New Baby and Toddler

Hi ,
i think when you,re breast feeding get the toddler a puzzle or special toy only when you're feeding, pull out the toy and distract them while feeding.!

We had great success with a felt board and felt sets. Quiet, creative, soft and can be done with you or independently.

Have you tried getting him a doll to take care of? It worked really well for the son of a friend. He was about that age when his little brother was born and his folks bought him a doll that he could feed while the baby nursed and clean while the baby bathed. It really helped the family teach him how to nurture the baby without having the toddler feel left out.

Wow, can I relate to your question....I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old...and I have the same issues. I have heard that it takes about three months for the toddler to adjust to the new baby. It seems like forever sometimes. I really have to watch my guilt and continue to redirect and discipline my son when he is not nice to the baby, he also is a bit aggressive at times. He really loves his new baby brother but I think has some jealousy and some separation anxiety. We just continue to give him individual attention when we can, and I try to find things for him to do while I am breastfeeding. There are activities he really enjoys right now and I use them all I can...
K.

I concur with the advice to read with the older sib - it is a nice quiet "sit-down" activity. Also, another way to get the older sibling involved is for them to work on their own "big brother/sister" record book. I found a cute one called "My New Baby and Me" bt Dian Smith.

K. T
Mom of 3 (6, 3, & 3mos)

Pop in a DVD, it's O.K to do that sometimes!The Wiggles totally saved me when I was breastfeeing.

I have a newborn and a 2 yr old also. A couple times a day I will breastfeed the infant with both of us laying on our sides in bed. We have taught our 2 yr old how to gently cuddle with her sister, and she is able to do so (with limited touching) while I breastfeed. Our 2 yr old does have her moments of roughness with the new baby, but she is corrected immediately which seems to have helped. She has been around animals her whole life and understands being gentle with them so as not to hurt them which may have helpd as well. Hopefully, some of this helps.

T.

I was advised by someone to let my daughter play with a 'special' toy that she really liked while I was nursing. then when I was done nursing we put it away. That way she got really excited every time I nursed because she got to play with that. Hope that helps.

It is probably a bit of both. An excellent book, "Sibling Without Rivalry" can be really helpful information for you.

When you nurse baby, read a book, both children will benefit. This may not be real easy in the first weeks, but as soon as nursing is easy, it is not hard to do. I actually use to nurse one while the older child sat on my other side, on that leg, and I cuddled both. You can color, build blocks, listen to music, etc while feeding baby. FInd what works for you.

This is a great time to read a book or tell a story to your little one. It will also show him that it is a quiet time to share with you and your new baby.

"If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be."

J. Streit, MA, CHt, HBCE, Doula
Positive Human Dynamics, Ltd.
Nurturing Mom Doula
1453 Rio Rancho Blvd., Ste. E
Rio Rancho, NM 87124
posihd.com

A.,

Congratulations on your new baby.
I understand what you are going through. It can be difficult to make that transition from 1 to 2 children, plus having the older one have some behaviors that can make it 'less easy' :) But it will get easier.
First, it is good to hear that you want to include your 2yr old while you are nursing. You are aware of his needs and his development at this age. 2yr olds don't have the complete verbal ability to say what they feel, so being aggressive is a very natural reaction for them. You are right, he could be jealous or just not aware of how to play with her...or both!
All these are suggestions, so you just need to choose what you feel will work best for you and your children. Or sometimes, what we don't think will work - actually does - so sometimes it's worth it to try something new.

If you are feeding on demand (the best way with a newborn), it can be hard to tell when your baby will need to nurse. But if your baby has already gotten into her routine then this might be easier. When you know you need to nurse take a few minutes to have your son help get your water ready or a few snacks that both of you can share. Let him bring the burp cloth or blanket or pillow (whatever you use). Have a special box or basket filled with "Big Brother" toys/activities that he can quietly do while sitting next to you. This all takes planning on your part, but a bit of planning can really help the process. Sometimes, baby needs to eat NOW and we've been busy or sleeping or whatever - it's not a picture of perfection...so do the best you can.
Be gentle and compassionate with your son (sounds like you are). Show him gentle ways to touch his baby sister. Praise him when he uses his gentle hands and soft voice with her. As much as possible create a loving, calming, and gentle world for them. This helps foster a loving bond between them, and lets them know their little world is safe. You dont' want to ignore his undesireable behavior, so when he does act aggressively, just simply and firmly tell him that you will not allow him to hurt the baby. Remind him again how to use his soft hands and voice. It takes an average of 10 times for a child to re-learn a behavior. So unless he's out of control where you have to remove him from the baby until he calms down, redirection will work. It just takes some time and patience on your part.
Are you able to have someone take care of baby for a bit so you can spend just one on one time with your son? You don't even have to leave the house. Just get down on the floor and play with him. Kids usually just want our time.
I really know what it's like balancing the demands of several children, your own needs and the needs of the home, so just go with the flow, call on help when you need it, and embrace every juicy crazy moment:)

Much good energy to you and your family.

A.
Mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Hi A.,

Best advice I can give you is to read or have your 2 yo do a puzzle or or something special when you are nursing the baby. You can make this time just the time when something special comes out .... water paints are great for two year olds! the books with the paint in the page and you just use a paint brush dipped in clear water... also I was successful in presenting my older child with a doll... even though he was a boy....( no gender discrimination here!) He was able to vent a lot of frustration on the doll and also played "daddy" while I tended the baby. He fed, rocked and loved on the doll, but also threw it across the room on numerous occasions to vent his frustrations! Hope this helps and hope you enjoy these days...... they disappear awfully quickly!

I hope this helps. My mother-in-law told me that when her kids were young, she would breast-feed and read a book to her other children at that time. She said that it became their special time and encouraged reading, as well. Goodluck.

You can always feed her in a sling so you have your arms free to play with him. You could also let him help you "hold her head" (of course, he wouldn't really be the only support, but maybe he would think he is). Maybe he can get you pillows to get comforatable or something. Good luck!

I would suggest you make that 'reading time" for your older one. He can sit with you while you nurse and have some attention on him. It worked for me.

Maybe you could read to your child while you're breastfeeding. Keep encouraging gentleness with the baby and give your 2 year old lots of love. Good luck! You're doing great. It isn't easy having a newborn, toddler and no sleep.. :)

I had the same problem with my two boys. I would keep a pile of special books nearby so we could read together. Also, maybe gettting a specail movie that he picks out and letting him watch it only when you are nursing may help.