Am I Being Petty for Being Upset About My Friend Saying This?

Let her live in her la la fantasy.
Colleges don't like failing grades and people who make no effort.
Even if her daughter makes it in (Daddy buys her a spot), she's going to have a hard time coming out with an actual degree if she doesn't like any professors she comes across - and some are doozies!
Smile!
Nod!
All the while thinking "My friend's got a screw loose!".

I suspect that this mom will get a big old dose of reality. If she is failing and whatnot, she will not get into this college...no matter who went there. I really think that's silly for her to believe. I guess if they are donating a library or something.

You know what? You don't have to be happy for her, if she does get in. There is no rule saying you have to be happy about a family using nepotism, and not putting the work in.

I don't think you are petty, but it's also not healthy to hold onto.

She sounds flippant and even if her daughter does get in, it sounds like she wouldn't be able to handle the workload. I don't think you are petty, though. I would just silently think they are idiots in my mind.

You are not being petty, but you are taking this a little too seriously. Schools do consider legacy status in students but it is certainly not all they consider.

@8kidsdad - What is up w/ you and Chelsea Clinton? She graduated w/ highest honors from Stanford, so I guess she was up to it. Why do you assume she didn't deserve to be there?
(Chelsea)'Clinton was born in Little Rock, Arkansas during her father's first term as Governor of Arkansas. She attended public schools there until her father's election to the Presidency of the United States at which time she attended and graduated from the private Sidwell Friends School in Washington, D.C. She pursued her undergraduate education at Stanford University and also earned master's degrees from University College, Oxford, and Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health. She is currently pursuing a doctoral degree at University of Oxford. She has worked for McKinsey & Company, Avenue Capital Group, New York University and serves on the board of the School of American Ballet, Clinton Health Access Initiative, Clinton Foundation, Clinton Global Initiative, Common Sense Media, Shakespeare Theatre Company, Weill Cornell Medical College and IAC/InterActiveCorp'.[2][3]

Yeah I don't know why you are upset, "Suzie's" mom is delusional. No university will take a crappy student just because their family went there unless dad is willing to donate the money for a new building and I don't get the crazy rich vibe from your post.

I would roll my eyes and move on.

And THIS is why Karma exists!
It's always fun to watch them salt up the crow before eating it!

BAHAHAHA! Okay. Let me just start off with: I went to one of the top girls' boarding schools in the nation for high school. My friends were all what you'd call "legacy" students, much like your friend's daughter. Their parents had gone to schools such as Harvard, Princeton, Stanford... and our school was top-flight in terms of academics. I was there on scholarship; my dad never graduated from college, and my mom went to a state school, so I had to get into college on my own merits.

Several of my "legacy" friends did NOT get into Harvard, Georgetown, Duke, Princeton, etc EVEN THOUGH they had a 4.0 or better in AP classes, were sports stars, etc. Some of these girls would have been 4th generation at Harvard, and yet they were not accepted. Admissions are SO competitive at these universities, especially now that universities are making a big effort to include students from less fortunate economic backgrounds (need-blind admissions).

Long story short, I got into the Ivy League university of my choice with no legacy status whatsoever. Many of these girls did not. My grades were better than theirs (maybe they had a 4.0, but I had a 5.3 due to more AP classes), my SAT scores were higher, and I had more activities. Colleges look at all of that. Legacy status only helps if the parents are big donors, or if there is a "tie" between two equally qualified students.

I will say that one friend was rejected from Vanderbilt, where she was a legacy, and her father was so upset that he reached a deal with the university that if he donated a building (read: a 7-figure donation), they'd accept her. If your friend is able to do that, then yeah, her daughter can go there even if she's a blithering idiot. But that's the only way around actually having the grades/test scores/activities.

Your friend is in for a rude awakening, I'm afraid. You'll have the last laugh on this one.

Is your friend and her husband planning on building a new library wing for Stanford? Because without that kind of "help", their daughter isn't getting in with her grades and lack of effort (do they know how many legacies there are that HAVE perfect grades and activities that their daughter would be competing with?). I think your friend is a bit delusional...

There there. ((hug))

I am hoping that your friend was totally unaware that your daughter has her heart set on going there, and that she wasn't intending to rub her own daughter's scenario in your face.

