Child Peels Stickers off Everything and Breaks Toys!

Other than throwing the toys away, which you admit means nothing to him, what are you doing in terms of discipline when he does these things?

I would mention this to the pediatrician. It sounds to me like almost OCD type behavior since he seems unable NOT to pick at things. Definitely time to talk to knowledgeable professionals.

He's a fidget-er, this maybe a sign of him being somewhere on the autism scale. Talk to your pediatrician.

But until then, get him toys that are made to come apart and go back together, Legos, tinker toys, lace up toys (where you use a shoe string to 'sew' a board) etc. Keep him active and fingers busy, stress balls sometimes work.

New furniture and small children rarely work out, but you could try a small exercise ball for him to sit on. The distraction of staying on the ball helps some kids focus.

This is the same child you mentioned in your last post, right? This is your stepson who has lived with you and your husband (his father) for some time but who recently has been having visitation with his bio mom. You expressed other concerns about him, but I do think it's important to factor in all the stresses when trying to evaluate. There may be anxiety issues at play here. He may have trouble with frustrations, and he may have trouble with sensory issues (sometimes just the textural differences between a toy and the stickers on it can set kids off).

While I think it's always risky to buy new furniture when there are young children in the house (every kid spills juice or cookie crumbs or takes a magic marker to furniture & walls at some point), there seems to be more going on here with a child who can't calm down. I do think you may be trying to reason with him more than he's capable of handling (like any child that age), but I agree this may well be beyond that. Normally I would say to take away toys until the destruction stops - clear out the room and put things in the attic, giving them back in small doses and taking them away the instant the unwanted behavior resumes. That's usually far more effective with young children than endless discussion. They do equate consequences with their actions. However, there may be added anxiety on his part with the going back and forth from your home to his bio mom's. So yes, I'd discuss with the pediatrician and discuss whether a referral to a behavioral psychologist or other professional would make some sense.

ETA - I just read the addition to your SWH. I realize you may not go back and re-read responses so you may not see what I'm writing here but maybe someone else will post a similar comment. You cannot do delayed punishment for a 3 year old! You cannot take away TV an hour or 6 hours from now for something he is doing right now. Consequences (rather than punishment) have to be immediate. They have to be consistent. By the same token, a slushy at the end of the day is meaningless at this age - he has no idea why he's getting something at 6 PM because he was good at 10 AM! And rewarding with junk food is not a practice you want to start with. And spanking?? I'm not a fan of it anyway and I think it's usually an expression of the parents' frustration - but even if you disagree with that, do you honestly think that being physical is a good lesson for child you're trying to break of the "too physical" habit? That's saying that you can swing at things (or people) but he cannot. That is absolutely going to accomplish nothing.

I think you're trying too many things, you're inconsistent, and you're not dealing with the disruption in this child's life regarding his bio mother/visitation. Get professional help and a solid evaluation, but please stop using punishments that work (at best) for much older children. You take TV away from a 9 year old, not a 3 year old. You have to learn more about child development and make much better choices.

I would talk to your pediatrician.

Some kids do this (tear things, rip, etc.) for sensory input. Sometimes it relieves anxiety or stress for them. Sometimes it's boredom. Other times, kids like the repetitive nature of it.

Ripping things is a part of some conditions, but your child would show other signs. My kids went through a phase where they were a bit destructive. Redirecting them - or giving an old magazine, or as you already are, sticker book .. something they are *allowed* to tear to pieces. Maybe at age 3 he could make a game of it - like put the pieces in a box, take pieces out .. something that changes the pattern a bit.

There are toys kids can use (OT people would likely have them) when kids like to move all the time - like squeeze balls, etc. Maybe that would help.

But I would talk to your pediatrician if this continues. It's likely a phase (most of our old books are in bad shape, and one of my kids used to peel the front covers).

Good luck :)

Sounds like he needs a lot of one on one attention.
Will he sit on your lap while you read to him and show him the pictures?
He can't play with toys that are not safe for 3 yr olds - so older sibling toys should be off limits.
Get him a large plastic dinosaur to play with and maybe some Tonka trucks.
He needs something harmless that will keep his hands busy.

When our son was that age he played with this thing a lot:

http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Mozart-Magic-Cube-Musical/...

ETA after your extra remarks on your SWH:

Why would any of us "call you wrong"? Just because you are handling this regardless of your husband's denial? Who died and made your husband GOD that he gets to tell you whether or not you can take your child to professionals to get help?

