As a Parent... What Is Your Job Description?

For me (with all my baggage) my job is to guide, nurture, protect and be a model for my son. Not necessarily in that order.

I think nearly everything else (dietician, educator, reader-out-loud of books, etc) falls under that umbrella.

R., I am not surprised that you are struggling with all of this. I'm not sure why someone told you that it wasn't your job to protect your son, most especially given the circumstances you've described in the past. I also think the rationale that it's "not my job/that's God's job" to protect your son...well, I don't quite have polite words for that perspective and I don't take that as any Christian philosophy I'm aware of.

Your situation is one which leaves me scratching my head at the wisdom of this family court judge. It's also the same sort of situation which has compelled many women to take their kids out of the country. It is heartbreaking that some parents are having to literally kidnap their children in order to keep them safe.

And just to be very clear, I'm not advocating that. I am saying, though, is that somehow some judges are so skewed in their thinking and that it is not uncommon for judges to place children in the custody of their abusers.

I do not know why. I wish there were more peer review of these decisions and ways to appeal without going broke.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I'm not sure I can come up with anything, other than to say that you are a good mother for knowing and caring and doing what you are within your legal limits to do. That probably is a rather piteous consolation, but I have to believe, R., that one day your son *will* see the light. It may take until he's of age. He may decide to ask for emancipation when he's old enough if he comes to realize that he needs to be away from his father. (My maternal half-sister did this in order to live with her father.)

I'm sorry this is so damn shitty. I hope one day your son realizes what a brave, strong mother he has. You probably don't feel like it today, but you really are, R..

R., I'm dying to know what the foundation was. Care to add it?

To put it simply: nurture and guide them, and be willing to let go when it's time.

1- To raise children that are loving, caring, well mannered, respectful, moral, truthful, empathetic, and all around fantastic human beings. (easy, right?!)
2 - I am their biggest chearleaders and their fiercest advocates.
3 - As a woman I am showing my daughter what a woman is. I am showing my sons how to look for a wife. I am showing my children what a husband and wife unit looks like.
There are about 1,000 other things...but I "think" those are the biggest things. I *may* come back though!
L.
R. - I say this completely seriously....if I were in your shoes I would run. Far and fast.

to guide children into adults who take responsibility for their own actions, and their own happiness, are morally ethical. Not sure when that will happen for my 20 yr olds but I'm still hoping....
BUT R. surely the court did not say that, they cant bring God into this.

God gave children mothers to protect them!!!!!!!

My job is to keep my daughters safe and healthy while raising them to be kind, moral, confident, strong women who will stand up for what they believe in and pursue their dreams.

At least, that's the plan :)

To be a parent is to gradually put yourself out of the job.
You start with a totally helpless infant who can do absolutely nothing for themselves and when you're done, if you've done it right - the result is a grown up independent well adjusted adult who is capable of raising their own family.

I'm so sorry for all you are dealing with. I feel your pain and I agree with you about family court being an absolute joke. I'm praying for you and for protection over your baby.

guide and nurture them. To help them not only reach adult hood, but to become good decent and accepting men who treat others with respect and kindness.

What a great question, R.!
I'm a mom of two teenagers, and my thought on overall parenting job description is that it's not my primary goal to provide my kids with a fun and fabulous childhood (but that's nice too) - my job is to prepare them for what I hope is the 75-80% of their lives that they will live as adults. I don't want to be the parent of a 30 year old who doesn't know how to file their taxes or change their tire or prepare a Thanksgiving turkey or know how to pack for a trip.
I'm sure I'll enjoy reading different points of view and perspectives.

You can't leave us hanging. What was it?

What B said, mostly.

Being there for your child and believing in them. Good or bad.
Doing what is the expected, doing what is the impossible, doing what is the unthinkable.
Digging deep within ourselves, and remembering... that they are just a child. Who is learning and absorbing, everything. From us and their world.
Doing what I feel is best. For them. Not just myself.
That they are a part, of me.
Always.
But yet, they are an individual too. Whom I can ALSO learn from.

