Attention Seeking Behavior (14 Month Old) - How to Deal with It?

As others noted -- at his age, he's not manipulating you, he's exploring, and is not able yet to understand dangers to himself.

Put childproof covers on the plugs, put away any cords that he could plug in, put a childproof latch on the china cabinet, one on the fridge, and put up gates if there are rooms where you just can't or won't childproof. This phase won't last forever and the peace of mind of a little childproofing is great. You can't childproof everything, but doing what you can will make you more relaxed and you'll be able to give him attention that isn't you saying "no, don't do that, put that down."

Give him as much positive attention (good job, let's do this together, help mommy by pulling out those pots and pans, etc.) as you can. Let him do whatever is safe even if it's not tidy, such as handing you spoons and pans while you make dinner --even if they're not the spoons and pans you need.

Updated

As others noted -- at his age, he's not manipulating you, he's exploring, and is not able yet to understand dangers to himself.

Put childproof covers on the plugs, put away any cords that he could plug in, put a childproof latch on the china cabinet, one on the fridge, and put up gates if there are rooms where you just can't or won't childproof. This phase won't last forever and the peace of mind of a little childproofing is great. You can't childproof everything, but doing what you can will make you more relaxed and you'll be able to give him attention that isn't you saying "no, don't do that, put that down."

Give him as much positive attention (good job, let's do this together, help mommy by pulling out those pots and pans, etc.) as you can. Let him do whatever is safe even if it's not tidy, such as handing you spoons and pans while you make dinner --even if they're not the spoons and pans you need.

I realize that you don't want to feed into negative behaviours that are attention seeking, but I also think that that if a little one is seeking attention, maybe they actually NEED attention. Sometimes we get so distracted by the other stuff going on that we don't give the attention to our little ones that we should.

One thing I've done since my son was little, when my little one is acting up a bit - I'll tell him he doesn't have to do things he's not supposed to to get mommy's attention, he can just ask for a hug, etc. And most of the time, he'll stop what he's not supposed to be doing and ask for the hug. Trying to teach him to ask for what he wants/needs.

You say he's walking around crying for "no reason", but he may have a reason he can't communicate yet - which is what the terrible two's are all about - not being able to communicate.

All you can do is be consistent in catching him and re-directing, communicate with him and help him communicate with you - baby sign language is great cause it helps them communicate the words in their head before they're able to physically say them. And pay attention to your behaviour to see if it's part of a cycle with his behaviour.

Good luck!

My opinion is......It's not attention seeking at 14 months. It's curiosity. He is hardwired to try and figure out his world. When they move from crawling to walking there is a whole new world to explore. Crawl around on your hands and knees to be at his eye level and babyproof your surroundings. Get outlet covers, block the china cabinet, put up anything he isn't supposed to get to.

If you think he's seeking attention - give it to him! He isn't crying for no reason. He's tired or bored or frustrated or lonely or hungry or teething. Stay on him like white on rice when he's getting into stuff. Don't just say no, redirect him into approved activities. Praise him when he's doing things you approve of. Provide lots of toys and play dates and outside time. if redierecting isn't working, step up on the discipline. Kids crave order and disclipline. They need to know who is in charge and that you are strong and capable of taking care of them. Kids are much happier when they are on a schedule and the limits and consequences are clearly defined. That means setting reasonable rules and consequences and sticking to them, even when you're tired or don't feel like it. You have to be consistant. It's part of that whole "kids crave order thing." You have to make his world make sense for him.

You say he's doing these things for attention. Give him the necessary attention and it will most likely prevent the negatives. If your hands are tied because you have to cook dinner or something, set him up first with something to do so he is occupied. It sounds like he needs something to do, I dont remember my kids wandering thru the house at 14 mos looking for something to do---that WOULD result in trying to plug things in and such. He needs you to set him up ALL day long with different activities to keep him occupied.

First of all, I don't think it is "attention seeking behavior" in the sense of some sort of neuro/psychological issue he has. He is just a typical toddler little boy. He is testing his boundaries and figuring out what is ok and what is not, AND what happens when he does something "not ok". On top of which.. he is curious. My little boy was just like that.

I know it is frustrating... you can't turn your back for a second. And all little toddlers do not do this to the same degree. (My daughter was EASY comparatively speaking). But redirection is the best thing you can do right now. He doesn't really have the impulse control to NOT do what he is motivated to test/try/find out what happens when... You just have to remind him "no" and then redirect him to something else, or pick him up and move him to some other activity.

