Children Sleeping

My daughter didn't like to sleep in her own bed either. We bought her a big girl bed at age 2 and when she woke up crying I would lay down with her in her own bed until she went to sleep. This got her used to sleeping the entire night in her own bed and after a little while she didn't need me to lie down with her anymore.

I have 3 kids. When my baby was a baby the other two were 3 & 5. We ended up getting a king size bed so we all fit. My husband and I didn't mind having them sleep with us. The girls eventually started sleeping in their own room but that was because they had each other. My son who is now 8 still sneaks in once in a while or we just let him stay. To get him to sleep in his room I had to read him stories until he fell asleep. It only took 5 minutes. He just has trouble falling asleep in his room by himself. The way I saw it was my kids are only kids for so long and sooner or later they don't want you to give them so many hugs and kisses. I'm going to snuggle with them as long as they let me as you never know.

Hi
I'll probably get some flack for this but that's okay. It works for me. I have two kids that won't sleep in their beds. All my kids have rooms with beds but they actually sleep on the floor next to my bed. They bring in their blankets and pillows and we have a "slumber partiy". The rule is that they can sleep there but they can't wake up mommy and daddy. In the morning we have cuddle time and talk about their dreams they may have had. The ages of my two that do this is 4 and almost 8. They just like being by us, they feel safer. Children can and do have anxiety over the possibility of losing their parents. On the weekends my step son age 10 joins the group. For me it is more important that they are reassured that we are there and on the other hand I get my sleep. Good Luck

This is the fun part of being a parent. (Not really) If you really want to do this it will be a nightmare at first and then you and your husband can have your bed back!

I know we don't want to wake other sleeping children when the baby is crying but she will get used to it. The best thing to do when he is crying is to check on him to make sure he is not physically hurt and than you have to leave without him no matter how much he cries and how horrible you feel. Check on him every 10 minutes the first two days. Move this to every 15 minutes, every 20 minutes, etc. He has to learn to put himself to sleep which as I know fom personal experience with sleeping with my kids is not as easy as it sounds. He will scream, cry, and sob at first but eventually he will sleep. You and everyone else in your house may develop a need for naps for a month but he will learn how to put himself to sleep eventually and you and family will live through the what will seem like a neverending desire for sleep.

With the 5 year old this is going to be a struggle again as she hasn't learned to sleep with herself. I know my oldest son was a lot like this too! Talk to her and let her know that she and her brother are going to have to start sleeping in their own beds. That it will be hard at first and everyone may be sleepy during the day but Daddy needs to sleep in a bed too and his back is hurting from the couch. Know she has a reason. Let her know that it is ok to come and wake you or Daddy up and that when she does you will carry her back to her bed and tuck her in. Then she has to stay there and go back to sleep. This is the not fun part because when you really do this you will be tired from being woke up and from trying to get the baby to sleep in his crib. It would be easier it will seem to just let her climb in bed with you and try again another night. Don't give in to this temptation! No matter if she cries or complains or how you feel you need to pick her up and take her back to her bed. No matter how she complains or cries you need to tuck her in and go. She may cry and throw a tantrum but don't argue with her just let her know you love her and have to go. Now you have to go and get back in your bed. Don't stay with her! She also has to learn how to sleep in her own bed.

After the nightmare of a week you will start to see a difference. Give it a full month and your husband and you will sleep in the same bed. Good luck! I know it's hard and having done this myself I feel for you! It can be done you just have to stick with it even when you think your heart will break because how could you be so mean to your own kids. You are not being mean you are just helping them to learn a new skill so that you and your husband can have your lives back with a little by yourself time!

Hi, I have 5 children and we have and are going through this. What we did with our oldest and what we are doing with our younger ones is when they wake up crying for whatever reason we allow them to come to bed with us. We also allow them to start off in our bed if they are having a hard time going to sleep but once they are either settled down or asleep we put them back into their beds. We do this as much as needed. Our son in particular is bad about coming into our bed at night so every time he does we let him settle down and we put him back into his bed and he's actually starting to come in less and less and a few times last week he did stay in his bed. We do this for the same reasons you do. It keeps the other kids from waking up because of crying and it lets the kids know that we are always there for them, day or night, but that they do have their own beds they need to sleep in and wake up in. This method has worked for us, my oldest 2 only come in our room if they've had nightmares but we still follow the rule. They get to snuggle and settle down then daddy carries them back to bed and I think they like the security of daddy's arms lovingly holding them. I know when I was their ages I found lots of comfort in my parents' bed and security when my daddy carried me back to bed. I personally hate the idea of my kids, as young as they are, laying in bed crying because they're scared of whatever and they're scared of going to mommy and daddy for comfort. Children need to know that no matter what they can always go to mommy and daddy. Also you and your husband should not feel like the kids are taking over the bed. The kids need to also know that the bed is mommy and daddy's not theirs, so if there's no room the kids are the ones that have to leave, not daddy. But that is also why we got a king sized bed. I hope this helps you. Good luck.

