Both Kids Are Delayed and I'm Less Tolerant with #2 - Bad Mom?

No, you are a mom and still human! We all have thoughts we are less than proud of, oh believe it. I have that feeling sometimes with a healthy *(but insanely rambunctious/defiant:) two year old (2 and four months...) so I can only imagine the extra stress with developmental delays.

Speak up and get time outs for yourself- don't ask, TELL your husband (or boyfriend, I don't want to assume ha) you will be doing such and such and when so he can help. I do this and finally made a 'standing date' activity to at least have something to look forward to.. and make it less likely I let a week, then 2 weeks go by and I am back to not taking time off for recharging. That so easily happens. This is true for all moms but especially moms with extra worries with their child's development. This all sounds common sense and it is..but bears repeating since so many women seem to still not heed this advice.

I second the support group for moms in your situation, too! A mom going through similar scenarios *gets* it, and you will be able to confide that much more in them and not *edit* yourself for fear of being judged. A mom with kids going through the same thing will be invaluable to you..hanging out doesn't have to be all about swapping practical tips either. It can be just socializing too. Meetup.com has groups, you can create one too easily if none exist that you like.

I really think the extra strong parents get put in charge of kids who need a little extra patience/have different developmental needs. So many people lack the coping skills for that and while it feels like you are floundering you're doing better than many who'd just snap and be less than understanding parents. So kudos. And go do something nice for yourself now.:)

Bless your heart! The fact that you even are aware of it and feel badly about it tells me that you are FAR from an awful, unloving mom!!!!

Give yourself a break, you have 2 kids with special needs, that's a lot to handle.

My 8 year old is on the autism spectrum so he has needs. I then have a 2 year old that obviously has needs. Then there is my 6 year old daughter. I go to bed almost every night feeling guilty about something with her. Although I try to give my 8 year old responsibilities, my 6 year old is the one that I know I can "expect" to do something that I ask and do it right without a problem. So what happens is on the rare occasion when she does talk back or doesn't do what I ask I get frustrated. I know I'm sometimes harder on her than her brothers and I have to stop myself and remind myself that she is only 6 and I need to adjust my expectations and refocus.

I think you just need to sit down and think about how far he has come. I'm sure you've had many successful baby steps to get him where he is. Think about those and focus on your successes. He will catch up eventually and then you'll be complaining about having to chase him :-)!

Good luck,
K.

Truthfully, you sound more like an overwhelmed mom than an awful unloving mom. Maybe after the experience with your first, you are optimistic about improvement and just feeling impatient?

Not bad, just overwhelmed. I work with developmentally delayed children and these are very common feelings for parents with multiple children who require intensive support.

Please know that there are some great support groups out there and most states/counties offer some form of respite care services. I have found that parents relax a little when they can actually have a sitter and go out to dinner as adults once in a while.

I think we all go though this as moms in some degree and it does not matter what the situation is. We feel sorry for ourselves and our children and wish things were different. However, when all is said and done we get over it pick ourselves up and get on with the business of taking care our kids needs. Whatever they maybe.
so, you are only human to have your down or deressed moments about your son.
I'm sure its all going to work out in the end.
best wishes

That sounds normal. You're just that much more exhausted with the 2nd one, esp. when both kids have special needs, and ready for the carrying-kids-around phase of mommyhood to be past. It sure doesn't help that he's much heavier than his sister was. Therapy may help you deal with your feelings--that doesn't mean that they're abnormal feelings, though. A support group & some respite care are also good advice that others have given. You can also try finding some books or websites (e.g. yahoo newsgroup) for parents of special need kids--ones that focus more on the mom side of it, than the kids' specific issues. I had tendinitis in my arms from carrying around my twin babies (plus I had a toddler) and had to get physical therapy, plus was physically and emotionally exhuasted; if carrying your son is causing physical pain or strain be sure to get help for it before it worsens. Good luck! I remember that "ready for this to be over" feeing with the potty training issue (having had 3 kids in diapers at once); you are less patient sometimes with the youngest, or at least feel that way internally even if you don't express it with your child. Stress-busters are important for moms, esp. moms of special need kids!

A mom who see's her faults and calls herself on them is a great mom. Your right, the second child gets less tolerance. I think that is true for a lot of parents. Shoot our oldest knows not to put stuff in their mouth or pull hair. The oldest knows how to go potty, and get in the car. I don't think that it is unloving to want these things from our babies, I think we just see the results and want them sooner the second time! Just try to be patient and don't be too hard on yourself. Your son knows you love him.