It is EXHAUSTING. I know. But it won't last forever. I promise.

Yes you have a lot of good advice so far and similar to what I was going to say. I just wanted to add that I do understand...my son is 15 months and is so super busy and I just didn't even know that kind of determination was possible! LOL! Redirection is best but sometimes it wears us down as the caregivers. Something that works for me, sometimes anyway, is to stop the behavior, usually when his little hand is in mid air, tell him NO and then sit him down right there on the floor. I do it in a stern way, but not hard. I plop him down and walk away and he will usually get the idea and leave it be, for the moment. I think sometimes when you redirect, they begin to think it's a game and although these behaviors won't last forever, they are really trying when you're in the middle of it waiting to get to the other side!!

Pay attention to him. Intercept these behaviors and re-direct BEFORE they happen, not after. Pay attention to what he's about to do, not just the aftermath.

PAY ATTENTION.
Before he does anything "wrong".
Remove all stuff he shouldn't be getting into.
PAY ATTENTION while he's still young.
"just walking around crying . . . . "
Y'know . . . . this phase will pass.
See if you can LIMIT the amount of time
he is "just walking around crying . . . . "
Gma S.

This is NOT, contrary to popular old wives tales, "attention seeking behavior." This is simply your son going into his exploratory phase. The "no, no, no, no" is his mimicking what he's been told each time he tries to explore outside of his minimally small boundaries. He's working like a parrot, if you will.

The way to stop this behavior is to 1) baby proof your home for a child of 14-mos old, 2) purchase toys that are safe and age-appropriate that will hold his attention and even cater to his exploratory nature, and 3) spend some one-on-one time with your son vs on the phone or the computer. Bake cookies with him, teach him letters and numbers then how to read. My 14yo daughter was reading long before she was even 2yrs old because I wasn't able to play with her on the floor or take her to the park because I was in a crises with onset of symptoms and flares from Lupus (SLE), Sjogren's, and I was and continue to be blind.

I used letter, number, and shapes in the way of refrigerator magnets to teach her letters, numbers, and shapes as well as colors after I learned each shape represented a color. She learned to actually read to me!

After my doctors were finally able to come up with a working medicine regimen that would allow me to be functional with my child, we would go on walks and I had a fenced in area that was put up for my guide dog but thankfully it was enclosed so I could lock the gate and let us play outside with adaptive balls with bells in them so we could interact. I did basically the same with my oldest child whose 10 years older only then I had vision and our options were wider in the form that I could travel from home to occupy her by going to museums and such that catered to children being allowed to touch, even encouraged it!

Your child is not the one with the problem here. It's you as the mother. In the upcoming months you will have child #2 going through the same thing. If you don't get this straightened out, you will have not 1 but 2 unrulely children who were never allowed to explore, play, and have a shot at educational play that will help them tremendously when they enter school.

My oldest is not in her last year of college though she will be returning after her undergraduate completion next fall.

My youngest entered kindergarten when I pressured for her to be tested because she was so far ahead of other children her age not to mention her entire kindergarten class. As it turned out, she is in the AIG program (academically and intellectually gifted). She has had all A's on her report cards since she was old enough to earn a letter grade (1st grade). In 6th grade she received the Student of Excellence Award that's given out by the governor along with other awards including spending what is now her 3rd year as the school newspaper editor. She was nominated and inducted into the Junior Honor Society last year in 7th grade and takes advanced classes in 8th grade math as well as other subjects but math is where she is excelling other than English and social studies...

This is your small window of time where your child will learn more in the span of a couple of years than they will learn at any point during the rest of their life. Use it wisely! Teach your child through educational play throughout the day, baby-proof the house, add gates to off-limit areas that are not able to be baby-proofed, and let your child spend time running off energy outside in a safe environment.

One more thing, do away with play time at night. This completely defeats the sleep schedule. It is like telling your child it's okay to play now vs it's time to go to sleep now.

Work it out where your child has run himself and played himself into oblivion just before his bath and nighttime schedule. This will help because he will be tired and ready to lay down and sleep. You will have some resistance because you have given in to him for so long but that can be dealt with easily by what you are doing as far as not picking him up to play after he should be in bed sleeping. Kiss him, hug him, give him his favorite toy or favorite blanket but be certain to firmly let him know it's time to go "night-night".