C.

Can they sleep together? Might be an easy solution. Could take a few nights of putting them back in bed, but the comfort of being together might solve your problem.

We've run into the same problem with our 2 year old. When he was about 19 months he started having a really hard time sleeping in his crib. He wasn't climbing out or anything, but it was like he just wasn't comfortable anymore. We switched him to a twin-size bed and it made a HUGE difference! We keep it very low to the ground (just box spring and mattress) so he won't get hurt if he falls out, but it hasn't been an issue. Now that we see him sleeping in a larger bed we've realized how much he moves around in his sleep. I think he was hitting the sides of the crib and waking himself up. Plus...if you put the 2-1/2 year old in a bed he/she can get in and outof easily you might find that the two kids enjoy cuddling up together instead of with you all the time. Good Luck!

Would it be feasible to put the kids in to sleep together? My two both like to sleep next to another warm body, and putting them together on the floor on a double futon has kept them out of my bed, reasonably content, and sleeping well. (Plus, as a bonus, my youngest, who rolls out of bed, doesn't even wake up when it happens now, because you can't fall off of the floor.) I did have to set some ground rules, such as talking or playing instead of sleeping means everybody goes to their own space by themselves. I will go in with them if one of them is having a rough night, but I have stopped allowing them to come into our bed at all.

I think you are going to have to go through a few hard night and recruit your hubby to help. I think that you are going to have to plan to continue to put the little ones back in their beds and tell them "I love you, but you have to sleep in your own bed. You are safe." and then leave them no matter how hard they cry. If they come in your room you just have to calmly keep taking them back and tell them the same thing. They will learn that it is okay to sleep in their own room and they will actually have more confidence. You are going to have to go through this process. If you break once and let them come to bed with you you'll have ruined all your hard work. You and your husband need to be in bed together. When you get through it (It may only take a day or two) you will be sooooo happy. It is VITAL for your marriage. The happier you and your husband are the happier your kids are. Lack of sleep is sooo hard on your body, relationships, and even the kind of mom you can be. I know all of this from experience. Now that my husband and I can just sleep next to each other we are so much more happy and in love. J.

Your story is very similar to mine. I work nights and my husband works days. Our kids who are 6 and almost 4 sleep in our bed too. Both of our kids have slept with us since birth. They have their own beds and sometimes they do sleep in them. I know how hard it is. A lot of my struggle is with my husband. He wants them in the bed next to him when I work nights for fear that something terrible will happen to them while they are asleep. If they are in another room he might not hear them gasping for air. I admit, I now have that paranoia and love having them right next to me. But honestly, I get so tired of having feet in my face, sleeping on the very edge of the bed. My husband and I rarely sleep in the same bed. He is on the couch or one of their beds, or I am. We have started to try to reclaim our bed. We let our kids sleep together in one of their beds. Granted, they start out in their bed, but often end up in our bed. We are also trying to be very positive when they both sleep in their beds. Even if it is only for half the night - we get excited for them and then they get excited. When it is bedtime, we try to encourage them by saying "I'm so proud of you for sleeping in your own bed - let's try and sleep in it all night, tonight. Most of the time, they get excited and get right into bed. There are times, when they actually sleep through the night. Of course, there are times when they won't and we let them start in our bed, then we usually move them into their beds. We are taking baby steps and it seems to be working well for us. Being consistent is the key though. Best wishes to you and your family.

You are enabling your children. If they cry in the night, go in and comfort them and then put them back in bed. If you continue on the course your going it will be even harder to break. I have four children and we randomly have children waking up and wanting to come into our bed. If you let one in you have to let them all in. It can't be good for you and your hubby's relationship. I suggest letting them cry it out. Talk to them about what you will do before they go to sleep. Good luck, it may be a week of lack of sleep and children crying but it will be worth it when they know they can't come into bed with you.

Hi!
I had the same problem when my oldest was 5 years old. It was really awful for awhile! I had to be a "mean mom" and continually put her back into her bed because I knew that as soon as I gave in that it would be an even longer and harder process to get her back on track. (She's married now and I'm happy to report that she sleeps just fine!) :) My second daughter did the same thing and we handled it the same way. It took her much longer (almost a year and a half) to finally stay in her bed all night every night. She is an extremely stubborn 14 year old now, but at least she sleeps in her own room and my marriage is still strong. :) My husband or I would lead the child back (not carry) to her bed without saying anything or responding to the tears or ranting. We would put her into her bed, say, "I love you. You are safe. This is YOUR bed and you stay in YOUR bed. You may NOT sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed. I will talk to you about this in the morning." Then we left the room. We probably had to do this same procedure 20 times a night at first, but it DID eventually get better when the girls realized that we were firm and were definitely not going to give in or be manipulated. We always made it a point to praise the child the next day if the night went well, and we had various sticker charts and things they could earn like "screen time" (tv or computer or video games) when they exhibited the behaviors we wanted to see. We were very tired for a few weeks with the first one...with the second one it was about a year of fatigue off and on. (Probably not what you wanted to hear). :) But I strongly recommend a book and class called "Parenting With Love and Logic". I think that the most important things I got from it were to ALWAYS be consistent and that it's okay to be happy even when my kids are not. Best of luck to you!

