Bad Mom Moment?

Well my kids have been helping with ranch chores since they were literally babies. They love it! I am in the minority here but kids have to learn how to around animals. Would I let them near a dangerous animal, no. Have they been run over by an unruly animal? Many, many times. Usually a goat or a dog! Usually they get up and laugh. My son was scratched behind the ear pretty deeply by a baby wallaby. Things happen. Water is dangerous, cars, the playground etc etc. Blaming one parent(unless there was intentional negligence) is a big no no.

Have hubby go to the farm with you so he can get more used to the animals. The more he's exposed the less goofy he'll be about the animals.

How does a calf kick someone standing next to him? I didn't think the range if motion in a cow's hips and/or leg would allow for something like that. Seems weird to me.

Ah ... I guess they do have the range of motion. Still seems weird but makes more sense to me now.

Without reading too many of the other answers--

Well, I guess I grew up free range enough for this not to bother me. :) If my husband came home and told me the exact same story, I would have been fine with it. Why?

1. Kids need lessons in life. This was a very small, low-risk one with a very minor scratch. Now Oliver will know that animals have their limits and maybe not to do that again. It's not like he was with the full grown cows or wandering around with the horses.

2. I trust my husband not to put our son in harm's way. I would trust that, having grown up around animals, he would know his stuff and know which levels of risk were appropriate to the visit/exposure. I actually think that the more low-risk, diverse experiences kids have, the more they learn about their world and learn to respect its inhabitants.

3. I trust my husband.

4. I trust my husband.

I could repeat it, but that's mainly what it boils down to for me. Do people make minor mistakes? Yep. But there's something to be said for not treating our children with kid gloves. You didn't put him in a dangerous situation, but an interesting one? Absolutely. Kids can also get even more hurt at the playground if you think about it. And if we wrap them in bubble wrap, if we never teach them the difference between domesticated service animals and truly wild animals-- huge disservice to the child, both of those.

Now, if my husband went off like that on me, we'd be going to counseling together the next week. That, to me, screams trust issues. Just sayin'....

Your husband is insulting your intelligence on this because he is clueless to your knowledge. You did nothing wrong.

V. Rae:

Sit down...be prepared....

You didn't do anything wrong. Yes. You read that right. you didn't do anything wrong.

I see Justin's point about the WHAT IF - but stuff happens EVERY day. WHAT IF Oliver did climb up on a box and brought an aquarium down on him??? What IF Oliver climbed to the top of the stairs and brought a rug with him to "ride" down??? What if Oliver climbed on top of the cabinet and pulled a knife out???? The list goes on and on...you can't live your life in WHAT IF's.

He was showing respect to the animals - he was trying to help. Now he knows what to expect. It was a learning/teaching moment.

My kids have ridden on the back of a bull....oh my!! and they lived!! and a cow!! And a horse. Oliver will learn from this. He got up and went back to "work" - did he continue to 'shoo" the flies away? Maybe not? If he did? Oh well... he'll learn the lesson.

Teach him to respect the animal - no matter the size.

You did NOTHING wrong here.

You were showing Oliver how to handle animals.

No, hubby's just having a freak out because of his fears, and the "what if's". It's a lack of knowledge. Try to let it go and sympathize. He just doesn't know what to expect, so he expects the worst.

Make sure you teach him proper behavior around farm animals. Being careful is always the best thing. You can protect as much as humanly possible. But we can't stop everything, we just can't. A kid can fall down a flight of stairs and hurt themselves and we could be standing right next to them. You do what you can and teach what you can.

I grew up on a farm and got pushed down many times by unruly animals as a kid. I can't imagine your little guy getting terribly hurt by a kick from a 2 day old calf even if he did get clonked in the head. A horse or a cow, yes, but not a calf.

Your husband just doesn't understand, and I hope he learns to take his inexperience into account before he freaks next time. He can also take into account that Oliver knows now that even though he was trying to be helpful to the calf by shooing flies, that it doesn't always seem like helping to an animal. He is learning by experience! :) Time for hubby to get some chore time in to get over his fear!

