Compairing and Competitiveness Between Children

I hate this worse than anything. All children are different as all people are. Sounds to me like your little boy is going to be just fine and is doing things he is suppose to. I have experienced this with my ex husband and 2 older kids. When my ex had his baby 8 mnths before my youngest, I heard things like that,but then I think my baby is so smart she excels in other things and she is younger, I had to explain this to my older two so they would stop. I would let your mom know, it bothers you and you would appreciate it if she didnt compare him to others.
and Pray!! Its hard when its family to confront issues like this. Be poistive and keep encouraging him!

Well, I'm not trying to come to their defense, but it is more practical for a 21 month old to be potty training than an 18 mo old. I've read that if you start potty training at too early of an age, the can rescend and you can have a harder time accomplishing the goal. That could be why your family got a potty chair a couple of months ago and did nothing with it. Maybe their son just wasn't ready yet. You can't push your child into potty training. When I bought my son's potty chair, he was 22 months old and he didn't do anything with it for about a month. Then finally, he just started taking interest in the potty because he realized he knew how to potty. That's part of the whole trick. But I do think the competitiveness goes much further and deeper than potty training. As far as the sign language goes, I started teaching my son when he was 10 months old. A 21 month old is approaching the age where he should be able to start verbalizing his needs therefore defeating the purpose of signing. Why would your mom go out of her way to hurt you by buying your nephew a vaccum? That just doesn't sound right. Maybe you should just talk to them and tell them how you feel. What I do is I write a letter. Wait 2 days, read it, make any corrections or changes. Then about a week later, I'll give it to the person. That way I know I'm not speaking out of anger or retalliation. I hope this helps and good luck.

I had the same situation! My daughter an my niece are three months apart with my niece being older. My now ex-in-laws always compared the two of them. My niece has always been smaller than my daughter even though she was born 3 months before. But, her parents are small and my now ex-husband is 6'3" and I'm 5'6"...so we aren't that small of people. It still has some affect on my daughter, she still compares herself to my niece...she asks why my niece's feet are bigger, why her hair is straighter, why she's shorter and so on and so on! It's really devastating to not only you, but your child as well in the long run! I always ignored it and asked them to not compare the two, but it didn't work. Luckily, I personally don't have to deal with it anymore other than my daughter bringing it up and then I explain to her that everyone is different no matter if you were born around the same time or not.

Anyway, I hope this has helped and I truely feel for you!

~S.

Ignore it. You know your baby better than anyone. sounds like your son is right on track. I ahve my degree in ECE and hes doing everything he needs to be at this point. all children are diff however being a mom i know that we always think our child is THE BEST. so dont let it bother you. i have a friend who talks about what her son does all the time when ever i say oh emilies doing this or that... which would be fine but she doesnt have custody of him and sees him maybe 1 time a week.... but if it bothers you that much let them know or just dont go around them..

It sounds to me like they want to come off as being perfect parents, maybe they're in need of attention...no matter...competetiveness leads to pushing a child to hard to achieve impossible goals in wich nothing is ever good enough and it's very damaging to the child's self-esteem. Don't give into their game. Every child developes at his/her own rate. They do things when they're ready and confident to give it a go. Just tell them something like "wow, that's cool!" when they brag and then change the subject...later you giggle at their ignorance. I've had 8 kids...the first one potty trained himself basically on his first birthday...he was a fast child at potty training, he was fast at walking, he was fast at talking, but he was slow at crawling, he was slow at dressing himself and he was slow at learning to feed himself. Does his quickness at potty training, walking and talking make him a genius? He's very smart, but definately not einstein. Most of my kids didn't potty train until around 2 years old, although I had one that waited until he was 3. If you push a child to learn something that they're not personally ready for just because other kids are doing it, you're just going to make it harder for them to learn. The guidelines in the baby magazines are just that...guide lines...if your child isn't doing this by such and such age, you want to check to be sure that there isn't a problem causing the child to not do it such as developmental delay...if the child checks out fine when evaluated, then it just means that he/she isn't personally ready for that particular mile stone. Don't worry about what they claim that their child did at what age...just bask in the glory of YOUR child's accomplishments and give your child the encouragement needed to strive and move forward at his pace.

