Bringing Home Baby #2 - Wichita,KS

Look up prior posts on this topic. I've answered it a couple of times...I think we found great ways to prep for a new baby AND help once the baby arrives.

best wishes

Keep him involved!! Let him help get the nursery set up or a special toy for the baby. When he comes to see you at the hospital, don't be sitting in your hospital bed holding the baby. That way when he comes into the room, your arms are wide open for just him. THEN you can take the baby and let him cuddle with both of you. Also, have a big brother gift waiting for him at the hospital from the new baby. We did all of this and when it was time for my husband and oldest to go home, he cried. I thought he was crying at leaving me but no...he was crying at leaving his new brother!! :) They have been VERY close ever since - though they do have their moments of course.

I also stocked up ahead of time on small gifts for the oldest. People like to stop by with baby gifts and some will think of the new big sibling and bring something for them too but others don't. For those times, I used to have things like Thomas the Train trains, Hot Wheels, books, etc.

I nursed all of my children too and will nurse this one as well. Keep your son's favorite books near where you will be nursing so that he can come and sit with you. You guys can read while the baby eats. Let him help you by getting you diapers, wipes, and even helping with baths for instance. My boys always liked to help me rinse their brothers. Obviously you have to guide him so he isn't just dumping the water on the baby but he should be ok with your guidance.

The biggest thing is to keep him involved and grab alone time whenever you can.

Good luck.

There have been lots of good answers but there is one that I have found helpful too. You find yourself telling the older siblings a lot that they have to wait to do X because you are busy with the baby. Turn that around sometimes and tell the baby that they need to wait to do X because you have to help the older sibling. The older children think that this is great because you are telling the baby to wait so that they can do something....the baby doesn't really care, but the older siblings think it is wonderful. Also having a nursing basket with things that the older child can do sitting by where you plan to nurse helps. These should be things that the older child/ren can do with minimal help from you (as your hands will be full feeding) but that you can do with them as well. Books to read together, crayons and coloring books (talk to them about the pictures that they are coloring, what colors they are using), I have even added a snack for them to eat too. Remind them though that these are things that they can only use while you feed the baby. When they get old, have a few new things to put in to keep the attention. We have also made a big deal of making the baby a family baby, not mom's baby or dad's baby. When we were pregnant with each of our 7 children the older children wouldn't hear that mom's baby was coming, but we would say that our baby was coming soon. The baby was always everyone's not just mine. Most of all just remember that it can be stressful, but take the time to think before you act and things will work out.
J. SAHM of 6 (soon to be 7 in July)

Here a few things I did when I had my second. First, I did not want my oldest to be jealous, so I NEVER used the baby as an excuse for anything such as, why I couldn't pick him up when I was pregnant, I always said my 'tummy' is too big. I included him in as much as we could like decorating the nursery and picking out baby stuff. When my second was born, it was very important that for the first hour, only my husband and my son were in the room after the baby was born. That way my oldest got to meet the baby and interact with him before all of the grandparents started in on the fussing over the new baby - AND he introduced him to the grandparents. I made that very clear before I had the baby to all of the grandparents - luckily, no one voiced any disregard. Side note: My aunt didn't do this and her oldest sat in the corner of the delivery room all alone while everyone cooed over the new baby. They had behavior issues (violent) with the oldest due to her insensitivity to his feelings (way more to that story, but you get the point). My oldest helped out with a lot regarding the baby and I made sure I carved out time to spend time with him - such as, when daddy was feeding the baby (I nursed, but I pumped to make sure he had at least one bottle a day he could feed the baby - that was very important to me - I did not want to be the only one that fed him) or during the baby's nap time. I know, you're thinking but I will be so tired, how do I do it? Well, I just sucked it up and did it for my son's sake BUT I also have a wonderful husband to helped out tremendously and that allowed me to do that and rest when needed. I do remember crying and mourning that time alone with #1 but that is part of growing your family. Luckily, your's is 2 1/2 (mine was 3) and the transition was easier than it could have been if he was older.

M.,
What a joy! You are going to have so many fabulous memories of your children that you won't even remember being stressed about this! :-)
Our daughter was 2 months shy of 3 when we brought home her little brother. I am sure you have tons of great advice already, but I will share the one that I have found most beneficial...I never asked her to help with anything to do with the baby. Now, she did ask to go get his diaper, etc, and I would allow her to do that, but the newness wore off quickly. LOL. I was told that would help as she gets older, with her feelings of having to watch over him, etc. (as the eldest, I knew exactly what was being referred too!) I never put one's needs infront of the other, if she had asked for something and he was hungry, he would just have to wait a moment. On the other hand, if I was nursing him and she suddenly decided she was hungry, she could either get one of her snacks, or wait until Mommy could help. (I have the bottom shelf of our pantry always stocked with snacks they can serve themselves or request help opening, ie fruit, crackers, pretzels, of course fruit snacks!) Mine are now almost 6 and just turned 3 and I have many people comment on how well they get along. I don't know if it has anything to do with it, but I will tell you that I have a friend with children spaced the same distance who the older one always thinks she is the Mommy! And was asked to wait many times while her Mommy cared for the baby.
I wish you only the best and trust that you will make the right decision for all.
In good health,
J.

