Bad Habbits Brought Back from Preschool

Hi, I have noticed that my 3-year old daughter is doing the same things. My 6 year old did them too and has grown out of it. I chock it up to just a terrible 3 year old stage. I never had the terrible-2's just the terrible-3's!!! Just tell them right from wrong at home and hope they outgrow it!

Hi,i have got 5 grandchildren they are very close in age, my daughter put my grandson 4yrs of age into pre-school and he also came home with some winning things, which we promptly addressed with him.he has 2 older siblings who were 5 and 6yrs.old and all were very rambuncious kids. You just need to sit them down so they can chill out for a while.explain to them that this is unacceptable behavior and unless they stop they will need to each have a 10 min. Time out and don't just say -do it and for each time they get up add a minute. Soon they will get the idea that you are not kidding. When they do get out of time out explain to them why they had to sit and then tell them you love them and give them a kiss... Believe me it works, you have to be consistent. I've got a total of 11and a half grandchildren. Let me know how it goes. M. chacon

Please do not blame the school entirely. This is just a stage in life that you as a parent will need to address. Do not put it on the teachers to disipline your children or deal with the issues they have at home. Teachers have enough to deal with at school with all the kids. I am quite sure they deal many times a day with issues and problems. Teachers are to teach education, teach social interaction, and teach to follow rules of school. Can you imagine if every time your child makes a bad decision in school you get a lecture from her. They have so many years of school left with the interaction with kids they will come home with some things you do not like. Do not get the teacher involved unless it is a safety issue or health problem. They are going to grow up and make many good decisions in certain scenerios and they will also make bad choices too. These days so many parents get the teacher involved and I believe it is not the teachers job. Just love and correct their actions from home. That is all you can do. Good luck

Hi, Y.!

Ok, first let me say I've been through this with 4 of 'em, and I even remember trying it out myself at age 4. What my own mom did strongly influenced my strategies when I grew up and popped out all these kids -- and it worked. Really simple.

-Acknowledge: "Listen, I know you've seen other kids try this out and it seems interesting. But you need to know: I don't hear that kind of voice. I hear your normal voice, like this:" and then I show them, respectfully, the voice I want to hear vs the whiney, annoying voice they're trying out.

- Develop a 'deaf' ear: No matter what they say to me, it HAS to be in their normal voice. If they say, "Mom, my arm fell off and it's blocking the stairs," it STILL has to be in a normal voice. Period. If they whine, I say, "I'm sorry? I couldn't hear that voice..." over and over and over... till they remember what we discussed -- and realize I won't cave.

- Don't give up: Usually they conform quick when presented with resolve and a deaf ear.

- Give a hint: Gently, 'confidentially' remind them that they need to use their big kid voice, kind of give them a hint before you pretend to be deaf because after a night's sleep they actually do forget briefly.

- Occasionally they'll go for a marathon duel --to see if you'll cave after 25 whines... plus tears... plus a mysteriously lame leg and a certainty they may die... but by whine 26 they'll decide they want your attention more than they want to whine.

- NOTE: I've noticed that, without fail, real emergencies NEVER, (and I mean broken-collar-bone, midnight-asthma-attack) NEVER get presented with a whine. There's a whole different sound to a child in real distress. The primal senses get it straight away.

-Bullying: I define this as any sort of strong-arm tactic -- including psychological strong-arming by tattling every 5 seconds. No way around it, I have to sit down and talk it out. Logically. Get down to brass tacks and find out not only who knocked the blocks over, but who frustrated the Knocker so badly that she felt compelled to block-knock! Pretty soon the certainty of equal and just consequences eclipses the tattling compulsion. Heck, if you're gonna get nailed for egging someone on, it's not worth tattling when they retaliate.

- BUT there are some things that I DO want tattled on, like unprovoked violence, drawing on the car, seeing if it's true that a lizard loses its tail when terrified... trial and error teach kids to define and use their moral compasses. It's worth the time invested to help them do that.

