Considering Divorce over Step-son

I have no advice for you, but I can't help thinking that dogs urinate to mark their territory; primates fling feces and urine when they are scared or angry. Something could be really wrong with your step-son. I agree that he needs more counseling than what he has received.

It is not worth divorcing over, but you and your husband probably need couples counseling, too. You'll soon have three children under five, you work, you husband is never home, and your step-son pees in inappropriate spots, on upholstery, no less. Honey, something is going to have to give, soon. Have you noticed SS picks hard to clean locations? That is certainly a way to get negative attention.

As a first step, ask you husbad to talk to his supervisor, to see if he can have everyother Saturday off, when his son is visiting. I think that is the least he can do for you and his son.

I'd also suggest, that since the weather is warmer, that he has to stay outside wearing swim trunks so he can just pee on the ground (with maybe backyard camping as a bonus) but I can just imagine how that would be interpreted to his mother and the howls coming from her, since you don't give him food either. Expect a visit from Chidl Protective Services if you try that.

Perhaps he is doing it for attention? I would treat him like I would any potty training toddler. Make him go to the restroom every 45 minutes to 2 hours. Put him on some sort of priveledge program. For every dry day he gets to watch 15 min extra of TV or video games. Along the same notes I would take away priviledges too. If he has an accident he looses something of value.

I don't think this is an issue for divorce, I understand your frustration but I really think he is just trying to get attention. Perhaps he dad could focus more attention on him when he gets time off?

Good luck

If he's been doing it this long, he may actually not be able to FEEL when he has to go anymore, which is actually a fairly common problem among boys this age. Your husband has to be involved because treatment of this involves his ex (the boys mom) as well. He should be on a potty schedule where every X number of hours, no matter WHAT, he is made to go to the potty and stay there until he pees. This is a simple matter--we all make urine constantly, so even if you go to the potty every 2 or 3 hours, you should be able to produce SOMETHING, even if it's a few drops. Then, after a month or so of a constant schedule, his abilty to feel that tingly sensation that tells him to GO POTTY should return and the trick is to get him to NOT ignore it so it goes away again. Also, how long was he in counseling? If it was a one or two shot deal, it may not be enough. Additionally, you can't be SURE he is peeing in his pants with his mom. After all, he told HER you weren't feeding him, so he may have told YOU he is still doing it and getting spanked but it may not be the full truth. Also, timelines for kids this age can be off. He may be referring to an incident of being spanked that happened a year ago rather than the week before he shows up at your house.

I wouldn't divorce over it, but I would be laying down the law. You shouldn't have to deal with this with zero support from the boy's father. Also, make the child help you strip the bed or otherwise clean up his mess. He's plenty old enough to help. Is there any way you can have visitation on your husband's days off? It really doesn't seem like there is much point to having your stepson there on the weekends if your husband isn't there. The whole point of visitation is to spend time with the non-residential parent. You might also seek counseling with your husband. It's not fair to your children together to have to endure the disruption of these visits.

I can say I never had to go through this. I do think that this is not worth divorcing over though. My step son I potty trained on a summer visitation(2 week one). He was completely trained when he left our house. After the first night back at his mothers he started all over again. She called us cussing and screaming. We later found out it was a stress issue. Here he is almost 13 and still wets but he is on meds to help the issue. I would definitely suggest counseling for all of you! It is not fair you have to do it all. He is also old enough to clean up after himself. When we got custody 5 years ago (he was 8), we made him clean his messes. At first it was horrible but eventually he was able to do it. It made him realized what he was doing and then he was able to start thinking, I don't want to do this any more. I can only share stories but I do wish you the best of luck!

well i definetly dont think its worth divorcing over. if anything make 8 year old wear depends. if he wants to act a baby treat him like one. tell him he has to go pee when a timer goes off and set it to every hour or two. if he does pee make him clean it. usually they pee because they are too busy playing or to get attention.

This sounds like a definite control & defience issue. It sounds like he (and you)have a lot to deal with. Your husband need to step up and be a father...not just the man working to pay bills. If your stepson is only visiting every other weekend and your husband is working one of those days it sounds like a scream for attention from the 8yo. Take his perspective, he is sent to your home every other weekend, HIS father is not there for half of it and punishing him for deeds done the other half. You are probably busy with your own children and he may not feel included. If his mother is how you described i'm sure she is playing mind games with him. I would suggest not just counseling for him but for your husband, his ex, you and his son. You need to provide a united supportive front. As a child of divorce I know how all they seemingly innocent comments made by both sides can screw you up as a child. If this issue is something you're threatening divorce over you also really to need to examine you marriage and the other underlying issues before your own children are dealt the emotional baggage of a divorce. Good luck.