How Do I Keep My Toddler Away from My Newborn

Baby wearing will make a huge difference! Sling, pouch, wrap, whatever-but when the baby is on you, she'll back off. Big sisters tend to want to be little mommies, and at that age aren't really understanding much about how gentle you need to be. It doesn't sound to me like a jealousy issue, more of a fascination issue. Like someone else mentioned, it will pass with time. Wearing him help, but for the times when you're not wearing him, take time to help her hold him and let her help with him (fetching diapers, talking to him to help keep him happy, etc) so that she feels like she has an active role to do. Sometimes once they have been given a role, they stop trying to create one by wanting to be practically on top of baby 24/7.

I actually scheduled time in our day that is time for my son to hold and play with his sister. I had the same trouble he just loved her so much and wanted the attention she was getting. Now he has to wait his turn and it helps. Be thankful she's not hitting or bitting etc.(as an other mother reminded me when my son was overly kissing my daughter and I complained)

Whether there are jealous feelings in your two-year-old I don't know, but I know jealousy can show up as over-interest. On the other hand, she might see the baby as a new toy just for HER. At the very least, he's a novelty. Toddlers think everyone and everything revolves around them!

It might be good at this point that you do live in a tiny apartment because you definitely know what your children are doing all the time. You'll need to be the boss of this situation.

The baby can have his big sister's attention when you say so (and while you supervise). You can determine those times (make them convenient for you!) and show her how she CAN love the baby right now. He can't really be played with yet, but she can play with her doll instead and pretend it's her new baby. Other times you say, "Little brother is sleeping and we must leave him alone to sleep. Let's go read a book instead. That's something a big sister can do!"

You may not get too much else done for a little while, but that's all right. After a while your daughter will find other things to interest her besides the new baby.

(I just read the other response mentioning a baby sling. My daughter-in-law, who has a new baby, is trying that and is very pleased with it. You might check those things out - there are a lot of different ones on the market.)

Since he's just 6 weeks old, he's still napping alot throughout the day, so just put him in his crib when he is napping and close the door to the room and make sure your daughter knows that we "don't wake the baby when he is sleeping." Your "about me" says you live in a tiny apartment, so this may be hard to do, but you need a way to keep them completely separate when he is sleeping. Then when he is awake supervise her and let her hold him. Teach her how to be gentle with him. She is only 2, and if she's had baby dolls to play with she might not understand how different the baby is from them, so you need to teach her. And finally, when he is sleeping make sure you are not just "getting things done" but make some time to play with her too (you could model good behavior toward babies with her baby dolls). My son was 3 when I had my daughter and it is a constant struggle to make sure the older one isn't mauling the younger one, but they do learn and the best part, the younger one grows and gets old enough to hold thier own with a sibling.
Good luck to you!

Been there! My oldest son loved his baby brother SO MUCH that he'd lay on him. He did the same thing with the cat at first.

Even worse, my baby had a hard time sleeping for a while, and his favorite way to rest during the day was on the couch, curled up in a Boppy.

This time (I'm due in 7 weeks) my youngest is older (3 1/2), but I don't expect him to leave the baby alone, either. So we bought a pack 'n play with a bassinet feature. I fully expect to have the baby sleep in that during the day for his own protection, as long as he fits in it. I don't known if I could do that without the bassinet feature because it's hard to put a newborn down and keep them asleep when you have to lean waaaaay down to the bottom of a pack 'n play (especially after a c-section).

We also made a rule for the 2 year old that he wasn't allowed on the baby's blanket when he was on the floor. It was a clearly defined space that he had to respect.

It gets better when they're a little older.

It also helps to keep the toddler occupied. I thought we were doing fine, but one day my 2 yr old poked the baby with a fork (not hard, no one hurt, but still!). I immediately decided that he was bored, and the most interesting thing to play with was the baby. So I packed them up and took them to the McDonald's PlayPlace. The toddler burned off some energy and the baby really enjoyed all the motion.

Good luck!

I haven't been in your situation with the toddler, but I'd second (or third) the recommendaiotn of using a baby carrier. My son nearly lived in the Moby wrap for his first 3-4 months. It's great because you can have both hands free and can even nurse descreetly while wearing it. With a sling, I still felt like I needed to have one hand on the baby. Good luck!

At least for now it's happy attention! Plan interaction time, where you can supervise her holding the baby, loving the baby. Spend time showing her how she can touch his feet softly, or pat his legs gently. Investing the time to show her where and how to touch the baby will help if you're not always present. (notice I didn't say how not to touch the baby and what not to do) Also, consider investing in a baby sling so you can have your baby with you, out of reach, yet available to your toddler. One of my favorites is the over the shoulder, at babyholder.com.

I am under the same situation right now with my 2 year old and my 6 week old. It definately is just facination with the new baby, much like a doggie...we have to teach them how to touch and what is good and what is not. My son loves to try to "wrestle" with the baby like daddy does with him, so that has been the newest battle explaining that he can't lay on his brother like he does daddy with him (he pretend wrestles with the oldest)! I also have started transcribing again, so like you, I can't be around 100% supervising all the time, so I have tried the swing (facing me, so I can see if brother is trying to ride too or is being too rough giving toys...they don't mean to be rough, I think they are just trying to help) or the sling/front carrier or even putting a bouncer on the counter out of brother's reach! Today I was going to try gating big brother in his room if he gets too rough as he has lots of toys and music to keep him busy in there. If all else fails, I put on a movie to dstract him for a little bit from brother and to give me some uninterrupted typing time! (BTW, why is it that big siblings like to "help" most when the baby is sleeping...8^)!!!) I am looking forward to seeing your other responses to get other ideas too! Good luck!

