Anyone Else Have Issues with Their Mother-in-law

When I read the title of your message, I just had to laugh-out-loud. Who doesn't have problems with their mil? :o)

Mine isn't mean or anything, she is just always in our business and extremely opinionated. I've learned over the years that calling her on her stuff and setting firm boundaries in regards to my/my husband's personal life and how I choose to raise my children has helped ALOT.
And when she gets really bad....I just drop a reminder that I hold the key to her seeing her grandchildren. That gets her in line real quick.

I try to be a little sympathetic to her though sometimes...I mean, I am extremely bonded to my son and when/if he marries..it will be hard to let him go and move on with another woman in his life, you know? But I also know the person I am, and I am always concious of others feelings. I think sometimes mil's can be very insenstive...and they forget what it was like when you become a mom for the first time and are figuring things out.

Try setting some firm boundaries. Don't be afraid to let her know when she hurts your feelings, steps on your toes, says something to offend you. Because really, it is WE who are responsible for how others treat us. Unless you let them know they are doing wrong, they might never know it or even think it is okay to walk all over you.

Keep your head up...I guess I'm lucky my mil lives thirteen hours away! :o)

I love my MIL, we barely see her twice a year because she lives in another country so everytime she comes, we make the impossible for it to be super pleasant and fun.

I think she is bored of the whole grandma thing, since my daughter is her third grandchild (the first two are from her only daughter) and she had a lot of involvement with the first two but not with mine.
But hey I know she loves us and we love her, besides when I'm 65 I'm sure I will be sick and tired of diapers and screaming children quite honestly.

My Mom always told me that your in-laws are your out-laws! She wasn't treated too well when she first married my Dad. But time did mellow the out-laws out and they came to love her and respect her. Me...I'm still battling the outlaws. Distance is best! Even if they live close by, don't let them get to you...just know that you can have a relationship, but don't let them get to you! The grandkids are a different story. You really have to let that relationship grow. But monitor the situation closely. My children were always treated very well by my parents, but not my husbands. They had already had their share of grandkids by the time mine rolled around. If you find that you must speak up, get yourself prepared in advance! Something I learned in ToughLove last year. Kind of roll playing..imagine a difficult situation that might arise...criticism, negativity, etc....and get your response/responses ready. You will be calm if you think this through in advance and you won't emotionally burst out with a negative response. I have tried this quite a few times, and (I am very emotional) was very surprised at how calm I was and how I really got my point across. Good Luck!

ROFLOL!!!! Okay...my mil is not the worst but, she is by far the best!!! We've been married 11 years and thus she's mellowed out some...but heck, someday I'll be a mother in law too and I pray daily that my daughter in law and I will have a much different relationship. My mil is nosey in one respect...always says she wants to help out with the kids and blah blah blah...but when you call and ask her guess what??? She just can't seem to find the time to come see her grandkids! My kids are the youngest grandkids, so she's really kind of bored with the whole thing I guess (that's my take on it anyway). She had her two favorites (her daughters kids) and now they are grown and gone...so she sees my kids about 2x's a year (they live 30 min. away). Oh I could go on and on...but, I've learned to just blow her off alot...and while that's probably not the best advice..sometimes you do need to laugh and go on about some things.

Feel your pain!!! :-)
A.

Good luck, I am still in the middle of dealing with mine (not only my mother in law, but also her sidekick daughter, too) There are so many different issues. They believe I am WAY overprotective of our 8 month old. Then they dont think that we feed him correctly. According to them I dont eat healthy enough, oh, and I am also extremely lazy because I am not cleaning the house constantly or cooking every meal. And evidently it is my bad parenting to blame for my son not having teeth. (Pathetic, I know) There really is no winning and in my case, no compromising, either. I just wish I could have a great relationship with them, but the endless judgment and criticism on their part is relentless. Just dont let them walk over you or be rude to you, because once they know that they can, they will just keep doing it. If anybody knows where I can trade out mine for another please private message me!!! :)

Yes, I HAD issues. What finally happened was a knock down drag out fight, but what REALLY helped was my husband talking to his mom about how WE want our children raised and OUR rules which need to be respected because WE are the parents. She has now learned and the relationship is better.

Man reading everyones responses I had to laugh. I almost wish my mil was too nosey! Would be better than pulling teeth to have contact with her! She lives 20 mins from us and hasn't seen our daughter in months or even returned calls! Then wonders why our daughter screams at the site of her!

I know exactly how you feel. I have the most crazy mother-in-law. She wants to bud into everything that has to do with my son. I work with her on a daily basis, so I can never really get away. She comes over to our house about 3 times a week to visit with my 1 year old. Any time I try to do anything for my son, she buts in with "Would you like me to do that". She does not trust baby monitors and advises me and my husband to sleep on the floor next to the baby bed. Oh my gosh she needs help. The only way I have found any way to deal with it is to just explain to my husband that since I have to work all day that I would like to be the one to do things for my son. It works most of the time. We have had to explain to my mother-in-law that she is the grandma and not the mother.