I also would be very surprised, even if she does have alums in the family (unless they are HUUUUUUGE donors to the school), if she gets in, based upon her academic record. Competitive schools are, well, competitive. I'm betting "Suz"y is going to be in for a comeuppance.... so sad for her. :/

I get why you're upset. But life isn't fair. Show your daughter what an adult looks like when they react to life giving them sh&t on a stick. They move on.

I know it's tough. I know it sucks. But the college doesn't make the woman.

**The United Negro College Fund is a private entity. If any poster desires, they can incorporate the United Caucasion College Fund at any time they wish.

Sounds like your friend is bragging about something that may never happen. They may look at family ties to the school but it will also depend on her academics. Unless your friend is extremely wealthy (or famous) then I wouldn’t count on her daughter getting in. I also wouldn’t rule out your daughter getting in either, she is working hard and you should be proud of her. Worst case is that she goes to her second choice University.

Don't let it get to you.

Your friend is living in candy land. Just sit back and watch her words fall flat.

It takes a lot more than a legacy. If her daughter has failed classes and has not taken all AP classes available and exams and passed at least some of them, forget it.....

They have to be stand out students and well rounded in their extra curriculars. And community services.

What your friend is saying is true and you shouldn't take it personally. However, the weighted "alumni connection" is only so strong, so be prepared to console your friend, or hear her long list of excuses, when her daughter doesn't get accepted.

I, personally, would have taken her comments with a grain of salt because it seems at the rate Suzy's going, it's a bit of a pipe dream to think she has a chance of getting into Stanford.

I don't care who she knows that went there, I don't see how she will pull off a 4.3 GPA based on her past work ethic. I wouldn't let it bother you for now.

What your friend hopes or expects to happen depends on her daughter's academic performance, and she's not off to the best start.

Wish her well.
As they say....the proof is in the pudding.

She's just thinking out loud . . . quite optimistically imho. Of course she wants to make herself feel better.

It's weird to be the mom of a senior (or even younger high schoolers) and have everyone be so fixated on where your kid is going next. After a while I figured out that it's just a big name-dropping game that some parents enage in to make themselves feel better.

I started dropping the bomb that my son is taking a gap year and living off his $20 mil trust fund. :P Well, he is taking a gap year but there is no $20M trust fund (darn).

I don't think you're being petty - your daughter has worked hard. I do think you're taking her comments too much at face value.

<<hugs>>

I haven't read through all the replies, but I just wanted to let you know that my neighbor's daughter (whose dreamed of Stanford since she was little) was valedictorian of her class, 5.03 GPA, IB diploma, 2nd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, 6 years of MUN, has tons of community service hours, and is one of the most driven, articulate, focused young ladies I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, got 1 rejection letter amongst the dozen schools she applied to, and that ONE school who didn't think she was good enough for them was Stanford. She got over it as she sifted through her stack of acceptance letters from Yale, Cornell, USC, UCLA, UT, Georgetown, etc...etc...etc... She finally accepted the full ride offer from Yale and is gleefully enjoying her first week there right now!

I understand how you feel though. My son is very intelligent, but struggles to keep his grades up. I want the BEST for him because he deserves it and can do great things given the opportunity. But what will be, will be. He will do his best, and he will get in where he gets in. This very zen attitude is one I've only recently adopted.

Your friend is probably in for a big reality check. College admission isn't' what it used to be. Even the best don't' necessarily get what they want.

First of all, does this lady KNOW that her daughter will be going to that university or is she just saying that she's planning on going there?

Second, neither one of you are on the admissions committee of that university, so who gets accepted is out of your control

Although...I must admit, some colleges and universities do give preference to families that donate money...and sometimes parents can pull a few strings here and there. When I was going to a local university for graduate
school, I didn't do very well on the entrance exam and was turned down. My boss wrote them a letter (our corporation would send a lot of people there for graduate work), and they accepted me.

So pulling strings does happen...but as far as your friend goes...ignore her. Sounds like she's just full of hot air.

I dont know if the conservation would bother me, but if your daughter doesnt get in, after she deservingly worked her tail off, and Suzy gets in, yeah I would be upset.
I also wanted to add no where in your post did it mention you were pressuring your daughter to go to this school.
I admire your child for having big dreams, and you for supporting her through all her greatness.

Some people just dont know how to read I guess....

I hope she gets in!!

She's not a senior this year, from what I'm reading here, C.. She's finishing up her sophomore year, if I am understanding you.

