My niece, my brothers daughter, just confessed to having unprotected sex. She only came clean because other things came to light that she was doing. Her mom and dad are divorced. Her mom wants to put her on birth control (the shot) but her dad is not too sure that's the way to go. Maybe if she was older,15/16, but not at this point. He feels there has to be a better way. Obviously she will only be doing things with mom and dad from now on aside from going to school of course. What do you all think about putting a 13 year old on birth control? I might add that she just turned 13. Based on reponses I should add that she has been seen by a doctor although not thoroughly. Her mom took her but instead of explaining what was going to happen she told her she was taking her to school and instead took her to the Dr, basically tricked her. She got scared and the exam wasnt completed. Her mom has been in and out of her life since she was 1. Right now she is in it. But because of this my brother turns to me for motherly advice since I have 3 kids of my own. Personally I feel this recent change in my nieces behavior is stemmed from her mother moving back and throwing her life out of balance. Her negative behavior started around that time. You would think a judge wouldn't allow this to happen for the sake of the kids stability but alas, it did. They share 50/50. They at least agree the my niece will not be having any freedom for quite some time. So my question is would you put your 13 year old on birth control and focus on abstinence or just focus on abstinence?
this is a total no-brainer.
she's already having unprotected sex. it's too late to hope that abstinence will work.
khairete
S.
If she's 13 and having sex, she needs to see a doctor. She can't take birth control without first seeing one, anyway. The doctor will have the best advice as far as birth control for a 13 yr old is concerned if she is going to have sex regardless.
You, the aunt, should not put your two cents in unless both the mom and dad have both come to you together asking for advice. Otherwise, I would say to your brother, "I would love to help you out on this, but I think this is really something that should stay between you and the Mrs." This is the kind of thing that causes family tension if we get involved, even we are asked.
I would put her on birth control, teach abstinence, and talk about my values and reasons for them which would include a lot of talk about her feelings and how they're related to sex. Also discussions about her goals for her life. I urge all of you to be non-judgmental and to never trick her again. Have open discussions with her to gain her cooperation in seeing the ob/gyn.
I urge him to start family counseling with her. Include her mother if possible. I agree that having her mother come back is most likely the trigger for this behavior. A trigger because of unresolved feeings from the past.
It is important to his daughter's sense of security for both parents to work together. Mom should've included father in decision to take her to the doctor. Both parents, especially if they are critical of the other parent, need to not bad mouth tge other. One can say, "I don't agree with the other" without criticizing them or their choice. Instead focus on the positive reasons for their own choice.
Unconditional love with positive support is the primary need of your neice.
I think that if I were the father, and my daughter was having sex, JUST TURNING 13, I'd be calling social services. She was probably having sex at 12...
ANYONE having sex with a 13 year old needs to be dealt with, because it's either another child (a boy 15 or younger) or what the law calls a sexual predator.
The mother is letting this girl have far too much leeway. The person she is having sex with has too much as well, if he's a younger teen. The parents of this boy need to be talked to. If they are difficult, then a lawyer for the girl should be involved.
I think that as the non-custodial parent, I'd be demanding that something change in terms of the circumstances under which this girl is alone enough to have the time to be having sex in the first place, rather than just throwing up the hands saying "Oh well - get her birth control." I am a huge proponent of birth control being available to teens. But this child is a CHILD in every way. Having sex with her is totally illegal and in my mind, immoral.
Your brother and your sister-in-law need to come together to straighten this girl out. She is in way over her head and really needs for her life to change. This isn't just a matter of keeping her from getting pregnant. This is also about making it so that she still has a CHILDHOOD and will grow up more normally so that there's a chance of college and later, a husband, rather than screwing every boy who acts interested. We all know kids like that going through school and it never ends well...
I think they should take her to a doctor and discuss the risks/benefits with him.
The cat's out of the bag, so if she can safely be put on birth control, it's probably a good idea.
Tell your brother that his daughter just had sex, and could be pregnant. So lets avoid that.....
You can't go backwards.
If she is having sex, and if it's unprotected, for goodness sake she needs to get on birth control before she gets pregnant. Unless her parents lock her in a room for the next 5 years, there is no guarantee it won't happen again.
And seriously, how F-d up is it that her own FREAKING mother tricked her into a doctor's exam. REALLY? No wonder she's looking elsewhere for love and affection. Her own family is wacked out.
And if she hasn't had decent, informative, honest sex education - like how her body functions, how a male body functions, somebody better tell her. Abstinence is the only guaranteed way to not get pregnant, but it's a bit late. She needs to respect herself enough to not be having sex at her age, and feel loved enough not to be doing it. I don't know if you have any part in her life and can be a female role model, or even if you want to, but it might be something to consider if you're willing.
Usually when a young girl is having sex, she's looking for unconditional love from a man so I suggest your brother do some honest sole searching regarding his relationship with his daughter.
She has already shown you that she is going to have sex. I can't imagine that your brother hasn't talked about not having sex, so I suggest that just talking about abstinence isn't going to be sufficient. Also, talking is not going to fill the gap of whatever she's missing that is making her want to have sex at this age.
Birth control, definitely, but not in shot form. I would suggest BC pills, but those won't help with STDs. I would suggest both pill and condom because really people on the pill and people who use condoms get pregnant every day. Double her protection.
Birth control if she is having unprotected sex - yes.
Depo ("the shot") - HELL NO.
Depo basically creates a false menopause. At thirteen, her cycle isn't even regulated yet. Depo could do severe damage to her developing reproductive system.
i would be concerned about the effects of hormones on her at this young age. She does need a complete exam, she needs to be tested for pregnancy and STDs and informed as to what they are and how they are forever. Even if she's on birth control, she would need to be informed about condoms. Condoms every time. Babies are temporarily in your body (9 months is a pretty short period of your life) but herpes are forever. Talk to her doctor and see if he recommends birth control for girls that young. I agree that a pill is probably not going to be what you should go with, the shot or an implant would be better, if the doctor agrees that it won't screw her up hormonally. I went on the pill at 16 and had trouble getting pregnant. A friend of mine was the same, her doctor told her basically that going on the pill so young and for so long can screw things up hormonally and make it harder to get pregnant later in life. That would be my big hesitation. but she definately needs to be made aware of the consequences of her actions.
Once a person experiences sex they don't want to stop. She needs a birth control method that will be supervised.
I think that the shot has some serious side effects but I'm not sure what other methods there are that would last for several months where someone doesn't have to watch her and check her mouth every single time.