I am so sorry R., for your situation.
I know, it just SUCKS royal.
My hugs to you.... a thousand times over.

to be a parent means...

God sent me on a special ops mission to save my children...aka save children from fires of Earth and hell : )

Someone sent me a private message to point out that it is not me that saves my children...and that is a good point...God saves and I am his helper : ) so through me he can do whatever he lovingly pleases.

Wow, this is a big question.

My job is to protect them: from others, from themselves and even from my own good intentions.

My job is to teach them: how to live, how to love, how to strive for success, how to cope with failure, how to believe in themselves and things bigger than themselves, how to one day do for themselves and others the things my husband and I do for them now.

My job is to nourish them: to fill their bellies with food, their minds with ideas, and their hearts with compassion.

The hardest part of my job so far has been to transition from guardian to guidance counselor. Watching them grow up and having to let go and let them fall down.

Whatever is going on, R., please know that at some point along this parenting thing it happens. What we knew one day to be an absolute truth has a shadow of doubt cast on it and the entire paradigm is shifted. Have faith, be strong, and know that when one of those foundations seem to crumble it is replaced by something stronger.

My job is to make sure that my son (in no particular order):
a) Becomes a good and kind person
b) Becomes a productive member of society
c) Feels unconditionally loved and encouraged to be his own person
d) Has the self confidence to try something, fall down, laugh it off, and try again.
e) Provide for him financially as much as we do emotionally. He will never bear the burden of graduating college with soul-crushing debt, he will understand the value of things but will never feel like he is a bad person for wanting something. He will not get everything he wants, but he will not be criticized or made to feel ashamed for wanting something.

Deliver them alive, ready to make their own decisions, and in general good health to adulthood (18).

Bad things will happen. Life isn't fair. and we are parents, not guardian angels. So don't be too hard on yourself, R.. You gotta play the hand you're dealt.

Know that you are doing your absolute best to be the most supportive mom you can be, despite the system which is clearly is failing you (blows my mind). Pick up the pieces when you can, and stay strong. With heartfelt compassion, I am SO sorry for what you're going through. Hugs, and saying a prayer for you and your son.

As a parent it's your job to raise your child in a loving, safe environment. You are a cook, cofer (sorry can't spell), maid and dr. You are responsible to keep a roof over their head, food in the stomac and cloths on their back. I had to tell my oldest this weekend those three things are all that by law are required of me. You want to give them as much love as you can but when they do wrong you can't over look. Now that my kids are older I have to drive them where they need to go but not be their cook as much as when they where little. So as they grown the job description changes.

R., your post grabbed my heart. I wish I could say that justice will be done for you, but I really don't know. We live in a world where, unfortunately, kids seem to get the raw end of the fairness deal.

Protecting your son IS your job. It is also God's job, but he made you a parent so protecting your child is woven into your very being. You can't just shake it off because a court tells you to. You have done a GREAT job parenting and protecting your son. You have had to do more than most parents to protect him, and you'll do a lot more in the future.

I sorry you and your son are separated by such a gross breach of justice. People give me pat answers all the time and it makes me see red! As if you are going to say, "Oh, protecting isn't my job? Why didn't someone tell me SOONER??? I wouldn't have had to do all that work to keep him alive up 'til now if I had known!" People want to be able to give an answer in time of trouble, and the truth is that they should keep their mouths shut.

I wish I had an answer and a magic wand for you. All I can say now is "Hugs" and that I am praying for you and your son tonight.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED:

If you don't have friends or family who can help you (without putting your child in danger)...the child should probably be in "TEMPORARY" foster care while you can become more stable.....Also, I somewhat agree with you, the system can be really awful, but you must choose what is BEST for your child before the SYSTEM or an abusive/neglectiful parent or relative does.

I sincerely hope you can pull it together and have a few people around you who will lend support. If you don't, try to contact a women's shelter or local church who might be able to help you.

May God bless and watch over you and your child.

24/7 as needed...repeat as required. If you have a contributing husband divide as possible.

Nurture, teach, discipline , love, give hugs, tell kids you love them daily, give them boundaries.

N.