I'd be inclined to stand your husband next to the calf - or maybe a cow or a horse, something bigger. Sorry, but if my husband freaked out on me, he'd quickly shut up...it was an ACCIDENT. It's not like you put Oliver next to the calf and taught the calf to kick him. Things happen.

Shoot, tell your husband you'll just put Oliver in a bubble and roll him around. Then he won't flip out - that is of course until the bubble burts.

No, I don't think you were a bad mom at all! I think your husband is over reacting. I think the opportunity to help with farm animals is an amazing experience for your little boy. Now your son knows not to wave his arms around the calf because it scares him.

Sounds like he doesn't trust your parenting choices or your parents babysitting skills. What's with the "wild animals"? It was a two day old calf not a pack of hungry wolves.

My youngest is a daredevil to this day. At around two she was hanging on monkey bars under hubby's watch. She fell, HARD. Knocked the wind out of her, she still remembers it today. My husband felt AWFUL, he kept saying "she just let go". Poor guy it was his first experience with that just letting go thing toddlers do;) I am trying to picture me getting angry at him, flipping out, ranting for an hour. The blame game is not pretty or productive.

Does he plan on allowing your son to play baseball, ski, surf, hike, ride a bike or horse? My girls were doing all of those things from about five on.

Children become adults who were shaped by their life experiences and their parents reactions to those experiences. IMO the emotional trip an overprotective parent will lay on a kid is far more dangerous than most of the activites that kid is denied enjoying. Life is for living and that farm sounds like a lot of fun!

Uh, accidents can happen in the city and the country. No you are not wrong. JMO. Good luck.

Nope you didn't do anything wrong. Oliver could have just as easily been hit by a swing at the playground or gotten run into by someone's cart at the grocery store. He could have tripped over his own 2 feet and gotten hurt. It's called accidents and they happen.

Your hubby flipped out because he doesn't know farming and wasn't there to see exactly what happened so he's thinking something major bad could have happened. He's over reacting and instead of just admitting he is afraid of what he doesn't know he's making you question your parenting skills.

I think it's great that you are letting your son have such experiences!

I wish my kids could help on a farm.

I'm with Wild Woman on this one. Could something have gone horribly wrong? Yes. Did it? No.

Use it as a teaching moment, and next time remind Oliver what happened last time, make sure he shows respect, and don't stand near where he could get kicked, etc.

If we lived our lives every day protecting everyone from the What Ifs, we would all be very boring, and not have any adventures to tell. ;)

Your husband needs to lighten up.

YOU were there with your son. You would not put your child in danger. YOU do not want your son to get hurt.

When your husband acts like this it makes it seem like he does not trust you to care for your son.

Your son could fall down the front steps of your home and end up with a cracked head, broken leg or broken arm.

If you had a pet that ran in front of him.. cat or dog, he could fall and get a scratch, a bump, a sprain..

Is your husband going to allow your son to ride a bike? To play sports? Pitch a ball catch a ball He is going to realize these activities are worse than a calf bumping your child.

Generations of children have grown up on farms.
Your husband needs to figure out how HE can handle this fear.

If you knew the stuff I did as a child, I should be dead. I would rather raise a child like I was raised, you learn what is or is not a good idea.

Pretty sure he won't be spooking a calf anytime soon.

Sure it could have been worse but you could have had an accident on the way home and everyone died. Can't live by could have.

Your husband needs to chill.

I'm a city kid and even I know your husband is being ridiculous. No, you are not wrong here. Tell him they aren't "wild animals" they are "domesticated animals" and doesn't he understand the difference?

I bet Oliver had a blast :)

Haven't read other responses but hubby needs a chillpill!!! Seriously your son is OK and isn't scared for life in anyway shape or form - except by Daddy's fears and OVER REACTION!!!

I would ask Daddy - so are you going to freak out like this when he learns to ride a bike? What about sports? What about at a playground? Seriously you can't wrap him in bubble wrap and leave him in a padded room.