Start out with a bang -- put new baby in a large gift box and let big brother open it up. Best present ever, lasts a lifetime! And even better, Mommy will feed him and clean him for you!

Other "presents" for big boy: a baby bjorn, so you can bring his baby along with you two for outings...a double stroller, so they can ride together...a baby doll of his own to hold while you nurse the real one. He doesn't need to know that one needs boobs for that.

You do have some good advice and I really second Julie C.'s comments about telling the baby to "hold on"...we did that (my daughter was 2 when Brother came home) and the first time she sort of looked quizically at the situation and then seemed quite pleased about it! I think it works. I'm sure the nursery is already set up, but you could take him in there and point stuff out and reminice that he used to use those things, etc. It may help him understand that an actual person will be there soon. My daughter liked going in her brother's room and checking it out. We also showed her different presents we got for him etc.

Also, since you already have him enrolled in MDO, I think that will help a lot! That way you'll have some time to rest with just the baby and you won't be quite as stressed with both of them home. I think you'll be pleased to see that your son will absolutely ADORE the new addition.

We also had big sister pick out a special present to give to the baby when he was born. When she came to the hospital she had her present and was very excited to meet him and give it to him....the only troublesome part was that she very distressed when he wouldn't actually hold the toy! ;) LOL!

For when I nursed or pumped I got my daughter a special bag (which she decorated with puffy paints a week before) that held new toys, books, stickers, etc. that she could do all by herself. I only brought it out while I nursed or pumped and she enjoyed using those special things then. After the first few weeks, you probably won't even need it anymore b/c he'll be used to the routine.

Congrats! (and good luck! ;)

My husband was key in preparing our first for our second. He taught our oldest, who was 22 months old, how to swaddle, diaper, and rock his glow-worm. When the baby came home, he knew what was going on almost the whole time. Nursing threw him off, but that's about it.

When our oldest came to the hospital to see his brother the first time, our youngest "gave" our oldest a gift. That really went a long way to making our oldest accept his younger brother! The gift was "Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You Hear?" I've heard of other people giving blocks, play-doh, etc. Depending on what your little one likes.

I tried to nurse when our oldest was eating. I would make a snack/meal for him, and while he was eating, I was nursing. I also gave him a set of DVDs that he still loves to this day. They were short enough to not make me feel too guilty.

I hope this helps!

You will feel bad for your son when you bring the baby home. Just because you know he's getting less attention. My daughter was 2 when her brother came home and was horrible for a few days. Throwing fits, crying, etc. But I think that was her way of expressing that she wasn't sure what was going on (even though she communicates very well). After a few days, it got better.

From the start, she was very interested in her baby brother. She wanted to hold him - so I'd let her (with me helping). She wanted to help change her diaper, I'd let her. If she wanted to do something like swing in his swing, I'd remind her that was his and that she was a big girl so did she want to do X (and I always reminded her that her brother could not do that or eat that because he was a baby but she was lucky to be so big).

I made a big deal about how much she helped when she did (bring me diapers, wipes, binky, etc) but did not say anything if I asked her for assistance and she didn't want to. We did watch a lot of cartoons those first few weeks just because I was breastfeeding every few hours.

When the baby is asleep, try to do as much with your son. Leave the bottles and laundry for another time.

Try to do something special with him while you are nursing - sit next to him and let him watch a cartoon. Buy him a new book (or a few new ones) only for nursing time.

You've gotten some great responses! I just wanted to throw in a little prep for you: you will feel guilty over not spending as much time with your first after the baby comes home, but just tell yourself that in the long run it's definitely good for your older little guy. Then, once #2 is in a good routine and is able to go stretches entertaining him/herself, you'll feel guilty about not spending as much time with them as you did the older one when they were that age! My #2 is 5 months old and I keep thinking that #1 (almost 3) still requires much more attention and usually gets it, so I feel bad for #2. Be easy on yourself and know that you're only one person. Best of luck, and congratulations!

My first two were 12 months apart and not very easy to do much with the older one as far as introducing the baby, etc. as many mentioned already. I did have very little trouble and the most problem was on my end, feeling like the older one was left out. That was not good for him as he wasn't left out and needed to learn to share my attention and did fine. With our others the kids came up to the hospital and got to hold the baby and we never had issues with any of them and when the baby came home the older ones helped and the younger ones would stand by the crib and look at the baby for hours. I think it's all in how you present the baby, not as an intruder or taking away time for the older child, etc. Your attitude will determine how the older child accepts the baby. Spend special time with the 2.5 yr. old while the baby naps and teach him to play more alone or by you. Read to him at bedtime or during the day and he'll know he's still loved and see that love can be shared.