Attachment Parenting - What About Big Sister?

No matter what parenting you do, it is not ever, absolute 100%.
You just have to, go according to your other child too.

I did all that with my first born.
I then had my 2nd child, when my daughter was 3 almost 4 years old.
It was fine.
BUT... during my pregnancy and afterward, I spent a TON of time, on my eldest child.... "explaining" what a baby is, that it wakes/feeds/cries, that Mommy nurses him, that she is a sibling, that baby cannot do what she does etc., and I explained, in basic terms she could understand- about baby development and each month, I explained to my eldest, what and how her baby brother is changing. I also explained that even she went through that, too.

You gotta, spend time with your Eldest child.
She, had a baby too.
All of this is new to her and discombobulating and stressful too.

With my eldest, I also explained:
1) I do not suddenly "expect" her to act all grown-up just because she is a sister. I know she is still a child too.
2) that she can tell me ANYTHING at all and I am there for her
3) that she is always, my first baby.
4) that I do NOT expect her, in any way, to 'share' her things. Her things are her things. And her baby brother has his own things. Young children need to feel that they are not having to give-up everything, just for the younger one.
5) I always, spent extra time on my Eldest.
6) I let her express any and all feelings to me
7) I showed her how she can 'help' me too.
8) I explained that if she needs attention, nothing is wrong with that. To let me know...and I will try my best.
9) We even had a secret/special hand-shake and 'nod' with each other. That she and I could do with each other, even if we were across the room from each other. And it made her feel BONDED to me, still. Not... cast off.

You need to include and make time for your eldest child. She is so young. She is a child herself.

My Eldest child, adjusted real well to her baby brother. No jealousy and she adapted real well.

I am sure... attachment parenting does NOT mean, excluding and not being there for your other children.
It does not mean, only being 'close' with your current baby or the baby.
Any child, is still a child. They need their parent too.

I think a parent might feel this way no matter the style of parenting they choose. my husband and I are "attachement parents". One child sleeps on either side of me at night. I lay down with both of them for naps. your daughter might like to be a helper. mama's helper. she may also like to pretend to be a mama. We have a doll front pack for our older daughter, so she does what I do. I think you can parent them both in a way that fills their needs,but that will be different for both of them. I think your 3.5 yr old will need you to respond sensitively to feelings, listen to her when she talks to you, get down on the floor with her and play. She doesn't need the same amount of holding and toughing that your baby needs right now. just be attentive and responsive to what her needs are now.
have special snuggle time when your baby is sleeping, or content on the floor.
Dr.sears has a great book on attachment parenting and her also addresses the older siblings.
:)

I have a two and a half year old and an 8 week old. I do all of the things you mentioned (bf on demand, co-sleeping (kind of) and baby wearing) with my little one. I honestly think it has made our whole family closer. Our two year old sleeps in bed with us (when she chooses, which is getting less and less :) and :( ) and the baby sleeps in a co sleeper, mostly because co-sleeping with an infant scares me. I also wear the baby a lot, it makes it much easier to play with my two year old. She also likes to wera her baby doll most of the day, to be like mommy. There have also been a few evening when dad will do something special with big sis, like a trip to the pool or just to the grocery store, so that she feels special.

I don't know if that helps at all, but that is our experience.

I practice attachment parenting and i have two kiddos also. Once my second was born i created new activities that were special for just my oldest and me. These activities arent really the same as the one youd pick because my kids are farther apart in age.

Find activities that have nothing to do with the baby and keep focused on the older one during them.

Why not have her sit next to you while reading a book (and baby wearing)? Or next to you while watching a movie (while baby wearing)? Next to you is just as close as front to front with you.

When baby is sleeping - unless you are sleeping with him, cuddle with your little girl when you put her down for a nap.

Also alternate who is baby wearing as much as possible so the other parent can have time with both children one on one.