Cry It Out Method - Phoenix, AZ

The crying method works. It is worse on the parent than the child. I tried every alternate method before I tried the cry it out method. It took exactly 3 days. I felt bad, but it works and they still love you in the morning.

I just went through a similar situation w/ my 5 month old son. Being consistant is key w/ a regualar bedtime routine, same time each night and don't give in and pick him up, otherwise you have to start from the beginning. I read the book about cry it out and it says for naps don't cry it out past 30 min. it says consisder that naptime over and take baby out of crib. Make sure you increase the minutes you go into room each day. It's hard to hear them cry but the book gave a great analogy...if your baby wants to play w/ knives and crys and crys are you going to let them? It gets easier just stick w/ it but if there is no change in 2 weeks might need to tweak your plan.

I had to use the cry it out method with my twins. It worked great--- but you really have to let him cry it out-- without you being there. My suggestion is to get consistent at night and with naps & he will adjust within probably no more than 1 week. Your life will get easier & he'll know what to expect as well.

I "helped" both of my twins with sleeping through the night when they were about 3 months old. We got the okay from our pediatrician and went for it... it's not for everyone, but if you've made the decision to try it, then try not to let other people guilt you too much about the decision. :) In the long run, you're doing what's best for your baby and giving them the gift of great sleep! You've gotten some good advice here - I agree to be consistent, and not to be in the room. I found that when my daughter saw me there, it was virtually impossible for her to stop crying and put herself to sleep... however, when I went into the other room she eventually stopped. It only took about a day or two with my daughter, but about a week with my son. Since your baby is older you might need to stick with it a bit longer. I can tell you that no matter how tough it is to hear them crying, it's WELL worth it in the end... you'll have a much happier baby that's well-rested (and happier, more well-rested parents too!). Regarding your pacifier issue - I would just let it fall out and let the baby cry... otherwise you'll be defeating the purpose by going in and putting the paci back in his mouth. He will eventually learn to put himself to sleep, which will be a true gift for both of you. Good luck!!

It seems sad for your baby. Have you read the family bed? It is a great book! Are you nursing? I'd say he's not old enough to be doing that yet. Good luck to you.

I posted this for another mom, but thought it might be helpful to you as well. My son is currently a year old and I've used the Healthy Sleep Habits book as well.

I can tell you what finally worked for us. We started out in a one bedroom apartment because we didn't think we could afford anything else, and now that we're in a two bedroom and my son has his own room, I wonder why we didn't move sooner! Because he was in the same room as we were, he knew that he could cry and get a response. To top it off, my mother-in-law watched him during the afternoon so I could go to work and there was a lot of compromise between the two of us as far as feeding, napping, etc. She thought it was perfectly fine to continue to give him a pacifier for his naps (and any time, for that matter), even though I wanted to get rid of it after three months. I gave in on that one because she was being really helpful and watching him for free.

Around 9 months, we finally moved to a two bedroom apartment and I became a stay-at-home mom partly because my mother-in-law hurt her back and could no longer watch him. It was a huge relief when I finally had more control because my son was waking up anywhere between 3 and 5 times a night, mostly just to have his binky replaced, but also to feed once or twice and I was a WRECK. Luckily, he was always very good about going right back to sleep in his crib after the whole routine. When we moved to a two bedroom, it took about a week after we were settled in, but I succeeded in weaning him off the pacifier and he was sleeping through the night - between 12 and 13 hours!

For my son, the best thing for him was learning to fall asleep unassisted and to have his own space.

As far as naps, if it's working, keep doing what you're doing! I can't really help with the nap situation. Because of that book, my son won't sleep ANYWHERE outside of his crib. Curse that book for that! I try to be consistent, but he still often cries a lot during nap time. Sometimes I'll go two weeks with perfect naps, and then for three weeks he'll refuse them. I don't really understand it. Luckily, it hasn't really affected his night sleep because I just make sure he goes to bed earlier when he doesn't nap well.

Good luck, and I hope this helps!

Hi M.,

I would just urge you to read the research on letting young babies "cry it out" so that you can make a decision for yourself that is based on a full spectrum of knowledge. There are many books on this subject and there are pediatricians who are adamantly against this and have written about it (the Sears family of pediatricians for example). The psychology research shows that this can be horribly detrimental to a baby's psyche, self-esteem, and attachment. There is a world of research out there to back this up and I urge that you look into some of it. I don't need to give the list of why's and how's here just to say that there is another way to look at child development that is based on years of research - not just psychological, but physiological, and neurological as well. Remember - pediatricians are not psychologists, neurologists, physiologists, or even child development experts (unless they did a speciality in these areas) - they didn't take a class in medical school on how to raise children. For some reason we have all been caught in this idea that just because they know how to treat our child's illnesses or recognize a developmental milestone (or lack thereof) that they are somehow qualified to be the last word in parenting. Just remember that as a mother there is a reason that it is hard to listen to your little one cry - your body was programmed to have a biological response to respond to your child. The expert you should be listening to is you.

