Big Sister ( in Just 3 Weeks )

Perhaps the anticipation is greater than the participation. In her reality, there is no baby; but the anticipation and excitement you express is a fun game.
She'll be fine with the new sibling. Relax, Momma, you deserve it.
Best wishes for a happy, safe delivery.

Its NORMAL for your daughter to react that way.... let her express herself.
ALSO... 'allow' her to "not" have to share everything with baby.... really.
Kids, NEED to know, that 'their' things are special and not all things will want to be shared. Don't scold for this.
I never, made my daughter, who was about that age, when I had my 2nd child... 'share' everything. I let her know... that she has HER things too. And she can put things out or not, for her baby brother.

Also, I explained to my daughter, about baby development, in ways SHE could understand. ie: that a baby cries, wakes up during the night, that Mommy breastfeeds.... but it is MOMMY's 'job' to do that... and she does not have to 'worry'. IF things bother her, it is OKAY... she CAN tell me. I don't expect her.... to be 'perfect' nor the 'oldest' child... just because of baby.
I also took tons of photos of her WITH my growing tummy... and she loved that.
We also made up special handshakes and head nods... that the 2 of us could do... and that 'bonded' us and made her feel special...
I incorporated my daughter into my pregnancy... not making it 'my' pregnancy.... I even took her to all my prenatal appointments, which my Doctor encouraged... and he even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy. She LOVED that....
she 'loved' her brother... even before he was born....

Have a ROUTINE just for her... once baby comes home. An 'eldest' child needs that.

Also.... do not put a ton of 'expectations" on her, just because she is now the 'eldest' child.... that can be too much 'stress' on a young child. AND... she is still a child. Only 'expect' age-appropriate.... reactions from her... not more than she can do or understand.

If she acts out... comfort her. Don't just 'expect' perfection in an eldest child. Never use the eldest child, as an 'example' for the younger sibling... that is TOO much stress for the eldest.

You NEED to talk about it with her.... and incorporate her INTO the baby coming home.... have her OWN routines... her OWN time.... her own adjustment to it all.... it is not only a baby coming home... but about her "Mommy" changing too.... and her family....

ALSO never 'compare' the 2 children... nor in front of her.
Make her important too....
not just a satellite, floating "around" everything that is going on.... so she knows HER place in the family.... still.

I ALWAYS spent 'more' time on my eldest child... even after baby came home.
And you WILL, have to juggle the both of them....

My daughter, was your daughter's age, when I had my 2nd child... which was also a boy, just like you.
This is what I did with my daughter... to help her adjust.
She loved her baby brother.... and they are close and 2 peas in a pod.

Remember, a child, does not automatically know 'how' to be a "Big Sister." They are only a young child themselves. The parents, don't even know 'how' to handle now 2 children either... right away. So, only 'expect' of your Eldest... what she can age-appropriately, do and understand.
ALWAYS let her know... she CAN express herself... good or bad or frustrations.... and she is allowed to. And you will be there for her.... even if just venting or feeling insecure.

I always told my Eldest "You are my FIRST baby... and always will be...." Even to this day, my daughter, the Eldest, LOVES hearing that....
I do not say that in front of my son, of course.

You ALSO have to explain to your daughter... what will happen when you are in the hospital, who will watch her, what will happen once baby comes home... etc. And you have to, spend time with her.... and Hubby will HAVE TO help too... and spend time with your Eldest. Have special gifts for her too.... not only for baby... not only everything revolving around the new baby.
AND when visitors come... make a point... of talking about your Eldest child.. and complementing her.... too.

ALSO, yes it will be unpredictable.
Its normal.
BUT ALSO... "allow" your Eldest... to have alone time too, if being around a baby, a crying baby, stresses her or makes her fussy. A child needs time away, for themselves, too. We as Moms get tired from it.... and a child too. They are young... and have needs for their own time 'off' too.

all the best,
Susan

You need to relax and don't worry about so much, it's normal for your 3.5 year old to be jealous at first but in the long run is going to be a great experience for her it's going to teach her so much that you couldn't teach her yourself like sharing, and you are giving her the greatest gift a little brother, when she gets older she will thank you,no matter how much my siblings and I fought i am thankful everyday to have them. So take a deep breath and enjoy your kids.

I am in the exact position as you right now only I am due in December and my child will be around that age when the baby is born. The big sister sea world trip and gifts from the baby I found a bit confusing. I hope you aren't setting her up to expect anything from the baby--if so she's going to be disappointed! What you need to be preparing her for is that babies cry and poop and that's it and she is going to need to be your little helper and do things FOR the baby, not the other way around. However, I totally get the whole "one last hurrah as an only child" thing. We did that a lot this summer going to museums, aquarium and such, too.
That being said, there is NO way to predict how your daughter is going to react to the baby and in fact, there will probably be a whole range of reactions on any given day. All are normal, just try to involve her as much as you can (w/o making her feel responsible for the baby of course) and emphasize her pride in being a good big sister. Make sure she gets plenty of attention after the baby comes, especially yours. Be honest with her about what to expect and assure her that she is special and there is no other her and that you and daddy love her very much--no one can take her place!
It's possible that it may seem for a while that she is never going to feel close to the baby but then one day she will tell him she loves him and it will seem like they never were apart!
Good luck and blessings!

I know a number of moms who have been delighted with the advice in the book Siblings Without Rivalry. Another book by the same authors, long-time workshop leaders, is my all-time favorite parenting book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

The techniques are respectful and supportive for the child while teaching parents to maintain reasonable expectations and boundaries. I think you'll like this approach, and your daughter will, too.

She might be saying no thank you because she's just done talking about it. I would drop the subject for a little while. See if she brings it up on her own. You may be putting too much emphasis on it and it may be making her nervous. If she does bring it up, I would say something reassuring that lets her know that the important things in her life are not going to change-- she'll still have mommy at home, she'll still get to go and do "x", she'll still get to see grandma. In the end, there will be an adjustment no matter what, but she's old enough to help out. I read in a book once that if you cultivate an attitude of affectionate condescension towards the baby (i.e. isn't he sweet, but of course he can't go on the swings like you can), they tend to feel loving toward the baby without feeling too threatened. Good luck and here's wishing you a lovely birth!

I wouldn't worry about it. It might take her some time to adjust and she might just surprise you and be your little big helper. My daughter was 2.5 when her baby brother was born and she did not want anything to do with him. She was more into her playing. Now with new baby brother that is 2 months old she is 4 yrs old and is my little helper and so is her brother that is 2.5 yr old too. Just to warn ya she might act out too for attention. My 2.5 yr old son has started to get into a whole lot of trouble lately since I haven't been able to give him as much as attention before baby was born.
good luck

my daughter was also almost 4 when her baby brother was born. We thought she would do great, always very excited about her baby brother. Talked about him all the time (she is a middle hild also has an older brother). But when the baby was born we had aHUGE Problem. She was having behavioral problems big time. Kicking us, screaming, throwing things, even spitting on us. We ended up having to start seeing a behavioral therapist, who pretty much said that our daughter, who was sweet and lovong before, was just having a hard time adjusting to not being the baby anymore. Evry child is different, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Just don't force it on her too much. Let her know that everything won't just revolve around the baby. And give her a special roll when the baby is born. That makes her still feel important! Good luck! It will all work ouut and one day they will be the best of friends

Check out YokaReeder.com- that is where we go for really sane answers for our kids.
best, k