Being Honest (Or Not) About Wife's Cooking

My father has always said, "if you don't speak up, you will just get it again."

My hubby always tells me what's "missing" from what I make for dinner. He will even tell me when he doesn't like a dish. I'm thankful for it, so I don't make it again.

I like honesty, but my husband usually only gives his poor opinion if I ask.

How did you like this new... recipe..

His answer, well, Its not my favorite..

Or, I think I would have enjoyed it more if it did not have carrots in it..

Or Well, I have never been a fan of grey sauces..

Then he WILL mention his favorite cake, casserole, whatever.. Always leave it on a positive.

I like the honest feedback good or bad. If I am making something new, I typically ask my hubby and boys if they liked it or would like me to make it again. Don’t want to keep making something no one wants to eat!

Well since this is an open can of worms, just ask her how this situation should be handled in the future.

Personally, I prefer the truth.

It's all in the delivery!

You could say, "Ughhh, these are gross."

Or you could say, "These are different than usual, did you change something?"

There are so many ways to get your point across without hurting her feelings. Honesty is always appreciated when it is delivered in a loving manner.

Why would you eat something that you don't like? I don't! I am a wonderful cook, and I like honest opinions from my husband that are given with kindness.

Some people are very sensitive about their cooking, but if you don't like it......why do you have to choke something down and pretend that it's good? So sorry! I hope your wife can be confident enough in her abilities and your love for her that she can laugh about cooking "misses" in the future.

:)

It's all about body language and wording! Try to be more sensitive than honest. ;)

I want the truth....that way I have a better chance at fixing it. :)

If it doesn't taste good, it doesn't taste good. I LOVE to cook and most folks consider me a good cook....BUT, when I introduce a new dish I ALWAYS say, it will NOT hurt my feelings if you don't like it...BECAUSE to make it better, we MUST have feedback....Better from someone who loves me then a stranger.

Yes it may hurt a tiny bit, but WOMAN/MAN UP!

i know i've missed the mark if my husband is quiet. but if i ask him, i expect honesty. he's a courteous fellow and manages to say 'that wasn't really to my taste' without being a jerk. and i don't get offended if he doesn't like something. if he doesn't let me know, how will i know what dishes to take off the list and which ones to repeat?
don't 'eat it regardless.' i'd be much more hurt and offended if my husband ate things he didn't like to placate me.
just be pleasant and courteous in your honesty.
khairete
S.

When my husband and I first got married I made a lot of things he hated and he let me know. I didn't mind because I'd rather know than keep making stuff he doesn't like and have it go to waste. Much of what I was making wasn't tried and true recipes that had been handed down for generations or anything. I was testing the waters as a cook and totally screwed up many times. There were a few times my dishes were completely inedible and though upset that it turned out so bad, I used it as a learning experience.

That being said, I'm not your wife and was never terribly sensitive about my cooking as she appears to be. In your case I'd probably tread more lightly and let things she doesn't make often just go, like Christmas cookies, but don't hide the fact that you don't like a particular ingredients. If you don't like a dish because it has, let's say onions in it, and you don't like onions, she can't possibly take offence at THAT. That's not her fault at all and she shouldn't be upset that the taste offends you.

If she ever makes a full dinner that just turns out to be a pile of suck, you can mitigate the damage by taking her out to eat after breaking the bad news. <3 The first year my husband and I were living together I actually set the kitchen on fire trying to make home made hash-browns for breakfast. (I let the oil get too hot and it caught fire.) After a harrowing few minutes we got it out but the kitchen was a disaster and I was heartbroken. He took me to iHop. Best. Husband. Ever.

'I liked the other (specific) cookies you made better'

I prefer my husband give me honest feed back. Only once that I can remember did he not care for something I had made ~ it was a new recipe and I didn't care for it either.
He ate it but when I asked what he thought he said "it was ok, not my favorite". So I pushed a little more and he said "I'd rather you not make it again". That was it. End of story. I didn't get my feelings hurt at all.

