Getting Ready to Stop Breastfeeding and Feeling Really GUILTY About It!

I had to stop breastfeeding my 1st child after only a couple of weeks because I needed to go on medication for overwhelming post-partum depression. I didn't beat myself up over it because I didn't see how I could even take care of him w/o getting better. I couldn't even start breastfeeding the 3 children that followed because I was put on antidepressants starting the same day I delivered because it takes a few weeks for the medication to help. It turned out soo much better that way. I have four healthy, happy children who were all fed formula, and I have no regrets because, in the end, I did what was best for my children.

A happy mother is much more important to a baby's well-being than breast milk. Babies can sense when we are tense or unhappy. Happy babies come from happy mamas :)
Don't beat yourself up any more, he'll be fine- just go and enjoy your sweet little one :)

6 months is a wonderful accomplishment for breastfeeding and you should be very proud of yourself. Rest is very important for you to be the best mom that you can be and you should never feel guilty about also taking care or yourself and your own needs.

What's best for your son is a healthy mama. You've done an amazing job so far, dont feel bad about stopping!

I felt guilty weaning my daughter at 2 1/2! I think no matter when we do it we feel guilty. Nursing is such a special thing we can give them, its a wonderful way to connect that no matter when the nursing relationship ends it is sad. You nursed for 6 long months, more so than so many women even try to do. Be proud of yourself and your nursling for making it 6 months! I think as mothers we feel guilty for SO many things that we shouldn't!

Just to be sure, talk to a lactation consultant as well about the medication and breastfeeding. Doctors are NOT the most informed people when it comes to breastfeeding. I had shingles and could have BF'd with the medication but didn't talk to an LC till after I was told to pump & dump. Royally screwed up my BFing for MONTHS. So before you stop BFing and start to feel guilty, find out from a BFing professional about the medications. Perhaps there are other medications that would work for you while you BF that you aren't aware of. Good luck!

And if you DO have to stop BFing for your own health, DO NOT feel guilty. YOU have to be healthy to take care of your little one.

I think a lot of us feel guilty about a lot of the choices that we make. This is normally how I make myself feel better. I ask myself, "If my husband were to have done X, and now wants to make choice Y, what would I say? What would other people say about him?" Most of the time I would totally support him, and I know that other people would practically nominate him for father of the year!

I mean, think about it. If your husband said "I gave over my body for 10 months to have a baby, I pushed it out of my body and then, on top of that, I gave up a needed medication for 6 additional months so that I could nurse that baby" he would be on the front page of the New York Times!

We beat ourselves up way too much as moms. You did a great thing. Now take care of yourself.

I felt guilty both times I weaned too. Try not to feel bad, you have done a great job! Part of being a good mom is taking care of yourself too.

The definitive, up-to-date guide on safety of meds while BF'ing is Dr. Hale's book. Are you 100% sure you can't nurse while on it??? There are very few meds that would prevent nursing & doctors often aren't really aware of the safety of meds, especially when the baby is already 6 mos and you could even add some beginner solids to space out the feedings more. I could have someone check it out for you if you ask me. I don't own the book myself. He also has a website. The bond with your baby is blessedly very strong. I don't know how you arrived at the 6 mo. decision point or why you need the medication so it's hard to comment, but I work with La Leche League and would be happy to ask for the most current info if you write me. I guess guilt is a natural part of mothering and in this case shows what a devoted mom you are. What would be the worst thing that would happen if you went a few more months with the nursing? Are there other ways to alleviate your sleep problems? I want to applaud you for caring this much!! Bless you, Dear!

If getting some sleep makes you a better person, it makes you a better mother, too. Just tell yourself that it's a trade-off. You gave your son the gift of breastmilk for six months, now you will give him a happy, rested mama. That is just as valuable! Do not feel guilty about it at all. You are doing the right thing!

