Child Cries Too Much

When he is not crying and you have time for him one on one or with the othe kids, play some up beat and silly songs. When my son who is almost 5 starts crying for everything and whines, we do this. It changes is mood quite abit. Good luck.

You don't mention his age, but this is a normal stage for many boys and many girls too. The best technique when handling non-misbehavior issues like this is to not notice them too much. Be practical, pragmatic, when he cries, be brisk and happy and say reassuringly, "come on, it's not that bad, things are fine, etc." and take care of the zipper or the shoe or getting to the bathroom. Once it is taken care of, change the subject and move on. As he has the time (months/or a year or two) to mature emotionally, he will begin to emulate your practical approach instead of feeling that he is a "baby" or that you and his father are disappointed in his lack of emotional control. Kids all mature emotionally at different rates and we need to guide and reassure, but not scold or pamper. It sounds like you are a great step-mom who really cares and that makes him very lucky and blessed.

You mention that you are newly-wed, and that you have three other children. You are stepparenting a young child who is adjusting to many major life changes. Please be patient and caring with him while he adjusts to his new family situation. Some children adjust fairly quickly, some take more time. I agree with other responders about techniques for dealing with the immediate problem of crying. As a long time stepparent who stepped into a family with children of age 1 and 4, I experienced much frustration, but came to understand that the children were adjusting to even more changes than I was and needed my adult love and care. Good luck to you and your family.

K.,

It really depends on the age of the child. If they are old enough to do the things you listed, I am assuming he's at least 4. With my 4 and 6 year old, if they start crying over things there is no reason to cry over, I count backwards from 3, getting softer with each number. If I get to 1 and they are still crying, they know they need to go be by themselves until they are ready to calm down and ask for something without crying about it. Obviously this isn't used if the child is hurt, truly upset, etc. but it works really well over "Why can't I have something" or "I want you to do this for me" crying.

My 6 year old is especially bad about this. We finally had to make a 3 strikes rule. If he starts crying about the petty things we listed, he gets a strike. 3 strikes in a week and he loses all screen time for the rest of the week. At the beginning of the week he starts over. He has lost his screen time once or twice, but it really works well.

Good luck,
S.

We remind our children to use words. Also, we say to the, "How do you ask?" if they want something. They do not get help or what they want unless they ask correctly. They learn that whining and crying isn't productive.

I would ignore the crying and say " when you stop crying then I can help you find or do or whatever his needs are. This way you are saying that you are aware that he is having an issue but it won't be addressed until he stops crying. This worked with my youngest who had the same problem. It doesn't take long for them to learn that crying isn't going to do any good. Good Luck

It seems like this may be more that just being a whiner. You may want to take him to a Developmental Pediatrician. There may be something else going on. Sounds like anxiety issues to me. It may be from the change in living arrangements or it may have always been there but surfaced due to the changes.

You didn't say how old he is, or if he can talk. If he can, tell him, when he's crying, "It's OK to cry. You can cry all you want to. And when you're done crying, then you can tell me what you want." Have a neutral, calm helpful attitude. Don't take any action to help him with his zipper or whatever until he stops crying and asks you in words. Don't be concerned about the difference in households. There have always been different rules at Grandma's house, or at the sitter's house--sometimes even a different language spoken. Children adapt. Be gentle and loving when you talk to him about his crying. It's not bad or wrong to cry--just your preference that he do it less. Know that he's doing his best to get his needs met, based on what has worked for him in the past. If that doesn't work with you, he'll do something different.

What has worked for me with my 18 month old is to tell her that I can't understand what she needs when she's crying and whining and that if she wants me to help her do something she needs to use her words. He will soon understand that crying doesn't do the job in your house, even if it does at mom's.

Sue W. and Shari G. gave excellent responses. As they said, please be patient and loving, it may take some time for him to find his place in the family and feel loved and secure. It is so important to realize that this child is going through so many changes right now, no wonder he is crying. Suggestions from others may have worked in a situation with only one child or in a family which has not had changes like yours.

As far as growing up in two different households, perhaps your two households could get together and determine if there are a few shared values and/or methods (seldom do people disagree on everything) and you could work on emphasizing those areas where you do agree. You have taken on a big responsibility, best wishes to your whole family.

When he cries or whines for something, don't answer it. I'm sure you've tried this before. But it will take some time. My 4 year old does it alot and I just tell her to use her words and I don't answer the whine. She still does it, we're working on it now. It's starting to get a little better.

Hi K.,

I notice that in your bio you refer to him as 3/4 your child. I am sure you are very loving to him, but it's always hard when families are blended. Kids react differently. You don't mention his age, but I am assuming he is maybe 3 or 4? Kids at that age are going to whine regardless. He may just add some extra to it because he is processing having two households. He may feel a bit displaced and isn't sure how to adjust. So he's expressing himself in the only way he knows how. Back to the 3/4. Would you be able to say you had 4 children, and leave it at that? He already feels like the odd child out, and I am guessing he may actually feel like a 3/4 child. Just reading that made me feel bad for him.

Please be patient with him. When he gets older he will be able to express himself better. His world has changed and he's doing the best he can.

how old is he? its really hard to tell without knowing how old he is.

I too wonder his age. When a child is crying all the time it is because there is other issues, not just the thing he is crying about. It is a lack of feeling safe and secure from what is happening in his life. Changes are hard for anyone, but especially hard for little ones. When schedules and "normalisy" goes out the window so does the feeling safe and secure. His parents are split, he has been going to two different households and while he may have adjusted to that, he now has a whole other family to adjust too. I wish it were easy to fix but it will take time to get use to the new life. The suggestions of not giving him what he wants until he stops crying and asks is a good one as long as you also sit down with him and give him lots of hugs and attention when he isn't crying. He needs to know a lot of positive to go with these changes.

Good luck