Bedtime Trouble

She needs to be going to bed a LOT earlier. The best bedtime for a baby her age is between 6 and 8. Whoever is putting her to bed should try giving her a bottle and putting her to bed 20 mins earlier each night, until they get her back to 8 or earlier, then you can feed her after you get home, whenever she wakes up for a feeding. hope this helps!

Hi H.,
I have had similar trouble. I wanted so badly to get my daughter, almost 6 months, into a routine so my husband and i could get an hour together. People kept telling me that 3 months is still too young and i didn't want to believe them, BUT unfortunately, i believe that may be the case. Lindsay will now go down by 8:30, but that has only been the case in the past month. My husband wanted to feed her before bedtime so i would pump and let him feed her, but we also ran into the same problem that she wanted the comfort of my nipple. I asked my dr. and she said that you should never let a baby fall/go to sleep while nursing because they will not learn how to self-soothe when they wake in the middle of the night. She suggested to put her down when she was ALMOST asleep and let her cry a bit. For ex. she said to put her down, let her cry a minute, go back in, shhhh and rub her back then walk out. As crying persists, go back in and do the same at 2 minutes, then 4, then after 8, 16, etc. It may take a bit, but it is weird. Lindsay screamed for 22 minutes, then all of a sudden fell asleep. That isn't always the case. They may be other reasons as to why they are crying so just be sure to monitor. I hope this helps...

Hi, H.,

As some of the other ladies have mentioned, creating and keeping a schedule for feeding and bedtime is extremely important. The key for you will be making sure that Gabriella's caretaker on the evenings when you work is willing to do what needs to be done to help you reset her internal clock. I know that not everyone believes in using a pacifier, however, it can be helpful in establishing a routine. When my first child was born, I was quite determined not to use a pacifier and I would breast feed her to put her to sleep. It just didn't work well--she would wake up a scream as soon as I put her down. A nurse friend gently pointed out to me that I was allowing her to use me as a giant pacifier. We switched to a silicon pacifier and she was fine. By the time my third child came along, I had learned some things. 1) a regular schedule of feeding, awake time, and sleeping is good for a baby, 2) crying doesn't hurt so long as it is carefully monitored, 3) a pacifier, if the baby seems to need it, is a wonderful comfort. By 4 months he was sleeping through the night (8 hours), and I was able to move him into his crib in his brother's room. We used the sleep, eat, play order for things, since falling asleep while eating is not good for a couple of reasons. He would nurse as soon as he woke up and had a diaper change, then he had "play time" and then a nap. The older he got the longer the time between feeding became until he was nursing four times a day and then sleeping through the night. I hope this is helpful and that I didn't ramble too much.

B.

Hi H.,
Your daughter will learn what YOU teach her. It's not about what SHE expects at 3 months old but about what works for you. You need your rest and a schedule you both can live with.

Other than your wanting to be with your child at 11:30PM I can't see any reason why she should be awake at that time.
I think 8-9PM is a reasonable time for kids to be put to sleep for the night. A routine of quiet soothing, settle down time works. A bottle for the last feed, a warm bath, some quiet contact time rocking or holding, and then lights out...no more contact establishes the
bedtime "RITUAL". This ritual can be followed by husband, grandma or sitter, freeing you when you get home exhausted. You can then get a good nights rest and be fresh for her in the AM whether off or working.
The question is " Are YOU willing to let go of the last Bedtime feeding?"

There is inconsistency with your daughter's bedtime routine on days you work and on the days you are home. You may have to reset her "clock". No napping in the late afternoon,evening. Shoot for a reasonable bedtime 8-9Pm and follow through with it. Consistemncy is the key here...you cant waver or you start all over. One late night will thow off that schedule.

She will fuss for a while until the pattern is reset. She wont starve and crying wont hurt her. The same thing will apply when you begin to wean her completely.
You are NOT being cruel. You are establishing a more normal pattern for living...all the way round.
Wishing you well.
Justine

What I would suggest is trying to get her to bed on the nights that you aren't working at a regular time and not nursing her to sleep. This may take some work on your part but perhaps you can get her to come around in a few weeks

Hi H., I could try playing some soft music for your baby. All three of my children who are 7, 4 and 1 all go to sleep with music. That seems to calm them down and then they go to sleep. Maybe this will work for you.

Good luck,
M.

She is very young, but this is the time to set a routine in place. A great book for this is The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems, by Tracy Hogg. She teaches sleep training and we have used her methods successfully with a difficult sleeper. Nursing her to sleep is not a good idea, as it becomes a sleep crutch and she will start to expect that same comfort anytime she wakes in order to get back to sleep, so the best thing you can do is get her to sleep at a normal hour with the sitter (introduce a new bedtime routine that is used at nap and bedtime) and then when she wakes to eat, you can nurse her. The Baby Whisperer also has a web site with forums where you can get advice. Here is the link - http://www.babywhisperer.com/babywhisperer.html

J.

maybe trying to give her breast milk in a bottle

Hi H.,

Congrats on your little girl! If she won't take a bottle to go to bed when you are not there, then it will be difficult to get an earlier bed-time in place - especially when she is so young. She won't understand.

The best way to try to change bed-time is to do it gradually. 15 minutes at a time. Do you work 2-4 evenings in a row or are they spread out? Her schedule has adjusted to yours, so you need to re-adjust it. They say to start your bedtime routine 15 minutes earlier for a few nights - then move it up again 15 minutes for a few nights and so on until you get her to the time that you would like her to go to sleep at.

As long as she is taking good naps and getting in her 10-15 hours per day of sleep, it doesn't really matter when she gets it. So unless the late nights bother you, you don't need to change them.

Good luck!
J.

A Mother's Boutique
Breastfeeding Clothing, Nursing Bras, Breastpumps, slings and accessories.
MamaSource members save 10% on their first order using promo code MAMASOURCE.
http://www.mothersboutique.com

Is it possible for her to go to bed earlier and wake up around 1130/12 for her mid - night feeding? I know our 2 month old wakes up at least once per night usually twice, but I have it scheduled now so she wakes up at around 3 am for the first one because that is when my husband is up getting ready for work anyway.

My youngest (of 3) is now 7, and my thoughts are that it is good that she wants to stay consistent. 3 months is really young in the big picture, and since she won't be nursing forever, I would just try to adjust wake-up time and nap-times to accomodate a regular bedtime. Can your spouse or baby-sitter start a routine before you get home of reading a book or two, and a bath or snack before nursing? Then maybe on your days off, you could do all those things in the evening and she would be willing to go to sleep earlier.

No matter what--enjoy this time as much as you can because each age is special, but the first few years fly by as they change so much. Best wishes,