Are Your Husbands Careful with Your Kids When Wrestling?

I think dads are always a little "rougher" with kids than the mom would like. You are not alone.

My husband and brother threw my great nephew SO high in the pool on vacation, I almost had a heart attack...seriously.

Nope! They both get rough! Just the other night they were playing my son fell back like he passed out and hit the corner of the table leaving a huge bump! Eh oh well I say it's not the first time! It's fun and as soon as the tears stopped he was right back at it! Some days its the only exercise my son gets cause of all the rain we are having right now

Oh, he does things with them on a daily basis that make me think the kids will break in half. Oddly, though, they've never even been bruised, let alone broken, and the kids keep coming back for more, so I guess he's more careful than he seems to be?? But yeah, he does stuff with them that nearly gives me a heart attack!

Hmm. I found myself making some assumptions, and my response is based on those:

1. You are not an alarmist; you know the difference between danger (this is TOO far) and mama-bear anxiety (oh no, oh no, oh no, what IF something too far happens).

2. You don't raise your son in a bubble and understand what's out of your control. You don't expect to be able to avoid, or prepare for ALL potential calamity.
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When my husband started wrestling with the kids, I was terrified. Oh NO, X,Y,Z *could* happen. You're tossing her too high, tickling TOO long, having TOO much fun and someone *could* get hurt. Ummm, yah. Someone could get hurt climbing a tree, riding a bike, petting a cat (and so on and so forth). That's life Ephie. Chill the F. out. Let them have fun.

It is fun and the risk is that which is inherent in *being alive* - as in Stuff Happens.

My husband raises the children differently than I do. And that's actually a good thing. They NEED someone to have fun, not worry about all potential calamity, relax, giggle, goof.

I'm the guy who is afraid of her own shadow (okay that's exaggeration), and have a tough time LETTING GO. Thank goodness my husband is on the other end of the spectrum (drives me nuts)...means there is balance.

((also, sometimes my husband acts like a jerk (anger issues directed towards me/brought into parenting), and that's different...and explainable...and not condoned or enabled.))

That's NOT what I'm hearing from you. At all. What I'm hearing is an actual danger. A scary out of control-ness on your husband's part. It doesn't seem like you're projecting your own need for control, your own anxiety, or your own issues.

Your husband is, in fact, putting your shared child in danger.

And that, I think, is a big difference than gender expression and clucky-mother-hen BS.

My suggestion (to myself as well)? Trust your gut sister. Try to quiet the body/temporary stuff (feelings/thoughts) and just listen. You are a trustworthy and deeply valuable person. Your voice needs to be heard.

What's going on (seems to me, having only my experience to go on and look through and being largely biased 'cause I dig what you have to say) seems outside the spectrum of healthy differences/different parenting styles/expressions.

(((Sending big hugs, tea, hot hot baths, and really hoping you have a chance to enjoy this warm day...)))

I refer to my husband as daddy mayhem. My poor kids :(

My husband can be rough, in my opinion. But, he is an intelligent man and thinks that he's not too rough. So, I let him and the kids enjoy themselves. No one's gotten hurt. And if they do, they will heal and my husband will learn to be a bit more gentle.

We do 'tickle torture' in our house instead. Much safer!

You are doing the right thing. Men forget the kids aren't their size and so they wind up hurting them. Maybe your husband needs to play soccer with guys his own size to get the aggression out. Meantime keep it up. You are really defending your children by doing so.

My hubby tries.

It is more the accidental elbow in the eye...or foot swinging around when all of them are twisted up...I always have to remind them that if they are all playing rough together they can not cry when someone accidentally hurts them.

I keep my kids from so much stuff..That rough housing is something I think is ok and a bonding thing. I remember being down on the floor with my dad and big sister as a Kid...I dont have a ton of great memories of my dad, so having these is nice.

I forbid them from playing with guns, playing war games or anything that imitates them causing death.

Cops and robbers is about as far as I will let them go. And even then if they want to pretend they have a gun...They use their fingers and make sure I dont see it.

My kiddo's will play with our neighbor who is 13. their favorite thing to do is wrestle with each other. He is always very careful as to where they are in the yard when they are doing it. They like to have him short leg them(he sweeps them under their feet and they fall like they are tripping). they crack up laughing when he does this and it is never done to be hurtful.

Until I see them using the play wrestle in a manner that is not safe or crosses the line, I am ok with it.

I had never thought about it being right or wrong before....I just thought wrestling with Dads, Grandpops and whoever else ends up in the pig pile was just how things were.....maybe this is why neighbors have walked/driven by and looked shocked when they are out doing this...Eh, oh well.

Yep I feel my DH can be rough...Gosh I worry the kids will get hurt. I know I sound like a broken record when I keep telling him to take it easy and be careful.

NOT NEARLY ENOUGH...

It's my husband, my son's step father, who does the rough-housing with my son... it's kind of how they first bonded, and it's persisted ever since (to my utter dismay.) My husband is just a physical kind of guy... when we first introduced him to my son and they were getting to know one another, he would pick my son up and swing him around, or toss him up in the air (which my son loved), and it's just progressed to ultimate fighting matches in our living room.

