I am so sorry to hear of your family's tragedy. Things like this never make any sense. I am glad that yor sister is finding strength in her other children. I know it helped my mother tremendously to have her other children when my younger brother passed. It gave her a reason to get up in the morning. Now this was many years ago already, and my brother was 16, (I know this is not the same as a still birth, but it is the loss of a child, and that is very painful to say the least)but I can tell you this, she laughs, and she smiles, and she enjoys her life again, and has for a long time now. She will tell you it took a good five years to really adjust to the loss, and that she never got over it, but she learned how to "live" with the loss. No parent should have to endure the loss of a child. It just is not the natural order of things, but unfortunately it does happen. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone processes things at different speeds. I found for myself that it was a one step forward two steps back kind of process, as I am sure most people who are grieving do. Men grieve differently than women as well, and being angry with God over his loss is also a normal response, and I cannot for one minute beleive that a kind and loving God would not understand this response. It is a very overwhelming process to loose a child/sibling. When my brother passed, I know it was tremendously difficult on my father, though he would never speak of it (at least not to my sister and I), upon occassion he would have outbursts of tears (obviously to be expected) and would go take a walk, or prefer to be alone. SOme people need to be alone with their grief. He still rarely speaks of my brother to this day, but he to has the sparkle back in his eye, and enjoys his life again. A family has to grieve alone and together to get through a thing like this, and it is deeply personal and unique to each family, and is certainly no small feat. Somehow, some way you get through it, and one dday you wake up, and it doesn't hurt so badly anymore. Just being there is a great thing, to listen to her, to listen to her children, to treat her normally, to be patient as she goes through this are all great things to do. Maybe you could go for a visit, or better yet maybe you and her could have a girl's get away when she feels more up to it? Perhaps you could go and visit and watch her kids so her and her husband can get away together? I think that distance sometimes helps us gain perspective on life's situations, and sometimes just taking a break from grief is okay too. About a year after my brother passed, my father booked a trip to Paris for him and my mother for two weeks as a Valentine's gift. She was not big on flying at the time, and was still quite grief stricken, as was my Dad. She went reluctantly, and I swear she came back with a little more "pep in her step" as did my Dad. I think it was the beginning of them enjoying their life together again, even though it was hard. Getting back to routine, even though it is difficult helps to. I am sure your sister and brother-in-law do not feel like celebrating Christmas this year, but helping the other kids to enjoy their Christmas (even though it will be difficult) is healing. My brother passed a week before my sister's 14th Birthday, and as difficult as it was, we still celebrated. My mother said just because your world stops, life still goes on, and you have to try. Your brother-in-law will do what he needs to do to grieve, and your sister will too. Hang in there and God Bless you all, you will all be in my htoughts and prayers.
