Can't Seem to Get into a Rythm with 2 Children Now......

Not to worry it does get better, just give it time and someday soon you'll be able to sit back and smile.
Hey i have two that are having relay races throuh my living room as we speak.

Breathe

I've felt like that with both my 2nd, and 3rd. It does calm down in time. Part of it is you adjusting, and part of it will calm down as the new baby gets older. Although, with 3, I had my first full night of sleep on mothers day (in 4 years).

You just need to get through that first year. I felt the same way when I had my second (2 years after the first) Now they are 7 and 5 and time is flying by. I know everyone says it'll get easier, but that's because it is SOOOOOOO true! Hang in there and know there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Hello, S.

Don't have an advice to give, but can share some information. I'm about your age and have a 13mo old, and about to have another one in 10 weeks. So, it'll be a new adjustment for me too. So, I surely appreciate all of the advice here...

But one thing that personally motivated me, if people with multiples can do it, then so can I. Although we're not in a much different situation than them. Well, I guess it's something to consider for you, as I will be preparing myself to dive into a whole another chapter of motherhood :)

S.,
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old and just returned to work. I know what you mean, sometimes you can't seem to get anything done because both kids are making demands on you. I have learned to just do a couple of things that are on my list and leave the rest for another day. You have to give yourself some leeway and sometimes accept the mess in the house, or laundry not done, etc. Take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time and you will be okay. The little ones do stress you out at times but there are times when they are napping, or asleep in the evening that you can catch up on some chores.

Best of luck, it will get easier.

Hang in there! It does get better! But just like when you had a your first child, I 'm sure you had a big adjustment. Two is a big adjustment too (2x's as much to do!) Try not to stress over the little stuff & all the housework. It will get clean sometime and dirty again too. Hang in there!

S.:

Hello and congratulations! Having babies can take a while to get back into the swing of things.

My first impulse is "post pardum depression" because you have one who knows how to talk and you really need some sleep because your infant is waking up frequently and needing you!

What I did after my second child was born was make a list of things that MUST be done on a daily basis. Everything else was "fluff".

I checked our budget to see if we could afford a cleaning service to come in once a week, twice a month, etc. to help with the cleaning - we could, so I had a service come in once a week to do the things that needed to be done and I could take care of my babies.

Find a mommy-play group that you can go to, this will give you and your son's activities to do one time during the week. Your almost 4 year old needs social time. Find a half-day summer camp that he can go to over the summer - this will help you immensely! It doesn't have to be expensive or an all day thing - this will allow him to go out and explore things on his own and you can have some time with your infant.

You will get through it. Ask family and friends for help, it's not a sign of weakness - it's the smartest thing to do!

God bless!

Cheryl

I have a five year old and a 16 month old - almost 4 year difference. I don't have real specific advice. But I would urge you to give yourself a break. 10 weeks is nothing, and it will come together soon. How long did it take with your first? I know for me it 3-4 months before I felt pulled otgether. Just because you are an experienced mom, doesn't mean that the work and adjustment to a new baby is any easier.

Try to focus on enjoying our new one, It is hard to divide your time. Enjoy this newborn stage too because it goes so much quicker the second time!!!! My baby is a toddler and won't cuddle with me anymore, and my 5 year old is full of attitude. Enjoy your babies and don't worry about the hosuework.

But do try to get out by yourself for an hour or two or maybe even with your older child. It will do you a world of good to have a break in routine for yourself.

Yep...that's the way it is with two in the beginning. It'll settle down in a couple months and be better once the little one gets into more of a routine but for now just realize that you're not going to get much, if anything done, and rely on those that offer to help :-)

It looks like you've gotten some good advice... I couldn't have said it better than the one before... Jody... great advice!

You really need to accept the chaos for now, knowing it will get better in a couple of months. That's not easy, but here are a few tips: use paper plates, get take out food delivered now and then... lots of family restaurants have take out options, though they might not all deliver.

Also, your 3 1/2 year old might be able to help a little more than he is... it might take a lot of supervision, but he can clean up a room full of toys while you are nursing. Ask him him to do specific jobs: put that ball in the basket, then get the truck... that sort of thing.

Please know that we all go through that feeling of not being able to do enough, but once your baby gets a little older, he'll fall into a pattern of sleep...wake...eat... and you will be able to get more done.

When my younger boy was 3 months old, I had to go into the hospital for an emergency surgery (unrelated to the birth) and my husband did a wonderful job with the two. Of course, when I got home, he said, "How much life insurance do we have for you? It's not enough!" Maybe your hubby can help a little more for a little while? If you're like me, it's not easy to ask because he works hard all day, but he won't know how to help if you don't ask. :)

Good luck. Be well. Enjoy this time with your guys as much as possible. Because of my emergency surgery and then we bought a house and moved, my younger son's infancy is a little blurred in my memory. In fact, when my older son was 4 months old, we moved as well! (Navy) I miss that.

