Child Support Regret

Hi, my name is B. and I am in the same situation. I have filed for child support for my daughter and I am now remarried. Her father does not see her and won't pay, but I did feel bad about filing at first. I look at it like this, she is his daughter too and it's the right thing for him to have to help support her. You shouldn't feel bad and I wish you all the best.

T.:

It takes two to make a baby, he is the father, and responsible for half of his child's living expenses. End of story.

A. L

You know, i just did the same thing, and i am feeling so guilty for it. He has another daughter which he does pay child support for but doesnt see his other daughter like he does mine. I look at it this way, you are doing what you can to provide for you and your child. You have a fulltime job AND college, (good for you!) why shouldnt he help you? I guess the sad part for me is thinking, i shouldn't have to force him or make him pay child support, HE SHOULD WANT TO!!!!! So dont feel bad, girl!!!! It is only fair. It is the LEAST he can do for his kid....GOOD LUCK, HANG IN THERE. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!!And when he yells at you to make you feel guilty, it is just because he knows you are right!!! :)

Don't feel bad about asking for child support. I went through a long ordeal with my ex husband on paying child support.He was all the time comming up with accuses for not paying.Like he could not afford it,he needs to get back on his feet again and so on.He was even living with his girl friend at the time. He could buy the kids toys but not pay his child support. I finally had to do some thing so I got a hold of child support and a proscuting attorny in my area that handles such cases and finally got some help.It took me about 2 years before he started paying child support and he was mad. Don't worry about how he is going to make it he will be fine.You got to do the right thing for you and your daughter and he needs to help you. I hope this helps you and your doing the right thing.

Good luck
J.

I was in a similar situation to yours. I am back with the father of my child now. I told him the same thing, that I would not go after him for child support if he would just give our son the things he needed when i couldnt do it. So the first time he told me no about buying our son some diapers, i filled out the paper work. You are doing a good job!! It is his responsibility to take care of your child and the thing your child needs, not the new man in your life!! He cant just push his responsibilities as a father off on some other man. I think you are doing the right thing!! Dont feel bad about it and he wont be broke, they can only take some much out of his check. He might have to make a little adjustments to make it easier for him to live, but he will not be broke, i promise you that!! Good luck and I hope things go well!!!!

Okay....he is her father and he needs to help you. I have been divorced for about 2 1/2 years now and I had to go after my ex husband for child support. As for him being broke....sorry for him but your daughter has needs and he should care about that. I only get $320.00 a month for child support for our son. i pay $125.00 a WEEK for Childcare, then you have to add diapers, food, clothes, bathing supplies, events. You should not be the only one having to do this. As for the man in your life.....like the court will say IT DOES NOT MATTER. He is the father and he has a responsibility to his daughter....he has to be a man, a father, a good role model.

Think of your child first. You do what you do to make ends meet, you work full time and go to college. You should expect him to at least cover child support. It isn't "you man's" job....it is his child. You are right to expect him to do what is his responsibility. That is why the state has child support, they have to look out for the best interest of the child. He will get it together just like you had to. Best to you. Kudos to you for looking out for your daughter!
L.

Please don't feel bad. He has a financial responsibility to your child. I too went through the same thing when I divorced my ex. I felt sorry for him and lowered the child support by $50.00. That was 6 years ago. I am having a hard time getting it raised now. One suggestion is whatever child support your ex does pay could be put into a savings account for your daughter that she cannot touch until she is 18. Hope this helps!!

Don't feel bad for asking what is rightfully your child's money and best interest. I have seen too many woman go through divorce and believe their soon-to-be ex's word on everything. The time to listen and believe your ex- is when you are a happily married couple. When you head to divorce court, you need to look out for YOU and YOUR CHILD..bottom line. If the father of the child is man enough to create such a life, then he can be man enough to take care of his offspring.

I am divorced and my ex tried to get me to agree to a certain amount of child support, (I watched my neighbor go through this the year before.)and I submitted the divorce papers, so the court would decide on the amount of child support based on his income. You see, I disagreed with the amount and thought it should be more, but not sure how much more. I was right, the court awarded me $139 more than what my ex husband was initially willing to pay. Now he pays what the court ordered. There are days I don't feel it is enough, but it is at least based on his income and established by the court (not by him).

I am in a similar situation. My ex was diagnosed with parkinsons after we split and was decreed by the courts to pay(much less)support for our two kids, but has yet to do it.
He is fairly good about getting diapers and school extras as well as clothes and such, but hasn't actually paid anything but about 2 months support in the last 2 years.

I did file papers on him to get srs to go after him but haven't followed up on it. That was over a year ago and nothing has been done by srs either.

I know he struggles to pay for everything ontop of his illness but I've had finacial struggles too.
I think that you have to do what's right in your heart and what's right for your child.
J.

The child support order takes into full account the financial situation of both parents and determines the amount of support due accordingly. The order would not require your ex to pay more than he can afford unless he is underemployed. In that case it would be his responsibility to find employment that would offer him the financial security he needs. Your ex may have to adjust the way he lives and give up on some extras to be able to afford it but that should not cause you to feel guilt. I'm sure you know first hand that the responsibilty of being a parent can require adjustments to your own life.