Your husband is not stepping up to the plate to be a good father to this child. Someone needs to be there for this little boy. His biological mom sure isn't. If I were in YOUR shoes, and he banned me from getting this child help, I would DIVORCE him and then HE could deal with his son on his own. It would be a matter of months before he'd be taking him to the doctor ON HIS OWN if he had to deal with him alone.

Original:
After reading your last post and this one, I just have to wonder if you have taken him to be evaluated, and if you haven't, WHY haven't you? He needs a speech pathologist to evaluate his receptive and expressive language skills. I cannot stress this enough. You also need an Occupational Therapist to evaluate him for sensory integration/processing disorder. I really mean it. The fact that he destroys stuff and rips papers and books with no regard to the consequences means that he needs some intervention. You say that nothing you have tried works. It's time to get professionals involved here.

His chaotic life is certainly part of the the reason, but it's NOT all of the reason. And no matter WHAT the reason is, at this point you just MUST take steps to get him help!! Call your ped's office and get some names for speech therapists and OT's who specialize in sensory integration/processing disorder. Do it today.

I agree with those that said bring these issues to a pediatrician. The extent of it seems extreme.

Additionally, I really feel like taking away TV and rewarding at the end of the day with a slushy is lost on a 3 year old. Time out can be effective at this age, but they need immediate (or nearly immediate) consequence and reward. They don't put together that they've been "good" all day and 8 hours later they get a treat.

Maybe you can make a sticker chart or something that each time you catch him doing the right thing he can get a sticker and once he gets up to 10 (20…whatever) he can get a slushy. When he's not doing the right thing he goes to time out. Just my opinion.

I had the same problem with my daughter. She pulled stickers off everything, stuck stickers on everything, then pulled them off. Books were destroyed, walls marked on, toys broken, crayons had the paper pulled off and then they were sometimes eaten. Don't even get me started on stuffed animals- if there was even the slightest hint of a hole in a stuffed animal, the stuffing was pulled out completely as fast as I could blink. This was also the child that chewed through her crib and crib guards. We had to move her to a bed when she was 18 mos old because I was afraid she would get wood lodged in her mouth. She ate paper- yes ate paper. I would find chewed up pieces all around the house (sometimes not) from the books and book flaps she would destroy and eat. I, too, was concerned, and even wrote a post here for advice. Discipline did nothing and she was perfectly healthy according to her pediatrician.
Now, she is 4 1/2 and does none of these things. She takes excellent care of her toys (including books!), cleans her room regularly without being told, and cares lovingly for her stuffed animals. One day, she just outgrew all of it. Your boy will outgrow it, too. Time, patience, and consistency are the trick. Hang in there!

I wonder if you realize the full extent that chaotic life affects children. I urge you to get a referral to a specialist who can diagnose and help treat your stepson.

Perhaps you're thinking that your care would mitigate or counterbalance the stress felt by all of you have had during this time. His life that was started when he was with his mother and has continued with uncertainty and tense situations has caused him to behave in a way that prevents him from responding in a tyoical way. You, his Dad, and your stepson needs professional help. Please get an evaluation.

I agree that he's likely, at the least has a sensory processing disorder. My grandson was diagnosed as having that before he started school. He is also on the autistic spectrum with anger difficulties. The school districts put him in a therapeutic preschool run by the state. The cause for his disabilities was not related to environment. His mom was also given help in learning ways to work with him. Because he and his mon needed extra support to ensure school success they were provided services.

In the meantime limit the amount of toys he plays with. How old are the other siblings? Could they understand that the need to keep their toys out of his reach and could all of you make a point of being sure doors are shut?

I strongly suggest that you cannot change this behaviour without professional help.

Has he been evaluated by the school district? If not, this may be a good place to start. Federal law requires each district to evaluate all children with possible learning difficulties from birth until 18 without cost to parents or care providers.

In our school district the provider is called an Intermediate Education Service provider. Call the district office to get their phone number.

He's a 3 year old boy. Little boys are destructive. Eventually his toys won't have stickers on them.

I suggest giving him toys that are meant to be put together and taken apart. Duplo blocks and such. But this isn't abnormal for a kid with a creative mind. I remember a time when I couldn't get the boys to keep the tires on their toy trucks. Unless it because a choking hazard, I didn't throw it away. They often still played with them.

He also needs outlets for his destructiveness. A place in the yard to dig and get dirty. A little hammer/bench set to beat on. Heck, go out to the garden and show him how to pull weeds, or let him pick the grass out of the cracks in your driveway.

