Bossy 5 Year Old!! Help?

My son's preschool had a great policy. It asked all parents to let their kids do as much for themselves as possible. They didn't care if clothes didn't match, socks were inside out, shoes were on the wrong feet, whether hair accessories matched the rest of the outfit, etc., etc. They just wanted the kids to have a chance to make decisions for themselves. As long as the kids were clean underneath, hair and teeth were brushed, the rest of it was not important. The kids looked a total disaster: mismatched tops, shorts, colors, designs, hairstyles, bed head was everywhere! LOL...you should've seen the look on my mom's face when we picked my son up one day! There was no way she could handle that much "bad" fashion decision-making! But, it wasn't about what the parents were comfortable with; it was all about the kids learning to make their own choices.

That said, I would humbly ask you...are these the fights worth fighting? Is it such a problem that she choose her own clothes, plate, cup, spoon, fork, hairstyle & accessories? Really ask yourself what's more important: your daughter's budding ability to make choices OR that everything matches? Another humble question...does it bother *you* so much if she's mismatched? The answer may provide some illuminating, and possibly uncomfortable, answers.

Here's what I see...if you let your daughter make as many choices as she can, when YOU decide to make a choice--what the family will watch, what sock to put on first, etc.--and she screams at you, you can simply look up and say, very calmly, "Sweetie, you got to choose [fill in three things here] today. Now, it's my turn to choose [fill in what you're doing here]. You may either accept my choice or you may sit in your room. Which do you want to do?" Now, the burden of choice is on her. If she stays and continues to complain, calmly walk her to her room and let her sit there.

She may spend a lot of time in her room, but you'll be much happier with less fights. Capitalize on your daughter's decision-making capabilities and use it to your advantage! <wink>

Good luck, mama! Budding CEO's can be tough to deal with!

Hi,
I have an only female the same age and I think you are doing a fine job with her. This all sounds very normal to me that she wants to make her own choices. For me personally, I choose my battles, as they say, and let her pick out her clothes, hair ties and shoes and compromise when I see fit and say to her "I can be flexible on that". But when it comes down to bed time, meals, snacks, treats, talking nicely, using nice manners, etc. then we do not compromise. I think it is a control issue and I know you will feel better if you could losen up the reigns just a little bit, give her some choices or let her pick these things that are not that important and I think things will flow better for you. Hope this helps. One other thing, you may try to take a day to just relax and not have anything scheduled where she and you can just take a breather - I know who has time for that , right? Iit may help.

K.

Not to start something, but I recently read an article that these "bossy" behaviors can be a sign of being educationally gifted. The fact they sort and have processes, etc and are clear on their wants/needs and direct others,e tc. They also think they are little adults. Definately get her tested by the GT department at the school - sometimes they won't do it until the end of Kindergarten, but sounds like she fits the bill.
On a personal/parenting note, my recommendation is keep her grounded at home through the discipline for her reactions. You could also try to stave off some of the issues by asking her input on things. "Hey sue, why don't you set the table tonight." Or" Hey honey, go pick out your shoes and socks." and then let her put them on herself:) As she gets older she will need more independence and these little decisions and opportunities to "lead" might help you all in the long run.
good luck!

I knew it was going to be a girl before I even opened your question. I have a bossy 4 yr old girl. I've asked this question and I've seen it asked on here, several times. That leads me to believe this is very common. I think it's a stage many little girls go through. I can tell that mine is coming out the other side of it, to a degree. It is getting better. I let her know the bevavior isn't going to get her the outcome she was hoping for. It seems to be working. Or maybe she's just growing out of it. Take heart. It's not just your little girl.

Are you looking in my windows??? Sounds like my 6 yr old to a T...perfect at school, and at the sitters, at home everything has to be on HER terms and HER way...I try to let her do as much as possible that I know she can do and as long as she isnt dressing for school (they have uniforms) she can wear whatever she wants...stripes with plaid, mix matched whatever...as long as it is clean or it isnt picture time, I try to be flexible. If she gives me a hard time about putting her hair up, but really wants it down, then she can take it out and recomb it.

You sound very hands on. Maybe its time for hands off! Instead of focusing on her bossiness, focus on teaching her responsibility for her actions.

She's going to need it in order to learn to respect other authority figures in her life and upcoming academic career.