Breaking the News to Dad!!!

Why don't they just get married? Seriously. 7 years of dating is crazy. What are they waiting for? I personally don't think there is any tactful way of breaking this news to a father. She's foolish to move in with a man who won't marry her.

I guess if I were her, I'd get together with Dad, maybe buy him lunch, and make the announcement happily, with an enthusiastic smile.

Depending on the reaction, I'd acknowledge that my dad's values may be challenged by the arrangement, but that no disrespect is intended. "It's a decision we reached after much thoughtful discussion, and I hope you can come to support my decision. And I'll always love you and count on you, Daddy!"

If you sister is old enough to move in with her boyfriend, than she is old enough to tell you dad.

I'm sorry but I had to respond because of some of the other remarks here. She is NOT "foolish" to move in with a boyfriend of 7 years. Take it from someone who married 1. too young and 2. straight from her parents into a marriage. If I had to do it ALL over again. I would have gone against my family's belief and lived with him FIRST and dealt with the nags and negative responses.
I have two girls myself now and although I want them to wait to have sex until marriage this day and age it is very difficult-even for the pro-claimed ones that are "christian". I would rather my daughters go out and experience the "real" world I don't want them to be tied down to a man and stay with him all because of a peice of paper. There are millions of women out there that just ignore or accept the fact their husband are a lying cheating you know what but they stay because its so expensive for a divorce. If my daughters come to me and say they want to get married I will even suggest that they go out for at least two years and live with the person because when you live with someone its a whole new ballgame.
As far as breaking the news to your dad if he is set in his ways like MY family is then your sister needs to be prepared that he isn't going to accept it and she needs to put her big girl panties on and prepared to hear the negative responses but she doesn't need to get defensive about it and maybe she could even say "You know Dad you brought up some good points and maybe I need to consider those but you also need to consider that I will move forward with my decision and I need to know that you will support me no matter what happens". She is a big girl now and as parents its hard for us to see that sometimes and we just want to "protect" them but at some point you got to just "let go". My home will always be "home" to my children and they will always be welcome back and they will always know this.

She has the right to live her life as she sees fit, and your Dad has a right to his opinion. That's life.

The boyfriend should be man enough to tell her father he is going to live with his daughter.

Why isn't he even in this discussion about telling the father even though he is willing to let his girlfriend do it?

Men know men very well. Maybe dad knows something about the character of this man that the women in the family aren't willing to acknowledge or accept. Just some added food for thought.

If she is old enough to shack up, then she is old enough to tell her father herself. If I were her mother, I wouldn't do it for her.

It's her life, her father, and her news. Let her break it and take what ever fall out there is over it. Knowing when to stay out of the middle is a valuable life skill.

Chances are that dad is not going to take it well no matter how you break it to him. However, I think that moving in together is a great idea. That is the best way to know if you can really handle all those things that you can not change about the "one you love". Those of us who are married can agree that you can not go into a relationship thinking you can change some one or their habits. Sure you can work together to make each other happy but some "quirks" never change. So perhaps try breaking it to dad in that respect. Moving in together is a great way for them to find out if they can live together happily before being married. Especially if they have an on again of again relationship. Weddings and divorces are costly events and a test run (living together) is a way to avoid making a mistake. Of course dad want's his daughter to make an educated decision so she needs time to research.

My dad had no problem with me living with my boyfriend (ex-husband now). It's when I told him we were getting married that he disapproved. As soon as I told him he looked at me and said "why not, he's got a free ride?" Ohhh my heart broke. Luckily I have always been the type to do whatever I want anyway, LOL, about 20 minutes after he called me in to talk with him and simply told me he would support whatever decision I made, and if it does/doesn't work out he will always be there for me. That put my mind at ease. We waited a year to get married, it still ended in divorce, and my dad never once told me "I told you so." It went unspoken.
Point is, your dad may not like what your sister is doing, but that will always be his daughter and he should support her in her decisions...even if it turns out to be a mistake (not saying it will). The only thing that might work is maybe a family dinner to break the news to everyone, maybe he will be less likely to voice his opinion, or have her boyfriend ask your dad (more traditional). I know you said you wont be the "middle person," but you can have a talk with him after and just tell him you support her in her decisions, and maybe he will follow your lead. Good Luck to your sister! =)

