Breastfeeding ~ Getting over the Guilt

Do what you think, is best for you. If breastfeeding is too much stress, that you can't handle...and you feel you need to quit...then quit. All kinds of people will tell you it's not hard, shouldn't take energy to do, won't wear you down, etc. It is so easy for some people and they can bounce right back to breastfeeding during illness. However, they aren't YOU, in YOUR situation. Only you know if you can handle it, or not. Doing whats best for your body and what gives you the most stress-free time with your daughter, could be what's best. The important thing, is to listen to yourself and not the guilt. Many people instill guilt in mothers over breastfeeding. If you're doing what's best for yourself, your child, and your family...there is nothing to be guilty about.

I know you are thinking of stopping but have you tried to feed her while laying on your side. I found this to be very helpful with my second child while my first was napping and I was tired. I would just lay on my bed while ds nursed and I could just relax or watch tv or read a book. I propped myself into a comfy position and often he would fall asleep because he was comfy and relaxed too. This way you don't have to be sitting and holding your baby thus expelling more energy. Also, I have heard wonderful things about kellymom.com which is a breastfeeding site. I am sure you can get tips for continuing or support for your feelings if you do decide to stop all together. I am happy to hear you are better though and that is what counts the most for your baby. Congrats on doing a wonderful job breastfeeding for the first 7 months.

Why would you stopping the nursing make you heal faster? If anything, it's the opposite since nursing releases hormones and chemicals in your body (and the baby's) into feel good and relaxation modes.

I personally think you should stop over thinking this and just have her relax with you, so she can nurse on demand and get your supply back up. Your daughter can do that 3 times faster than pumping will.

Ensure you are eating well, drinking plenty of fluids and allow her to nurse as she needs - and your supply will bounce right back. Don't over exert yourself cleaning, cooking, etc... because breastfeeding is definitely not an exertion.

MRSA is tough... my father had it, so be happy you are alive! You are doing the right thing to concentrate on getting better. You have done a great job breastfeeding during the most critical part of her early life, please don't beat yourself up over not being able to continue. You can still nurse on demand if she needs, especially if you lie down so you can relax, or pump if you are able, do what you feel you can physically. Hang in there!

My doc wanted me to stop nursing for a different reason at around 4 months with my 3rd child. His argument was exactly the same as yours though, he said my body needed the extra energy and nutrients to heal. He also said that the baby gets the most benefit in the first 3 months of life and after that you are just providing food which you can do via formula as well.

I would work very hard on telling yourself that you are no good to your daughter if you are ill or out of energy. She needs you 100% and nursing does not replace the mother. Get yourself healthy and drop the guilt. Remember too that babies can really feel your angst. Just make a decision and move on, I can assure you this is a hangup more for you personally than it is for your daughter. Long term this will not change who she is nor will it change how close you are too each other.

Good luck!

I have been in a similar situation (only I didn't make it months). I felt like the worst mother EVER for wanting to stop BFing. I had a horrendous thrush infection...so bad that every time I nursed I was in pain for hours afterward. I absolutely dreaded nursing my son. I became depressed and anxious. I finally said to my husband "I can't do this anymore." And his response was "Thank goodness." We are ALL much happier now. My little boy is thriving, and I gave him the best start I could. Now he has a much happier mamma.

And BF IS hard work. I actually got a back injury nursing. Yes, it was from poor posture, but I struggled so much to make sure he latched that I was all tensed up. BF is a beautiful thing, but people who say it's not exhausting or "work" have simply had different experiences. You've done an excellent thing making it this long. Now it's time to recover and enjoy your baby.

Guilt probably comes from realizing that breastmilk still really is the best, healthiest solution for your daughter. While it is understandable that surgery has zapped you of your reserves, good nutrition & adequate rest are the cornerstones for recovery, not weaning.Supplimenting one or two bottles of water or juice a day while continuing to breastfeed the rest of the time is healthier for both of you than supplimenting with, or switching entirely to formula. Whenever possible, nurse lying down, taking little naps or at least relaxing while you nurse & continue at least one night time nursing, after a while, you can accomplish that w/o even fully waking up, if you're tired enough!
Cellulitis & MRSA usually come after a C/S, which is in itself major surgery. Am I guessing right? C/S are more common if one is deficient in Vit D & other nutrients. If I were your midwife, I would take a good look at your diet, and make suggestions for improvement from there. But I'm not, so I can't. I do suggest that is where you start though, improving your nutrient intake, not weaning. Good luck & God Bless!

Wow, you have been through alot. It was great that you were able to keep pumping and dumping through it all.

Have you tried to do some side lying nursing? Getting enough liquids, getting enough calories? You can get your supply back up, just cut back on the formula when you are with her. What is tiring about breastfeeding? Is it the calorie consumption, or the act of bf'ing? I've not bottle fed, so I don't really know the difference of energy. I would think that bottle would be more energy, as you have to prepare it, warm it, wash bottles, etc.

I don't know what kind of low energy you have, so I can't judge what you need to do for yourself, or if you can push through it and just rest a bit more and continue to get better while nursing her.

BUT, if you decide not too, millions of babies are just fine on formula. She has had an incredible start with 7 months of breastmilk and will be transitioning to cows milk in 5 months time. You need to do what is best for you and her, and if that means not breastfeeding her so that you can be a better mom, then that is what you need to do.

Good luck.

Don't play 'good vs bad' against yourself. As parents, just about everything we do is 'bad' (according to someone) even if we feel it's 'good'. This is an issue of choosing between two good things. Only you can figure it out, but if you successfully breastfed for 7 months, pat yourself on the back for the bonding, healthful nutrition, and immunities you provided your baby. Many women either choose not to or can't offer that for even 7 days or 7 weeks. You did good, so if you now need to concentrate your energy into just being healthy, do that. That's as important as anything for you to continue being the best mama you can be!

