Preparing Toddler for First New Sibling

I'm expecting baby #3 right now and my twins are just over two. A friend gave me a book called Baby on the Way. It's made for parents to read to a child when a baby is coming. It's cute and they when I read it to them.

Start preparing a "nursing" toy kit. Stickers, crafts, etc. Things she can do while you are nursing and taking care of the baby. It will help a lot.

Expect her to climb the walls at her sister's each major developmental milestone.

I got my daughter potty trained. I was so glad I did it before her brother. She night and poop trained a month after his arrival (at 22 months). I was so thankful to not have to worry about that and have a new born.

Hi M., Here are some of my suggestions, I juat had a baby in Nov. & my son just turned 3 in Jan so that is about the same age difference. I started telling him he was going to have a baby brother when I was about 7 months along, But, he started to want to know what was going on & why I hadn't had him yet, when was he coming so wait till maybe 8 or 8.5 months before you tell her or really start getting her ready. We would take a baby doll & talk about the baby, let him dress the doll, bath the doll & feed it w/ a bottle, talked about how we treated the baby & about being a big boy & being a big brother. He was so excited when I had my baby he gave him a huge kiss & has called him his baby since he was born. He is now an amazing big brother very loving, protective & helpful. We just kept everything possitive & all about being a big boy & a big helper & how great it was! I make sure that my husband & I have 1 on 1 time with him without the baby too which I think helps by saying the baby is too small but b/c he's so big he gets to do big boy stuff =0)! OH P.S. DON'T BREASTFEED IN FRONT OF THEM!!! My son was very disturbed & got upset thinking the baby was biting & hurting me!!! Hope this helps, best of luck!!!

My husband and I brought home #2 one month ago. The baby's older sister is actually doing really, really well. She had night terrors a couple times the first week after my mom left but we moved up her bedtime and that resolved it (so far!). She also got upset "the first" time we did many things - the first time I rocked the baby in "her" rocker (it's actually in our room), the first time she was chased out of our room so that the baby could sleep, that sort of thing.

Our older is only just now 19 months old so she was really too young to understand what was happening. But we talked to her about how mommy's belly wouldn't always be in the way and about clothes that belonged to the new baby, etc.

Now that the baby is here, we make time EVERY DAY to play with her w/o the baby. Hubby will hold the baby and I'll go in her room with her or she and daddy will go for a walk by themselves, etc.

We also encouraged her, during the pregnancy, to be as independent as possible (w/o pushing her!). If she wanted to try the potty, we let her, but didn't push her to potty train. Now she is comfortable around the house while I feed or tend to the baby. We let her pick out a "big sister present" a week after the baby came home as a special surprise for being so patient.

The advice I received specifically: 1) DON'T rush off to grab the new baby as soon as he-or-she starts to fuss (like you probably did w/ the first baby) if you are playing with your older child. This is so true!!! My big girl knows that she's important too because I take the time to reach a stopping point in our game before I go get her sister (obviously, you want to be sure wherever Baby is that they are safe). 2) Make the time to be with the older baby w/o the new one everyday.

And my addition: remember that your first baby is still a young one too. If the new baby is napping in the living room and the older one bangs blocks together, relax. The new baby will either sleep through it or not and your older child won't feel like every thing he or she does upsets you.

Good luck! I'm loving having my kids close together so far!

my kids are 23 mos apart. my best suggestion is to let her be involved. i had a pack n play set up in the living room and had a stool for her to stand on - i changed his diaper there - and let her hand me the wipes/powder etc. i would even put him in the bouncy seat in there and she could stand on the stool and see him and talk to him. she got a new baby doll with a bottle so when i was on the couch feeding him, she would sit next to me and feed her baby. i let her help restock the diapers in the basket, match his socks when folding his laundry etc.

don't try to keep them separate. but set guidelines.. .she could touch his toes, belly and top of his head, and couldn't touch his face or his hands (to avoid germ transfer).

the boppy was great - she wanted to hold him so i put the boppy around her and snuggled him in the boppy with her - obviously i was right there the whole time... but i really tried not to tell her no when she wanted to do something... i just made sure i was there and explained everything to her.

We always just show our excitement about a new baby to our children. They follow suit. We include them in the celebration and rejoicing. They would never think that it is a bad thing on their own. I think parents plant the seeds that it might somehow not be a good thing for them. We have never had jealousy issues, ever. We have 6 children, so we've been through it a few times. My kids are always excited that "we" are having another baby. They love it.

Well just start now.
My daughter, my eldest, was older though (than your child) when I was preggers with her little brother. She was 3... and turned 4 shortly after he was born.
The cognition of a 21 month old versus a 3 year old is very different.

But for me, what I did was make 'my' pregnancy about prepping my eldest. I let her hug my tummy, talk to it, sing to it, we took many photos of her with my tummy each month (which she loved to do), as my tummy grew.
I took her to my prenatal visits, which my Doc encouraged, and he even taught her how to use the Doppler Heart Monitor on my tummy. My daughter loved that.
I explained to her in a way she could understand, about what a baby is: that it cries, I nurse him, he wakes, he sleeps, he cannot do what she can do etc. So that once my son came home from the hospital, she would already 'know' what to expect.
I had my eldest and my son, nap at the same times. I explained Mommy has to 'rest' too... to take care of baby and my tummy.
We got gifts for her baby brother together.
I gave her a Big Sister gift.
I told her that she is STILL "my first baby... always..." so that she did not feel displaced.
I told her to tell me ANYTIME, about her feelings and anything that is bothering her.
I told her that I do NOT expect her to 'share' her things with her little brother. I know it is special to her, and her things are hers. She can decide what to share. THAT is important to a child.

Do NOT 'expect' your Eldest child, to 'suddenly' be all perfect and act older. They will not. They are still just a young child themselves. Keep in mind the developmental normal phases of your Eldest. Don't compare the 2 children or use your Eldest as an 'example' for your younger child. That puts too much pressure/stress on the Eldest.
Again, keeping ALL your 'expectations' of your Eldest, Age-Appropriate.
Or there will be frustration. For both.

Develop, a sense of 'family' of helping, in your eldest. Let her have her same routines and special moments and activities.
Spend time, with your eldest. One on one time.

So many things, but these are some of the things I did with my eldest.
She then 'bonded' with her little brother in my tummy, even before he was actually born. She adored him and did not have any 'jealousy.'

For each age my son was... I would explain to my Eldest child about child development. So that my Eldest would 'understand' what her baby brother is going through too. This helped her a lot.... when she'd wonder why he cries or tantrums or get fussy or cannot do what she does.

all the best,
Susan

We read "I'm a Big Brother," "What Baby Needs" and similar books. We also made no attempt to make any big changes like potty training or moving out of the crib...new siblings are so likely to regress anyway!

My 24-month-old got used to playing with me while I was lying on the couch (a common occurence in my last two months of pregnancy!) and we continued that format when I was nursing the newborn -- I'd interact with him verbally and talk a lot about what he was doing. Then I'd give him 1-on-1 time as soon as I could and whenever the opportunity arose.

I'd also heard the advice to use language that doesn't "blame the baby" for your divided attention, and that seemed to work pretty well for us -- for example, instead of saying "I can't do that because the baby is eating" say something like "because I'm busy" or "I have to be sitting here a few more minutes," and let the kid know when and how you will be able to help, and what they could do in the meantime while waiting for you to free up.

The other bit of advice is to try keeping somewhat to the older child's basic schedule and routines from before, just with a new baby inserted in the mix. And, of course, take care of yourself during all this and don't expect every moment to be sibling love...although like others have said, kids follow your attitude, so you may be pleasantly surprised! Good luck and enjoy!