My 3rd grader son has been coming home lately telling me about this boy in his class who is talking to him about things that are way too inappropriate.
Last week, he told me this boy talked with him about a movie with a man in bed with 10 women...all of them were naked. He said the movie was so naughty that it was banned from the theatres. When I first heard this, I talked with my son and made it clear that this subject was completely inappropriate for him to engage in and to immediately change the subject if it happens to come up again. Today, he approached me again with more details about their original conversation and went into EVEN MORE explicit detail about the movie. He described a scene that you would find watching an xrated movie on PPV. I was disgusted and insisted he not interact with this student at all.
I ended up emailing the teacher about this situation and explained my concern in this matter. These children are at the age where questions arise and I would hate for my son or any other child to be misinformed or exposed to adult topics.
My question is:
I am aquaintences with this student's mother and even have her phone number. I wouldn't call us "Friends" since I don't interact with her on a regular basis, but, we have spoken on several occassions before. Should I contact her about her son's inappropriate behavior, OR should I trust that the teacher will handle it?
Teacher and guidance counselor first - perhaps they've addressed this before and need to know it's continuing. Then a word to the mom that the boy's been talking about this stuff. She may be clueless - i.e. hubby or boyfriend is watching this stuff and kid's sneaking in or watching from a doorway, etc. Either way, she needs to know he's bringing it to school and she could get in some trouble for it.
Would you want her to call if the tables were turned? That's your answer.
I would wait to see what the teacher does. If the teacher addresses it with the mother, then I wouldn't go to the mother also, unless it continues happening. If the teacher doesn't go to the mother, then I would bring it up. I would tell her what your son has been saying her son has said, but you can always tell her you don't know where her son got the information. That way you aren't accusing her of letting her son see that type of movie, as he may have gotten it secondhand from another child. It's also possible that the child ordered the movie through the TV without anyone finding out. If there aren't parental controls set, it's pretty easy to do.
Oh sticky situation, cause what if it turns out that it is not her child that actually told your son about this? but I dont think it would hurt to talk to her if you have had conversations with her before, but if you are here asking then you dont feel comfortable talking to her? then maybe not, so do what your heart is truely telling you to do, if my son had this type experience to tell another student about, then the parent could nicely tell me so I could talk to my son and stop him! but thats just me...How did the teacher respond? did she say she would handle it?
I would not accuse the parents child of doing it, but just ask if she thought it might be her son cause this can get ugly fast!
Good luck!
What did the teacher say? We can all have opinions on what you could do, but since you r first step was the teacher, it's important to know what she told you she would do.
At this point, give the teacher the opportunity to address, but follow up within 2 days tops. See what kind of response she got.
I, personally would have advised the teacher and called the kids mother. Especially because it is my child this kid has singled out.
Hope everything turns out well.
I usually take a hands off approach to kids issues of dealing with each other. However, since this involves such adult topics, I would discuss it with the mom. She might react badly and tell you MYOB, but again, she might not be aware if it, and need to know in order to correct the situation. It might also be that the child is bring taken advantage of by other adults without her knowledge and that she definitely needs to know. Good luck. Don't take any angry reaction personally, but talk to the mom.
IF it were my son I would stop at nothing to make sure that he does not engage with this child anymore. Principal, guidance counsleor and teacher would be brought in. Then the parent. Definitely the parent though-this connot be resolved without.
You've already gotten a lot of good feedback, but something else occurred to me, just to consider.
In order to describe all the details and lengthy descriptions that your son has heard, it must take some time.
So my question is: where is this taking place? Is the other boy cornering your son on the playground, before or after school? Is it taking place in the cafeteria? Are there unsupervised times when the boys are alone, like some kind of free period or during bathroom breaks?
You might ask your son where these conversations are taking place. That would be something the school could address. Maybe your son is being bullied into listening to this filth and can't get away. The school should be a safe place where your son does not have to listen to this.
Wherever that other little boy is getting his info from, whether he's being abused or repeating something he's seen or being told, or no matter how bad his home situation is, it doesn't belong in the school. If there is a lapse in school supervision where one 3rd grader can tell another in detail about pornography, that needs to be addressed.
If on the other hand, your son is willingly following this boy around, say, after school or sitting with him on the bus, and allowing these conversations to take place, then I would say that it's important to help your son understand how to avoid this child, and intercede if necessary (pick him up immediately after class, or change his bus, or whatever).
I would wait and see how the teacher handles this. The teacher is obligated to keep your son's identity confidential due to privacy laws, so take advantage of that. The teacher is going to have to (or should) take it to the school social worker and/or school psychologist as well as the principal because they're going to have to investigate the situation. If this boy is being shown these videos, that's an abusive situation. You've got to let the school handle it.
If you think the teacher isn't handling it, take it to the principal and social worker.
Call the mom.
Call the guidance counselor.
Don't let your child be friends with him.
Something is way off in this child's home environment. As several others said, you don't know what it is. It could be an older sibling, who is "babysitting". It could be an uncle or a family friend. It could be a non custodial parent, etc etc.
Also one woman said, do your best not to gossip about this to other moms. Poor kid.
Ask the teacher if she's planning on handling the situation. And if so, how. If you find her answer unsatisfactory- contact the mother directly.
yep!!!! call her and simply ask her if she knows what her son is talking about and bring it too her attention of their conversations!!
Always contact the mother directly-best of luck with this-the parents must be lovely.
OH good grief, I can't imagine that coming up with my little guys. I don't know what the right thing to do would be, so I would request a meeting FIRST with the guidance counselor (not necessarily naming names, but not ruling that out just yet), just to find out from someone who's been trained on how to handle things, what the general "rules" are for that kind of thing. Then go from there (reporting it or calling the mother).
I don't think it's right AT ALL that a child be exposed to that mess so young. He's half the age where I'd expect a kid to even think about seeking that kind of thing out. Somethings out of place, but is it that the kid is secretly accessing movies that have been purchased by dear old dad, or is big brother watching it in front of him, or is it something more sinister, we have no way of knowing. But it is a problem. I just wouldn't know what to do about it, so I'd go to the counselor for advice. (And make a mental note that your son is not to go to a sleepover there, sheesh!)
