I am having a huge problem with bedtime for my 3 1/2 year old and 19 month old. Neither one wants to go to bed ever!! I am ready to punch myself in the face at night. I usually rock them.. I stopped rocking my 3 year old before my daughter came but once she was here he wanted rocked again and how could I refuse plus I don't mind rocking. The problem is neither one of them want to rock or lay in their beds. They scream and cry. They are tired but not over tired. They don't watch tv before bed so I don't think they are over stimulated. Here is how tonight went and most nights are similar:
Teeth brushed and pajamas on. After I corralled them into their room we all climbed into the rocking chair. My daughter started crying , screaming really. After a few minutes of both myself and my son (3 years old) trying to calm her I decided maybe she wanted to lay in her bed. So I laid her in her bed. She stopped crying. My son wanted to rock so we got back in chair. Daughter starts crying. I then sit by her bed and my son lays on the floor with his head on me. Everything is going ok. I sing to them they appear to be falling asleep then BAM they get like a second wind or something. Son starts talking daughter starts sitting up. I try to rock them. This goes on and on. Finally I have enough. It's been over an hour. I put each kid in their bed and I sit in the rocker. I let them both scream their heads off for 15 minutes. My son falls asleep first then a few minutes later my daughter does. I am drained. I hate bedtime.
My husband offers help but they don't want him. He has worked out of town for five years and is finally home every night ready to pitch in and the kids still want me. That is fine I am their mother land I love it ( well not bed time). My husband said maybe 2 different bedtimes but that wont' work. I tried it. My son wakes my daughter up with his talking or crying.
Nap time is similar but less crying. They each take a nap. The length depends. My 3 year old still needs a nap I try to not give him one to see how it goes and he either falls asleep at 6 and wakes up at 8 and then is up all night or without a nap he takes forever to put down and gets up repeatedly throughout the night.
I would love any advice anyone has to offer. I have 2 older children and they never gave me a hard time about sleeping so I am out of my element her. Thanks in advance !!
Well I have four very good responses so far! I am way too involved!! I know this, it's just so overwhelming. I am taking the rocking chair out o their room. They sleep in separate beds across the room from each other. Maybe I will move the room around so they are next to each other and I can sit in between them to read or sing. Thanks ladies. I feel some relief for tomorrow. Thanks and keep the advice or just what you do at bedtime coming! The more ideas the better.
** Thank you all so much! No they cannot be put in separate room just yet. We have 3 bedrooms and my older boys ages 8 and 11 share the other room. This winter we will be cleaning/ remodeling our 3rd floor for our 11 year old to move in by summer (hopefully) Then maybe my 3 year old who will be 4 1/2 by then can sleep in the same room as his 8 year old brother. Tonight went much better than the last couple months!!! I moved their beds by each other and refused to rock them. My 3 year old cried but my 19 month old did not. He cried for like 3 minutes and fell asleep. Total time spent putting them to bed was 16 minutes. My 3 yr old didn't have a nap today ( I just wanted to see how it would go) We stayed outside until like 6:30 then got baths and I made sure to keep him occupied until 8. It worked however I had dinner in the crock pot so I didn't have to prepare anything at the time where he may have sat down to watch tv and then fall asleep and it was a beautiful day so we could go back out after dinner. Hopefully by the time it's too cold to go out he won"t need a nap at all and I won't have to worry about him crashing wherever. Thank you all so much! Your advice was helpful. Sometimes when you're going through a situation it seems more difficult than it actually is and someone just needs to tell you it's not as big a deal as you think!
Can they be put in seperate rooms? If so I would do that. I am a believer that each child needs their own space especially for bed time.
Honestly, M., your bedtime routine is too involved. You gotta simplify.
Get rid of the rocking. Develop a new routine where you do the same thing every night. Here's what I did with my kids and they never had issues with going to bed, even when we travelled, even when the time changed etc...
Make sure they get lots of activity and exercise during the day. Eat dinner around the same time each night. Give them a bath, read a story or two NOT in their bedroom. Brush their teeth. Put them in their beds. Sit by the bed if you need to and sing a song. Kiss them good night and leave the room.
Because they are used to all of this back and forth mickey mousing around, you will need to talk to them in very simple terms about how the night routine is going to go so that they know there will be a change. Do this before you implement the change and remind them at each step what is going to happen. Stay consistent and do the same routine every night so they know what to expect.
When they cry and scream put them back in there beds and calmly say it's bedtime, night night and walk out. You are the grown up. You say when bedtime happens.
My boys are 4 & 7, and they sleep in the same room and go to bed at the same time. My 7 year old is usually very good, but they do sometimes feed off each other.
Right now I read a couple of books to them in the 7 year old's bed (he has the top bunk. Then they climb into their own beds. I turn on the fan (white noise), and it's the 4 year old's "job" to turn off the light. Then I pull out my Nook are read some Harry Potter. Right now this part is really working because they are lying in their beds in the dark and usually start to drift off while I'm reading. It's not fool proof, but it helps. I usually just read a few pages (I try to find a stopping point) and let them know that we will read some more tomorrow.
I have also done the rocking, the rubbing the back, singing. Those were all very good when they were younger. But it's really hard to do those when you have more than one. You could try reading something while they are in bed (and in the dark, if possible). Singing might still work. I know some people play a cd.