One last thing, do NOT put a television in his room and let it play all night. It disrupts sleep and throws off the biological cycle of sleep and keeps the brain functioning when it should be slowing down to ramp up for REM sleep. Light in and of itself in high doses from a television is the equivolent to light pollution and will keep him awake unnecessarily as well. A soft colored glowing night light is appropriate or even a wheeled series of colors on the ceiling set on a timer but use soft soothing colors that will stop after a short time, not continue all night.

I hope this helps. Please don't take this as criticism or anything. You're a first-time mom and we all make a lot of mistakes as first-time moms. The only reason I had it nailed was because I raised my brother so by the time my kids came along, it was 2nd nature and I had taken enough psychology and child psychology classes as well as workshops on enhancing their education at young ages that I was able to implement it into their schedules, which worked out great especially considering the fact I lost my sight and then my mobility, which left me with lots of limitations that were in dire need of alterations, which I did and it worked out great for both my children.

Best of luck and I hope you stick to the routine. If not, there will be a lot of sleepless nights in your future and I wouldn't wish that on any parent. Babies are up regardless but once they are as old as your child is now, that should be a thing of the past. Actually, once the last night-feeding is eliminated, it's time to get a full night's worth of rest for the parents.

Paise

PS: One last piece of advice, for safety's sake. If you have dressers, chest of drawers, China cabinets or anything else he can climb on, it's time to anchor them to the wall! Places like Lowe's, Home Depot, and various online stores carry these anchors. It can save a trip to the hospital as well as your child's life! My oldest was a late bloomer b/c she had a vision issue at birth that was corrected surgically at 7mos so she was behind schedule despite OT/PT training to increase her gross & fine motor skills as well as getting her to run and walk without it being awkward. Her little sister; however, was practically running shortly after pulling up.

Our little one pulled an empty chest of drawers down on her after pulling out each drawer just enough for her to climb to the top before it fell on her. Thankfully, all her clothes & such were locked in the closet. I turned the doorknob around backwards so you'd have to have a key to get into her closet. I had the key on a hook high so she couldn't reach it. After that incident, we anchored everything months sooner than we did with our oldest daughter & it paid off b/c our youngest was like a monkey. She could get into the darnedest places. But seriously, save yourself some heartache, anchor down anything that can be pulled down and don't think for a second they can't pull something down b/c that's when they do it... when you believe it's not possible & have given up on the idea of the child ever having the energy...

I am convinced that all kids go through this "death wish" stage. You know, the 10 to 12 months that they try to get themselves killed ALL DAY LONG!
I feel for you. This is a frustrating developmental stage - one where you think you should be able to get something done for 3 seconds, but your toddler wants all of your attention, even though you'd think he'd be more independant since he's not a baby.
All kids go through it, but it doesn't make it any easier on you for the next year. Childproof as much as you can. Give him a drawer or bin in the kitchen that's his to put pots and pans and tupperware in and out of to play with while you are in there. Maybe reserve some of his toys (like puzzles) as "special" for when you need 3 seconds. And hang in there!

Sometimes it's testing boundaries. Mom said no yesterday. Will she say no today?

Sometimes when my DD does something bad, it's because she needs attention, positive attention. Or I've been distracted (like checked messages too long) and she got into something I should have been paying attention to.

She might get time out for writing on the wall, but then we might go out to play or read a book or something. Laundry, dishes, email...it can wait long enough to play with my kid and that usually improves both of our attitudes for a while.

Does he know sign language? Sometimes crying is what they do b/c they can't say, "I'm hungry, tired, thirsty..." It may help to get on his level and try talking to him, teaching him a sign for things he wants (book, ball, drink) and trying to get him to use something other than whining to communicate.

You will also find that each stage requires another assessment of what you do, where you put things, what babyproofing you have. My daughter is 2 and her things lately are pulling crafts apart (so anything I want to save goes up high) and climbing. Things are no longer safe on the counter. So I have to move everything she shouldn't have. And so on. We took down the kitchen gates because she wasn't bothering anything and put them back up when she learned to use a stepstool. Tiring, sometimes, but it's also good that she's growing and learning.

If he likes to do certain things (put things together, stack things) then give him age-appropriate ways to do that. Maybe give him a bowl of water in the kitchen and some measuring spoons instead of an open cup of milk to pour out. Etc.

If his behavior *is* being caused by wanting attention, then perhaps you can increase the attention you give him, just not at these times. For example, when he's being good, make sure you give him attention; out of the blue, come up to him and give him a big hug and a kiss; read him a story or play a game with him.