Here's the deal. This woman is blowing smoke up your skirt. Her daughter is NOT going to Stanford. That's a bunch of hooey. You are upset over nothing. That girl will be lucky to end up in a mid-level university in the state.

Stanford is hard to get into. Being a legacy does not get you into Stanford if you have failing grades and have to go to summer school.

Thanks for not bring race and politics into your question. 8kidsdad has written on here several times about his dislike for Chelsea Clinton (including telling jokes about her) and how much he disagrees with the Civil Rights Act. How you feel about this is nothing like the jealousy he displays.

Dawn

No, you aren't being petty but it really isn't a big deal. If you really cared about what she thinks about your daughter's future, you would have kept more in touch with her, right?

Don't let people get the upper hand from you like this.

Take it for what it is...a insensitive comment made in a passing moment by someone who doesn't really know your daughter and how hard she works. She only knows your daughter from what you've updated her on. Doesn't sound like you'll be seeing her or talking to her again in a long while so don't let it get to you. Believe me, you are losing more sleep over this than she is.

Think of it this way: Your friend can't brag about anything her daughter has done or is doing. She's not a good student, she doesn't work hard, she doesn't have a good work ethic, she's disrespectful to her teachers, and since her grades won't get her into an Ivy League school her best bet is going to be because of nepotism... and that will likely fail her as well.

You have genuine bragging rights. Give the lady a little rope. Her daughter is going to be working the registers at McDonald's. She won't even make manager since McD's wants college grads for managers now.

I personally think it's wasted anger and wasted energy. Why let your blood boil when her words are just a front? Her daughter will be lucky to get into community college, and she knows it, I'm sure. Surely you can be gracious and let her pretend her daughter has a wonderfully amazing academic career ahead of her.

Failing a class and having a 4.3 GPA doesn't seem to add up to me. When you fail a class it does devastating things to a GPA and it takes a ton of time and effort to try to build things up.

Honestly it doesn't matter where you start it matters where you finish. Many people start but few finish. Her daughter is already a proven quitter. So even if she gets in, when it gets tough and it will she will quit. Your daughter on the other hand is hard working, diligent and diversified.

I know your mamabear blood was boiling because this friend was seemingly taking digs at your kid and your kids potential. The proof will be in the pudding and time will tell who will get in and finish Stanford. So don't even sweat it because it takes so much more than having alumuni parents to get through college. I think your friends daughter may not make it based on her current character and parents coddling.

Time will tell if your friend's daughter goes to that university. If I were a gambling person, I'd bet on your daughter getting in over Suzy!! PS...you are not being petty.

Your friend is being delusional. Universities are NOT doing that anymore. Unless their family has donated thousands upon thousands of dollars to that school her daughter has no more of a chance than anyone else, and even then, like I said, that practice is really frowned upon nowadays.
Try not to worry about it and be proud of your daughter. If she's doing as well as you say she likely will get in just about wherever she wants!

You know, my mom's ex-friend has a son she thinks is getting into the Naval Academy based solely on good grades. It takes a LOT more than that to get in to the Academy. My son also wants to go (he is 7 and her son is in 9th grade), but we have people who graduated from there in our family...first and foremost my dad. That will HELP my son, but it won't get him there. The hard work and dedication to prove that HE is worthy will get him there if he so chooses.

Your friend sounds like my mom's ex-friend and it's kind of crazy to me. No, simply knowing people who went there will NOT get a person in to college. It doesn't sound like she has the drive or discipline necessary for a school like Stanford.

You've gotten great answers below, and I'm glad you feel better.
Just wanted to say: I don't think you're being petty! That would burn me up too!

If her daughter does get in, you have every right to be frustrated and angry. Legacies are undemocratic in my opinion. But she also may be delusional. Are they big big donors? Just having some alumni relatives isn't usually enough to guarantee entrance. There'd have to be big bucks behind the child. So hopefully she's wrong. If there is money that gets her daughter in, you just have to resign yourself to it. It is unfair but it happens a lot. And very possibly her daughter won't do much of anything after graduation while yours likely will do well whereever she goes. Be proud of that.