My Husband will tell me.
But it is about the TONE OF VOICE... you use, when saying it.
IF my husband is snarky when saying it, then of course a wife will get irked or offended by that comment.
But if he says it in a mellow way without attitude, then the wife will perceive it as less of a "criticism" and just as a normal comment.

Its fine if my Husband says he doesn't like something I cook.
So what.
Everyone has their own opinions.
Its fine.
But sure, if my husband says that, then he will go and make himself a sandwich instead. He doesn't expect me... to then make himself something else. And its fine.
No biggie.

As a Wife... I DO NOT EVER, expect my Husband or even my kids, to love EVERY SINGLE THING, I cook.
And I WANT them to say, if something is not really on par. But usually my cooking is good and fine.
Still, its no biggie.
Sometimes I will crave something and cook it for dinner, knowing it may not be my Husband's "favorite"... so I tell him as a head's up so that he can then grab a Subway on the way home from work.
No biggie.

I was a 19y/o vegetarian when I met my husband and he ate 'well done' steaks for about 2 years without mentioning a thing to me. I didn't know any better. Now that I am a meat eater and have learned that I LOVE a nice medium-rare steak (and he is a rare steak lover), I look back and think how sweet he was not to say anything to me....but at the same time I feel bad for ruining many a meal for him.

~He didn't tell me for about 10 years that the first 2 years of our marriage were filled with my terrible cooking. Thankfully, I got better. Food has never been that important to me BUT it is to my husband, so I have made it a priority and I never would have without his honesty.

How long have you been married? Usually that happens with a younger married couple...

I'll bet she used too much salt. Next time, just eat one. She can eat the rest. OR she will realize she doesn't like it and she'll quietly chuck them.

Since she can't stand your opinion, just eat less of the offending item. Hopefully she will figure out if something tastes bad on her own.

That doesn't mean that I think she should be upset, unless you say something rude, but I can't make her not get upset, so this is my best advice, considering her sensitivity.

Dawn

If its ME I want to know. I loooooooove food. My son and I (and most of my good friends) sit around totally picking food apart (What about adding an acid? Balsamic would be too harsh, but maybe... Or To offset the diabetic coma... Or the texture is spot on, but... Etc. so forth and so on). If its GOOD, then we're sitting around talking about ways to tweak it / add it/ completely morph it into something else. If its bad, we take it to the kitchen & fix the sucker!

I HATE it when people lie to me, and I have no ego in my cooking. If ya don't like it, house rule: Sammie or Cereal. As in, anyone can, at any time... Invoke. And go make themself something to eat. BUT DO NOT lie to me. If you don't like it, I want to know.

If its my mum... She cooked it, and you're darn well gonna eat it with a smile on your face!

Which boils down to :

Cajones Up... And ask her. And then do that.

Because there are different 'right' things to do.

My first suggestion would be to *own* your opinion when/if you state it. "You know, the Cleary's are going to love these--- they aren't *my* favorite, but they're fine." That way, you've framed it with 'it's me, not you', which is easier to digest. (Bad pun, I know....)

My guess is that if she's busting her butt making cookies to take to events or give away, she's had her bubble burst with your response. Time to offer up an "I'm such a heel" foot soak and massage tonight, or some other way to thank her for making an effort.

I agree with constructive criticism. I will also say that after a long day with Kiddo, if my husband were to make a comment or face about my cooking, I'd likely need to go take a time out myself. I'm the first to be critical of my cooking ("I should have added more...." "Rats, I didn't cook these long enough, sorry" etc.), and I do hold myself to a fairly high standard. I'm also super-aware of his preferences and honor them. So if things seem fine to me and then I got a comment... well, I'd be a bit nonplussed. and irritated.

I've also learned to keep my mouth shut about HIS cooking, too. I love him, but this isn't his forte. :) Nonetheless, I know he's trying to help me out and give me a break, so I reserve a few of the same easy meals for him that I know he does well at!

It could be she's feeling the Christmas/holiday stress. Under normals circumstances, I welcome brutal honesty because I like perfecting dishes. Could be just a sensitive time that could be solved by a big hug and a thank you for what she does/is doing.