I nursed my son (our second child) till about 9 months and then hormones from an unexpected pregnancy really crashed our efforts. I had to stop nursing. My body just was not able to support a new pregnancy and nurse a 9 months old adequately at the same time. He was not ready for milk milk so we transitioned to formula. I was so upset by this and I was so riddled with guilt - we wanted a third, but not that soon and I felt I was cheating our son out of something so important. I also felt like he was being short-changed since I nursed our first child till nearly 15 months.

Now, I know some may say this is not the same as your situation, but for me, it was.

What helped was knowing that I had done the best I could. This was not a competition with anyone but myself and it really did not need to be. I had to relax. It also did not matter what all the studies said and it did not matter what other people's opinions were - supportive or not. Plenty of babies have survived just fine on BM, formula or both. I did have to give myelf permission to mourn the lost of that aspect of our relationship and I had to find other ways to "compensate". I would make sure we spent extra time immediately when I got back from work and then again in the evening. I also had to remind myself that I had done the best I could and that ending the nursing relationship was not a reflection of my love for my son. He was still my world, nursing or not.

You are a good Mama and have done the best you can. Love is what really counts!!

HUGS.
~C.

If you want to, talk to your doctor again.

A lot of factors go into being a good mama, and one of them is making the best decisions you can make at a given time. If it's best to discontinue breastfeeding and resume your medication, give your baby his formula, and cuddle him and talk to him and sing to him while you do it. It'll take him a while to get used to the change, but you'll be right there for him.

It's very hard to give up one's plans (you know the saying about "the best-laid plans," right?). In addition, mamas often feel a lot of pressure - from others, or just what they put on themselves - about doing or not doing this or that in order not to feel that they're bad mothers.

One of my grandbabies is getting a combination of breast and bottle, for various reasons that his parents never anticipated. The fact that he's thriving more now makes it easier for them to do this.

I breastfed all my children, but I had to stop early with one of them. I can't even give a definite reason. It was just terrifically painful. The doctor and I worked hard on it, trying to find the problem. But finally, when my baby would cry to be fed and I found myself feeling angry and resentful, I realized it was more important to have a good attitude toward her.

Any amount of breastfeeding is good for a baby. If you have to change the plans you made for a good reason, you have permission to do it. You'll have many other good things to do for your child as he grows up.

Have you double checked the hazards of breastfeeding with the medication you'll be taking? Dr. Thomas Hale who (literally) wrote the book on medications in nursing mothers, has opened the Infant Risk Center to assist nursing mothers and their caregivers in accessing the most up to date information available on the use of medications while pregnant and breastfeeding. It's free, and it would either confirm the information you already have or give you new options you might not have considered.

They're open 8-5 M-F at ###-###-####.

http://www.infantrisk.com/

I'm not sure if you are talking about the drug Provigil or Nuvigil - - but I need that drug too, even way before I started working the graveyard shift. I went into a sleep study for sleep apnea and came out with narcolepsy also - thankfully I convinced the Dr to not formally diagnose me, since that would be a pre-existing condition.

I chose to continue breastfeeding. Of course I felt much better when I was on the drug, but I knew my discomfort and lack of energy would only be short lived. I also worked full time and went to school... which definitely didn't help.

What I did was find nap times as often as possible and co-slept with baby, which limited wake ups during the nights. I also encouraged family to watch my baby for 2-3 hours at a time, so I could rest when time allowed.

Less than 6 months after my daughter chose to self wean, I found out I am pregnant with #2... so I still cannot take my medication and I'm exhausted all the time. Again, I know this is not a permanent thing and this time I have a spouse around to help out with the children - so I can find more time to sleep. I again plan on extended breastfeeding my child and co-sleeping with the new baby.

You can always ask for alternatives and maybe talk to an IBCLC, not LC or CLC about the drugs you are on and what alternatives would be safer. They have a Master's in lactation, drug interaction in breastmilk and other very important things that LCs and CLCs do not.