No, you're not wrong, of course not. Heck, he could fall anywhere, any time. He could slip stepping down from a curb! Hubby needs to mellow out. You're the farm expert here, not him.

I don't think you're wrong.
Being with and tending to animals is special and not something that a lot of kids get to do.
Once your son is old enough, sign him up for 4H.
It will be a great experience for both him and your Hubby.
Your Hubby needs to spend a lot more time on the farm and in the barn.
Certainly you need to respect what an animal that is bigger and heavier than you can do to you (I have a neighbor who's foot's been broken 3 times from a horse stepping on it - she still loves horses but wears steel toed boots now) but you shouldn't be afraid of them.

Sounds like he doesn't trust you or your parents to keep your son safe, which is sad.
My kids have been exposed to high risk activities, skiing, horseback riding, etc. If we had access to a farm I'm sure I would have taken them there, too. I think being around animals teaches respect and compassion for our fellow creatures and the food they provide.
I would try to talk to him about this when you both calm down. He can't expect his son to live in a bubble, and he needs to have faith in his wife to make good choices.

Haven't read the other responses, so this may be a repeat, but....

I think it's wonderful and fantastic and amazing that Oliver (and all your kids) have a real working farm in their lives. That -- a real connection to where food comes from and what it takes to produce it -- is so important, and so few kids nowadays get it.

I think the benefits far outweigh the risks.

And, I don't mean there are no risks. But, the risk from car accidents is probably greater for all kids, farm kids, city kids, suburban kids, than the risk your son had. And you don't see people sheltering kids from all vehicular traffic until they turn 18. Instead we teach them: "don't go running in the street."

This is just another opportunity for teaching -- "Only touch the animals like so." Only, it's a lot more valuable, in a lot of ways.

P.S. Oh, and I never thought of farm animals as wild animals. They're domesticated, like dogs and cats -- but domesticated to the point of barn living, not house living. You could never have a true wild animal in a barn.

Accidents happen.
They're never planned and always unexpected.
That's why they're called "accidents."

O. true thing your husband needs to know is that even if you plan for and eliminate 99.9% of hazards around them, a child WILL find the other .01%

A child can get hurt while you're holding their hand.

I would just tell your husband enough already - Oliver is fine and he needs to stop his yammering on about it. Kids get hurt in all kinds of ways doing all kinds of things - he could have gotten hurt on the slide at the playground just as easily. Not enough kids spend time on farms around real farm animals, IMHO.

Accidents happen. Kids can get hurt taking a nap.
Did hubs never fall down and skin his knee as a kid?

you are right and your husband is over-reacting.
i had my boys around horses from out of the chute. yes, i was very careful, and yes, stuff still happens. you did everything right, and it shows because despite 'something happening', oliver is fine.
the world is a dangerous place. we live in it. we should respect it and take reasonable precautions, but not fear it.
your little boy is lucky he has a mom who can give him time on a farm!
khairete
S.

Well accidents happen. Let me tell you the things we did as kids. Rode in the car w/o a seat belt. Rode in the back of the pickup truck as all 20 of us grandkids were headed to the lake driving 55-60 mph on a paved road, then another 10-15 miles on a dirt road. Ride our bikes at 5 years of age down to the Rock Shop to get $.10 bubble gum. Got on the school bus to ride into another town where the swimming pool was in the summer time. Left the house at 8am and came home at noon to eat lunch when we heard the noon whistle blow and back out until 6pm when it was time to eat dinner. Those were the good ole days in the 70's!
I think it scared your husband more than anything and since he didnt grow up on a farm he is a little more cautious than you are. I think next time something happens you need to tell him about before letting him find out on his own.