My wonderful husband rarely says anything negative about anything I cook (even sometimes when I do!). If he has to, he'll say something like "I liked the batch from last week better." or "These are OK but your biscotti is still my favorite." Knew I loved that man for good reason!

As I've said to my kids, you can say anything to anyone. It's all timing and delivery. Choose what you say and how you say it carefully,

Oh geez, we've been married 25 yrs this New Years Eve.

Let her know what you love, what you like, what's ok and what to let's not try again.

Just communicate, no hard feelings, just a matter if taste!!

Let her know your favorites with favorite spicing

I try a lot of things because I love to cook. We have a bunch of hits and misses. There is nothing wrong with a few misses here and there... It's all about trial, error, and communication!

Just last night I had to rip open all of the spring rolls my husband made because he made them too big...and re-roll them. He was none too happy about it, but tough. This is how we make money.

Now. I can do that when we work together. I can critique his method and taste profile on any dish, and he can offer me the same. We are endlessly talking about food because it's our career.

But when we are home, and one of us has made something not particularly tasty for dinner, the 'gloves" go back on, and we are much kinder to each other. For some reason, criticizing dinner made for the family is not quite the same as criticizing food we are going to sell. I have no idea why, as the outcome is the same, we both want to constantly improve how we cook and we both want to serve delicious food! If i sit down to dinner to something I don't particularly like, I eat it and only comment when asked. That's what we teach our kids to do, too. If it's really bad, I try to find a way to gently say so and then offer to help fix it or make something else. It's not about whether or not to criticize, it's how you do it, and if that cookie tasted bad, and she's usually a good cook, ask her if SHE'S tasted it yet and if she can taste the "salt" or if she made them differently tha last time, or some kind of really specific comment. Specificity shows you care enough to help, and that you are taking her feelings into consideration. No one wants to hear, "This is awful!" But if you frame it like, "I don't like them so salty, does the recipe call for so much?"

Rub her feet, give her wine, make her dinner, and tell her your sorry your delivery of the bad news was so bad. Then ask her what she wants you to say. Trust me, in 10 years, this will all seem hilarious.

I had to laugh at your question, a little... I remember my mother had always made this one dish - since the time my parents were dating/got married. He always ate it, and thus, she thought he liked it. Well, when I was about 13, she started to notice he stopped eating it.. he would eat the rest of the meal, but not that.. She finally asked, after repeatedly being told he was hungry like 30 mins. after dinner, why he didn't eat the whole meal.. He caved and said he'd never liked it. She was hurt.. but not because he didn't like it, but because he never told her. She told me, "I have been cooking that for 17 years, and he just NOW tells me he doesn't like it?!" lol....

So, that being said, I recommend you be honest in a kind but frank way.. You can also suggest that next time "add more tomato" or "I read somewhere that if you add a little cilantro, it brings out the flavor of the ...(whatever)".... You get the drift... I think that in retrospect, she will appreciate your candor and honesty. :)

Happy Eating!!

I'm totally bummed when my husband does not like my cooking. But sometimes its just the way he says it that gets to me and sometimes I think he is just being too picky. In the end, I prefer he just tell me though.

I haven't read all of your answers, I'm sure there are good ones. Just wanted to share what my husband and I do. Especially if I try a new recipe, and I ask him if he likes it, he usually will say, "it's okay." (whether he likes it or not). Then I ask the all-important question: Do you want me to make it again? He'll say yes or no, then I know his honest opinion without going into too much hurtful detail. It works for us!

Unless she asks I would not just offer up a critique. I would just say I don't like this as much as "y"...whatever that she makes that you really enjoy.

When I am trying a new recipe, I like to know if its good or not, but I can usually tell myself if its not. I ask.my husband if he likes it, or if its something he wants to have again. Its not a big deal to me if he doesnt like it.

I don't like the brutal honesty! I really take pride in cooking for my family, so oversensitive as I may be, it hurts my feelings if they don't like something (and say so). Unless I say "oh, this didn't come out like I thought". Sometimes I recognize that a dish is not good, and I'll say so. Even still, they just say something nice like "it wasn't awful, but it wasn't our favorite". But if I thought they would like something and they say it's bad, I just don't like that!