Try to pity your friend instead of being angry --because she is indeed pitiful. It sounds like she's trying hard to convince herself that her daughter is going to get into Stanford when somewhere inside herself, mom knows that the kid utterly lacks the work ethic to get in - or to last at a school like that if she does get accepted. It's sad that the mom has blinders on and makes excuses for her child's self-centeredness (the girl doesn't do work because she doesn't LIKE her teachers? Incredibly immature for a sophomore who thinks she's headed for Stanford!). The mom is fooling herself big-time, and I'd bet they talk to the daughter this way too -- "You're a 'legacy,' you'll get in," which does the girl absolutely no favors; it puffs her up unrealistically and she will have a huge, hard fall when she doesn't get in. So despite your anger -- and I do understand it, and don't think it's petty; it's a gut reaction to which you are entitled -- try instead to say to yourself, "This family is so sad in its overblown, unrealistic expectations, and the kid and parents will just have to handle the crash when these dreams don't come true because mom and dad did not teach their child how to do her work maturely."

As for your own daughter -- Please start now to talk to her about how what truly matters is the degree you get and the experience you have in college, the academics, not going to ONE particular university. I saw people utterly crushed at not getting into mom or dad's "legacy" school or not getting into the one big-name college they had always thought they'd attend. Not everyone SHOULD go to Stanford or Harvard or Yale -- people should go to the schools that offer the education and degrees they really want, and not be so influenced by a school's reputation. I got flak in high school for not even applying to either the big-name schools in my state (where "everyone" went) or to Ivy League schools, but I knew that none of them had journalism schools and that's what I was after. Why waste energy and time and emotion on schools that aren't the right fit? Please ensure your daughter seriously looks at and visits a variety of colleges -- not just Stanford. It may be perfect for her or it may be all wrong when she actually gets there. It's important not to get tangled up emotionally in "I HAVE to go to THIS school."

You know that is one of the worst things is when mom's get together and start talking about their kids, and one mom tries to make her kid sound better than everyone elses. There are just people like that. I can see how you would be mad, but just let go of it. Don't let her take your day away from you. I don't know if I would call you "petty", because I have let things stir around in my head for days that I'd like to let go of too. But since you asked what I'd do if I were in your shoes, I'd forget about it.

Remember - your friend's daughter did not get in yet. Yes, it can help if your parents are alums, but that absolutely does not guarantee your admission. If her grades, test scores, and extracurriculars suck, Stanford won't take her.

Have your daughter focus on being the best she can be and she'll have a good shot at it.

As for being upset with your friend, I don't think she meant any harm. I know why you're upset, but try to put it behind you.

I think she is living in fantasy land myself. Unless her Dad is Donald Trump and buys 1/2 the school, a kid with poor grades, no activities will not get into a top ranked school unless she scores perfect on the ACT/SAT. I'm thinking that won't happen! "

You are proud of your daughter's accomplishments and she works really hard. I would just grin and nod. She will be lucky if her daughter can get into junior college!!

Thank you, Dana, for your response to the very misinformed 8kidsdad.

Legacy students are almost always given preference in admission at private schools. But they still have to demonstrate they can do the work. If the friend's daughter gets in, that is simply the way the world works. There is no use in getting angry over it. Chances are, though, that the daughter will not get in. Does that really make you feel that much better?

It seems to me that perhaps you should feel a little sorry for her instead. She was bragging to you to make you think her life is good and she is going to have bragging rights about her daughter's college acceptance.

She may have blinders on or she may live in the clouds. I think that if her daughter makes it to this college and your daughter doesn't then something is really wrong.

But I expect she was just trying to make it seem like she has a better life and you actually caught her.

She is going to be in for a sad awakening one day. I even bet her daughter is having to take summer classes because she's not very bright and flunked classes. She wants you to think it's voluntary but in fact it's probably the only way she can even start to think about graduation with her class.

Universities only care about dad being an alumni if dad also writes a big check.

So if I were in your shoes I would just think 'ha...we'll see' and be happy in the knowledge that my daughter has an excellent work ethic and is going to be a productive member of society.

No, I do not think your being petty. I also think you friend is fooling herself by thinking her daughter can slack off in high school and not make the grades and still get into "X University" based off of her name alone. My daughter is in her first year of college. In high school, she maintained a 4.0 GPA AND went to State for track and Cross Country all 4 years. Getting into college requires a lot more than name dropping. :) Your daughter will be just fine.....................................her's, maybe not so much.

Don't hate the player...hate the game.

I have heard Stanford is brutal, every incoming freshman was the top student in their hs class. A few years ago, a good friends daughter dropped out mid first semester. She couldn't handle not being first, the competition AND apparently some nervous breakdowns and suicide attempts by her classmates...shudder.