S., 26, WAHM of almost 2 year old and 6 week old

Good advice already. I would make sure that nothing you say would squelch her enthusiasm and love for her brother (didn't sound like that was a problem).

I would suggest this- keep the emphasis on what she CAN do, more than what she can't. Give her lots of ideas of things to do. If she can kiss him, where? cheeks? forehead? etc., give her lots of choices- do you want to whisper and blow a kiss when baby is sleeping? or wait and 'read' him a story when he's awake?

another great idea, depending on how verbal she is, once you've gone over some basics with her, is ask her to 'teach' the rules about the baby to one of her dolls/stuffed animals. This lets her feel some control over the situation and feel like the big girl, lets you know how well she knows the rules, and gives you an opportunity to clarify anything that needs it.

My third baby is 7 weeks old, so we've been here twice. I don't think you are going to keep your toddler away from the baby. Babies are just too fascinating, especially since there is finally someone smaller than your daughter! I think your best bet is to teach her how to touch gently. We taught our girls that there were places that were okay to touch on the baby - back, legs, feet, tummy - and places that were not okay to touch - head, face, hands. We showed our girls how to be gentle. We practiced gentle touches and rough touches using stuffed animals and each other. When my girls were being gentle with the baby, I made sure to notice and comment on it. Beyond that, I think the idea of wearing your son is a great one. In addition to keeping him safe, it will also keep him happy and contented, and you will have your hands free to get stuff done.

Would it help to give your toddler her own life-like baby doll to have as her very own baby?

I know from experience that you will have one tough little brother! My older son was 2.5 when our youngest was born. He was constantly loving on him, picking him up (I once came out of the bathroom to find baby across the room!), crawling into the pack & play to be with him... His big brother was his biggest protector & worst enemy (once scratched baby's face all up in the car because I wasn't listening to him)
They'll be fine, no worries. My boys get along great for the most part now.
Have her "babysit" while you're doing small chores. Mommy has to go potty, can you help me by holding baby's toy for him to see while I'm gone? Mommy has to load the dishwasher, can you make silly faces at baby while I do that? Get out one of her baby dolls & talk about touches-soft & hard. Remind her that she can't tell how baby can feel her touches so they've always got to be soft. We used to "pet baby"-literally I'd have BB (big brother) rub LB (lil brother) like a puppy & we'd practice soft touching. Show her soft & hard touches on her own body. You show her soft & hard & then hold her hand & do soft & hard touches w/her hand so she can see too how it feels.
Since it's cold & flu season, give her a bottle of hand sanitizer that's cool (keep it in an open place, I've seen more than one email about kids drinking the stuff) & remind her that we need to wash our hands or sanitize them before we touch baby to keep us all healthy.
Give her a chance to hold him by herself-propped in the corner of a chair or on the couch & let her know that she'll have "baby holding" time every day. Remind her that she has to wait for baby holding time to hold him, that's her special time. Let her hold him until she's done & hopefully she'll be less likely to hold him w/o permission.
Good luck!

my oldest was like this. it was so upsetting! he would just walk up to the baby-- also named daniel :)-- and hit him or poke him if he could reach him. i was exhausted. it did eventually pass after about 2 months i think. in the mean time, i cleared off counters or other larger pieces of furniture so i could put the baby up higher when i needed free hands. i know that dosn't sound safe, but with the right barriers around the baby to keep him from moving off of the surface, it worked well. i changed the baby in my bedroom and closed the door, letting my oldest fuss about the closed door while i changed the baby in safety. sometimes when i nursed the baby i had to lock my oldest in his room. i put on music or a book on tape and tried to distract him with a toy. sometimes he was fine but usually he was very unhappy about it. but it was better than letting him hit the baby while i was trying to calm him with nursing. i also tried to get my oldest to care for a doll. he was very loving to his doll before the baby was born, but afterward he threw it or hit it, so that didn't help. but since your daughter sounds aggressively affectionate rather than angry, a realistic doll might help. also any time my husband was home and i needed to do something with the baby, my husband tried to involve our oldest in something. good luck!

Does your daughter have a baby doll? My daughter was given a baby doll right around the time her little brother was born. While I took care of baby, she took care of her doll. It may give your daughter something to do other than play with the baby

I'm in the exact same position. My 21 month old son is constantly messing with his 7 week old sister. We finally figured out that what he was doing was actually loving on her and trying to help (it was hard to tell!).

We didn't want to tell him "no" every time he tried to hug her or help me (for instance helping burp -- looks more like he's beating her with a fist). We give him supervised opportunities to help (get Mommy a diaper, help hold the bottle, pat her back while I am patting her back).

We also have started making his hugs and kisses to her part of his routine-- he gets to hug & kiss when he first wakes up, before his nap, after his nap, when my husband gets home from work, & before he goes to bath/bed. This seems to get all of his love needs met so he's not attempting to hug & kiss when we aren't looking.

We also made a rule that when she is in her swing he is not allowed to touch her or push the swing. If he does, he gets a warning then goes in time out.

If he's especially spirited, I try to put the baby in her car seat carrier on a high surface (kitchen counters, etc) or keep her attached to me in a Baby Bjorn while I work around the house. I try not to do this 100% of the time so he gets used to the idea of her simply being in the room without jumping on her.

All of this has worked really well so far (though it's not perfect). Good luck!