I have to run through these routines, at some level, every few months -- because every few months they honestly think I'll forget. It takes about 3 days of 'zero-tolerance' before they stop challenging the 'system' and just get back to being happy, normal kids. Don't be alarmed when they keep refreshing the challenge -- it's a sign they're not dull-witted. Just know your strategy and stand your ground. And above all, praise, praise, praise even the little things they do right. Seriously. It makes ALL the difference.

Good luck! :-)

Preschool isn't necessary for a child's development. People seem to dump their kids in one because everyone else is doing it, and/or they want a break. In my opinion, puppies need to be socialized, but children need to be raised...by their mother and father. The bad outweighs the good when it comes to preschool. Like you said, your little girls didn't learn this bad behavior from you when they were with you all day. They learned it from the other kids.

Why not buy preschool-age learning books and activities? You can home school your kids preschool until they are 5 or 6, and emotionally ready for Kindergarten. Just a thought. Remember: Children learn social skills from observing and emulating ADULT behavior.

I am not sure that preschool is the problem OR the solution to any of your problems. You say that you have noticed a lot of development between the ages of 2 1/2 and 3 -- well sure; that is a time of major changes with or without preschool. Some of those changes are a "boost" and some include the negative behavior that you described.

My advice to you is that if you are a stay-at-home, then stay at home with your girls. Women who have no choice but to put their kids in "school" at 2 years old are glad that our society touts there are some positive aspects of it, but truly, toddlers are not really better off away from home. My kids are teens now, and, beleve me, they grow up plenty fast enough... they don't need to be away from you now.

Hi Y.-
I am also the mother of twins (b/g 4 years old).
I agree that bad habits can be picked up by watching others, but I also think it might just be the age. I see the same thing from my kids. I think the best thing to do is to continue to remind them that it is not nice to hit or tattle. Also, if one is more inclined to share, make sure to point out how good it feels when someone shares.
I know how frustrating this can be. Good luck!

Hi Y.,

My son did this too after he had been at preschool about 6 months. He whined and was more aggressive and he started telling on his friends. The good news is that is will stop, but the bad is that it will take some time and be not completely gone. Some great days and some challenging ones, plus you have it times two!
What I did that seemed to help:
Whining - Immediately after he whined, I said no whining. If he continued, I gave him a time out, if it excalated into a tantrum, I continued the calmness and put him back in time out. I also had to train the whining out, by telling him what he is expected to say - we even practice the tome he says it. Now when I catch him starting to whine, all I have to do is say stop whining and he changes!
As far as the aggression, I would tell him a little mantra before school. No kicking, no hitting, no biting. I told him that if he was good, we would go on a bike rde, or when I'm lazy, I would offer the coveted piece of gum. Then, when he is present, I would tell his teacher what his reward is for no kicking, no hitting and no biting. If he was aggressive that day, he got much reinforcing at home with the 'mantra' and Dad would also remind him what he did, and why he shouldn't - it hurts, etc.
I personally ignore tattling, but the school we go to seems to ask the kids what happened. At home, our son has different rules, and he actually does well figuring out who allows him to do what.
Hope this helped and Good luck!
M.

Look at these issues as character building moments. You can deal with these things while they are young instead of when they are in elementary school. They are gaining great social skills that just need to be shaped into positive characters. Don't cringe at tattling at this age. They are desperately seeking to understand how to solve problems and by tattling, they are seeing what your solution is to the issue that they don't yet know how to deal with. After they have seen you deal with issues, start asking them what they think a solution to the problem would be. By first or second grade, tattling will be gone for you while those who have not trained their children how to solve issues will still be dealing with tattling. All the issues your three-year-olds are going through are very normal. I am a preschool teacher and a mother of a four-year-old and a two-year-old, dealing with all of these issues on a daily basis. Yes, they do pick up some bad habbits, but that's where your training at home comes in. If they are in a loving, nurturing preschool, the teacher will also be working to shape these negative behaviors into strong, positive qualities. I hope all this helps you rest a bit.