Keep up your good work! You only have to answer to your son, and he is the only one you should worry about. In the end you only have control over what HE is and does, so try to let your sister in law take care of your nephew and you take care of your son. You are the Mommy and you know what's best for him. If he's ready to potty train, TRY IT! You are obviously not alone in this endeavor, I have similar situation in that I hae a nephew that is only 7 months older than my daughter, and each time they call I have to hear what the other is doing.

Look at your 7 year old, if he/she is doing well, then you absolutley know what to do! I say try not to worry about the in laws, and enjoy your little one while you can. If anything feel bad for your sister in law because she is missing out on watching her little guy grow by wasting time comparing him to yours.

I can understand your frustration. Me and my best friend had our kids a week a part. Her daughter will be 1 this week and my son will be 1 next week. I thought she was trying to compare for bad reasons but then I realized it was because she's a first time mom and I'm not. She really had no clue what to expect so she'd tell me what her daughter was doing and ask why my son wasn't. One big thing was her daughter was born a mth preemie and my son was 2 weeks early. Her daughter was only a lil over 5 lbs when born with no problems. My son was born 8 lbs 14 ozs and has had breathing problems from birth. I smoked and she didn't. she used to make such a big deal of that she did everything right and her baby was so small and mine was so big. Now we compare but for other reasons. If my son hits a milestone I'll call her or go see her to tell her and vise vursus but that's because within 2 weeks the other will do the same so we know what to expect. Like my son just got his first teeth. I went right over and told them to get the orajel ready she'd be gettin teeth. Not a week later she called and sure enough she got the exact same teeth... It doesn't bother me anymore. If that's they're first child they may be looking to u for guidance. I wouldn't take too much offense to it. Just keep your responses short and sweet and don't let them see that it bothers u. But that's just my opinion. Sorry to ramble on....

Sounds like your nephew is getting the benefit of you being a good mom! They see you doing something that they should have thought of and decide to do it in an attempt to make themselves feel better. I would be proud! Don't they say imitation is a form of flattery! Anyway, I am a step mom and my husband and I would always try new things with the kids that they enjoyed. Suddenly their mom would start taking them to do the exact same things, but to the extreme. At first I was annoyed, but then I realized we have such good and creative ideas and the kids enjoy them so much who cares. I get the satisfaction of knowing we started something awesome! Good luck. Be the bigger person.

J.

I agree with Alejandra. You can't pick your family (or change them, either), but you can choose to be happy. When you are with them, it will bother you, but try to minimize visits and just remember that they are family. Whether you like it or not, some day they may be there for you. Meanwhile, make your own life and pick your own friends.

My sister and I had our first children 2 1/2 months apart (both girls). Now we are both pregnant and 3 months apart. Plus, growing up, our birthdays were only 15 days apart and we were 4 years apart, so everytime I graduated, she graduated from a higher grade. Even when I graduated from college, she graduated from med school. Comparisons will happen and jealously will happen, but I know she loves and cares about me and I feel the same way about her. And at least we are our own people. Besides, maybe our daughters will be best friends. That would be exciting.

M.,

Just ignore them. The same happens to my 6 yr-old boy with his cousin. My in laws compare both of them all the time, and it is a very nasty and usual situation. It bothers me a lot, but the best thing is ignoring the situation, unless they say something proactive and interesting indeed.....
Do not worry and do not spend your energy and time on it, it is the best thing I learned with the passing of time.
Just listen from positive people and proactive suggestions and ideas....

Alejandra

It's gonna happen and there's really not much you can do about it. My 2 kids are the youngest grandchildren for both my parents and hubby's parents and we both constantly hear that so-and-so was doing whatever at such age. (make sense???) We both just smile and nod our heads because on the flip side, if you listen for it, you're gonna hear your mom and sis-in-law proudly saying that YOUR kids did something at an earlier age.

To put this in perspective my best friend and I each had a baby 11 days apart. The boys have grown up together and are the closest of friends--or as close as 2 six year olds can be, lol. But neither one of them did the same thing around the same age. Mine had teeth first...her's crawled first. Mine walked first...her's was potty trained first. Mine talked first...her's knew his alphabet first. We have always gotten a kick out of how 2 kids so close in age never hit the same milestone together.