YES YES YES! To all. My mother-in-law is pretty covert and because of that it makes it SO much harder to address the issues. It started when we were planning our wedding, then got better until I had our daughter. The good thing is she lives in Austin (aw is that mean to say?). The hard thing is my husband just does not see it, he always says "she did not mean it that way or you are being too sensitive". AUG. The worst was when she was in town and my sister called, she said "go ahead and talk on the phone, I will watch the baby for a few minutes". So I walk outside for maybe 5 min and when I come back my daughter was on her tummy in bed. My mother in law says to me "I know you do not want her to sleep on her stomach, but she seemed so comfortable" UUGG. and then once when my baby cried while she was in her exersaucer, I picked her up, my mother in law said to my 5 month old "aw is that all it takes? i bet that works everytime", whatever!
I guess what I am trying to say is that you are not alone!

You are not the only one. I have been on the outs with my mother in law since I became involved with her son. My husband may want to interact with his mother and I am not going to try and prevent it, but I can prevent her from having a relationship with our son if she can not have a respectful relationship with me. My choice is based on my son being left alone with her and her telling him things about me which are to adult for his ears or too disrespectful to me.

I've been married for 6 years to a wonderful man that has a great mother, but we have butted heads lots of times. At first I was trying to convince her that I could take care of my husband and that my ways of doing things are different from hers and she should respect that. Then we had a baby and from the first time she held her in the hospital, I was nervous. She kept turning her around and holding her in every position possible. I kept thinking to my self, just be still and hold her still. She has 12 siblings and is one of the older kids so she helped raise the younger ones and she never lets me forget it. I had to have her and my mom trade off keeping my little girl for 2 months. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I felt she was pulling my baby out of my arms and pushing me out the door. She never allowed me to give her instructions and when I would put notes in her bag, she never read them. I would find my baby sleeping in her bouncer seat when I picked her up. Things went on and my husband’s sister got married so a lot of the attention was on the wedding. Things actually got better for awhile then his sister got pregnant and that stirred up all the things that I did not allow for my mother in law to be apart of. Most important to her was the delivery of my daughter. She is the kind of person that can talk your ear off. Everyone else can tune her out, but I always feel like I have to listen. I did not want her at the hospital until after I had my baby. I needed everything to be calm and quiet. Now that his sister just had her baby, all the attention is on him. My sister-in-law had both of the moms with her the whole time she was in the hospital which was 2 days before delivery and then the 2 days after. They both stayed in the room for the delivery and I got to hear about how it was so neat to be there. What my mother-in-law fails to realize is how I feel about that. I don't want her all up in my business. Now she is going to be taking care of the new baby 4 days a week so she went out and bought a beautiful new crib and changing table, lots of nice blanket, and special onesies with grandma stuff on it, and her newest purchase is a very expensive cradle. When my daughter was born she bought a pop up bed for her to sleep in. She had a baby bed in the attic that would have been ok to use but she didn't even get it out until my daughter was 10 months old. We had lots of get togethers for the holidays and she would keep her if we wanted to go out for a date night, but my daughter always slept in the pop up bed that sagged in the middle. I always had to bring over my bouncer seat and a bag of toys. The crib never worked out because she only had one setting for the mattress and my daughter was tall enough she could crawl out. I just wish there could have been a little more enthusiasm for my little girl. I love his mom, but if things do not go her way she will take it out on you forever. We are still trying to get along, but it is hard. You have to really try to make it work. I want my children to know their grandmother and to have wonderful memories of her. I've learned that she is old and will not change, so if you want to get on her goods side you have to be the one to give in. If it means that she will give us new things for my next baby, I may have to have her with me in the hospital.

Good luck. =)

My husband and I have been married almost 15 yrs now, but in the first 6 yrs, my marriage was PURE HELL because of my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law first hates me because I am american (they are cuban), second, waited until my oldest son was five yrs old and then asked my hubby if he was really the daddy (about a year and a half of counseling helped with that issue), third my M-I-L was always asking my hubby when he was going to divorce me and leave the me and the kids so he could move in with them and start over fresh. My only thought would be that if your husband is not stepping in and defending you, then that is something that is always going to continue. As long as your M-I-L beleives that she is right and your husband does not disagree, then she will see it as he is on her side, no matter what the issue is.

I haven't found one person who doesn't have mil issues. Mine isn't always bad, but just know that as long as you and your husband are on the same page everything will be fine. After being married a while, I've learned just to be yourself and the best wife & mom you can be. . . . if it doesn't please your mil don't sweat it! She will eventually figure out that by treating you badly, she is putting distance between her son & grandchildren. Do your best to support and and encourage those relationships, but don't hurt yourself or your relationships with YOUR family in the process.