It is my personal thought that you should not feel guilty for asking for child support. Just because you're in a new relationship does not mean he stops being her father or that his responsibilies end. Not helping out with his share of the expenses isn't just hurting you because he's being spiteful, it's hurting your child. Yes, it stinks that you had to get the court involved, but he brought it upon himself with his behavior.

Do not regret sending in those papers... I regret signing my divorce papers and not fighting for child support in the beginning. I pay $185.00 a week for 2 kids. I would have to send diapers over to his house because my daughter wouldn't have them. I purchase all her clothes and I have her 5 nights a week... Do not feel sorry for what you did. You can take that money and put it aside for your daughters future!

Good luck!

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Not only are you providingyour daughter's primary home, you maintain food, water, electricity, heatiing and air conditioning, etc. These are things that child support is there for. As long as you are not neglecting your daughter's needs to spend it all on yourself (which few mothers do, despite those bitter fathers out there), then you are entitled to recieve that support. They never set child support to be more than the father can handle. They base it on how much he is capable (realistically) of making. If he doesn't pay and they have to withhold it from his paycheck, they will never withhold more than half of his check. He may throw a fit, but as her primary caregiver, you are entitled to help from her father to provide her with the best that you both can give. It is not up to any other man in your life to fill her father's obligations. I, too, had agreed not to pursue child support issues, until I found out that my son's father was living off his parents and spending more on his truck than he was willing to put towards his son. He was making about $2500 a month, paid about $300 a month for his truck, and was willing to give me $100 a month for my son. His daycare alone was more than $400 per month! Not all guys are like that, but some get cocky and like to claim that they are supporting the mom and not the child. Your daughter needs support from her father, and he needs to take equal responsibility for her, financial and otherwise, if he wants to be a parent. Good for you for stepping up on behalf of your little girl.

Also, excuse my ranting. I just get highly irritated with fathers who don't want any of the inconveniences of raising a child.

Do Not feel guilty! My son only goes over to my ex husband's house 4 days a month and I get $40 a week in child support. When We first got divorced he would try to hold things over my head and not pay for things or help out. I think he finally grew up. I still only get the $40/week but he now pays for 1/2 of my son's school tuition (which by law he does not have to) I think he finally realized when he does not pay for things or when he does not do things that it is not hurting me only our son. I am now married to a wonderful man, my ex husband would say the same things like "your husband makes more $ than I do, I have him pay for it." so no 5 years later I think we are all on common grounds now, your ex will just have to get use to the idea of you getting married. Let me knowif you ever need to talk. I have been there done that!!

Do NOT feel "bad" for sending in the papers!!! I was in a similar situation about a year ago with the father of my daughter. He would give me $100 a week to help out, but as soon as he was mad at me for anything he would hold it over my head. I actually took a pay cut when the child support was finalized, receiving only $77 a week instead of the $100, but at least I know I can count on that no matter what. If you are ever going to find hapiness with someone else, you can't put up with his immaturity. Its not right for him to say "ask your man". My daughters father and I have since reconciled, and are even living together again. I left the court order in tact, just in case, and his paychecks are still being garnished for the $77 a week. HE WILL GET OVER IT! I PROMISE!

Dear T.,

I commend you on your continued concern and compassion for your ex.

But a child deserves the emotional and finacial support of both parents and your ex has already begun a cycle of withholding support from your child when he became upset with you. This is certainly not something you want to deal with for the next 17 years.

As to the thoughts of him being broke and unable to fend for himself because he is paying child support. Illinois law is 20% of NET income (after taxes, etc.) for one child. So while this might cut into his spending on the fun stuff he used to do he still has enough to live on.

You had to rethink everything and rebudget everything for your daughter, now he does to.

Additionally, this order of support will alleviate the issues of you having to ask him for that bottle of water and him having the power over the situation to say no to get "even" with you for something.

Be sure to keep the visitation and child support issues separate as they don't have anything to do with each other.

If you ever run into problems with your child support, the Illinois Department of Child Support Enforcement or need more information on your child's rights to support under Illinois law, feel free to join Child Support In Illinois.

We are a non-profit organization for custodial parents in Illinois that provides education and help with issues of child support.

Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ChildSupportinIllinois
Website: http://www.childsupportinillinois.com/

Best wishes on your upcoming marriage. Your daughter is very fortunate to have two loving men in her life!

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! Your ex has a responsibility to HIS child to help support her. As far as his financial situation, TOO BAD FOR HIM. He may need to get a second job or a better job to meet his obligations. Your daughter doesn't stop eating or growing simply because he doesn't make a lot of money. Remind him that he is sending this money for her, not for you.

The courts do consider the income of both parents, as well as the expenses of that aged child, but even then they won't take more than 25% of the non-custodial parent's income. That may seem like a lot, but if you had stayed together he would be paying more out of pocket for the child than he is now with the child support.

Good Luck!

It doesn't matter if you are in a new relationship now; this is his child and he should be as responsible for her as you are. It would be nice if no legal papers were required, but for the good of your daughter, it seems that they are. It doesn't sound like you are asking for too much money, and these are things he would have helped with if you had stayed together. Sounds like you've done the right and sensible thing here.
Good luck with your new relationship, too. :)

J.