Other than that, you just need to keep him out of and away from the things you don't want him to destroy.

All in all, though, I think you're doing well. Stick with the consistency and eventually he'll begin to grow out of it.

Good luck!

Our kids all went through this stage at about that age.
Taking stickers off was the norm.
Using crayons on things they shouldn't like walls, tops of bins etc.
I just had to keep up on them AND keep an eye on them etc.
I'd let him sit on the couch. Just re-direct his fingers when you notice he's
picking at the same. He'll get it eventually.
Hang in there. Most of what you are describing sounds normal.
He should grow out of it.

littles go through phases where they learn how their worlds work by taking it apart. since none of us know your child, we really can't tell if this is the perfectly normal (if exasperating) phase of breaking things down, or a little OCD fellow in the making.
my older boy went through a phase of book-ripping that i thought would drive me mad. and being a sensitive young mother, when his daycare teacher suggested gently that i need to 'expose him to books and explain what they're for' i nearly took her head off (my kids were read to extensively from the womb.)
but methinks that if your responses to his rampages are throwing away the toys, spanking, removal of privileges, offering rewards, and time-outs, you really don't understand what 'consistency' means.
3 year olds aren't up for delayed rewards or punishments. immediate simple, firm and loud responses are what work. and by that i mean a firm, stern 'NO!' and immediate removal from the scene of crime.
over and over again.
500 times a day.
parenting (and step-parening) are not for the faint of heart.
khairete
S.

okay - is he your STEP SON or your biological son? One post states Step and this one sounds like bio.

either way? The kid needs help. Talk to the pediatrician. Get a referral for mental health and get him the help he needs. IN your last post, you stated you had taken care of him since he was 10 months old - but lately his biological mom is involved....do you NOT see the timing in this?? His world is messed up again - he's angry - who KNOWS what she is saying, doing or telling him - or if she's doing drugs around him - what if she's USING him to get her drug money??? Yeah - sick thought - but hey - what can you expect from a druggie???

Destroying other people's property is NOT acceptable behavior.
He's 3 - so remorse is a hard emotion for him -

He might have too many toys - too many things. Start packing everything up and having him EARN his toys.

He is UPSET. Get him help. Keep is biological mom out of his life. Period. End of story.

A few things come to mind. First, he probably has too many toys. Kids don't care about stuff when they are buried in it. Narrow down his selection to a few particularly enjoyed items and get rid of the rest.

Second, when he becomes destructive, you have to step in immediately every single time, whether it's messing up pages of books or pulling off stickers or whatever else he's doing. We teach our children what is acceptable by how we respond when they do something. If you don't react, or if you merely get the vacuum out and clean up the mess, he is going to see it as implied permission to continue. If you stop him each and every time he becomes destructive with a stern, "We don't tear up toys. We don't tear up books." And follow that with removing the item from him or ending story time immediately, you send a clear message that you are not going to allow that behavior to continue. It may not seem to matter to him initially, but I promise you, at some point, it will sink in that you are not tolerating his destruction or turning a blind eye to it.

Some of this is just an age thing. Three year olds explore things in ways that can be destructive and upsetting, especially if we fail to teach them appropriate boundaries early on. But they are definitely old enough to understand the boundaries you want to set, as long as you are consistent in addressing the issue. And when I say consistent, I mean painfully consistent, as in, you get so sick of saying and doing the same thing over and over and over. It's always tempting to throw up your hands, ignore it, or just sigh and start dealing with the mess, but again, that's just like saying, "Go ahead and destroy everything!" as far as a small child is concerned.

Finally, this is an issue we have with our youngest. He can go on the most mind boggling destructive rampages I have ever seen in my life…and he is number five. Having addressed the above aspects ourselves when it comes to his behavior, my husband finally identified a pattern I had not seen, which is that this behavior begins when our youngest is tired and trying to keep himself stimulated and awake. Consistent bed and nap times have largely eliminated this type of behavior. You may want to look for patterns in your son's behavior as well. Are there certain times of the day or certain scenario that seem to send him into a destructive mood? If you can identify a trigger for the behavior, it will go a LONG way toward effectively addressing it. For instance, if he goes nuts after eating sugary snacks, rewarding him with sweets may be undermining you (not saying that's the issue, just an example of the kind of thing that we don't always recognize off the bat as being an issue).

Forget your husband, what does the pediatrician say? At three years old he should be going in fairly regularly for well visits...that's where you start, at the doctor's office.