I had the task of having to do this myself. My boyfriend of 4 months (4.5 yrs ago) asked me to move in with him.... 2 hrs away from my family. I was 21 he was 29. Thank goodness that my mother and father liked him. I could tell it was hard on them both because I am the baby and my mother felt like my boyfriend was taking me away from them. It's been over 4 years now and we are still together. Moving in with him was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It was hard to tell my parents. After planning out the details of when and how I was going to tell them, which seemed to make things harder, I just finally blurted it out one day while we were all watching TV. My mom looked at me like I was crazy. My dad told me that I was old enough to make my own decisions and that he thought my boyfriend was a good man and that he knew he would take care of me. (My dad took it better than my mom did!) There are few ways of making a life for the two of them without living together. If they plan on being together for years to come, it only makes sense in moving in together. Just because they don't want to get married doesn't mean that they don't love each other. Now days marriage seems to end up more and more in divorce than staying married and its kind of depressing if you thing about it. Can't say I really blame the two of them for not wanting to get married. I wish your sister the best and hope that your father can realize that either way he should still support her and love her no matter what. Thankfully my parents took the news ok and I hope it goes as well for your sister as it did for me.

I understand what you're saying completely. My parents still get upset that my older ister (29) lives with her bf. Partly because he is abusive and controlling, but partly because they aren't married. I did it too, but I also had a baby with him before we were married. So I did things VERY backwards. I think she is old enough to tell him herself though. I am 27 and tell my parents any news that needs to be told, good or bad. If I am big enough to make the decisions, I am big enough to woman up to them. Maybe she needs to sit down and talk to your dad and just tell him that she is in love with him but not ready for marriage, but they are going to move in together. He doesnt have to like it or support it, but he does need to support her as his daughter. Maybe that will work. Good luck!

I'm not judging based on what they are doing...I just wanted to say...

If you're worried about how to "break it" to your dad, it sounds like deep down inside you know it's bad news... Just food for thought.

I don't think there is any smooth way to tell someone something that has a chance of being opposed to the idea. If he has expressed concern about this type of living situation, then the best bet is to just come right out and tell him. If he doesn't like it, then trying to sugar coat it won't make it better. Maybe tell your sister to take your parents to dinner alone, without the boyfriend, and then tell your dad. I think if he is against it then having the boyfriend there will only open doors to negativity and not allow your father to have breathing room. He needs to be able to express his feelings about the situation openly with his daughter without the stress of the boyfriend right there. It may be better that way. Also, it will give your sister a chance to give her point of view without making your father feel trapped in an awkward situation. Plus, if your dad does say anything bad, your sister probably doesn't want her boyfriend to hear it. Sometimes its best to keep out parents comments away from our significant others. Parents aren't always at their best when given news they don't like. Then they calm down and things pass. Your sister doesn't want her boyfriend to have any animosity towards your father for something he may have said spur of the moment.

Things can also go the other way and he may be OK with the situation and give his blessing. Either way, if your sister is not sure then she better be more on the cautious side. Hope she is makes out well.

I know this is an awkward situation, but she is old enough to make the decision. I feel that your sister AND her boyfriend should tell her dad together. I would do it in a public place if there is any fear that dad might hit the guy or something. I'm not saying he would, I'm just saying some might. Dad's always want to protect their little girls, but they know they have to let them spread their wings a little bit. I pray that when any of my three girls announce that they want to live with their boyfriend that we will be understanding.

Best of luck to your sister!

I never actually TOLD my parents I was moving in with my boyfriend (now husband). I never heard anything about it.