Baby Blues :( - Saint Charles,MO

I am dealing with the same thing with my 9 month old daughter, it's been going on for about a month now. It's making me crazy! As long as I am holding her she is perfectly fine, the minute she can tell I am going to put her down, she goes nuts! My pediatrician told me to just let her cry, but after so much of that I feel like I am losing my mind. I also have a two year old son who needs me, she even gets mad when I lay her beside us just to change his diaper! I could also use some advice!

This is normal, and he's teaching you not to leave him. My 7 month old daughter has started screaming whenever I set her down or leave a room also. I learned form my first two when this happened (and from my friends and family) that is is IMPORTANT not to let them train you! I will hold my daughter and feed her and change her etc, and then, when I need to put her down, I walk away, even though she screams. If she screams when I leave the room, I do whatever I need to and come back when I'm ready. She has already improved a lot, and stops crying very shortly after I put her down etc because I don't give in. She's learning, "Oh, I'm being put down now...OK." The other two did the same. It didn't last long. They are very smart and your son has realized that when he cries and needs you, you come, but now that he's older, he's trying to take control. No biggie, give him the gift of feeling OK on his own by not giving in. Your son will learn! Give him lots of attention, but don't pick him up when he is specifically crying to "make you". Hang in there!

This sounds perfectly normal to me and it also sounds like a phase you should enjoy b/c in a few years when its no longer cool to hug your Mom you'll WISH he would want you to hold him!! haha! Babies change overnight it seems and they go through so many phases, some of them can be annoying or cause concern understandibly.

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That is pretty normal for that age and he WILL outgrow it. I know walkers are not fashionable now but they were great for my little guy - that way he could see me b/c I would drag him around from room to room. Showers were the worst for me - he would scream when I was in it. One time he crawled in fully dressed so after that I just showered with him. Good Luck - remember this will pass.

he is going through seperation anxiety and it seems a little extreme though if he has to be in your lap. of which sounds like he has been spoiled to much. I would suggest making sure to tell him when you leave the room mommy will be right back and why you have to leave the room. It doesn't always help but sometimes it does. Also try talking to him from the next room if it is possible so at least he can hear your voice. they do not have a time concept and in many cases they think if something leaves their sight it won't come back. Hence peek a boo helps them learn just because they can't see you doesn't mean you are not coming back.

my daughter has started going through something similar and she is two. She no longer is happy to play by herself in her room. Hence if she wants to play she grabs toys and follows me around the house. So hang in there they have lots of different phases they go through and they are all hard to deal with.

you're lucky this didn't begin until 7 months! Currently in my daycare, I have a child who began this at 3 months. He's a very bright boy, very cognitively-aware, & has been allowed to "rule the roost" at home....with 4 other children present....just by screaming his head off if Mommy's not holding him! Honestly, he screams repeatedly until she holds him again....not a single tear.....& cuts it off the split second she picks him up. That's pure temper, not hurt feelings!

At first, Mom was touched & just loved that he needed her so much. Now Mom is realizing that she cannot accomplish anything...whether it be fold laundry, make his bottles, take a bathroom break.... without him SCREAMING his head off. And seriously, I mean, screaming.....not crying.

When he is with me, I clearly state what I am going to do. I allow him time to track me with his eyes, & I try to back away so we have eye contact. He is 5 months old, & only cries about 1/2 the time now when not beng held....which is such a relief to me & the other children. I sometimes sing/song to him; sometimes the older kids sing to him, too.

BUT, & here's the important part, when I return to him.....I DO NOT PICK HIM UP UNTIL HE STOPS CRYING & CAN RESPOND TO ME. I talk to him, I hold his hands, I sing to him... whatever it takes to stop the crying. That way he learns that I am picking him up because we are interacting, not as a direct result of his screaming. It's a long process, & would have progressed quicker if Mom had bought into it earlier. Good Luck, take charge of your world, & hopefully Peace will return to you soon.

Sounds like it is separation anxiety. Maybe when you leave the room talk to him & reassure him that "Mommy is coming right back...Mommy is just going potty" etc. I don't think you want to get in the habit of always carrying him around w/ you everywhere b/c you won't get anything done & this will create a habit. Just reassure him verbally & he'll soon learn that Mommy does always come back. If he hears your voice it should help him. Maybe he's fine w/ someone else in the room b/c he's distracted by them, or doesn't realize Mommy left. Be patient & know this will go away as he gets older. It's completely normal. I think at this age he doesn't yet realize that you are coming back...for all he knows you are never coming back. Just keep reassuring him, popping your head into the room. Start plaing peek-a-boo w/ him as this way he'll learn you do reappear when you "disappear." Good luck!

He's right about the age where he is understanding cause and effect. Here's a link to a new parenting site from the American Academy of Pediatrics that has developmental milestones.

It could be separation anxiety because he's understanding that you're leaving and may or may not come back quickly. It is VERY common. The trick is finding a way to be able to get the things done that you need without coddling and creating a worse situation of dependence upon you.

http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/P...

Your little one is at the classic age for separation anxiety...all kids deal with this differently...it's a stage, so support him, deal with it and it will probably last a couple of months, as long as you make sure he feels secure. I would recommend the book "what to expect in the first year" Alternatively, check out Erickson's stages of development...a little hokey, but they make sense. (Separation anxiety has to do with object permanence, which most kids have by the age of about 1) By the way, kids almost always get through this however you deal with it....another bit of advice...we all need our "own time" so pick your battles....sometimes, it's ok for kids to cry! (Don't go insane!)
K

It's just going to be hard to get anything done for a while. :) But don't worry, that stuff's not important, anyway. Just hang out with him and enjoy it while it lasts. This is a normal attachment phase. If you really need to do something, tell him you're going to put him down, put him down, leave the room, and just keep talking to him the whole time. You really should keep it to a minimum, and this will pass. Good luck!

It's right about the time for this phase to begin. I have never once met a baby that this doesn't happen to. It will happen for a few months. You can play a game like the other posters have suggested, you can take him with you where ever you go. Could put him in a sling if you need your hands free. Try talking to him from the other room might work. He will out grow it.
I take care of my cousin's children and the youngest started this a 9 months and he cries if I don't hold him...even if I am in the same room with him. He's almost a year now and it's getting better but sometimes he just wants to be held.
Good luck and know it gets better in a few months.

I agree with the idea of playing peek-a-boo with him....let him start to understand that just because you can't SEE something...doesn't mean it is gone forever. Also, don't over react to his crying fits when you leave the room..don't rush back in and swoop him up...just matter of factly dry his tears and continue on with whatever is going on at that time.
I like the idea of talking to him from wherever you are...let him hear your voice and know that you are just around the corner. OR...invest in a good sling and just "wear" him....my oldest daughter did that with her son and it worked beautifully!!! She was able to get the things done that she needed to do, and keep him content all at the same time. She also was able to use those times as 'teachable moments"...explaining the world to him and introducing him to new things, new textures, etc.