Y.,
The whining can be ignored, and reinforce the correct speech "patterns" at home.
All the more aggressive behaviors is not entirely because of the preschool (granted Hitting is NOT acceptable). Part of all the changes is...They are growing up and trying to deal with their wants and needs in a way that gets them what they want.
At school...it may get them the toy OR attention, etc.
You need to observe and /investigate ....I assume you checked out this Preschool thoroughly and watched to see how behaviors are handled?
You are going to have to come up with YOUR OWN rules and consequences, be consistent about what you want from them and how you want them to behave.
Make the list SHORT and VERY CLEAR.
Out it up in a very easily accessible place.
You could also make a chart with stickers and help them see what they can earn.
With my daughter, we would write on the chart a trip to the book store, or the zoo, etc. (after 5 "happy" days)
It's all about what YOU are comfortable with and are willing to accept.
But be aware that you have to teach them what you want them to do and what you don't want them to do.
And make the consequences clear and FOLLOW THROUGH!!!
It's not just about telling it is about SHOWING!!!!
Also, you will have to weather a test of wills with them...behaviors go UP before they go down...:(..unfortunately)
GOOD LUCK!
W.

Hi Y.,
Unfortunately, no matter when you kids go to school they will learn some bad habits from the other kids - especially kids with older siblings. The same thing would have happened if your kids were in Kindergarten or first grade so it's not the preschool that is to blame. I think preschool is really beneficial for kids. The kids are probably learning bad behaviors on the playground when the teachers aren't always paying attention, not in the classroom.

You can ask the teachers to try to be aware of what is going on but basically you have to just reinforce with your kids at home what is acceptable behavior for school and for home. Explain that just because the other kids are doing something or saying something doesn't mean that your kids should be doing it too. Give appropriate time outs or loss of toys or privileges if they continue the bad behavior. It eventually sinks in. My son is 5 and he sometimes tells me "well the other kids were doing it too..." but most times he tells me he didn't do what the other kids were doing because he knew it was wrong.

So just keep reinforceing your rules and your kids will eventually stop the bad behavior. Of course they're kids so they can't be perfect and they'll come up with something else to bug you but just keep on track and they'll be fine.

Good luck.

L.

Dear Y.,
First, congratulations on having twin girls and surviving. Many people think that boys have the market on difficulty. Your daughters are a great gift, but they will definitely push the envelope. The upside of preschool is the socialization, and an increase of learning specific things that pertain to their education for school in the future. The downside is the behavior that is not desirable. They are going to test the waters at home to see if they get the results other students get at preschool by telling on one another, screaming, not sharing, etc. Often times, negative behavior is reinforced at preschool because those students get more attention. Think about it, if you were three years old you would want attention too. See if you can come and visit at the preschool one day. Watch the children interact with staff and other children. If you see negative behavior being reinforced, bring it to their attention. But, be sure to make it as a suggestion, not I think. That will never work. As a parent, you have knowledge the staff does not have, education alone does not equip you for having or watching children. Life experience is very important. With this in mind, let them know your concerns. Such as, "My daughter or daughters are displaying this behavior at home now, and this has never been the way they have treated each other or us. Do you have any suggestions for how this can be dealt with?" Pull them into the situation and they will be more apt to listen to you and respond positively. They may even make some suggestions, or become more aware of certain children that behave inappropriately.If they will not let you visit unannounced or never, move your children to a new preschool or insist on visits. You have a right as a parent to see what goes on through out the day while they are at preschool.
For at home, immediately start reinforcing that tattling will not be tolerated or listened too. You can let them know that if someone is hurt or something was broken, etc. then come and tell you. Otherwise, they need to start using their skills of working things out between them. It won't work 100% of the time, but try it and keep saying it over and over again. Repetition does work. They are bright girls and they will eventually see that you will not respond to them if they complain, scream, etc.

Also prayer and a mommy time away is good too.