I have the same age spread. My son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is now 13 weeks; I went back to work two weeks ago. For the first 8 weeks I could never catch up and my son is in preschool from 8- 4 pm. The breastfeeding just required so much of me that between that and taking care of the older child, there was no time for anything elese. But around week 9 I got the baby on a schedule that allowed me a short nap in the morning. With that little bit of extra energy I started doing the laundry, etc. Now that I'm back to work and both are in daycare. I use my lunch hour for a little me time (pretty desperate) and I strap on the baby while doing dinner & bedtime with the 3 yr old and have a little one on one time with the baby before I put her down for the night around 10 pm. My husband works from 4 pm-2 am most nights so he's not a lot of help. I do other chores, etc. on the weekends when my husband or mother can help out. My baby girl gets formula while I'm at work so now that the bottle has been introduced when I'm feeling overwhelmed I get someone to feed her so I can do other things. But I wonder if you might need to sign your older child up for something (preschool, babysitting) that gives you a couple of hours back a few days a week. I'm working outside the home so I had already established an outside schedule for my older child. Without that, I don't know what I would have done with both of them home every day, all day. Good luck to you! I have a friend who works from home part time and has two at home. She found a college student to do occasional babysitting on M-W-F for two hours so she could sleep/do household chores & errands.

My kids were closer together, the first and second are 22 months, and the second and third are 23 months, so I dont think I ever got out of the very needy stage...but it is a big adjustement to go from one kid to two. And you just have to let the house be messy :). You have a newborn still, and that alone makes it hard to do anything at all. Just be okay with a messy house and do what you can at other times. This time will go so quickly and then you will wonder what to do with your time. I am still waiting for that to happen myself :).

I don't have any suggestions, just support. You are just like all of us other moms who have more than one child. Enjoy your time with your kids. The dirty dishes and messy rooms will still be there in the morning but your baby will not be a baby for long. (my oldest is 14!! i miss those days). My oldest watched a lot of morning t.v. while i caught up on my sleep. Not great but that is what helped me keep my sanity. Also, now that it is summer, spend time outside of the house, that way you won't see the mess and you won't worry about it. We spent a lot of time feeding the ducks and taking walks. We went to the pool and visited friends. Good luck and don't sweat the small stuff.

I am your age but my situation is a bit different. I have a 7 month old and a 9 year old. My 9 year old has an emtotional disturbance a a severe case of adhd. i was just getting used to him being in school, going to grandmas more now that he is self sufficient, and spending the night at friends. my hubby left with military when i was 12 wks prego and came back when the baby was 4 months. we had a schedule, routine, and a nice peacefuk way of doing things. now we have moved to a new state and added my hubby. The only thing I can say is yes, it does get easier but it may take a few years. Can your hubby or parents help? the only way that i can even function with my children, boy scouts, spousellhood, and work is to make time for yourself or u go nuts. I make a deal that one weekend morning until 2p.m. is his and one is mine. We are allowed to do whatever we want in that time undisturbed. Wheater it be lunch w my girlfiends, a pedicure, or staying in bed all morning, its worth it. Try to have someone watch the kids so you can grocery shop alone, youll find yourself looking forward to the peace and quiet and family members are more apt to help when it is a household chore that you nee to do, those little breaks help keep sanity!!! if you do not have a hubby or spouse at home, ask parents or friends to help at least take 6 hrs a week to yourself. plan it and have something to look forward to.

Hi, S.,
I am very curious to read the responses to your question because I will soon be in your shoes. I have a very active 2 year old and I am due at the beginning of July.
I have been wondering about the same thing...

The adjustment to 2 kids was the hardest for me. My girls are 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 2. For me, picking a small job a day helped me to feel less overwhelmed. A messy house drives me crazy. So, some days, it was literally, just getting all the dishes washed by the end of the day. Other days, things fell into place and I could get the bathroom scrubbed and a couple of loads of laundry done. On days where we didn't leave the house, I'd wait and shower late at night. On days where we went to dr appts or playdates, I'd shower really early in the morning. On those days, I did absolutely nothing in terms of housework.

I does get better! I remember feeling like I was just trying to survive each day and then feeling guilty that I wasn't enjoying the present (and wishing they'd grow up so it would get easier). Hang in there!!

Hello,
I think that you just need to take a deep breath. Look at your children, realize, okay, this is where I am at now. Getting a rhythm is very difficult right now, so going with the flow, and realizing that is fine, is OK. Make it a challenge to yourself to be calm. Buy some Disney music or Baby Einstein videos for your three year old to watch, or giant legos, to build, while you feed your infant. Your three year old really needs affirmation of your love right now, because thus far, you've belonged to them. Going for walks, to the Aquarium and joining Mom's Club are all nice things, as long as you don't become frantic about getting out the door. They're so little and you get them all to yourself, right now. Naps are cool, for you and them. You'll get yourself sorted out.