Having said all of that, I know when something's not a hit. If usually they say "yum, this is awesome" but instead are just eating quietly, I get the hint.

If your wife was hurt, she may be sensitive like me. I would say don't lie and pretend something was good, but just don't say anything at all. Make sure to compliment the dishes you do like- she'll remember what you like and don't.

Umm, it's tough, if you don't tell her so as to avoid her being hurt and offended, then you are enabling her.... I mean she should be responsible for her feelings, NOT you...

I think my husband would consider me a GREAT cook.. However, I have dishes that I sometimes screw up... and rest assured that both my son and my husband tell me about it... I prefer they tell me than to eat something they truly do not like.. I mean, what if I thought they liked it and I made the lousy meal again.. what a waste of time and money...

Listen, you were truthful.... what else could you do.. Plus, if she is going to act that way, how does she expect you to be honest and upfront about other things that might upset her. There is just way too many people dancing around other peoples' feelings.. I would also add that in as much as you don't want to hurt her ... she is actually controlling you by way of not allowing you to honestly express your feelings... because if you do, the consequences are her being all offended.. What a head trip... over a cookie..

I say, You are most definitely in the right for having voiced your opinion..

When I try something new in the kitchen, I WANT honest opinions. That way I know whether or not to cook it again! My hubby is always nice about it and I don't take it personally.

If you were nice in stating your opinion, and she still got hurt and upset, then I would follow that lead and smile and says "delicious" every time.

My husband has no issue telling me if he does not like something. I would be ok if he at least showed some appreciation of the effort and saying he did not like it in a nice way. The first time he said he did not like something, it was a bit rude and I said that many men would just appreciate someone cooking their dinner and eat it quietly.....he replied, "I don't want you to think I like it, because then you will keep making it." I had to laugh because I did see his point. He became better when I attempt to be creative and it backfires by simply making a face that tells me its a miss not a hit. I think she is being a little sensitive. Make sure she knows there are plenty of items that you really do like and I am sure it will blow over.

I always preferred that my family tell me if they didn't like what I made. I was especially grateful if they could tell me what exactly they didn't like about it; sometimes I was able to tweak it so that they did like it.

My dad always said, "Lee, you've really outdone yourself. The meal is delicious, ( or the best ever, etc,)

One day he was silent. My mother took a bite, spit it out and said, "This is awful. It's inedible! We are going to a restaurant. My father, said, "Thank goodness.' Everyone laughed.

To me, this was an example of how to do it: be generous with praise and stingy with criticism.

By husband always thought that his high praise was odd for such a mundane thing. Dad said that he liked it when she cooked. If he wanted her to keep doing it, he needed to keep giving her positive reinforcement so that she didn't quit. Wise man.

If it's rare, next time don't tell her.

I like when my husband tells me. I'd rather know if he likes it or not so I know if I should make it again. If I love it and he doesn't, then I still make it, but I also will make some baked chicken or something for him.

Most of the time when he doesn't like what I cook I tell him he is welcome to make a sandwich or just not eat :).

And I agree with the others...at first my husband and I would have tap danced around the issue, now 8 years in, 10 years together, and 3 kids later...we are more honest than ever!

I would be offended if my husband ate it and didn't tell me the truth about it!

I'm not great at cooking. My husband and I joke around a lot, so it's easy for him to tell me if something I made tastes like an old shoe. If it's really bad, he'll take a bite and say, "so, pizza for dinner tonight?" :) I don't take it personally. I wouldn't recommend saying that to your wife, since she has stronger feelings about her cooking abilities.

I'm guessing she's offended because she really wants to be good at baking whatever she was trying? I know that feeling in other aspects of life. Just as long as you say it in a nice way, like you're sorry you don't like it but you don't like it, that should be good.

I prefer honesty about my cooking, but in a kind way. My husband eats anything I put in front of him and fairly has he said that it was not good, even when I burned it. The way he goes about it is to say that it is not his favorite meal and would I mind that if I make it again maybe change the recipe. It helps that it is not a flat out "I hate your cooking", he might also ask if I changed the recipe, if it is something I cook often and it Tastes different. Good luck

How about you cook instead and give her a break? There's no way you will like everything she (or anyone) else cooks. You just need to be kind about it. Only comment if she asks. NEVER give a critique unless asked.