You are not alone. I breastfed my 1st until a year, and still felt guilty when I stopped (because pumping at work was difficult, etc). In a perfect world, I would have breastfed longer, but we don't live in a perfect world, we each live in our own reality. I don't know if it's hormones or just part of being a mom, but guilt about not being 'good enough' as a mom just seems to be part of my life.

In my more rational moments, I know that I need to let the guilt go. No one is perfect and as long as we love our babies and do our best, that will be good enough. And for you, it sounds like doing your best to be a good mom means taking your medication - even if that means weaning. If you keep feeding time as a special time to cuddle and focus on your baby, regardless of whether it is a breast or bottle that's providing the milk, he'll still enjoy it and it will still be a bonding experience.

If it is really the health benefits of breastmilk that you are thinking about (and not just the bonding experience, which I think you can still get if you make the effort), then you could always look into a milkshare or milk bank program.

I weaned my first at just over 6 months because my supply was low and I was already supplementing with formula. I weaned my second at 13 months and felt more guilty about that. Which makes no sense!

If you know that you can be a better mother, by taking the medication and weaning your baby, I say you're doing the right thing. I think as mother's we are always second-guessing and putting too much pressure on ourselves.

Its totally realistic to feel guilty when you quit before you or baby are ready. Its part of the bonding experience that you're both going to miss out on now. However this is for your health, you're not being selfish, so you're making the right choice to stop and go back to your medication.

My dear friend is bipolar and struggled with sanity during the time (a few weeks or months, i can't remember how long now) she went off her medication to breastfeed. She felt so guilty going back on her medication, but now she's the mom she wanted to be. Breastfeeding is wonderful, but it is not EVERYTHING.

I had to quit early with my first child. She was born using a vacuum extractor and apparently that affected her cranial nerves that control sucking. We lived in KY at the time and in that area hardly ANYONE breast feeds, so the nurses at the hospital do not know how to help you and there is a lactation nurse at the health department, but she serves 5 counties, so you get her once a week... Anyway, my child did not latch on for 4 days, and even then it was incorrect. We had every breastfeeding problem in the book and at 6 weeks we discovered (after 24 hours with a dry diaper) that she'd lost 10 oz more then her birth weight. CRISIS! The pediatrician wanting to avoid a hospital stay would not allow me to breastfeed until she'd had x oz. of formula first, and my husband refused to allow me to use anything other then a bottle. Even then, it took over 2 hours for her to drink 3 oz. and to try breastfeeding at that time when she was exhausted and full, just was unreasonable. For 2 weeks I spent every waking minuet feeding her or pumping, and I didn't get much. Then she began to reject the breast and we were basically done. I was devastated. I spent a lot of time blaming my husband and myself. But honestly I had to get to the point of being thankful for her life, that she was not a failure to thrive baby, and realizing that formula was made for these types of situations.

The best way to deal with the guilt is to talk about it. Very much like you've done here. The why of your guilt is that you're a mom, you're designed to want to nurse your baby longer, you've got extra hormones in your system making your more attentive/sensitive to your baby and his needs. Logic is not primary right now. You can look back and see that its the right choice, you can understand it right now, but you can't FEEL it. Keep talking, keep going through your reasoning. Identify what feelings are true and which ones are lies. Speak the truth to yourself and discount the lies. And choose carefully who you talk to. Seek people who understand and are supportive.

It should get better as time passes and your hormonal levels go back to normal, also getting back on your medication should help too. In my case it was a week or two. I'd been dealing (without knowing until it happened again with my second child, and no BF issues) with PPD in the form of anxiety, and once I stopped BF all of that went away. The BF issues triggered it. With the second baby it was brought on my nothing, just time of day, and it ended in 2.5 weeks after the baby was born, and we breastfed for 14 months.

Best wishes!

Whether you nursed for 6hrs, 6 days, 6 weeks, or 6 months, you did great!! You can still bond w/ your son while snuggling him at bedtime and all the other times he needs you. If you need the medication, then you need it. Your son needs a strong healthy mom.