My mother grew up on a farm and when I was about 3 we went to visit. There was a new calf that I know we were around. I think you're more the expert here than your husband is and therefore have the benefit of experience. You're not talkign about something you know nothing about. Yes, something almost happened or did but it was slight but sh*t happens. Maybe you need to be even more careful but not like you let him hang out behind the calf. So no - I don't think you were wrong but unfortunately when a child gets hurt, fingers are pointed. It's somewhat natural. I wouldn't be obstinate with your husband that there is NO danger etc but point out to him all the times and ways a child can get hurt. Tell him you will be even more attentive next time and then ignore him if he keeps harping... Eventually he'll get over it.

You are not wrong. Your husband is projecting his own fears. Your husband sounds quite overprotective. I mean, who asks how a little boy gets a scratch? Little boys are supposed to be covered in scratches and bruises. Most people would not think to ask how a boy gets a scratch because it is expected! It sounds like you were quite cautious. I have been taking my boys to petting zoos and hobby farms since they could walk, and they are free to roam and pet the animals. I have never required them to stand right next to me. I would certainly never have worried about a calf that is only a few days old!

Your husband won't let it go because you keep defending it and refusing to see his concern. That can cause one parent to second guess the other, because it means that/feels like you aren't on the same page. You're just brushing off the fact that this was upsetting to him, telling him that he shouldn't feel that way. Isn't that exactly what you're accusing him of doing to you? I think that if you acknowledge to him that you see that it concerns him (and even understand why, since you recognize your differences) and assure him that you will be more careful in the future, then he will better. (There must be SOME part of you that thinks that SOMETHING could have been done differently.) The boy is not just yours. In a case where he gets hurt on your watch, you swallow the bitter pill of the other parent thinking and saying that you could have done things differently. And you could have, right? I mean, you didn't see the problem with letting him do what he was doing--and that's okay--but the chance that you took was it not working out like you had imagined. Sometimes things work out fine; sometimes they don't. He has a right to be upset that his child is hurt and could have been hurt worse in a situation that was avoidable. Let's say that your husband throws him up and catches him. One day, your son hits the floor and starts crying. You just might say some of the same stuff to your husband. It wouldn't be a bad parenting moment for him, just an accident that could have been prevented but for his choice of Door A instead of Door B.

You're making it about you. It's about his not being able to protect his child. When some of us step away from our children at certain ages, we do so ONLY because we expect their caregivers to do just what we would do to care for them. Otherwise, it's hard to walk away. It didn't occur to your husband that you wouldn't handle that like he figures he would. In his mind, you had the option to set your son out of the way of the work that you were doing and you thought it better to put him right in the middle of it.

Validate his feelings if you want him to back off. I don't think that you were wrong, but your response to your husband's concern is wrong.

We live on a farm. Those things happen. A dog can nip at a kid just as easily as a calf. They are strong little suckers. We let our small kids bottle feed the calves. If he hasn't been around it, it would be cool for him to try.

Oliver got lucky this time. If he was older I would say its ok. At 3, they are impulsive and make quick movements. Animals get spooked. Kids get hurt. He can go, but I would make him sit. As he gets older and understands animals, he can be close.

I've really never been around a farm. When I was young, a neighbor had horses and we would go see them, but I can't remember how close I stood by them. I do remember riding them though. I guess I'd be cautious because you just never know what an animal will do. I vaguely remember just recently reading somewhere about a child being kicked in the head by a farm animal, and I believe that child died. So, I can see where hubby is coming. I would just tell hubs that you will be more careful in the future, and hopefully that's the end of it.

I haven't read others' comments, so this may be repetitious, but I can understand why your husband was upset. My husband is a stay at home dad so he spends more time with our 13 month old daughter than me. So more accidents have happened under his care than mine. Our first real incident was when our daughter fell off our bed. When he first told me, I was really upset. But there was no real harm done and I eventually learned to get over it (and other incidents like these).

Life is full of what-ifs. And yes, some of those what-ifs are scary. But we have to live our lives. We can try to be as careful as we can be, but things happen. We can't keep ourselves or our children in a bubble because of these what-ifs (although I sometimes wish we could).