E.:)

This is an awesome opportunity for teaching boundaries. It's a good thing for them to be exposed to these behaviors. They see someone doing something, they bring it home, and then you get to teach your boundary preference on the subject. We had a neighbor kid that was teaching my 3 year old how to flip the bird. We had the hardest time teaching him to stop. It was a hard concept to teach because he didn't understand the meaning of the bird and saw someone else doing it all the time. We had to unwelcome the source into our home and it seriously took months to get him to stop. Lots of time outs. Of course in pre-school you can't take away the source of bad behaviors but you can consistently teach the boundaries. It's actually a never ending teaching process lol. There's always going to be something. It's good for them but it's frustrating at the same time.

This same thing happened with my daughter when she went to preschool. I tried to just reenforce the fact that "we dont do things like that in our family because we love each other." I just made sure to stop her each time a bad behavior came up, made her look me in the eyes, and repeated that phrase. After a while it wasnt a problem anymore, not to say it never happens but it is a lot less frequent than it was. Good Luck!

Your girls are old enough to sit down and write up the family rules; which you post on the frig. Each time a family rule is broken there is a consequence immediately. You want to take care of this right away as they will continue to bring bad behaviors into the home throughout their lives. They make a choice to break a family rule, you have a choice to displine.

hats off to you for raising twins!
i don't have any specific suggestions for the behavior but i had similar problems and i felt better once i realized that it's a common problem. my daughter, who is 4 now, went through that. the preschool she goes to is great. i feel that they handle misbehavior in an appropriate manner. as for the tattling, i was a kindergarten teacher and it is very difficult for even 5 year olds to distinguish between when they should report something and tattling. i think toddlers still need to figure this out as well. it can be confusing for them. it's a learning process. although the 'whining' is still there for my daughter, she's progressed. now, unfortunately, it seems the thing to do is be exclusive with friends. as with all inappropriate behavior, i would just continue to redirect, discuss the effects of their behavior and model appropriate behavior. good luck.

There are a few things. First, you think they're supposed to be better after the terrible 2's, and they actually don't. There are fewer times of craziness, but when they act up, it's much louder. Regardless of preschool, be sure to keep up the rules of your house, and discipline when they don't obey the rules. My daughters (I don't know if this relates to twins) do the same thing and one is 2 and the other is 5. They need some help learning how to coexist, and to appreciate what they have at the time without worrying about what the other has. I also chose to do preschool at home after I had my daughter in a afternoon class and she was coming home saying sassy and mean things. You can't help them when they're in a class with at least 10 other children who can come from totally different backgrounds. But .... when my daughter was in her class, I encouraged her to help the other kids instead of joining in with them. I reminded her that she was to be a loving and kind girl, and to be comfortable with not having to do what everyone else is doing. You can volunteer here and there and see what they're up against, and then talk with them according to what you see. Do a checklist of the 3 things: age, sibling relationship, and problems at preschool, and then you should have a better idea about how to go about it. I hope this helped. :)

Wow...I think I would think twice about that preschool. It sounds like they are either not being properly supervised, or the teachers think these benaviors are ok. It will be harder breaking them of the habits at home if they are allowed to continue the bad behavior at school.

a lot of this behavior has to do with their age too. But how you can handle this behavior at home is place them in seperate rooms and tell them you do not approve of this and until they can act correctly they can sit on the bed or sit until they can come out and be good. Just be consistant and it will pay off. unfortunatly you still have a long road ahead. Welcome to motherhood. Hang in there you are doing a great job, just by knowing this behavior is wrong.
N.

HI Y.,
To me, it doesn't sound like something they "picked up" from pre-school necessarily. It could just be that they have become a little out of touch with each other. They have been playing with other kids and have taken a step backward in their relationship with each other. I think they just need to re-learn being with each other - maybe some bonding time - and it would not hurt if you were to be around them while they play to direct their behavior a little. It sounds like they just need some additional re-inforcement of good behavior they already know how to do but have just forgotten. Just a little good natured reminder from mom may be all they need. Wish you the best!