I'm sorry that this doesn't answer your question though. As someone who never let her child cry it out I can only recommend other sleeping arrangements that are easier on both of you. Maybe think outside the box and do whatever you think would be the easiest on the two of you. Get creative and understand that your child won't be waking for a pacifier at 10 years old no matter how you decide to get him to sleep now :). They all learn to sleep in their own way and their own time.

Wishing you a peaceful home :),
B.
Mama to Riley (2)

I thought at first that I needed to make my son an independent sleeper and expected my pedi to tell me to let him CIO, but to the contrary, she was not a fan and so I never stressed it. We instituted a very tight routine from very early on, not a schedule, but a predictable routine... bath, a nice rub down (my son is 2 now and I still use a nighttime calming lotion everynight), a story (even when he was very young), and we'd rock (or nurse the first year) to sleep... I was a little embarrased when all of our friends 14-15 month old kids were going to sleep on thier own and I still rocked my son to sleep for both naps and bedtime, but turns out, my mom was right, one day, around 18, he just said "no" and pointed to his crib... he just decided he was going to sleep on his own, we didn't change his routine any, except, after his story he got into his crib and slept by himself...

now at 2, we're having a little issue, we took away his binky cold turkey, so we are readjusting to solo sleeping, but it's not terrible, I love getting to snuggle down with him again ;)

I don't agree in making your baby or you miserable. Rest is important! I had friends & family dissagree w/our decisions, but we stood our ground & were sleeping like babies! We had CD players in both of our kids rooms from the day we brought them home! I played classical music for at a low volume at both nap & bed time when they were babys. My son wasn't a binki baby but my Daughter would fall asleep w/3 binkis. 1 in each hand & 1 in her mouth & she learned to sooth herself when she'd drop a binki. I watched her root around in her sleep trying to find her binki...it was the cutest & funniest thing! I always made sure from day 1, the kids had night lights in their rooms, b/c I read babys can develope a fear of the dark when their unable to see, binkis, bottles & toys when they wake in the dark b/c it inables them to sooth themselves back to sleep. As our kids got older (1- 1 1/2yr), their 22 months apart, we bought them TV/VCR's w/timers. For naptime they were allowed toys & CD's & Bedtime was movie time. My husband & I enjoy falling asleep w/the TV on b/c it's relaxing & figured our kids are no different. Kids need to relax & unwind same as we do! We'd set the volume low (forcing them to lay still & quiet), set the timer & before the timer was off the kids were out! My kids are now 6 & 8(next month)& have never fought us at bed time! Be consistant, but also don't be afraid to try new things!

Don't let him "cry it out" it try The Happiest Baby by Dr Harvey Karp or his website or go see him at Tenth Street Pediatrics in Santa Monica...Try also a RI class...Respecting the Infant...
There are many ways other than "crying it out"
LauraG

Crying it out works because the baby eventually learns no one is going to come to their aid and provide comfort. I would never want my kids to feel their needs will not be met because I need sleep. Adults don't sleep through the night, so why should a little helpless infant.

It's hard to let them cry when they are that little huh...but you have to make a choice and stick with it!
I agree with the other response and say that it all about being consistent! It takes the human body at least 4-6 weeks to acclimate to a new schedule or routine M., so if you are not being consistent with your what ever your solution is then he just wont get it.
Make sure he has a full tummy before you try to lay him down, a nice warm bath and a good massage with a night time lotion (lavender is the best for soothing) will certainly help. If you have the time do all of these things when ever you are going to put him down (naps and bedtime). Mark my words, in no time you will have the perfect little sleeping angel you are wanting. I hope something I have said is able to help you. Remember crying is heartbreaking but it never lasts forever. Good luck to you.

Peace~Love~Light
V.

Hi M.,
First, congratulations on becoming a mommy. As for sleep training it is always changing as your baby grows. Just as we would get in a groove with my daugther's sleep patterns, her development would present some change. A book that has been very helpful is Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It is written by a doctor and he explains what to expect at each age. He tells you many sides, reasons and ways to handle sleep training. He also talks about CIO and the family bed. He even talks about other techniques. It's a bang for the buck and lots of info in one resource. And I would agree with a previous post. Research it and go with works for you. As they get older and the brain develops new elements will be contributing. I would also say the nap and bedtime routine are key in soothing. We are all creatures of habit, at any age. It's comforting. Good luck! Sleep training is one topic that can get people disagreeing quickly. Read up and see what works for you, your schedule and Matthew's personality.