Breast Feeding - Mayo,FL

Don't be afraid of her tantrums/screaming. As long as you are afraid, your daughter is in control of the situation. Take back that control - one issue at a time. Don't do everything at once - that's too much stress for your daughter. I'd cut the breast feeding first, then after a month or so, move on to the other issues. Maybe tackle sleeping in her own bed last - several months from now - over the summer.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

I don't want to be an alarmist, but to be safe I'd check with your pediatrician to see if she should be evaluated to make sure it's stubbornness vs. any developmental issues. My boy isn't potty trained yet, but he's curious. He stopped breastfeeding at 2-1/2. He has his own bed and sleeps in it fine, but I stay with him till he falls asleep (cause I like to, though I need to wean off of that). Good luck!

Maybe there's a reason she needs so much for comfort. I would not hesitate to take her for an occupational therapy evaluation. She might not be self regulating and they can help with that. Very needy children are helped so much by a little OT. Check it out. Things will get better. Sometimes it's not just their personality!

For one I can see anyone coming over & asking what is going on. Toddlers scream with fits & don't tend to give in until they get what they want or they tire of screaming.
I breast fed my youngest until he was about 2 yrs. & 3 months. Then it was just too painful because I was drying up & by then he only nursed for comfort not for nurishment. I do miss nursing, but I also didn't want my child going to school still nursing.
I would let her scream & maybe lock my self in a room (with ear plugs) until she gives up or wear ear plugs & tell her 'I will not pay attention to you until you calm down', then ignore her & not allow her to sit on your lap until she calms down

Sorry I can't help more.

God bless!

It sounds like you ready to stop and your daughter is not. I would not allow her to scream, not because you fear that someone will complain about it but you need to do this with love. Breastfeeding a child is an incredibly bonded relationship. To her in her child like mind, she would receive that in such a negative way that it could affect your relationship with her. She trusts you! She trusts that you will always take care of her needs. Breaking that trust would have devastating results.

She will not potty train. Why? Do you work that you cannot consistently train her during the day? Are you enabling her by still using diapers? Have you tried potty training her but then stopped at some point? Once you begin potty training you MUST be consistent. You cannot expect to be fully potty trained without consistency. First thing in the morning, put her on the toilet. DO NOT put a diaper on her during the day. Do not even put underpants or pull ups on her. Instead allow her to run around the house naked. Yes, naked. If you put pull ups on her or pants or underpants, she will use them to potty in. Trust me, this is not a good thing. Naked is best. She will know without any doubts that she has to use the bathroom and even if she doesn't tell you, put her on the toilet every hour and IF she refuses to go, make her sit there until she does go. After she goes, reward her with something that will only be given to her when she uses the toilet. I used Gerber gummy snacks for my children and they only got ONE snack, not to be confused with one bag as there are several pieces to one bag. And the idea is for her to be rewarded (not bribed) for doing a good thing. You might have to resort to pullups at night until she is able to stay dry during the night. The key to night time training to put her on the toilet before bath time and then again just before bed and NO drinks after 8 P.M. and you really need to stick to this no matter how much she yells. She's a child and you are the parent. Make this known to her by not giving in. If she is not staying dry during the night you may have to cut her no drink rule to 7:30 P.M. At 3, she is capable to go to the bathroom all by herself, sit on the toilet, use the bathroom by herself, wipe (if she went pee) and be able to call you for help with bowel movement wiping.

Sleeping in her own bed. Why is she not sleeping in her own bed? Where is she sleeping? Have you been co-sleeping since birth? If this is the case, you may find it challenging to get her to own room/bed but it does need to be done. Designate her space for sleeping today! Tell her she will be sleeping HERE and not in your bed anymore. Use a night light if she is afraid to be alone in the dark. Let her cuddle with a favorite toy. Read her a story before bedtime and then it's lights out. Maybe she would prefer to sleep with her bedroom door open. Ask her if she'd like it to be open for sleeping but if she comes back to your room, take her immediately back to her room. Your husband must help. This could be exhausting for you. The key, again, is to be consistent.

She is underweight? Is this what the doctor has said because if so, I'm really surprised the doctor would not have intervened by offering suggestions to help her gain weight. What does she eat? How often? How often is she nursing? These are things your doctor needs to know. You can give her cow's milk and add those breakfast powders to her milk. I believe one brand is Carnation. Pancakes, will she eat pancakes? Frensh toast? Waffles, oatmeal with raisins, brown sugar, or cinnamon? For lunch, will she eat yogurt? Cheese? Any kind of sandwich? For dinner, do you offer the same things you make for dinner to your daughter? Snacks can be cut up fruit, maybe with yogurt drizzled over the top. Crackers with peanut butter and jelly, tortillas with a slice of cheese and a slice of turkey or ham rolled up. Egg salad sandwiches...slice of bread with jelly...mini bagels with cream cheese. She should be able to eat everything you eat. Don't be afraid to try new things. A child should taste everything. I find that a lot of parents are afraid to try things because they falsely assume their child won't eat it. My 3 year old LOVES sushi, so try different things and if need be, write down what was liked and not liked. Spaghettios are good, too. Soups are good too. Good luck to you. You have a challenge on your hands but you CAN do it. : )

I breastfeed my son until he was 3 1/2. You can explain that she is only allowed to nurse at certain times (ie 1st thing in morning, right before nap and bed) I always held my son to comfort him, but was firm about the nursing at designated times. Then eventually, it was only first thing in the morning. After about 2 months, he was weaned. Also encourage her to drink warm milk from her favorite cup. This helped my son transition. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Call the International Chiropractic Pediatric Assn- the nursing motion changes cranial bones, and if there is a problem with those bones then it is a compulsion to nurse. So check that 1st.

Weston Price has a great system for weaning, check their web site.

Of course the amazing Yoka Reeder is, to me , the last word on sane ways to handle behavior.

A little bit of work to pull these together, but I think it will be very worthwhile. It has been for us.
Best, k

I'm all for extended breast feeding, but it should be a good experience for BOTH mom and child. If your daughter is chasing you down screaming, it sounds like it's more about control than comfort, and THAT part of your relationship SHOULD change.

You're the mom and you know best, so whatever you decide will be the right choice... but it sounds like you're ready to wean her.

Hope this helps,
T.

The problem is not the breastfeeding. My daughter is almost 5 and still occasionally nurses - yet she was potty trained at 3 and is extremely outgoing, independent and speaks up.

Does she have any speech, physical or emotional delays? Any phobias or possible obsessive or controlling issues? Have you asked her why she is so afraid of 'being a big girl'?

You may want to seek an outside source to aid in getting to the root of the real problem... because it is not breastfeeding!

The problem is not hers, its yours. Dont think of it as breaking her heart, think of it as providing her the tools she needs to be an independent adult someday. Get a backbone and cut her off. She, and you, will survive.

This may sound crazy, but what about using BF'ing as a reward for her going on the potty? It might be rewarding enough for her to try if she only gets to nurse when she goes potty. It sounds like she loves it, so use it as a motivator, get her potty trained, then wean her off of nursing.
I agree with the poster that it sounds like your daughter is in control of the situation and that you are letting her run things with your fear of her tantrums. If you are worried about the school hearing you, walk over and let them know that you are potty training and weaning, and that they might hear your daughter throwing fits in protest. Be proactive, do what you need to do to take your fear out of it, and then work on each thing separately. It sounds like you might be feeding into all of this a bit. I know it's hard- she is your baby (is she your last?), but don't turn her into a manipulator. Take firm but gentle control, talk with her, let her know what you are working on and how you want her to be a big girl, and do it. :) We'll be here to support you when you need it!

Good luck!
T.