheduling a regular evening out of the house, so that she and her dad can learn how to share the evening rituals without you (e.g.: eating dinner, playing, bathing, reading stories, kissing good night). That time away from your role as mommy & wife will be useful for you, too.

Good luck. Look at it this way: in 10 years, she'll be begging you to leave her alone and stay out of her business. A mother's job is never easy.
-C.

You're going to miss these days! When she heads off to school and says "Mommy, I don't need you to go with me to class." I know, it happened with my "Mommy's Boy".

In any case, I understand what you're going through. If you want Daddy to take a larger role with her, I would suggest the two of them spend some Daddy and Daughter time together. Have him take her on some "Daddy and Me dates" and go some place fun together, just the two of them. It will stengthen the bond between them, and here's an added bonus - it will give you some rest time!

Best of luck with your growing family!

I don't have any solutions to your night time issues but I would relish this attention while you have it even if another one is coming. Before you know it she'll be a teenager and think you're uncool and always want to go off doing her own thing. And you'll miss it when she always wanted to be with you. My daughter is almost three and always wants me too. So if I'm doing laundry I give her things to fold like washcloths, rags, underwear (things that I don't care if they get crumpled up), if I'm reading (which isn't often) I try to read what I'm reading to her. But I'm not saying not to try to get daddy to help out. If there's anything fun that he likes to do try to get them to bond over it. My ex husband loves video games and we let her watch certain ones (Guitar Hero or those LEGO video games) while he's playing and she loves it and it let me get dinner cooked. Hope I helped a little. Good luck.

I'm sorry to say that I don't have any recommendations, but I can totally relate! My son is 20 months old and his little sister is due in 5 weeks and we're dealing with the same scenario. I'm a stay-at-home and because I offer him comfort throughout the day, I'm the only one who seems able to comfort him at night. My husband tries, but our son won't stop crying until I come over and lay beside him. He usually zonks out within 2 minutes.
I wish I had some good advice for you, but at least you know you're not the only one!

Sorry I'm just responding. I'm new to to this..
Is it possible for Daddy and daughter to have their own one on one time? Just little bits here and there. Walks together, trips to the store together, go out for ice cream, ya know, special bonding time w/just the 2 of them. Maybe a little time w/play doh in the kitchen at night while mom gets a little break too ;) I'm sure kids sense when things are changing too, but she may experience this even if you were not pregnant. The fact that you are is only more reason to have special bonding time w/just her and Daddy.
Good luck!

I just wanted to say that I strongly advise against going in her room in the middle of the night. It is definitely a control issue, and right now it sounds like she's winning. The first few nights of you not going will be torturous, but it gets better quite soon:)

As with her favoring you, maybe again it is a control issue. Is the father more of a disciplinarian? Maybe you give-in more? (That is just an assumption, you didn't indicate either of those things in your description.) Try to imagine how she views the two of you- for example, say the three of you go to the playground, do you engage in play with her while her father doesn't? or say at dinnertime, is her father always the one who encourages her to eat the food she "doesn't like"? (just examples)

Try to look at it with her point of view to get down to the reason she chooses you over him at this time in her life. Maybe then you can influence her perspective.

Hope this is helpful.

Rebecca