Calming Kids down at Bedtime

Put the 2 year old to bed first, while the 5 year old does something quiet (books, playing quietly with toys, etc), but no TV. TV before bed has been shown to hype kids up, not help them calm down, despite parents thinking that since they are sitting still it will quiet them down. After 2 year old gets some alone time with you and is asleep, move on to the 5 year old. There's only one of you and it sounds like they are tag teaming you! Good luck!

I always thought of the bedtime routine as at least an hour. At that time, TV/games/phones are off. Bath or shower, pajamas, quiet non sugary snack, teeth brushing, read a lot of books, turn out the lights and talk about our days, put on a soft nightlight. My son preferred his door cracked open and listening to me go clean the kitchen rather than complete quiet. This nice long bedtime routine calms kids and gives them the attention from mom that they desperately need.

You are in a tough spot. If your kiddos have no discipline when with Dad, you don't want to look like the bad guy when they are with you.

Children need and crave routine, discipline and rules, it helps them understand what is expected of them. Set the rules, be very firm. Set a bed time routine such as bath, books, quite talking with Mom and lights out sleepy time. I would not allow any raised voices or running around after bath. Be firm that they are not to get out of bed and their voices must be quiet.

You might feel like a real meany at first, but once they get the idea you'll be able to lighten up a little bit.

Good Luck!!

M.

All the advice you've received is wonderful. I am concerned that the later bedtime may actually be working against you, as children can get wound up and have an even harder time sleeping. And separating the bedtimes and perhaps the sleeping places should help. I would like to add that you can do this! Pick a plan, begin it quietly and never raise your voice. Don't concern yourself with their habits at their Dad's place. Children are extremely adaptable and can follow two sets of expectations, as long as yours are consistent at your place. Children crave routine, so once you begin this new routine, it should get better.

two different bedtimes.

I have 4yo twins, and a 5 1/2 yo. i read 2/3 books with all of them first, then i get my twins settled in bed, with their books and spend some alone time with them separately. my oldest is in my room, so she's close by, either reading a book, watching tv (but in bed, under covers), or playing with ipad.

when the twins start to fall asleep, i then attend to my oldest, and read a book with her, or have some alone time with her.

i was having an extremely hard time with this as well, a friend told me its what she does w her kids. It definitely made a difference. i think it also helps when you separate the kids, so they don't have each other to bounce off the walls with.

hang in there. you're doing a great job, i know how hard it is doing it alone.

Do not feel like you're a failure because your marriage failed.
It takes 2 people to make that work & sometimes one party doesn't want
it to work or won't help.

Make sure they have down time before bedtime in order to wind down.
Usually 30 mins before bed give them a bath, pajamas, read 2 books in bed etc. Have a routine. They can have separate bedtimes if necessary.

See if you can buy a solid divider for their room to separate their beds & give them some type of semblence of a room.

Sorry you are going through this.

Have your son, sleep in your room.
Keep your daughter in that other bedroom.
Separate them.
That is a wide age gap.
Very different developmental stages, between the 2 of them.
And the 5 year old cannot be a "babysitter" to her little brother just by default because they are inhabiting the same sleeping room.

Remember, even if one is in your room sleeping, say on a floor mattress, it will not be forever. Just for now.
We have done that with our kids.
And its fine.
2 is still very young.
They also have no, impulse control yet nor is it fully developed.

Tell them you have had enough and they must go to bed and stay in bed when you tell them to. Put them to bed as you normally do. Sit outside their room. The second you hear the bed creak or the blankets rustle go in immediately and tell them they must stay in bed. Do not let them get up. Physically restrain them if you have to (not in a mean way but be firm). Leave the room and sit outside the door again. Do the same thing over and over until they get it.
You will have to be dedicated to seeing this through but I bet by night 4 they will know you will come in if try to talk, jump, get up etc. Good luck. This is a solvable problem and if you do what I told you may find your kids are better behaved in other situations to.

