I have been watching an 8 month old baby girl for 5 months and she screams everytime she is not being held. She is not the only child I watch, so I can not hold er all day. Also I feel that if she is being held that she can not move and learn the motor skills she should be learning. I hold her whenever I get the chance, but no matter how long or short of a time I hold her, aas soon as I put her down (on the floor, in a swing or excersaucer) she starts screaming. Her parents said just to let her cry and that she would stop after a few minitues, but she screams until i pick her up (one time I didnt' pick her up for an hour)
I treat the children I watch like my own son and i HATE to hear her cry, but can't possible hold her all day. Any suggestions?
How about some ear plugs??? LOL No, seriously...maybe for a few days you can try putting her down but still playing with her, or playing on the floor with the other kids while sitting right next to her. Maybe once she gets used to being on the floor or in a seat with you next to her, you can gradually move a little farther away and do other things around the house while she watches you.
I know the frustration that it brings, as both of my girls would do the same thing. One thing that I would do is tell them, "It's not going to do you any good to scream. I'm not going to hold you, until I'm finished with __________ (whatever I was doing at the time)." Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Since you have other children to watch, too, you might try saying something like, "I will hold you, when it's your turn." Some people think that talking to babies in a calm, adult manner doesn't work. But, believe me, they understand more than people think. It works quite well, at times.
My son, when he was an infant was the same way, and using a 'slinger' ( I think thats what they're called ) my son is now 4 so its been a while; :), you strap it on you and carry a baby around with you hands free to do other things.
That may stop the screaming since she will be with you wherever you go.
Hope that helps a little.
My youngest was like this. I used to put her in a stroller and take her everywhere I went. Then took her out to interact with the other children. How many children are you watching? Is there too much going on and she feels left out. Is she crawling/walking yet maybe she doesn't feel "safe" like maybe she feels "Am I going to get runned over " Just some thoughts. I know my little one felt like this, she was scared my two other kiddos would run her down and they did.
But at this age she should be able to entertain herself. There is something more.... Try to observe her before you pick her up. Maybe sheis frustrated b/c she can't see you or can't do something!!!
Hope this helps,
L.
I don't know if you have had any success, but I think Melissa had a point. By the age of about 5 months, a baby is learning to relate cause and effect. She cries, she gets picked up, so she cries to get picked up. I would dedicate one or two days to try to retrain her. Of course, you should discuss this with the parents before you try it, since she's not yours.
What I would do is when you get her in the morning, hold her for a few minutes. While you're holding her, explain (not in baby talk) that you're going to put her down, and you will pick her up in a little while, but only if she is not screaming. You see, it's a struggle of wills, and so far she has won. You have to win this time, and never let her win again, if you're going to have any peace. Stay near her (and yeah, if you need to, try the ear plugs), and let her cry it out. The worst thing she can do is cry all day, and that isn't likely. She'll probably fall asleep first. Sing, talk to her, show her toys, interact with her as much as you can, or play with the other children while she's watching. Don't leave her alone. I would suggest putting her in a playpen that you can move, or if you pick her up to move her (say to the highchair to feed her), just move her and put her down, don't cuddle in between.
When she quiets down, praise her and scoop her up and reward her with a 1/2 hour or whatever of being held and fun. Then put her down again and start over. If you win once, you will win quicker the second time, and even quicker the third time. Just remember, it's a battle of wills; to have peace, you must always win and she must never win. Soon she'll find she's happier yielding.
Hope this helps!
A., I feel for you and your situation.
The 8-month-old could quite possibly just need some extra attention right now. My pediatrician has mentioned that there are times when babies can be more needy for affection. I wouldn't doubt that since her parents "just let her cry" she could be needing that attention from you.
I do realize that you have other children to watch but if you just take her with you as you interact with those kids, she will develop quite nicely from observing all of that interaction and play.
I LOVE Dr. Sears' child-rearing points of view and he would recommend that you hold a crying baby (unless they are crying because they don't want to be so close).
Don't worry about her motor skills for now. Worry about her emotional wellbeing. Without a strong sense of security, the 8-month-old won't have the desire to develop functional motor skills.
You are a gem for caring so much!
Please keep us posted!
Hi I think that you care so much is Terrific!! I have been told by different kinds of Doctors over the years to never just let a baby cry not knowing what is wrong. If you have tried everything you could possibly think of toys, pacifier, bottle of water or juice, gas drops sometimes if they have a alittle bit of gas they feel better being held but she may need extra attention if her parents aren't very caring or they may be wanting you to deal with the problem for them. My personal experience with my daughter was like this baby. I held her all the time and she developed wonderfully she is a straight A student and in the Gifted Program IQ in the Superior range so I don't think personally that holding a baby too much hurts them. You are doing a great job!!! God Bless, J.. www.jonnicewilcox.com
Hi my name is A. and my suggestion is to talk to the parents and let them know that it does not work to just let her cry becasue something may be going on health wise that they need to get checked out. good luck!
Does the parents hold the baby all the time? I too am a SAHM but my kids are in school but I babysit for family. I have or am watched or watching my nephews,nieces and cousins. I tell the parents I am not going to sit around and hold the baby I have other kids and things to do. SO either you don't do it at home or your chid will have great lungs cause I will not hold hte baby so it will be crying alot. I didn't do it with mine so I am not doing it with your. I only had one kid that wanted to be held all the time and he learned fast that screaming was not go to work so he stopped.
My suggestion would be to invest in a sling. It saved me! IF she is clean, fed and safe, then let her have a few minutes of crying, an hour though is a bit long.
This is a rough situation, good luck and keep lines open with her parents.
M.
That poor baby. :(
She obviously NEEDS to be held. Some babies have higher needs than others and I think that to ignore that is just plain mean (not saying you are, but it seems others have suggested it and her parents don't seem to care.)
If it were MY darcare baby I would get a mei tai carrier and strap her to my back and go about my business. My guess is that in a few months, when she's walking and what not (don't worry, she'll still develop normally even if you carry her all the time) she'll become more independent.
If that is not a possibility for you, you may want to suggest they find a different care provider. Some kids just don't mesh well with some households for whatever reason. I used to watch a little girl who was just miserable at my house, despite giving her tons of attention. I told her parents I thought they should try someone else to see if that would help. They ended up taking her to a daycare center and she was a different kid!
It's not too expensive to buy a used sling or front carrier that will allow you to have both hands free and simply "wear" the baby. My son had the same problem as the baby you are describing. He just needed the comfort and closeness that comes with being held. I bought a strap-on carrier from Target for $10 and it worked like a charm. After he was too big for the carrier, I packed it away, and now I use it with my daughter. She doesn't have the same need to be held constantly (which shows that it's not just "habit" that makes some kids need constant closeness), but it's still handy when I need to use both hands.
Letting a child that age "cry it out" is simply not a good idea, in my opinion. I agree with Dr. Sears that they don't stop crying because everything is suddenly OK; they stop crying because they realize no one will respond to them. How would this make you feel? I believe that adults are far stronger emotionally than infants...so to do something to an infant that would make an adult upset is not very nice.
It would not be remiss to ask the parents to purchase the front carrier or sling. And the baby would be SO much happier.
I wish you luck.
A. H.,
Hello. My name is D. P. and I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist. I am trained in infant massage. how would you like to try massage for this 5-month old? I can bring all the equipment needed for a "house-call." Table, lotion and linens. Please free to contact me either throught this e-mail or at ###-###-####. It's proven to work for many babies, it just may work for this baby girl.
Thank you,
D. P., LMT, CPT
Licensed Massage Therapist
Certified Personal Trainer