My son will rough house with his father too, but not to the same extent as my husband, and his father does seem to keep it under greater control. His father just tends to be less physical, in general. Just different kinds of guys.

My husband and my son, well, they're idiots (and I mean that in the nicest way possible.) They beat the living dog snot out of one another. And I am CONSTANTLY saying "BE CAREFUL, STOP THAT, ENOUGH ALREADY, SOMEONE'S GOING TO GET HURT, PUT HIM DOWN (to husband), STOP PUNCHING (to son), and on and on and on. And they BOTH COMPLETELY IGNORE ME.

I have gotten to the point of WANTING to forbid it, but they BOTH enjoy it so much, and neither of them is complaining. It's just me. So I just continue to yell at them to knock it off, they ignore me, and I go take a hot bath and lock the door. sigh

Great question... looking forward to hearing I'm not alone (hopefully.)

ETA: In response to your SWH, in your situation, forbidding wrestling would likely have been the least of the actions I would have taken. Best wishes to you.

My husband, son & daughter rough-house on a totally regular schedule. They'll be rolling around on the hardwood floors jumping on each other with the kids pounding on his back. He hasn't ever hurt anyone which tells me he must be being careful, though I couldn't tell from watching them. Keep in mind though that hubs is a cop & has had a TON of training on how to subdue someone both with & without hurting them so I imagine this comes into play while they, well, play.

I don't join in because it's just not really fun for me & I seriously bruise like a peach so I'd look like I had actually gotten beat to hell. Once in a while I will chase someone down or jump on someone on the couch & since it doesn't happen very often I always get the best of them, ha!

I wrestle with my kids and my husband does too... but the point of wrestling (in our house, and from my perspective) is to help kids learn boundaries of their strength in play and build self confidence. My kids push me over because they're so strong!! Then I am strong and they can't push me over. That type of thing...
I never let my kids wrestle together, because they are really strong and wrestle play quickly turns threatening and unsafe, and then someone gets hurt. No supervision and the youngest child with four brothers taught me that pretty quickly.

If you're a wicked witch, your'e a smart and safe one. The kids of "play" your husband is doing ( from what you describe) doesn't sound fun or safe for anyone but him. It doesn't sound like he knows safe boundaries and the force of his own strength.

I'm in your corner Mama! Good luck~

So far, so good. He does things I wouldn't/couldn't, and our daughter is fine, and loves it. I don't think absolutely forbidding is the right way to go--maybe help them do it safer, lead them to wrestling on the bed, move a lamp out of the way? If no one has gotten really hurt and the kids aren't complaining, I'd just stay out of the way.

Yes he is very careful.

I was very careful with my kids and grand kids. I video taped me wrestling with my kids and they love it. I don't wrestle with my grandkids very much. I can't say why.

Good luck to you and yours.

Yes, my Husband is.
He and my daughter and son (5 and 8 years old) all play wrestling.... and horse-play. But he is careful and teaches them how to be, too.
They actually do martial arts/Aikido/Karate moves when wrestling, as he and my daughter, take classes. They all teach each other moves... and are on the ground/floor moves... my son too.

Gosh, I would worry too... about your son.
How... scary.
Gotta do what you gotta do... which is looking out for your son.
Which you are doing. Always.
And doing good at it.

My boys are beyond rough and can hurt my hubby!! He plays rough back with them, but never to where they have been hurt. He will get down and play when them like he is 4 or 6 again, but he is in his 40's! He doesn't play so rough with our 8 year old daughter though. Sometimes she feels left out so he will play "gotcha last" with her which can get rough if you reach too hard to get them last or something, but overall it's a good deal in our house!

Nope my kids are not allowed to watch it or act it out. Of coarse when they go over their BIO mom she allows them to do it. My husband and I both are afraid someone will get hurt especially our son that has the left temporal arachnoid cyst on his brain. We pray to god daily nothing happens to them over there.

Yes mine is...it is fun to wrestle and we all 4 get in on it, once it starts getting out of hand we have to stop though ;-( He need to be the adult and realize when it has gotten out of hand and where a child can be hurt.

I think my husband is too rough, yes. maybe its because we have girls.

My husband wrestles with our boys all the time! The boys and I even wrestle :) We don't let it go too far or get too rough, but accidents do happen and we occasionally have a few owies. Nothing serious.

I don't allow any rough housing or wrestling between kids or adults or anyone... ever.
LBC

well my daughter n her dad have been rough playing since she was around 1 1.5 n i am always reminding him to be gentle with her. she is built like a boy though and can take and give a lot of punches and hits and everything so i am not too worried about him hurting her because he knows how much she can take and how far he can take things

My hubby is careful, but I still worry!! I did get upset the other day because he threw a pillow at one while they were running, she ended up tripping on it and she fell into the table (didn't get hurt). Scared the poop out out of us, though!!

I'm a dad with a 3-year old daughter. She's strong and she loves wrestling and play-fighting. I'm always picking her up and dropping her on the couch. I worry a lot about her neck, though, and I avoid dropping her on the couch head first, or I'll hold her head a bit if I'm dropping her down. She likes me to "fall" on top of her, but of course I've never given my full weight (170 lbs) to it. Her mom did get upset when our daughter hit me in the b*lls the other night, though. Didn't feel too good.