Your friend may be making a lot of assumptions. A lot of people in my family went to one university (starting with my grandparents because it was local to them and not that expensive). Over the years, a number of people in my family have applied and been accepted, and others have been rejected. We are not wealthy but my parents were regular donors every year (small amounts). The school looks at "loyalty" because those students may be more likely to stay all 4 years because they feel a connection - those kids adjust well and it saves the university the expense of transferring kids out and transferring new kids in. It's better for the students if they are happier.

Many universities consider "legacies" this way - the vast majority are not wealthy and are looking for financial aid, so it's not a "given" that they will be accepted because there's any direct financial benefit to the university. All universities do well if they have strong alumni support, not just financial but in terms of building school spirit at away games and having local pockets of support for orientation and "info nights" across the country.

I have another friend whose always told her son how bright he was, smarter than his teachers, he didn't have to do homework because it was busy work, blah blah. They ignored the guidance counselors' recommendations and only applied to Ivy League schools. The son is very big and played football in a medium sized high school. He skipped 2 grades (because he's "so smart", so when he graduated high school he was barely 17. He was not very mature compared to his classmates. Guess what? He didn't do well on interviews, he showed as immature, and he didn't get into any Ivy League schools at all. They were shocked for about 3 solid months and were paralyzed. He wound up going to the state university because at the last minute they had openings (he missed the deadline for applications so they wouldn't even consider him until very late).

Her daughter is not going to like feeling forced to go to that school, and she's going to be absolutely devastated if she doesn't get in. Besides, what are the girl's interests? What size school is best for her? What type of local (urban, rural, etc.)? Nobody's looking out for her interests.

Your daughter sounds very well rounded. She has lots of activities and good grades. Good colleges aren't just looking for grades - they are looking for mature and independent kids who can mix well with others, have multiple interests, and who can survive outside their parents' view. They do not have to have a declared major - in fact, many schools discourage it and encourage kids to do some exploratory courses during the first 2 years.

I'd just wait and see what happens to your friend's daughter. Don't feel competitive, and don't feel jealous. Your friend has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. She's insecure and she's micromanaging her daughter's future. Ask yourself if you really want your daughter going to a school that truly values legacies over everyone else (my guess is that the school doesn't, but still...)

There is a university out there for every kid who wants to go. I think your daughter should look at a variety of schools - large and comprehensive, small and intimate, urban, suburban, rural. I know she's had her heart set on this school since she was a child, but why? What possible skills did she have then to evaluate the school? Is her desire to go there built on some picture she has in her head? Is that based in reality?? She should go on some tours and get a "feel" for it -- it will either open her eyes to new possibilities, or confirm her existing preference. EIther way, it's a win-win. She should consider a school with a wide range of majors and, in my opinion, an excellent residential life program that gives kids good support in the dorms and really works hard at roommate-matching. We gave my son a 6-hour radius from home (we wanted him to be able to get home without a 6 hour flight but also have a lot of choices). We didn't want him so close that he could come home every weekend - we wanted him to make a life there. We didn't want a commuter school - we wanted him to stay on weekends and have a social life as well as time to study without driving. He was pretty sure he wanted engineering, but we pushed him to go to a university with both a college of eng'g and a college of arts & sciences so he could take other courses, meet lots of different kids, and, if necessary, change majors without changing schools. We wanted him to have a strong residential life program with good Resident Assistants and not just be at a free-for-all party school.

So again, I'd just stop having these conversations with your friend, and concentrate on letting your daughter experience a few schools just to see what's out there. No student should have their heart set on just one school - it's too risky. And her high school career should not be built on being "good enough" for University A without even considering that Universities B, C, and D might just be looking for her.

Try not to sweat it. I know it's hard when you feel like people are making your kids out to be 2nd rate. But in a couple of years when her daugher is left high and dry with no college acceptance letter, and your's is packing her bags for Stanford, you can enjoy being the bigger person by not giving her a good "in your face, lady".