Whatever you do, you might need to sit in their room until they fall asleep, at least for a few nights. After they get used to the routine you should be able to get up and leave sooner.
Good luck!!! I think the hard part is really the first few nights of a new routine. You just have to stay really unemotional. Be very matter of fact that these are the new rules. Stay calm and just go about the routine. Know that they might not love it at first, but they really will get used to it and things really will get easier.
You need a different routine. I would drop the rocking at bedtime. Take the rocking chair completely out of the room. Put it somewhere else and have snuggle time before you go to the bedroom. At 3 1/2 your son is old enough to understand bedtime.
If he needs a map put him down each after noon no later than noon and get him up after an hour. Then bedtime at night by about 730 or 8. Long drawn out bedtime create the chaos your talking about. I would get them into pajamas, brush teeth, read one story say night night and leave the room. Let them scream. It won't take many nights to get them on track.
Have your husb help with the one that will give least resistance to it not
being you.
Make sure the oldest one gets more exercise during the day running
around etc.
The 3 yr old will most likely be done with naps soon but until then let him
have his nap then adjust his bedtime later that day. My youngest had
bedtimes all over the place until school starts.Your youngest can go to
bed before the 3 yr old.
Since they have separate bedrooms, that is good. It helps.
If the oldest takes a nap, he will need to go to bed later. Skipping his nap
won't work. Makes them overtired then he'll fall sleep at 6pm but wake
up after an hour or so then not be ready for bed till much later.
They really need to have different bedtimes (the oldest gets a later time).
Put a nightlight in your son's room.
You really have to do the diff bedtimes for these age groups. You have to
work at it until you figure out a way to make it work. It is much easier if
they have separate bedrooms which hopefully they do.
Develop a routine (most important for the oldest). You have to adjust the
time he get ready for bed but the routine stays the same. It doesn't have
to be bath but it can go like this: brush teeth, pee, read 2 short bed time
stories. This can be later at night while your youngest has already been
put to bed.
Tweak times until you find what works. Again your oldest needs a diff
bedtime as his body clock is working different w/naps & exercise during
the day. Figure out how best to do that w/your family & you will see it
work a lot better! PM me if you need some more ideas or want to
bounce something off of me. Believe me I went through this forever & I
kept changing things around with each new stage. This totally worked
for my youngest and I. I swear by it.
Updated
Have your husb help with the one that will give least resistance to it not
being you.
Make sure the oldest one gets more exercise during the day running
around etc.
The 3 yr old will most likely be done with naps soon but until then let him
have his nap then adjust his bedtime later that day. My youngest had
bedtimes all over the place until school starts.Your youngest can go to
bed before the 3 yr old.
Since they have separate bedrooms, that is good. It helps.
If the oldest takes a nap, he will need to go to bed later. Skipping his nap
won't work. Makes them overtired then he'll fall sleep at 6pm but wake
up after an hour or so then not be ready for bed till much later.
They really need to have different bedtimes (the oldest gets a later time).
Put a nightlight in your son's room.
You really have to do the diff bedtimes for these age groups. You have to
work at it until you figure out a way to make it work. It is much easier if
they have separate bedrooms which hopefully they do.
Develop a routine (most important for the oldest). You have to adjust the
time he get ready for bed but the routine stays the same. It doesn't have
to be bath but it can go like this: brush teeth, pee, read 2 short bed time
stories. This can be later at night while your youngest has already been
put to bed.
Tweak times until you find what works. Again your oldest needs a diff
bedtime as his body clock is working different w/naps & exercise during
the day. Figure out how best to do that w/your family & you will see it
work a lot better! PM me if you need some more ideas or want to
bounce something off of me. Believe me I went through this forever & I
kept changing things around with each new stage. This totally worked
for my youngest and I. I swear by it.
I would have a routine at the end if which I'd say good night and leave the room. Talk with them ahead of time telling them this is the way it's going to be.
For example, tonight, once youger child lay down having chosen not to rock and showing that by crying that was it for her. Rock the older one, sing, tuck them in and leave the room. Do not try to calm her. A brief word about quieting and rocking or to bed. If she continues to fuss leave the room with the older one to rock and sing before returning to the room to out him down.
Make bedtime routine with a specific pattern and length of time so that each child knows what to expect. When your youngest interrupt s with tears she may be seeking attention. Be sympathetic with her tears while letting her know you're staying with the routine.
Perhaps. Consider now why she was crying. Perhaps rocking them together no longer works. If not, consider a different routine. Be flexible over time but keep the expectation that this is what we do tonight. The goal is to have them in bed close to the same time you've decided on.
If you've been continuing to remain in thd room trying to soothe them or gain their willing cooperation stop doing that. Leave the room. Let them sit up or talk with each other or cry. If they don't settle down in 5-10 minutes go back in, tuck them in again. Say as little as possible. You may need to change bed arrangements. If they share a bed you may need to make a mat across the room so the don't share a bed; for example.
You be more in charge instead of talking them out of their negative behaviour.
You take one he takes the other. Switch off. You are making this harder than it should be. If it were me I'd be going to bed and letting hubby deal with it. They need to break the habit of you and you can't do it. Hubby will do the same thing as you, finally let them cry until they wear themselves out.
Let him do it. You are keeping the kids for yourself and they need you to let dad have time with them too. It's not fair to him or to them.
Try night lights and lullaby music. Start an hour earlier since it takes about an hour for them to finally tucker.