You mentioned your son's in school so I'm guessing he is old enough to understand if you explain to him that he needs to respect animals, etc. so just explain to him again that these things happen if he's not careful (if you haven't already). No big deal.

Chalk it up to a lesson learned and don't feel guilty about it. Yes, it COULD have been worse, but it wasn't and your son is FINE. Time for your husband to take a deep breath and move on with life. I mean, ANY situation could potentially turn dangerous - that's why accidents happen!

It's not like you left him unsupervised with a huge bull or anything. And I had to laugh at the "wild animal" remark :) Yes, animals can be unpredictable, but this is a calf, not a tiger.

V.,
I don't think you did anything wrong, and it's great that he has the opportunity to be and see, so close to the animals. I think Dad just over reacted a bit. Yes, we are protective, even over-protective at times, it's natural, but, things happen . They can happen anywhere at any time, with anybody,... no need to play the blame game. There is a big difference in being neglectfull, and "letting something happen, vs sometimes things just do happen, no one's fault. Yeah for the little guy bouncing right back up, you know, what they say about falling off the horse, Hubby sounds like he wants to project his fear onto little guy, and thats not healthy either, YES , all precautions should be taken to protect our kids, but, we shouldn't hold them back from exploring their world because of our own fears, (of course ,that's within reason,too.) And, "what if's" could go on for as long as the sun sets and rises, We can't just stop living because of 'what ifs'. You didn't do anything wrong in my book. C. S.

Oh, FFS! Really! Heck no, you weren't wrong! In my case, my husband grew up on the farm we live on and I was the "city" kid. Never been around a cow in my life until I moved here. That being said, I can't tell you how many pictures I have of my very young (younger than 3, that's for sure) daughter in the feed racks with the calves AND 1500 pound cows eating right next to her. If you grew up with these animals and you have the experience to know how they will react, your husband needs to chill out, big time! Good Grief, it was a little scratch from an itty, bitty new calf. If your son is that fragile, you may as well go purchase his "bubble" today for him to live in, because that's what it sounds like your husband wants. He's a little boy, SH*T happens when you have little boys, that's J. a fact of life. (Little girls, too) I can't even tell you how offended I would be at your husband's reaction. Ask him, seriously, are the two of you raising your boy to be a man or a total sissy. And then tell him, keep it up and Oliver will grow up to be a total puss! Without life knocking you down once in a while, be it in the form of a two day old calf or a playground bully, you'll never realize that life is full of hard knocks and the only thing you can do is get back up and learn from your mistakes. Good for you for showing your son the ropes, because your post indicates that your husband isn't going to. Stand your ground, Mama, and keep teaching your little boy about all the wonders of life, including that sometimes, life hurts!

I see nothing wrong with what you did. Your husband is acting crazy. My mom has a farm, but I'm not really into that. My kids love it when we go to visit and see all the animals she has. Your husband needs to chill

I'm sorry your husband freaks out over things and questions your judgment. He is too harsh.

I know I'm in the minority here in what I'm going to say, after looking at the other posts. I do think that you need to keep him away from the farm animals while you are doing chores. He is too little to think through what will and won't spook them. Farm animals aren't domesticated and can't be trusted around children. Instead, have him with you when you AREN'T working so that you are able to have all your attention on him, teaching him about the animals. Truly, that may be the only way your husband will be able to come to terms with your son being so close to the farm animals.

Another thing to consider is the problem with ecoli and farm animals. I've known more than a handful of people, including children, who have gotten sick from petting zoos at farms. It's nothing to play around with. Hands have to be washed before touching anything. Little kids aren't good at remembering not to touch their faces before washing.

Good luck working this out with the hubs.

No, you're not wrong, you just grew up differently from your husband.

Your son only has a scratch, just tell your husband sorry, and that you won't put him next to the cow again, and that you will tell your parents to do the same.

Kids who grow up on a farm are exposed to different things, it's not a matter of wrong or right, but you have to make your husband happy.

Kids get scratches occasionally, even when they're not next to a cow.