Allow yourself to be chaotic for a little while. Your new baby will fall into a routine in the next couple of months. We have a rule in our house that one level of the house must be clean before going to the next (you know, basement, upstairs, etc). That helps to stay on top of it. I have a 2 1/2 y.o. and a 6 month old. My toddler also ate a lot of chicken nuggets and mac-n-cheese for a while, but it helped to keep my sanity. If you're 3 y.o. still takes a nap, use this time to snuggle your new baby. This time will go by so fast and you will not miss the dirty dishes in the sink, but you will miss the bonding time with your baby. My husband calls me "obsessive compulsive" when it comes to the house, so I understand wanting things to be clean and in order. But, these past few months have been a struggle to let that go some, and just enjoy being a mom. This hectic time will end, but unfortunately, so will the "newborn days." Enjoy it as much as you can. Also, if you have an opportunity to put your 3 y.o. in preschool, activity, or with a sitter for some time during the week...this might give you time to get stuff done and bond with the new one. Also remember to give your toddler some time with just you when you have help from dh or family.

I'm sure your doing a GREAT job and us moms need to give ourselves a break and look at what we ARE doing rather than what we're not. There is no job more important that raising your children!!! Take a deep breath, and know that this too will get better. Enjoy those little ones enjoy yourself when they are SLEEPING!!!! LOL

Hey girl...I just stopped reading at 10 week old. that's it. you have a 10 week old baby! you are not going to get anything done except the things that keep the kids going and an occasional shower for yourself! give yourself a break. bring in some family or a mother's helper to get the little stuff done and enjoy these times...they go too quick!
Have a super day,
T.

It does get better with time. I felt this way for a little while after my youngest son was born as I already had one son who was five at the time. Now they are 7 and 20mo and we're all doing really well and having a great time together. My house stays tolerably clean (still cluttered and dusty sometimes, but the toilets get scrubbed and there are clean clothes to wear and dishes to eat off of), I'm able to make dinner most nights and when I can't, I lean on my understanding husband and we order out.

My point is that over time, you'll have to let a few of the less important things go (I personally don't make the beds every morning any more..I've got better things to do). And you will get into a rhythm, especially as the baby gets older. The first few months with a new baby are always the most demanding. Keep your chin up and remember, our children AS children is a temporary state of affairs, enjoy it while you have it.

I felt the exact same way. My kids are spaced about the same ages apart. It just felt endless plus you pile on the sleep deprivation and it's really hard. Two kids is much harder than one plus one! Just give it time, surrender the housework, and take help anywhere you can find it - send the older child off to playdates or time w/ grandparents, sitters, anyone who can give him some nice one on one time. You're right, you probably won't get anything else done for about six months but once I accepted that it got a little more tolerable - just try to make it through the day and things will get easier down the line when the baby settles into more of a routine. A lot of moms feel this way, just give yourself a break and give it time, it will get better!

Hi S.! Adjusting to 2 is tough! It will get better, but it's still an adjustment. My two are 3-1/2 and almost 1. It's WAY better than it was when the baby was 10 weeks old, but it's still kind of a circus sometimes. What worked best for me was to work out a good schedule. I think until she was about 4 months old, I was pretty flexible with letting the baby sleep when she wanted to, but after that, I tried to get her on an age-appropriate nap schedule, napping 3x a day, and tried to tie in the afternoon nap with my older child's nap. He doesn't always take one anymore, but I MADE him have "quiet time" in his room for an hour. That helped a lot. And once she started on solids, we worked out regular meal and snack times--again, having the kids doing this together! Regular sleep and solids probably seem far away right now, but they'll be here before you know it. At your baby's age, you're still mostly just responding to needs as they arise--food, sleep, etc., (which is exhausting!) but pretty soon, you can probably start structuring things more. I've found "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth to be really helpful with sleep schedules. IT WILL GET EASIER!! Give yourself a break, and try to get some help for this tough time--I think you're in the worst of it right now. Good luck!

Just my few words of encouragement. I felt the same way after my son was born (he's my second). I found it took SO much longer to get into a rhythm the second time around. The first time, you only have one baby and one kid's schedule (or lack of!) to work around. After number two, it felt like I spent my entire day getting the two kids through the day -- food, diapers/potty, naps, washing up, laundry, etc. It was all I did. When one needed to eat, the other needed to sleep. When one needed a diaper change, the other was crying or wanted a story. You know how it is.

My kids are now 3-1/2 and 14 months and things are so much better! We've found our new "normal" and a new rhythm. It does get better. You have to let things go a little. I hated my house being so dirty for a while, but it's just a while. Get as much help as you can from wherever you can and you may have to change your expectations temporarily (which was hard for me at first). But things will get better.

Congratulations on your little ones and enjoy them while they're little! :-)
B.

I feel your pain. My kids are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2yrs and it is really hard to get things done. It does get easier but I have not been nearly as strict with the idea of routine. I just try to keep them occupied and I am trying to teach them to occupy themselves. It is getting better but it was tough in the beginning. Fortunately my 2 play really well together and my 3 1/2 is starting preschool in the fall. I started giving my oldest little chores to do. It helped me keep her occupied and she felt like she was helping. Sorting socks, setting the table, making breakfast, etc. You will be amazed how much they are capable of doing. Hannah can crack eggs and mix them up for her scrambled eggs! She loves it! Don't try to do it all yourself!

B.

PS. Do you have a MOM's group in your area? I finally joined and I love it. It gets me out of the house and my oldest gets to play with other kids.