Your friend probably had no idea how she was coming off. And, she may be in for a reality check. My daughter just started her junior year of college. She had a 4.0. Decent, although not stellar, SAT scores. Played sports - high school and club. Volunteered endlessly. Went on work and witness trips. Blah blah blah. 3 of the schools rejected her! The other 3? Accepted her and gave her pretty decent scholarships. So you just never know.
Blow it off and wait it out. When your daughter works her butt off and gets in to Stanford, or any other excellent school, you can be proud. When her daughter slacks off and the mom assumes it doesn't matter, she'll be in for a shock! And then who will be laughing? :)

C.,

I can completely understand you for feeling the way you do. Your friend was very unkind and a little brazen to assume that her daughter will get in. I think your daughter has just as good of a shot if not more than her daughter. Colleges do look at volunteerism, work ethics, and overall being a good human being. Some of which is a little debatable in your friend's daughter. Hang in there and I would just ignore the friend, and do whatever you can to help your daughter get into the school. Your not petty. Its not nice the way that she spoke to you.

I would never wish an Ivy upon my children. Grad school yes, undergrad? No way in hell.

You are being petty and feeling a genetic competitive instinct. Check out "pressured parents, stressed-out kids." great book.

Well she is irritating isn't she?
Flouting around her misguided superficial respect for college and just so dependent on who knows who and how HER Suzy will go to that college too, JUST like her Dad and Aunt & Uncle etc.
Meanwhile, your daughter... REALLY does work hard in school and out.
So, actually, your daughter is more human than Suzy and a lot more sincere and genuine.
Suzy... is getting by, by entitlement.
And she will probably grow up and turn into a mini-version-of-her-Mom... and become another irritating "keeping up with the Jones's" type who has to put down others, to make themselves, better.
But you know, that is not true.
They are not "better."

But because you NOW know, how stuck up and shallow she is... don't take her so seriously! And he daughter sounds like a looser.
She does too.

If her kid gets in after all the cajoling and pushing and prodding and by virtue of other people and not her own merit, then it will be money wasted if her child doesn't then find the motivation to do the work on her own in college. Compare your child who has seriously learned what hard work can achieve. Just smile and nod and realize that they are not teaching Suzy some very important life lessons.

I don't think you're petty, but I also don't think she's all she thinks she is. She's saying, "My kid is lazy and I allow her to be and we're banking on nepotism." That's nothing to be proud of.

For your DD, encourage her to be her best, but also know that there are a LOT of good schools and if she doesn't get into X, she may thrive and love Y or M or Q. My sks both got into some great schools and picked the one they felt most at home at that we/they could afford. My SD turned down scholarships in favor of a school I think will suit her personality better and be more affordable. Nothing is in stone. Have a goal and an open mind.

It sounds like you're taking this personally when it was never meant as a slight towards you or your daughter. If your daughter gets in too, great! If not, no big deal. She has to learn how to deal with disappointment. And so do you.

Let it go. If I were you, I'd think to myself, "whatever, you're delusional" and go on with my life. Unless your friend and her family are filthy rich and have given massive amounts of that richness (to the tune of buildings and endowments), her slacker daughter is unlikely to be getting in just because her dad, aunt and uncle went there. They may give some preference to alum, but they also have admission standards to uphold too.

( haven't read other responses) Haven't been & don't know if I will ever be in your situation. I foresee my , now 4th grader to be a public servant, trade school, / military type but I'm sure I would feel the same & no, you're not being petty.

Actually, unless the dad, aunt or uncle are pretty affluent, I doubt it matters one lick if they went there or not.

Sounds to me like this lady may be throwing her money away on an expensive education that the daughter doesn't really care about. Her choice.

I agree with the other posters. I would've laughed... unless they were big donors. Just feel sorry for Suzy who is expected to go to X university and she might not get in. That sort of pressure from parents is not good, she might end up not going to college because she "let her parents and aunts and uncles down". Sounds like Suzy is not being taught proper discipline and responsibility when her mom brushes off how poorly she does and blames it on the teachers. I would not allow my child to not do her work because she didn't like the teacher. Very poor work ethics there.

Don't be petty when your daughter is doing great. Even if she doesn't get into X school, she'll still have the drive to do better.

You're not being petty, but you are letting this cloud your judgement-in your heart of hearts-don't you feel that your daughter is not only abundantly qualified and will be readily perceived as such by the admissions committee?

Even more clear, is the glaring fact of your friend's daughter's immaturity-"I failed English because I didn't like my teacher-this will come out, one way or another, and just because she is a legacy student-she may not get accepted. That's the reality.

I would probably be irritated about that as well. But don't worry-unless her father is a big time donor to the school she won't be getting in. Legacy gives you a slight advantage over the other kids with GOOD grades. It does not get you in with bad grades.