I have not read all your responses. However, the one thing my fiancé and I don’t argue about is how to keep our LOs safe even if one of us thinks the other is being overly cautious. We argue/disagree about many other things however one’s perception of what is safe and what is not can be very personal and as long as it’s not outright paranoia – we respect each other’s feelings.

What you can do is try to integrate your Husband into “farm life” so he can be expose to a broader view. I had a BF once that thought our 6 cows/1 calf laying in the field was going to “stampede us” – silly city boy, but I digress. Anyhow, again, someone’s fear is something you just can’t say “get over it” or “you just don’t get it” - because really, it’s usually the person saying it that doesn’t get it. Not saying one person is right or wrong. It’s not about who is right or wrong, it’s about respecting someone’s innate feelings – especially about their offspring(s).

Personally, I too grew up on a farm and did all sorts of crazy stuff that horrify me now as a Mom and probably would not let my LOs reenact =)

I should add to - be glad he cares so much, that's a great start. Now you just have to figure out a compromise that works for both of you =)

Well, kind of. Did you tell your son not to stand behind OR next to the calf? Basically, in the proximity he could have been kicked? If you did and still stood there, he is clearly not ready to accompany you while you do chores. If you didn't, yeah...that's your fault and REALLY dangerous.

I don't think he should be standing near an animal, in such a way that he can be kicked. If he can't 100% understand not to do that, he shouldn't be there while you are busy.

What if he DID get kicked in the head? Then what? I went to school with a really sweet girl named Amanda. When she was 15, she was kicked in the head by a horse she was brushing. I see her every time I grocery shop. She bags the groceries, supervised. That's all she can ever do with her life, because of the brain damage. Your son is much smaller then a 15 year old. Maybe, you should ask HER parents this question.

**I grew up on a hobby farm. (My parents did not have the farm, for income.) We had a horse, 2 cows, a goat, a donkey, some ducks...and many other animals through the years. I was told and understood, that I could not be in proximity to a kick.

ETA: Well, goodness. You didn't exactly say anything in your question about standing NEXT to him while was there. You know...you made it pretty clear you were doing chores, so I thought that's what you were doing...not standing there. Of course, standing right there is no big deal. I do still think it's really important to teach kids to stay away from the areas they can get kicked.

My one thought - Can you "negotiate" with hubby, to figure out a way that hubby will feel okay with Oliver being "around wild animals"?

The suggestion I have in mind - have Oliver wear a helmet (like a bike helmet) when he is standing near those animals?

It is unreasonable for hubby to say "there is NO WAY that I will ever allow Oliver to be near an animal". Talk to hubby and try to compromise.

My husband is like this too, much more of a worry-wart about the kids' physical safety. If course I make sure they are safe, but I am also with them 24/7 and I know better then him what they are capable of themselves and what they still need help for. He is much more likely to baby them and do it for them.

I think you are right, you have to teach him the right way to be around these animals, since it is a big part of your extended-family life, and you WERE right there, supervising, and had him in the right place. little things like this happen with animals - like dog bites or dogs jumping up and knocking a kid down, and cat scratches. It happens. We live through it. We learn to be a bit more cautious next time.

Does your hubby take the boy hunting or fishing? Does he wrap him in bubble wrap and put goggles and ear plugs on him??

It is good for kid to learn about real life by living it, and you are doing great mom!

He is totally overreacting. Farm animals have been domesticated for thousands of years --- YES I mean thousands of years. I spent many of my days during childhood around farm animals. Yes they need to be respected as you would any animal or person. The most gentle animal can and will turn on a human or other animal if they are mistreated or startled. But they are safe to be around even for for small children.

Your hubby needs to spend more time around the farm and actually helping out in the barn.

I side with you. I'm not afraid of farm animals either (even though I would not be considered "farm folks" by any means). If you told me your son had been walking behind a horse without you to watch him, I'd say you were wrong - but a calf that's just a few days old? Really, not a concern. Maybe your DH would be happier if you promised to not let your son inside the stalls with the animals?