I think putting your son to bed first (and alone), then your daughter 30-60 minutes later is a great idea. This way, they're falling asleep separately. If that won't work, could you somehow separate their room into two spaces? Either with the furniture or a sheet? Maybe if they can't *see* each other, they'll stay in bed and go to sleep.

Your kids have gone through a LOT in the last year and they're still adjusting. I really feel for all 3 of you. Try and be as patient and consistent as possible. And if they're getting free rein at their grandparent's house, then that just makes YOUR job even tougher. I wish you the best :)

Kids need routine and you know this. It sounds like since the separation their lives are topsy turvy dividing time between two very different living situations. Therefore, there is no easy solution.

I suggest you pray (if you are religious) diligently for patience and set up a long routine from dinner to bedtime. Stick to the routine every night and ask your ex to do the same (who knows, he may say yes). And lastly, you need to reclaim your position as an authority figure in your house through consistent, loving discipline.

Do this and be patient. If they want to share a bed, that's fine. If they want to sleep with you, that's fine. Hey, if they want to stay awake, that's fine as long as they are quiet.

Your situation sounds exhausting and I am sorry you and your family are struggling with this.

Don't feel like your a failure you are a single parent trying to do what she can for her kids and her self! Be proud!! I would say routine would be the best bet! If they have no routine and no discipline with their father you need to try and have a sit down calm talk with him and explain you are starting a bed time routine. Start with dinner at a decent time, baths/showers, turning off tv and any other distractions, lay them in bed, read a book or talk about the best/worst things from that day. My son went through a phase were he wouldn't sleep in his bed and wanted to sleep with me or his sister. I let him for a little but once he fell asleep I would put him in his bed. I wouldn't let them stay up to late when my kids were that age they were in bed typically around 8pm. If your kids are getting up really early I would try to have them in bed around 8 or 8:30pm. Good luck :)

This is such a hard place to be. I think you need to put them in bed and sit there and read a book, do a puzzle, sit and ignore them and wait until they go to sleep.

Staying in the room with their lights out but the hallway light on would give you enough light to do something. Then just sit there, wait them out. Note when they fall asleep or start looking sleepy. Let them sleep in the same bed if they want but they have to lay still. You have to find a way to do this, they won't start minding when they get older, they'll get worse.

Please consider calling Habitat for Humanity and filling out paperwork to get a house that is adequate for your family. The house payments should be affordable if not very similar to your apartment cost now.

Our Habitat for Humanity has several houses in our town and the payments are all below $300 per month. The family applies for a home. Once they get approved they start volunteering in the current homes. They build up a certain amount of hours of sweat equity, ours is 300 I think.

The family reaches a certain point in the hours and the nurture committee should sit down with them and discuss their actual home. We decided we would not build a home with less than 3 bedrooms. We would not build a garage because very few people use their garage for their vehicles, they use them for storage and they are messy.

Once they get to that point they are assigned their own home. They work the remaining hours on that home. They pick the decorations and what extra's they want. If they want wood floors or a certain color carpet or tile. The family should get to make a lot of those style of choices on their own new home. Then they get to have a house dedication and move in.

At 7 PM, bring the 2 year old into the room and read/sing with him for 15 minutes. While this is going on, have your daughter do a quiet activity. At 7:15 / 7:20, leave him in his room and go and read with your daughter. At 8:00, bring her to her already dark room and say goodnight.

They need routine. You can't make your ex have a routine but you can create one in your home. This will provide a world of structure and security that they will love you for. Good luck.

First of all, you are not failing! Hang in there!

Try to make a consistent bedtime routine. Consistency is everything. Also, make their room as cozy and sleep-friendly as possible. I have recently discovered the Pajanimals sleep products (based on the Pajanimals series) that are adorable and make "sleeping" fun for toddlers. Check out the bedtime board and the goodnight projector: http://www.fefisbaby.com/toddler-sleep-products

Good luck!!