Glad to see your "so what happened" -- I was going to suggest the following before I read it, and still wanted to encourage you, so will go ahead and say it.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Take it one day at a time. Right now, you need to focus on recovering, rather than on rebuilding your supply. Once you have recovered from your illness and are well, you may be able to pump and increase your supply, but as you pointed out in your question, it takes a lot of time, energy and effort to pump extra -- energy which you just don't have right now.

Take it one day at a time, and as you rest and recover from your surgery, your supply will likely be better than if you deplete your already depleted body further. [And I say this as a strong breastfeeding advocate and supporter!] Once you're recovered, you can see if you can pump extra; but if not, take a deep breath and sigh, perhaps grieve for a while, and then take a deep breath again and smile, and go on with your life.

I am in the same boat as you and even though I told myself that I had set a goal to make it past 6 months (and my daughter turned 10 m yesterday), I still feel guilty on a daily basis. Basically, I need to take my own advice-- haha.

I will tell you what worked with me and my son......I nursed in the morning and again at night, then pumped once at work. I got to the point when he was around 11 months that I stopped pumping at work all together. I just woke up one day and said that it was not worth the stress anymore!! When my 'stash' ran out, I supplemented with formula. We ditched bottles at 12 months, but I still nursed morning/night until he was around 14 month. This was a great compromise and I still felt successful at bf'ing.

One thing you can tell yourself that may help. If you exclusively bf when you know it is not working, your daughter may not be getting enough calories from milk and make them up with less nutritious foods, like Cheerios, etc. Wouldn't you be more 'successful' if she made those calories up with formula. Just another perspective.

You should feel very proud of yourself for bf'ing for 7 months. That alone is quite the accomplishment. I agree with the suggestion from some other posters about only bf'ing once a day, most likely before bed. I don't think you should feel at all guilty for giving your daughter formula. Before you know it she will be 1 year old and drinking whole milk.

When my son was 6 months old I broke my leg and was in the hospital for 3 days. I couldn't pump b/c I was in so much pain and on so much medication that I was unable to get a let down. Needless to say I became very engorged. Even when I got home I was on pain medication which interferes with letdown. Since my son was 6 months old we were starting him on solids and this really helped since my supply was so low. However I didn't want to stop breastfeeding and I started taking fenugreek tablets. My lactation conultant said the proper dose is 12 to 14 tablets a day. Take 4 tablets 3 times a day and add 1 tablet to 2 of the doses after a day or 2. Take the fenugreek for at least a week to see if you get any result. I was successful in reestablishing my supply and continued to breastfeed for 18 more months. If you truly wish to stop don't feel guilty you have given her more breastmilk than many other mothers. However it doesn't have to be difficult to regain your milk. Also my lactation consultant told me not to stress as this can hurt your supply. There has actually been a study that mothers who meditated increased their supply by like 25% or something like that. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. The hardest time of my life was being in the hospital and being away from my son. You can send me a personal message if you need some more support.

you did great going for 7 months! Your daughter will be fine on formula, many children are (myself and my daughter included!) and you can be close with bottle feeding too.

Remember, the best thing for your daughter is to have a healthy mommy, so dont beat yourself up! You're doing great!

I totaly understand about breastfeeding taking the energy out of you. I have M.S. With my 1st child i bfed untill she was about 6 months old. When she was 3 i had another child and bfed only untill he was 2 months old due to i was soooo fatigued and bfing really took it outta me. With my 3rd he would not bf. I pumped for the first 2 weeks but then just gave up. I had 3 other children to take care of ( all under 5) and knew i couldnt do, it was to much. I needed to take care of myself so that i could take care ofmy other children. The baby is now 2 and he does just as well as the others. I have a very strong bond with him without bfing. Just remember you needto take care of yourself to be able to take good care of baby.

At this age, is it possible for you to only BF once a day, maybe at night? Just a suggestion. You've done awesome BFing so far and not feeling well too, that's just awesome!! Congratulations!! I exclusively BF all of my children for 6-12 months and went on to BF all of them until they were two except for my oldest who decided that he didn't want to BF anymore all of a sudden at 9 months. I went straight to regular food and a cup. No milk or formula or anything. He's about to turn 17 in a couple days and he's as healthy as can be. You've done a great job of BFing that will last a LIFE TIME already!! Good luck!!

The longer it takes for you to recover, the longer you loose quality and fun time with your daughter. We all have goals in regards to how long we would like to bf our babies, mine was 6 moths after that I was ok if it did not go any further, examine your goal time frame and examine why you pressure yourself to nurse for however long you have set your goal to be. There is no right or wrong answer to this qestion only what is best for you and baby, since you are mamma you will choose correctly and then all will be well.

As a huge breastfeeding advocate, I want to tell you that you should be incredibly proud of yourself for nursing your baby for 7months. That is 7 months of perfect food she received, and is still receiving thanks to your dedication. If stopping nursing will help you to rest and heal faster, then your health should be top priority.

However you don't sound like you want to stop, so just keep doing what you are comfortable with. If she takes formula ok, stop pumping and only nurse her when you are togethe r(morning and night) and give her a bottle other times. Your milk will adjust to the lowr amount of feedings and will still be the perfect food for her.

Congratulations on the 7 months of breastfeeding, you should be very proud of yourself! I hope you heal and feel better soon!

I had hang ups also. I only gave my daughter breastmilk until she was 3 months old. I had a very limited amount, not to mention inverted nipples. I was also stressed out. You can always reverse health related issues in your body. There are plenty of products out there to help. For example I give my daughter a high quality probiotic from the health food store, fish oil(without mercury), and a multi vitamin from www.mercola.com. He has excellent products.