I can't remember where I read it but I did have this problem at one time. Have you tried making them stay in their bed and going in and saying, "You're okay, I'll be back in to check on you in 5 minutes" Then, make sure that you do. Then, you can stretch it to 10 min, 20 min, etc. until you no longer have to do it. It did work for me.

my friend keeps 2 children's sleeping bags under her bed. If her kids come out, they can pull out a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor, but they are not allowed to sleep in mom and dad's bed.

"you need to sleep on your own pillow. You can sleep in my room on the floor, but you can not sleep in my bed. That's mommy and daddy's bed. You have your own bed. You can not sleep in my bed. Do you want to sleep in your bed or on the floor? Ok - go find your pillow."

If the kids are noisy, we give them one warning and then put them outside our door and lock it. You only have to do this once. ...and only for about 10 minutes.

It doesn't fix all the intimacy problems, but atleast hubby can sleep with you and you guys can cuddle.

We also found our 5 yr old was old enough to babysit her 2 yr old brother if we put on a movie for them to watch. Then we'd have about an hour for daddy to give mommy "a special backrub". and our daughter knew she couldn't interrupt us or we'd have to start all over and it would take even longer.

I know sleeping issues are tough...its easy to say no more, but when everyone is tired its just easier to give in and say ok, you can sleep with me this time.
With anything, consistency is the key. You have to decide this is it and stick to it. You let them know from now on they will sleep in their own beds and then everytime they wake up you just put them back in their beds. If they wake up and cry for a while, sometimes you just have to let them. In true supernanny fashion, the first time you tell them "its bedtime now, goodnight" then the next time you say "good night" after that, say nothing, just keep putting them back in bed. It might take a couple hours, but they will get the message and fall asleep.
I had to do this with my twins when they were about 2, they suddenly decided they wanted to keep getting out of bed for drinks or cuddles or whatever they could think of. It was hard but within 2 nights they quit getting up and have slept through the night since.

Your children sleeping with you and your husband on the couch can't be good for your marriage. It's important that you take care of your marriage for your children. Your children WILL sleep in their beds --- you have to be tough. Our rule is that this is mommy and daddy's bedroom. Have you considered having your children sleep together? Make sure your children are warm/cool enough. Make sure there is a night light & soothing music. Make sure they have a lovey or blankie or stuffed animal or something. Keep them in their room. Do not bring them to your room. It's a bad habit. They need to learn independence. Be strong. Watch Super Nanny.

My son was a really bad sleeper. Last summer when it was a long weekend my husband worked really hard at solving it (actually took a week). He slept in the living room on the floor to catch my son before he got to our room and me (his goal) and just kept putting him back in bed (on night it was 10 times). After a week I could be the one to put him back in bed, and he did not cry. He used to always cry when I put him back but not when my husband did. Good luck. After a year he sleeps through about 90% of the nights.

She will sleep in her bed you stating she won't is just that you are giving in to her. It will take time and patience but she knows you will cave so she will continue the behavior. Continue to nicely without words put her back in her bed, even saying just "it is time to sleep", she may cry, freak out or whatever but she will stay eventually.
My kids share a room and I was worried too. I stagger their bedtimes so one is fast asleep before the other one (the oldest) goes to bed. If he wakes up crying, you have to let him cry it out, your daughter will get used to it and sleep right through it eventually. If it is teething, try giving him something before bedtime. Kids get programmed even with sleep to wake up if they are getting the response they need. The trick is to teach them there is not going to be that result and they need to stay asleep, which they will relearn.

If seperating them isn't an option, try different bedtimes and even a noise maker to drowned out any fussing. My kids are six and three and have to share a room. We have a music box that is noise activated that will kick on with noise and slowly wind down, it is great! I also have a fan in their room to help them not hear the TV or phone ring and they have had a fan in their room since they were babies. I turn it off when I go to bed but it helps with any disruptions. The one you need to work on is your five year old as she is too old to continue to get up and not sleep her own bed.
Try a reward chart for each night they stay in their beds and you don't have to get up, make it very exciting with a reward at the end of each week.
They will sleep in their own beds, it will be tiring, takes patience and not fun at first, but it takes you and your hubby sticking to the plan and hanging in there.
Good luck.