My suggestion is to yes, say something, but time it right. Like, not while chewing, but after you've finished it just say something like, "Hon, you know, those cookies didn't taste as good as they looked. Something was just a little off with them."

I HATE it when my husband comments on the meal after the first bite. Darn it, man, I just spent 90 minutes cooking that for you! Eat it, fill your tummy, and then give me the critique so I can learn. Eat it all, and then offer advice. Don't take a bite, and then ask for something else--I already have 2 kids that do that. ;-)

I think it depends on how you phrase it. And it may be that there's no getting around that the cookie was bad. But like we tell the kids, there's "that cookie sucked" and "It wasn't up to your usual standards."

I would find a calm moment to tell her what you DO like and that you DO like the majority of the things she makes. If she doesn't have a knack for cookies, I'd steer her toward things she does well and away from the cookie department.

She is insecure about the food, but that should not stop you from telling her the truth. How else is she going to perfect it. She is an adult, she would get over it. If you said it doesnt taste right disgustingly to her and NOT the food, of course that might not go over too well, but don't stop telling her and do encourage when she does make it right.

My husband has told me a handful of times that my food wasn't "great" and it bummed me out more than it hurt my feelings. No biggie, however I have to admit that when he makes good comments about my food my head grows a lil :) There are VERY few things he dislikes like lentils and corn which my daughter and i LOVE, and I avoid them unless I have time to cook a second meal for him. I appreciate you trying to be "gentle" with her, most guys are jerks about it, good hubby.

lie to make her feel good.. always tell her it was good or be nice about it and just tell her was she could do to make it better

When you mow the yard and set back and think, good. Thats done and everybody ought to be happy. And then she comes out and makes a face.
It's kind of like that.

Something she makes for supper and you don't care for it might get a softer reaction than something special like a Christmas cookie.

My H rarely says anything bad about things I cook but I can tell when he doesn't like something. I bet your wife can too. Maybe hold your vocal opinion. I know we should be able to tell eac other everything, Ha, but not in reality!

My husband will not eat anything I make, usually. I'd love it if he ever did. It's hard to judge how much food to make. I don't want to cook for myself, and the kids are little are often don't eat it either.

He only wants a salad for dinner so that's fine. He loads it with protein and such. But he would never want any "dinner" food. And he only eats cereal for breakfast.

Good morning! I want my family to tell me if they like something or not. If they don't, there is the possibility they could get it again!!!

Me personaly I would want to know. I am one that want everyone to like what they eat. I don't make everyone have the same thing for dinner if it's something they don't like they don't eat it. (my kids love vegis so it's not like they hate good stuff). So if something didn't taste right or just plan bad I would want to know but not everyone is like me.

Oh, dear... as old maps used to say about unknown territory, "there lie dragons..."

Could some of her reaction be more about holiday stress than about you? My husband had a batch of candy he was making go wrong this afternoon, and he lost his mind, mainly because that batch of candy was supposed to go in the mail tomorrow.

Maybe what she needs most right now is a big hug. Later, ask her how she'd like you to handle it when she makes something that doesn't work for you, or needs more salt, or whatever.

At this time of year, when something doesn't go well, there are three things you can say that work magic.

1. "How can I help?" or even "Let me do that for you."
2. "Never mind. Let's go out for dinner."
3. "Would you like a glass of wine, dear?"

Use all three of those in succession and you may even get lucky. :-)

Personally, if something is amiss in my cooking/baking, I usually know, and am interested in hearing from my hubby what might be done to fix it. (He's in culinary school, and we both have great kitchen skills. He's the better baker. I'm the better cook.) I also want to know if I've tried something new and my family doesn't care for it (although I have had to let the 8 y.o. know that I really don't care to hear for the 900th time that he doesn't appreciate broccoli). But if I'm in the middle of a kitchen disaster, that's the wrong time for feedback. I don't care whether or not the food could be better if I've just finished putting out a grill fire.